Monday, 9 August 2021

Story: Urusei Yatsura First Impressions

 

Is there anything quite like a nice little tea party among cute girls? Well, how about a trio of mentally unbalanced aliens? That doesn't sound as cute, but in its way, it has its charms. Ran, Ryuunosuke and Kurama, an odd trio to be certain, sitting in Ran's spaceship, gathered together for a singular purpose- though first taking some time to relax after the stressful experience that should only come once a year.

Look at them here. Ran, in her cute dress, as much the doll as she ever was. Kurama, somewhere between a BDSM beginner and a crow-lady cosplayer. As for Ryuunosuke, she was wearing a snug pair of shorts and a white shirt. Quite the odd group, but each of them appealing in their own unique way.

"Ah, that was quite frightening wasn't it?" Kurama asked.

"Yes, yes, next year I need to have a better escape route planned, ohohoho!" Ran tittered.

"I dunno, I thought it was kinda fun," Ryuunosuke said, marking her as the weirdo in the group. Still, she gulped down her tea- then watched the others do it more delicately and tried to mimic them as best she could. Naturally, she was incapable of doing this, as she was a little to stuck in 'manly' mode right now.

With the tea finished, Ran politely stood up. "Now, to the reason for our coming here today," she said.

"Yes, I think it is about time we got down to business," Kurama said, nodding along.

"Yeah!" Ryuunosuke fist pumped the air. "I've  been looking forward to this!"


Ran reached a whiteboard at the head of the room, took a deep breath, then flipped it over. Revealing! A drawing of Lum strapped face down over a vaulting horse, while a windmill with paddles attached to the end were positioned near her backside. All while Ran stood nearby watching, clinging onto Rei's arm.

"Revenge against Lum!" she cried.

"Finding me a man!" Kurama said.

"Learning how to be a chick by watching MIss Kurama!" Ryuunosuke said.

It took about thirty seconds for it to sink in that they all had vastly different ideas for why they were here today. Thirty seconds of unfiltered awkwardness, which, due to Hapstein's Theory of Social Awkwardness meant that thirty years mentally passed for each of the three of them, owing to the nature of embarrassment on the passage of time.

"Ahem, well..." Ran said. Now, do note gentle reader that Ran is... How to put this tactfully? Oh yes. Ran is a duplicitous bitch. Yes, that's a pretty tactful description. Anyway, being a duplicitous bitch, her one and only goal here is to get what she wants. Or, as she might put it, get what she deserves. She honestly had believed these two were here to help her on her noble quest to put Lum in her rightful place. The fact that said rightful place involved some form of sexualised torture on the blazing hot Oni Princess was neither here nor there.

Shouldn’t her sister be supporting her here!? That's what sisters were for, right?! Never mind! Grr! She could still use this! "Well, how about some quid pro quo?" Ran sweetly asked. Sweet, like the scent a fly smells when they hover near a pitcher plant. "Teehee, us lovely sisters will help Kurama find a nice man -"

"Someone like that hunk from before -" Kurama began, but stopped upon sensing an ice cold chill shooting through her body, as though her survival instincts were warning her it would be a bad idea to pursue this line of thought too closely. "Y-Yes, I'm sure you'll find someone nice..."

"And while you're courting him, Ryuunosuke can get to see you in action," Ran continued, still sweet, still super, super dangerous. "Tee-hee, and I have just the hunk in mind!"

That being Ataru, of course. Ran had intended to drain his energy away herself, but... setting him up with Kurama would definitely be a solid revenge. Hah! The look on her face as he bred that alien crow! It would be priceless!

... Obviously, that is a correct assessment, it's just that Lum would be kind of extremely into that sort of thing. Kurama's pretty hot, so...

"Here, go to this address and you'll run into him for su~ure!" Ran tittered. Ohoho, this was going to be all kinds of fun! She couldn't wait to see how this played out!

<hr>

"Honestly now, to think that they waited so long to have me in this crummy, smutty tale," said a stuck up, pretentious know-it-all who had been reduced to spying on the Moroboshi residence through a fancy pair of binoculars. Not being held by his own hands, of course. Someone else was being paid to hold them for him. "I mean, let's be real. I'm a far better protagonist than he could ever be. More likeable, more charming, more suave, much more handsome and - of course, much richer. Though, compared to him that's not a high bar to cross."

