Sunday, 7 January 2024

Story: CG Anti-Harem

 

What is the most common ship in the Code Geass fandom? Tick tock. Go ahead. Think about it. Think it over. What's the most common ship? Is it Suzaku with Euphemia? Perhaps Lelouch with C.C.? Or Kallen? Shirley? Oh, of course, it <i>must</i> be that <b>bastion</b> of healthy relationships Ohgi and Vilettta, who do canonically marry after all.

If so, then can I have a hit off whatever you're smoking because it must be some good shit. Come on. The answer is obvious if you put more than a second's thought into it. Lelouch/Suzaku. The yaoi ship. As legendary as Naruto/Sasuke, Goku/Vegeta, Light/L, and of course the ship to start all ships, Kirk/Spock.

Except that there is still a strong contingent of fans who caught a real bad case of the not-gays. They wanna stand on that ship but not, you know, be <i>queer</i> about it or anything. Sure! Those two have more mutual sexual energy sparking between them than can be healthily repressed and, sure, they were both boys but do we have to get all gay up in here?

Easy answer: Make Lelouch a girl.

That is interesting isn't it? Switch Lelouch's gender around. Yeah, sure! Anime does genderbending all the time. Hell, this writer in particular tends to cut his teeth on Ranma smut, I'm no stranger to that either. But the idea that Lelouch is secretly a girl rather than a boy? Or is perhaps a transgirl? Or heck, we're living in an alternate universe where Lelouch has always been a girl? Come on guys face the facts your ship is gayer than a Pride Parade, own it, be proud of it, there's nothing to be ashamed of.

But... Why Lelouch? Why is Lelouch the one that becomes a girl? Because he's the more intelligent, emotional one? The weaker of the two? Because he can cook? Because he takes care of Nunnally? Because Suzaku is the big strong manly man, who outruns bullets, does a really cool spin-kick and if, frankly, an outright fitness freak? I mean. Is that it?

If that is all there is to it, then... let's make an interesting move within this little game, shall we? Lelouch was planning to defuse his situation by giving Suzaku a harem of his own, was he? Yes, that would work. That would have worked really, really well. Euphemia would jump on him the first chance she got. Cecile would be a bit reluctant, but could be easily persuaded. On the other hand, Cornelia would take some persuading - but Suzaku is the kind of guy who probably fucks like a tiger. A selfless tiger. Guarantees you a good time, every time. One lay and she'd be his for life.

In theory. If Suzaku was a boy. I mean, at this point if you've not worked out that was what was happening here, you may want to revise your media literacy a bit. But yeah! Right now, Suzaku Kururugi was sitting in a prison cell staring intensely at the floor, while Jeremiah Gottwald was in a chair opposite her.

"The daughter of the last Prime Minister of Japan," Jeremiah shook his head wearily. "Raised as a boy due to Japan's latent sexism, as your father intended to have you take his place after his death or retirement. Or perhaps it was to dodge inheritance tax? I hear that some Japanese families take that route."

"Actually, it was more that he was desperate for a son," Suzaku said. She shrugged, while it was true that she passed really, really fucking well for a boy, she had no major issues with her gender identity at all. "I was a big disappointment for him, apparently. If he knew I joined the Britannian military, that would probably -" She trailed off.

"It would have probably killed him," Jeremiah finished for her. That was not something she wanted to think about. "Perhaps if he knew you joined the military to have a chance at killing Britannian Royalty, he'd feel proud of your ingenuity and misguided patriotism?"

"I didn't do it!" Suzaku insisted.

"It was your gun," Jeremiah said. "Even if you say that you lost it, that still tells me you're careless, sloppy, and should be put to death for being so thoroughly reckless with an issued weapon."

Suzaku wanted to protest. Wanted to point out that it was because the Royal Guard shot her... But that would mean explaining about what happened in the ghetto. About running into her childhood friend from back then. Lelouch. The mere thought of his name made her clench her thighs together. She'd always had a bit of a crush on him, even back then, but seeing him again like that out of nowhere -

He'd grown up so <i>dashing</i>. Tall, slim, with eyes that were every bit as piercing and intelligent now as they were back then. That distinctive regal purple colour that she could get lost in. She'd almost started up an argument with him, just to see him get riled up - but they were in the middle of a warzone, back then. If they met again, at that time she would surely be able to -

"In all honesty it doesn't matter much either way at this point," Jeremiah said. "The evidence is stacked in our favour, nobody will believe the word of an Eleven. You're by far the most likely candidate."

"... I have an alibi," Suzaku said, not for the first time.

"We know, we've checked it, and the source is unreliable," Jeremiah shrugged. "Really now, the Earl of Pudding is known for being eccentric. You're as good as guilty as it is - and right after the trial comes the execution. Although! If you confess here and now, we can make it a cleaner, quicker death than you deserve..."

"I won't confess to a crime I have not committed," Suzaku said. "When we go to court, you'll see! The truth will come out - and if it doesn't today? Then it will after my death. Someday, somehow, I am certain of it."

Jeremiah sadly shook his head, seeming almost disappointed. "Very well then," he said. "Have it your way. Slow and painful it is." He stood, he rose, then he scowled to himself. "As for you guards-  there has been talk of our men having too much fun with Eleven girls of late. You may be as violent as you like, but you are not to engage in intercourse, nor are you to kill her."

"Eh? But a tight piece of ass like that is just begging -"

"We shall not shame ourselves by rutting with Numbers," Jeremiah warned. "Even those on their last days. There is no telling what the future may bring, after all. Do you really intend to have a half breed with your blood in its veins?"

Funny. For a moment there, however fleeting, Suzaku had assumed that was a kindness from the Margrave. Or maybe it was and he was doing it in a way that would make sense to the soldiers. She'd rather assume the latter than the former - Believe the best in people, even though she felt that it was people and not systems that caused evil in the world.

Call her naive. Call her an idealist. Call her stubborn... Call her a maiden in love with the idea that mankind could be pushed to being better, the right way.

<hr>

Yes, yes, it really was the perfect plan. Rescue Suzaku. Recruit him to your cause. Then, placate him. Keep him occupied with pretty girls, give him the harem, let him reap the rewards while Lelouch himself continued to play the game! Granted, he would still need to make use of, let's say, Shirley and maybe occasionally C.C. to keep his oversized genitals from exploding, but in the meantime - 

"Here you are, master!" said his oh-so helpful accomplice. Did you ever notice, by the way, that the person who arranged for his Zero uniform was the same person that had called him in as a ringer in the very first episode? "As you instructed, the mask has a sliding section over the left eye."

"Excellent," Lelouch said, confident that due to his extremely powerful mind control power that this man - who he might never see again - would keep quiet about where Zero's costume came from. "Goodbye - not that you will recall this meeting."

And so, he gathered his extremely ridiculous over the top outfit and wandered off into the night, ready, eager, anticipating the chance to put his plans into action at last. Hopefully this time without this stupid horny game getting in the way.

Really, he should know better than to tempt fate like that at this point.


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