Story: Pride and Joy

 

Let's cut to the chase - you know, and I know, that the octopus pot was occupied by Happosai. You didn't? Oh. Well. Okay, I guess there should be a spoiler warning on the very start of this episode. But yes, it was indeed Happosai. He wasn't stuck inside it or anything like that. A guy like him could split it apart at a moment's notice. He'd stayed inside purely because it provided him amusement, it gave him cover, a hiding place that he could use to blend in and remain undetected until it was far too late for anyone to do anything about it.

"What a haul! What a haul!" he cackled uncontrollably, casting that whole stealth thing to the wayside out of pure, undiluted excitement at finding a beach full of busty babes. He happily hopped among the girls, enjoying them squealing. In delight, no doubt, at his fun, fun antics. Oh! Look at them all! Such round, huge boobs barely contained by skimpy bikinis! Look at them all, frolicking in the sun! He felt like a kid in a candy store after hours, with his selection left wide open for him! He didn't know where to start!

"Oy! Clear off already!" a familiar voice called out across the beach. Ah! That anger, that battle intensity... Could it be? Why! Yes, it was!

A fist flew out for the pot, but Happosai was nimble enough to easily dodge. Hrmph! Ranma's girl form was quick and nimble, but not a patch on Happosai, even with this octopus trap as a handicap! Still, credit where it was due, Ranma was lashing out quickly with all of her limbs, which only gave Happosai all that he needed to propel himself across the beach right towards a particularly hot, hot beauty waiting right there!

"Alright, Shampoo! Clean his clock!" Ranma yelled. Huh?! Wait, now that she mentioned it, that was indeed Shampoo over there! Oh no! It was too late for Happosai to change trajectory, he was making a beeline right for the warrior babe's bust, while others wouldn't be able to react in time she surely could!

"Kyaaaa!" Shampoo wailed as the trap landed in her bosom without a trace of issue. "Shampoo is merely weak, playful, big boobed girl! No can fight at alllll! Is too, too horny and ditzy to fight!"

... He'd take it! Happosai let his tongue out and licked all around Shampoo's tender cleavage, savouring the taste and the warmth and the - Hey! Someone was pulling him out!

"There's only one disgusting old pervert small enough to hide in there," Ryoga Hibiki snarled. Hrmph! Happosai jerked himself free of the idiot's grip before he could do something daft, then bounced off his head to look for more babes to play with! "Oof!"

Ohoho! Was that the Tendo sisters over there setting up for a wet t-shirt contest? Happosai was all for that! At least, he would be if Ranma hadn't put herself right in his path!

"Not getting away this time!" Ranma yelled. "You want me to cockslap some sense into you again?"

The... Cockslap... yes, indeed, Happosai remembered the Cockslap all too well. It haunted his dreams. Left him feeling weak and feeble. Truly brought him to his own actual age, the mere memory of it a more effective attack than a thousand strikes. Under other circumstances the threat would have been enough to drive Happosai into a trembling state, a true wreck incapable of defending himself.

But not today! Not when there were so many helpless, bikini clad babes with enormous busts jiggling all around him! Their very presence was an elixir of life! Their visage is a shot in the arm!

"Kukuku! A smart martial artist chooses their battlefields with more care!" Happosai cackled. "Ranma! You can't enter your boy form here, can you? No, not without being mobbed by these bimbos! They will drool too much over your cock and -"

Ah? Ranma sighed, then flipped up her bikini top to flash her breasts! What a haul! It wasn't on par with the other girls around here, but Happosai easily fell for his secondary weakness without a moment's hesitation, and then - 

"Ryoga! Quick! Get over here, help me finish him off!" Ranma yelled, while cradling Happosai to her bosom. How sneaky! Grope, grope.  How devious! Lick, lick. An attack that Happosai would not wish to escape from, no matter what! Grope, lick.

"Got it!" Ryoga yelled. "I'll help you take care of that old freak in no time -"

"Stick your dick in the opening, that'll sort him out!"

At that moment, everyone on the beach save Ranma herself had turned to stone. For the other guests and Ryoga alike, it had been pure shock that Ranma would order something like that. For Happosai alone, it was because of the dreaded fear that Ryoga might just do exactly that. No, no, no, no! That wouldn't be as bad as if Ranma had done it with that ridiculous, enormous dragon wang, but the mere threat of it... Ah! Noooo! Happosai could not let that happen, no matter what!

