Ranma was sunk in his chair, picking at his okonomiyaki. Which meant he was eating it at only twice the speed of a normal person. He looked between the two girls who were ultimately vying for his attention. The exotic half-foreign tomboy, and his cute best friend who dressed like a boy. In a rare moment of introspection he wondered if there was some divine entity playing around with his expectations of gender identity. Alas, it passed far too quickly as his thoughts turned around to how tasty Uchan's okonomiyaki was.
"No wonder you put your foot in your mouth all the time," said Shampoo/Akane. He always called her Shampoo out in public and Akane when around her family. It was a bit weird she had two different names, but he'd kind of got used to it by now. "With the rate you eat, it must cause a sucking vacuum effect. Woop! Up come your feet!"
"Smart mouth coming from a violent uncute chick," Ranma replied. "Is it any wonder I came here rather than go out on a date?"
Huh. Another rare moment of introspection. He'd just got the two girls to quite fighting, but a comment like that was practically inviting them to start up again. In point of fact, he could almost see it already. Ukyo was about to give him that friendly cute smile of hers, then do something to try and set Shampoo/Akane off. For some reason the boys in class always went on about how hot it was to see chicks fight. Ranma didn't see it. The reason being, when two girls go at it they go at it nasty. Where's the appeal in something like -
The door opened up. There was a girl standing there. Meek sort. Wearing glasses, and a uniform Ranma didn't recognise. Kinda cute if you asked him. She walked across into the restaurant without a word, shy as shy can be. Barely even acknowledged Ukyo welcoming her in.
"See?" Ranma nudged his fiancee and nodded towards the girl. "That's how a girl should act. Not all tough and macho and violent."
"So you like girls meek, weak and quiet?" Shampoo/Akane whispered back. "What boring tastes. Give me half a chance and I'll change your mind."
"Yeah that's what I..." Ranma began to mumble, but trailed off getting quieter and quieter until the words "am afraid of," could be heard.
"Ex-excuse me?" the girl asked, suddenly appearing right next to Ranma. Huh? He hadn't even heard her move! Before he could do anything at all, the girl pecked Ranma right on the cheek, leaving a lipstick smear so obvious that he could feel it. Wha-?
"Oh, I see how it is!" Shampoo/Akane yelled. "You! Homewrecker! Bad enough I have to deal with her, but you as well!"
"Hey, no macking on other customers! This is a respectable restaurant!" Ukyo yelled.
"Kya! Oh no!" the girl yelled, pressing the back of her hands up against her cheeks and cowering before both of the other girls. "Such a violent restaurant! Why, it must be because of the food! Both the customers and the owner are as violent as they are cute!"
Huh? That was a weirdly specific way to put it. Why did she -?
"Wah, protect me kind sir!" the girl yelled, throwing herself right into Ranma's arms.
"Get away from my man!" Shampoo/Akane yelled. "N-Not like I want him to be my man, but it's the principle of the thing!"
"You!" Ukyo yelled, pointing at the violent chick. "Pick an emotion and stick to it! And you!" she yelled again, pointing at the girl clinging onto Ranma like an octopus. "Get away from my man!"
"This is not a safe restaurant! Oh me, oh my!" the girl cried. "Also, the prices are far too exorbitant! Come good sir, we must away!"
"Huh?" Ranma grunted. "What? Huh? What?"
He turned around to see Ukyo's spatula swinging down towards him - then there was smoke, and the next thing he knew he was sitting in a completely different building with a nice comfy chair, a bib tucked into his collar, this cute girl wearing a bunny suit and holding a platter of really delicious smelling roast beef.
"Welcome, sir, to the Kunoichi cafe!" the girl curtseyed. "We trust that you will enjoy your stay!"
<hr>
Within the realm of Akane and Shampoo's shared soul, both of them were for once in total agreement. Both of them were - metaphorically speaking - hunched over and staring out into the events going on in the outside world with twitching eyes and expressions on their face that didn't quite seem to know what emotion to put out for the world to see.
Akane slowly raised a finger and opened her mouth to ask a question. It took her a moment to formulate the idea she wished to express. This was complicated and required a good deal of nuance. Fortunately for all involved Shampoo was able to cut to the heart of the matter with a good old fashioned:
"What the fuck was that?! Did that bitch just kidnap our husband to be?!"
"I think that is exactly what happened," Akane said in genuine disbelief. "I suppose... we ought to go and save the idiot?"
"Ohhh! That was infuriating to watch!" Shampoo yelled, storming around the shared soulspace. "He let her kiss him on the cheek like that. He let her hug him like that. He let her into his guard like that! This meek and mousey little thing?! She got the better of both of us?!"
<I>"That sneaky bitch,"</i> Ukyo was seething in the outside world. The flat of her spatula resting right on Ranma's seat. <i>"Every time, it's a different disguise. Every time I fall for it!"</i>
"She's visited before?" Akane wondered aloud.
<I>"She's visited before?"</I> was voiced aloud.
Akane blinked. Oh! She was in control? Looking over at Shampoo ranting and raving, that made sense. She was too wound up to run things for now, which left things in Akane's hands.
<i>"Yeah. She works for the Kunoichi Cafe, which opened up a few days ago down the street,"</i> Ukyo said. <i>"Keeps on setting up trouble and stealing my customers. Literally stealing them right out of their seats! You oughta see her out there in front of their cafe, parading about in a bunch of costumes. Maid, bunnygirl, schoolgirl, and of course kunoichi. Cute little her luring in all the hungry paying customers."</i>
How demeaning! Using her appeal like that to bring customers in. Quite shameful if you asked her.
<i>"But what really pisses me off?"</i> Ukyo continued. <i>"Is that I didn't think of it first!"</I>
And there's the facefault. Oh dear, she really should have seen that one coming.
<i>"The only saving grace is that the rest of their staff is hideous. All three of them walked off a horror set. Especially the one with the lips."</i> Ukyo shuddered. <i>"Even so, that one cute girl keeps on luring them back for more."</i>
Akane frowned and tapped her foot. So Ranma had been kidnapped by some other restaurant's cute ninja girl mascot? Looking over at Shampoo, she was still ranting to herself.
"And another thing! What kind of girl goes up to a stranger and kisses them on the cheek?!"
Akane knew that tone. She'd heard it from herself in her own head often enough. Funny though, she only ever used it when Ranma had done something particularly boneheaded. In any event it seemed likely to her that Shampoo would probably be at it for a while yet. So her resolve hardened. Her fists balled up.
"Let's go visit this Kunoichi cafe," she declared.
- Operation: Rescue Ranma is go
- They're interrupted en route by another rival.
- Meanwhile, this cute waitress tries to keep Ranma happy.
- Back at the Tendo house, how have things changed?
- Something else
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