Story: Oversynch

 

Have you ever played Horny Monopoly? Trick question, you haven't, nobody would ever play that. It's likelier you'd play Horny Cluedo (Clue, for our American readers). How would some variation on Strip Monopoly even work? Do you put on the clothes you acquire? Can you 'buy back' your own clothes? Do you put them back on if you do? It's a rules mess.

Nonetheless, Horny Cluedo wouldn't work. They could all peek into each other's minds. See the cards the others held, and from that quickly deduce who the culprit was. Poker wouldn't work for the same reason - you needed a game where all the information is publically available for all players and the main factor that determined success was sheer blind luck.

Gosh, put like that the game really is a good metaphor for capitalism, isn't it?

Anyway, the first step of any Monopoly game is to choose your piece. Shinji took the dog, Rei took the thimble and Asuka took the boot. Which she playfully placed on top of the dog while leering right at Shinji. There's a metaphor here for their relationship, but gosh darnit I cannot tell what it is supposed to be for the life of me.

"Ahem, I shall go first then," Rei said. She picked up the two dice, quickly rolled them, and then - A three and a one. Quite an unfortunate roll, for anyone who knows the Monopoly board well enough. That would be the Income Tax space, where normally you'd have to fork over $400 right away. Worth noting that in this edition, the image on this space was one of Gendo Ikari leaning forward with his hand upturned, as if expecting the money to be delivered, promptly.

As Rei had to make that payment, she quickly sat back, smoothed her hands down her legs while the other two watched... and removed a sock, twirling it around her fingers, while her face remained specifically neutral.

"Boo!" Asuka hissed. "Take off something else, that's lame!"

Rei, though, she tilted her head. "It will be more exciting to work our way up to the more erotic removals," she said. "The goal is to tease as much as it is to titillate."

"Yes, but a sock?" Asuka scoffed. "Where's the fun in - Shinji!"

"Wha?" Shinji asked around Rei's big toe, which was stuck in his mouth. Rei's leg lifted in the air, her leaning back on her arms, Shinji dutifully sucking and kissing her toes. Rubbing his hands around her calves. "When in Rome..."

"In case you didn't notice, this isn't the Roman edition!" Asuka huffed. "It's the Tokyo 3 Edition!" She grabbed the dice, and then threw them down onto the board, fully intending to show them what for and - A five and a three. Eight spaces forward! That was double Rei's, which made perfect sense because she was twice as - 

Rei spanked her, which Asuka really should have seen coming given her position leaning over the board.

"Being competitive like that is pointless," Rei said. Her hand hadn't actually come off Asuka's butt yet, do note. I'll let you know when it does. Assume it's there until said otherwise. "We are functionally the same being in many ways now. You are no better or worse than I, and we make each other better by our existence in this relationship."

"Huh! Then why are we even playing this..." Asuka muttered, then looked at that square again. "Why is your dad even in this game, Shinji? Isn't he supposed to be the head of a top secret organisation?"

Never mind. Asuka had managed to be the first to land on a property, much like Rei's surprisingly strong hand had landed on her right cheek. And, much like where that hand wound up this was a fine, fine property to land upon! One of the first corners! Statistically, this is supposed to be the place most players land on the most throughout the game! The ideal strategy is to buy this corner up, and then you'll corner the market! So Asuka would freely purchase- 

"Wait, that's Hikari's address..." Asuka muttered out loud.

"Yeah Asuka, didn't you know?" Shinji asked. "The first half are addresses for all the students in our classroom."

"That's a major security risk, what the fuck?!" Asuka yelled. "We're going around killing beings called Angels here, there are a bunch of religious freaks who want us fucking dead! Don't broadcast our living arrangements! Who made this game?!"

Wait, hold on, if the first half was that then what were the second half...? Let's see... That one was where they were right this fucking moment, Misato's place, and the second half were... Spots within the Geofront?! What! That raised even more questions about where this board came from?! Was it someone in security having a laugh at their expense? Was this board the only one of its type in existence, did they hand it out to everyone with security clearance? No, surely not! This was like - you know how some conspiracy theorists get it into their heads that the powerful organisations secretly running everything put in secret signs where anyone could see them? Like how the Illuminati supposedly put those triangles with the eye in the middle into everything? It was like that - but where the rich and powerful weren't morons and <i>actually did it</i> for real!

"I'm buying this property!" Asuka yelled, and whipped off her shirt, tossing it aside without a moment's care. "See, that's how you do it! Your turn, Ikari!"

Shinji made a disgusting plop sound as he extracted Rei's toe from inside his cheek, then grabbed the dice, stared very obviously at Asuka's chest, and then rolled the dice. While still staring at Asuka's chest.

"What did I get?" he asked.

"You could look down yourself to find out," Asuka replied. Shinji tilted his head, something in his eyes saying, 'but then I'd have to not stare at your boobs'. Frankly, she couldn't blame him, it was totally justifiable. "You got a seven. Draw a Chance card."

His hand fumbled around for the chance deck, and - "That's community chest," Asuka said. She grabbed his wrist, tired of his antics and put his hand right on the proper deck. "Urgh, you're lucky you fuck like a tiger..."

"Only 'cuz you taught me how," Shinji replied, and Asuka had to swallow down the urge to mount him right there and then. "Come to think I could've just looked through your eyes to tell... But then I wouldn't be looking at your amazing boobs, right?"

"Damn skippy," Asuka said. "Read the card, Ikari. What is it?"

"Income Tax Refund," Shinji said. "Collect $20... Uh? Does this mean I have to put clothes on...?" Shinji mused. He shrugged, strolled across the room, and then pulled a jumper from his closet, slipping it over his head. Tucked his chin under the collar and... instant woobie effect. Dammit. Putting on clothes wasn't meant to be sexy, but somehow he pulled it off.

Speaking of pulling it off, Rei extracted her hand from Asuka's butt right about now, after having a very, very thorough grope of it. Her turn again. Rei scooped up the dice, gave the other two a meaningful glare, and then - just to spice things up - dropped the dice into her bra, jostled them around and then tipped them out.

Asuka was not impressed. Shinji, though, was staring at her boobs. Or at least... the part of their gestalt that was Asuka wasn't impressed while the part that was Shinji was drooling over Rei's boobs. Whatever. "Six and three!" Asuka said. "I'll move you."

"Much appreciated," Rei said, returning her hand to Asuka's rump, and once again it would stay there until further notice. "That is Toji's residence, is it not? Very well. I shall purchase that property."

And so, Rei dropped her skirt to the floor, leaving her standing there in her underwear and top. The fact she'd done it without ceremony was... kinda working for Asuka, much as she hated to admit it. Anyway, her turn now! Honestly, that doll. Trying to show off by using her boobs to roll. Hehehe, trying to make up for her unsexy stripping down before, huh?

Actually... Asuka realised something all of a sudden. You see, the core problem with Monopoly usually is that (partly due to house rules) games tended to take hours. However, at the rate they were going the three of them would be naked in no time at all! You can't exactly buy properties and mortgage them if you're taking off a limited supply of clothes each time you do so!

The other three picked up on her thinking process. "We trade sexual favours for mortgages, sound good?" Asuka asked. "So, if I want to build a house there, I have to, I dunno, blow Shinji or something."

Alright. This was agreeable. In that case, they could continue the game without any further issue or complication, which would lead to tremendous enjoyment for all three of them - and in turn, absolutely nothing would go wrong in the world around them that would require their absolute attention.

Right? Right...