The initial shock soon wore off, and Happosai's battle aura flared up enormously, shattering the trap and sending its shards flying this way and that. "Ranmaaaaaa!" Happosai snarled, letting loose a truly demonic battle aura. "You would dare threaten me with such a thiiiiing?!"

"Crap!" Ranma backpedalled away. "We pissed him off! Ryoga, get the girls away, now!"

"Like hell I'm letting you fight him alone!" Ryoga yelled back. "Girls, clear out! Us guys gotta deal with -"

His elbow bumped into Ranma's still naked bust. Not so much a guy right now, huh? No matter, Happosai was still towering over them, a ball of fury the likes of which could not be quenched by - 

"Ehehehe! That water's super coooold!"

Anything less than the excited squeals of the Tendo sisters engaging in a wet t-shirt contest! Ah! Look at them there, all in a row, while Kodachi held a hose, spraying them down and making that already flimsy material cling all the harder to their ample bosoms! Granted they were bigger than Happosai remembered them being, and the three of them were behaving in a very ditzy way (much like Shampoo earlier) but Happosai didn't give a fuck about things like that. Not when there was fun to be had!

"What a haul!" Happosai yelled happily, forgetting all about Ranma. The Tendo sisters saw him coming, but none of them could get out of his way in time. Tee hee! What a haul, what a -

"Here, have a cold shower!" Ryoga yelled, aiming the hose right at Happosai and turning up the pressure. Hrmph! A slight distraction that allowed the girls to flee in random directions! No matter! Happosai flared up his battle aura and changed direction, bouncing off the ground and making a beeline right for Akane.

Kukukuku! Oh, Akane! There was always something about you, wasn't there? That cute tomboyish appeal you have, it adds so much! Is it any wonder that you're surrounded on all sides by wannabe suitors! Ah! She tripped, she stumbled in the sand, how clumsy of you! That only adds yet more to your appeal!

But then, of course, Ranma had to interpose herself right in between them. The fool! Did she not see it by now, she might be able to grab him for a little while but it would be pointless trying to fight back! Not without that enormous penis, not without being a boy!

"Hiryu shoten ha."

Oh...? Huh? Oh?! Wait, no way! It couldn't be! Had - Had they really been fighting in a spiral formation all this time?! Hold on now, retrace your steps - or better still follow Ranma's in the sand! Sure enough, their pursuit of Happosai had described a spiral almost perfectly! How had he failed to notice?! Had the girls been pretending to be ditzy to lure him in?

"Waaah, Ranma!" Akane moaned with a mouthful of sand. "Like, I fell over...! Waah!"

Never mind, it wasn't an act, it was probably entirely down to Ranma's own keen battle instinct. Although... Funny thing, for a moment there Happosai thought he saw something in Ranma's eyes right as she unleashed the attack. Something that wasn't there normally. It almost felt like the old man was looking into the eyes of a dragon - and when the attack came, sending him flying into the air, a thought intruded on his mind.

"Don't. Mess. With. My. Treasure!"

<hr>

A loud, shrill whistle tore across the beach as Ranma picked the old man up. Ryoga approached, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. Simultaneously, a scantily clad lifeguard rushed up towards them in what felt like slow motion, her enormous bust bouncing and jiggling around under her tight orange one piece.

"Like, you three there!" she yelled, pointing at the three of them. "You three are totally banned for life, omigod! Causing a ruckus like that, making the beach unsafe for, like, everyone else. You three are no fun at all! Banned!"

"Huh? Banned?" Ranma grunted, and then found herself being pushed off the beach by an invisible force. The lifeguard waving goodbye as they were forcefully ejected. "Hey, wait! The girls! We gotta get them out of there before -"

"Nnnrgh!" Ryoga held his hand. "I tried hitting it, but it feels like I broke my fist!"

Just like that, the three of them were ejected. Happosai hopped out of Ranma's grip to try to get back in, but hit something invisible. "Noooo, my lovelies!" he moaned pathetically. "What a haul! What a haul it would have been! Let me return, now, please..."

Pathetic. Then again, this little pervert had made life much harder for them. How the hell were they supposed to get the girls off the beach now? Still... this did confirm it for sure. There was something supernatural about this place, no doubt!

"What the hell do we do now?" Ryoga demanded. "We can't just leave 'em there!"

"Yeah, and we're not gonna," Ranma said. "There's one last chance we got, if we want someone to rescue them for us... we've gotta go to Uchan's."