If there was one thing that Usagi knew for a fact, it was that Ami Mizuno made a pencil skirt work! Don't get her wrong. The ruffled teeny tiny skirt that the Sailors wore also worked super well on her, but there was something about the snug fitting, tight, form revealing smart skirt that gave Ami this air of naughty authority. It felt like she might ask you to bend over and take your punishment any moment now - and take it you would, without a moment's thought.
The sight almost made it worth getting arrested, because yum yum! Nothing in the world could ruin -
"Dear, please stop staring at our daughter's friend's posterior..." her mother whispered, and the realisation that her father was staring at the same thing she was became the ultimate turnoff. Hrmph! Anyway, Ami was sitting down at the table, crossing her legs and adjusting her glasses. Which didn't actually have any glass in them, now that she was looking. God, she was so hot. Like, nerd hot. That special kinda hot where they're kinda dorky, but they're so adorable about it that you just can't help yourself.
"This would be most improper," her 'Lawyer' protested. "A girl like you can't have possibly passed the bar -"
"Actually, I did that last month as a precautionary measure," Ami said. "I took an online course. Then, next month, I was considering starting on my way through medical school."
Fuck, that was making her wet! Urrrrgh, Ami, stop being so adorkable! Since when was being this hot such a turn on? Seriously now?
"Now, to start with I would like to clarify the charges against my client? Do please make sure you're doing this properly. You are sticklers for rules here, or so I hear."
That's it! That genius is going to sit on Usagi's face for an hour after this! Or the other way around! Or they could find a way to sit on each other's faces for an hour! That would probably involve doing something trippy with gravity - but fuck it, that was happening somehow!
"Vigilantism," Bobby immediately replied. "Quite a serious charge. Can't go having the public taking the law into their own hands. Causes all kinds of chaos and anarchy, that. No authority to go around fighting criminals - and killing them, no less!"
"I see," Ami said, adjusting her glasses. Stop that, not even fair! "I suppose that Rei Hino has also been charged with vigilantism, if she is here as well...?"
"Eh? Me?" Rei gasped. "W-Well, actually -"
"She's a material witness," Bobby said. "Merely a lower judgement, but it would go on her record. Not to mention the media circus it would cause! That is, assuming it did go to trial..."
"I see, fishing for a confession?" Ami asked, giving them a smouldering look over her glasses. "Perhaps a change of strategy now that you no longer control counsel? Oh dear, oh dear. I do hope that Rei is not your only witness or evidence."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Rei asked.
"I mean that both you and Usagi were romantically interested in one Mamoru Chiba, with her successfully entering a relationship with him," Ami said. "That does make quite a powerful motivator to discredit someone publicly, don't you think?"
After a moment of silence, both Usagi and her mother let out a low "Ohhhhh!" sound, like a pair of old women hearing juicy gossip. While her dad really didn't want to hear anything more about his daughter's romantic life, so he settled for staring at Ami's chest.
"Ah, that's quite the remarkable claim considering we caught her as Sailor Moon," Bobby said.
"Did you?" Ami asked, and then produced further photographs. They showed... a variety of people dressed up like Sailor Moon. With varying levels of success. "Cosplayers do exist, you realise. It's well known among our peers that Usagi is a long time fan of Sailor V. It would not be strange for her to cosplay as Sailor Moon - the member of the Sailors that most closely resembles her. You're going to need some evidence that she is Sailor Moon."
"Don't be ridiculous," Bobby scoffed. "Her own parents admitted they knew she was Sailor Moon! They were hiding it from the public all this time!"
"Hearsay and speculation," Ami said. "Did Usagi herself say that she was? Besides, I'm quite certain I can find other local parents outside our friends group who believe their daughters might be Sailor Senshi. All you have is hearsay and an accusation from a noted romantic rival. If you take this to court, we'll have all charges dropped - and then we countersue. Your reputations will be dragged through the mud, and public opinion will turn against you, rather than us."
Go, Ami! Don't try to out rules lawyer a genius! Hah! Look at them fidgeting, she had them on the ropes now! But she wasn't finished yet!
