Tuesday 7 November 2017

Story: Kodachi the Matchmaker


As the sun dawns over the Kuno household, the resident of the eastern bedroom sits up with grace. She stretches out her arms, rolls out of her bed takes a deep, deep breath and only then opens her eyes. The girl is slender and tall with a figure made to be lithe and flexible rather than powerful, though do not let this deceive: A slap from her will do more than merely ring your bell.

This is Kodachi Kuno, a rather unusual young beauty. Under normal circumstances men would love to have the chance to chat with such a lovely creature. She was elegant, had a confident  refined poise and a pretty face that should have surely brought her much male attention. Well, you quite often hear the backhanded compliment from men that an unattractive woman has "a great personality." Yes? Well... Kodachi had the opposite problem. Even the most shallow of men would probably rather put their dick in a bucket full of starving scorpions than spend more than an hour with the Black Rose.

She sauntered across the room towards a shrine in the corner. A blown up picture of a handsome pigtailed youth hung there. He had his hand out as though trying to block the camera, or steal it away in much the way that he had stolen her heart.

"Oh, Ranma!" Kodachi sighed wearily. Her elegant shoulders slump, her normally arrogant expression seemed tired and sad. "Day by day it becomes more and more obvious. Your heart belongs to that vile Tendo woman! Even though she cannot cook. Even though she cannot swim. Even though she is clumsy, and hot tempered..."

She stops and shakes her head. Then she took out a smaller picture of Akane Tendo and stared at it long and hard.

"What am I saying? If I were into women, I would <i>absolutely</i> tap that." She tilted her head as if trying to examine the picture in more detail. "Oh dear. I might be bisexual! Well, a day isn't worth living if you don't learn something! Ohohohoho!"

The picture was tossed aside, and then Kodachi tore the image of Ranma right off the wall. In its place she hung a blank sheet of paper, and then began to draw a rather needlessly complicated and complex diagram, filling it with names and lines and arrows drawing together all of the people who she knew were, in one way or another, involved with Ranma Saotome.

"Quite the relationship dodecahedron..." she mused. "Yes... Now that the old game was getting dull, it's time to play a new one! Let's see now, what sort of game shall it be...?"

There is a perception of Kodachi Kuno that is quite important to understand. She's the martial arts rhythmic gymnast. The one that cheats, then uses flimsy justification for why it's not cheating. She's the weirdo who has a pet crocodile with a cute name. She's the girl who hits people with paralysis powder.

So here's a question: What the hell does any of that have to do with gymnastics?

Nothing. That's the answer. It had nothing to do with gymnastics. 'Oh, but you're being silly' some hypothetical reader may comment. 'A character is not defined by their martial art! They can have other unrelated traits.' Which is a fair point. Except that in Kodachi's case her favoured martial art was not gymnastics. That was a cover for her true martial art: Trolling.

She'd been trolling since the year she could talk. You know how little kids liked to repeat things they heard their parents say that those parents really don't want repeated? Kodachi did that, but her 'truths' were <i>entirely made up from nothing</i>. She'd been playing games with people all of her life, and the game that had lasted the longest was the 'pursuit of Ranma Saotome'.

Don't misunderstand. If she had half the chance she'd have chained Ranma to a bed and showed him a very, very good time. That boy hit all of her buttons, then went off and found some new ones she didn't even know existed. Trouble was, as much as Kodachi was sure she'd like to get laid she <i>loved</i> messing with people that much more.

But the truly amazing thing about this game? It had lasted longer than every other game she'd played. Usually she got bored and moved on to another victim, another target, another set of rules. Not with Ranma. Stuff kept happening to him! That crazy woman from China! That childhood friend! The little perverted dwarf! Heck, her own brother was involved and was in active pursuit of both Ranma's very own sister <i>and</i> his fiancee!

Yes, sister... Kodachi had not discovered the existence of the Jusenkyo curse yet. Which may well be the best for all concerned.

Regardless: The game had finally run its course. She gave Ranma and Akane a week, tops, before they finally - <b>finally</b> - stepped up their relationship to the next level. That is to say, formally <i>starting</i> a romantic relationship. Which left her game at its natural end state. Which would leave Kodachi bored and looking for something else to do. But what?

The answer lay within this chart. She knew it. Something tickling at the back of her mind had compelled her to draw it, and she'd justified it as a source of inspiration. Nothing was coming to her. It would be such a shame to lose so many toys all at once, with all of their quirks and foibles. The one and only matter that might draw her attention would be the fallout when everyone involved realised the same thing Kodachi had. That the game was over, and that it was time for them to move on. Find other -

Kodachi stopped. Then took her thinking back a step. 'Find other romantic partners.'

"Ohohohoho!" Kodachi laughed into the back of her hand. It was not her usual over the top maniacal cackle, but if anyone had heard it they might have found it all the more frightening for how understated it was. "I see, I see! Of course! That is the game that I should play! What fun! What joy! I can hardly wait to see how it unfolds!"


  1. Kodachi is going to set up a harem for Ranma.
  2. Kodachi is going to set up a harem for Akane.
  3. Kodachi is going to set up <i>everyone else.</i> At random.
  4. Kodachi is going to set her sights on some other hapless boy.
  5. Some other game

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