"Now, you're probably thinking something like 'Then let's prove that she's Sailor Moon by attacking her', but - that would be a blatant breach of the law, which would - hypothetically - break whatever spell you have on her binding her in place," Ami said. "Furthermore, I am broadcasting this interview to my friends nearby. You wouldn't want police brutality to become public knowledge, would you?"
"Recording inside a government building is -"
"Completely legal, considering all I did was hijack your own tape recorder and remotely connect it to a wifi signal," Ami said. "Or are you going to take the bold move of turning the recording off? That would be pretty damning evidence as well, wouldn't you agree? Furthermore, has the government been informed of your intention to try someone you believe to be Sailor Moon of vigilantism? It can't be a good look - Sailor Moon is quite popular with the public, having saved several members of it. You might think you've considered all the angles, but your case is much weaker than you think."
"Ahhhh, that's a shame!" Bobby shook his head and let out a heavy sigh. "That's a right shame, so that is! You're a real tricky one, aintcha? Bet you think you've covered all your arguments, huh?"
The room grew darker, more ominous. Bobby's appearance shifted. Becoming less professional seeming, and more... piglike, while Lawyer, who had been sitting quietly, developed more angular, intimidating features. Usagi's parents recoiled from them, but to their credit they did not flinch or waver.
"Indeed," Lawyer said. "We shall simply have to forego the legal formalities and engage in something rather less legal after all."
"Most unwise, considering my precautions - " Ami began, but Lawyer cut her off with an inhuman shriek.
"Most unwise, due to ours!" Lawyer said. "This is not a mere two versus two battle, young lady! Can you fight us both while keeping her parents safe?"
"And Sailor Mars will help us detain you, for your own good," Bobby oinked away. "Face the facts! Smart as you've been, you ain't been smart enough."
Yet Ami's smile did not waver. She didn't seem flapped at all. Uh, that's right isn't it? The word is 'unflappable', so... Wait. Why was she not panicking? Did she really have a plan to deal with them? In this tiny room? It felt like they were trying to provoke her into transforming right there, so they could arrest her on charges of vigilantism and have evidence to back it up, but -
It was a game of chicken, then? Whoever moves first loses. But if the bad guys moved first, then Usagi's parents would be caught in the crossfire! She couldn't let them do that! They were trying to crack her under the -
"Oh! Ohhhh yes!" Rei suddenly moaned. "Ohhhh, fuck! Ami, you sneaky bitch, that was you wasn't it?! That was you this entire time!"
Huh, what now? Well that was just plain confusing, wasn't it? Why was Rei throwing back her head and moaning like that? Not that Usagi was complaining, but - Huh?! Colour was coming back to her cheeks, and coming very hard at that. She was gripping the table, humping into something invisible while still seated, and -
"Wait... It can't be!" Bobby roared, ripping the table from the floor and revealing - a trail of bubbles hidden under the table, going from Ami to Rei and ending underneath Rei's skirt. "You were distracting us all this time with the argument, while in truth you were - You're under arrest for - "
"Mars <i>fuck you</i> Ignite!" Sailor Mars yelled, flames leaping out to strike Bobby in the face and sending him sprawling. She slowly rose from her chair, her body gradually returning to its <i>proper</i> extremely hot proportions a little at a time. "Haaaa... haaaaa! I can hear Libra again. You fuckers! Turning me against my friends... I was a fool to think I could trust you."
"Miss Hino, attacking a police officer in the middle of a police station is extremely ill advi-" Lawyer began, and ate a face full of fire for his trouble!
"Did... did I just see what I thought I just saw...?" Usagi's dad asked.
"Nope! You sure didn't!" Usagi chirped right away, simultaneously envious of Rei for getting her powers back, and also really glad that Ami hadn't been doing her dirty under the table like that right in front of her parents. Gosh can you even imagine! "Ahahahaha! This sure would be a great time for some backup to arrive, before the long arm of the law <i>completely fucks us</i> by restricting all our powers!"
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