Yes ladies and gentlemen, here we have Ataru's archrival at long last. Shutaro Mendo. He's wrong about that protagonist thing by the way, one hardly makes a good protagonist if you just get everything handed to you from the day you're born. Well! As here, as in the OG timeline, Shutaro had one thing that was always out of reach.

Prime Oni Booty. Oh, he wanted it. He wanted it from the day the tag race first aired. He'd even been taking pains to attend a school of much lower quality than one his standing should attend.

However, those plans had been put on hold when he'd learned a crucial, undeniable fact. Moroboshi wasn't just getting Oni ass. He was getting human, Lucky God and Neptunian ass too.

"This cannot stand!" he seethed impotently. "That boy does not deserve all the alien pussy he's getting. He is unworthy. I must find a way to one up him. I must find -"

"Well hello there handsome."

He looked up, and his hapless servant - following instructions-  brought his binoculars with him. Thus he was getting a really good closeup of Kurama's cleavage, which was already nice enough without the zoom and enhance. Shutaro batted the binoculars away and quirked an eyebrow at the hovering figure looking down at him with come hither eyes.

"Enchante," he said, taking Kurama's hand and kissing the back of it. "Shutaro Mendo, and it is a pleasure to meet you, visitor from another world. Your name would be...?"


"Kurama," was the answer. And then she was hit on the back of the head by a giant fan.

"No! Not him!" Ran yelled. "You were supposed to seduce Lum's Darling away from her!"

Shutaro shot this newcomer a quite flat look. "Trust me when I say, whatever you were planning to do was not going to work. Much though it pains me to admit to this fact..." Ah, but here was a fine chance. This Kurama, and her friend who had ire towards Lum... They could be of use to him. Not just sexual use either. A use for acquiring his own harem. "Come to my home, let us speak more candidly."

"It would be a pleasure," Kurama said, obviously bewitched by his charms. Oh, but she had seen nothing yet. Wait until he got her home!


<hr>

It was half an hour later and Kurama was really, really rethinking this guy as a potential mate. On taking them to his mansion (which was a hundredth the size of her own summer home back on her home world) he had taken them on a tour of his family history. It was all probably quite impressive, really. They were a quite wealthy family.

By Earth standards.

By the standards of the greater galaxy, they would be considered dirt poor.

How best to put it... Think about the living standards of the lower class today. Now compare them to, say, several centuries ago. Hygiene standards are improved. More convenience is available. However, they're still struggling to make ends meet. Right? Standards of living are different, and have different needs. It was sort of like that. Kurama was struggling to see how it was so impressive they had all this stuff when she could probably find stuff of greater value heading to an intergalactic flea market. And that’s not even considering the fact that Earth was still using <i>Capitalism</i> of all things.

And space-gods help him, Mendo thought this would be impressive.

"As you can plainly see, I am the most suitable candidate for you to breed with." Aha, well that was something she could take from this encounter. The most wrong thing she'd ever heard in her entire life.  He lacked any sort of true nobility or strength. Coasting off the work of his distant ancestors. Maintaining his status in society regardless of how competent he may or may not be at managing that wealth simply because compared to everyone else around he had too much of it to possibly lose it all before someone competent did something about it.

"I will take your offer into consideration," Kurama said. "And you, stop copying everything I do!"

"Huh?" Ryuunosuke grunted. "Well, how the hell else am I supposed to learn how to be a chick?!"

Ugh, whatever. It was time for them to leave. They would find a man elsewhere. Now, where had Ran wandered off to...?

"Oh, you have such a cruel and vivid imagination!" an unfamiliar voice gasped. "You simply must tell me more."

... Apparently she was having tea with a girl around Shutaro's age. This one had a different air about her. No less spoiled, but she was giving off a sharper air about her. She seemed much more aware of everything around her, more grounded in reality.

More frightening.

"Oh, Kurama won't you join us?" Ran asked, pouring out some more tea for herself and this girl. "Ryoko is such a charming, interesting girl, tee hee."

"Yes, why don't you join us?" Ryoko said, patting a cushion next to them. "I think you'll have much more fun here than with my big brother."

Well there was nothing at all ominous about that, and frankly after spending all that time with her brother Kurama could do with a destress. So why not? What was the worst that could happen?

  1. It turns out that Ryoko is also forming a harem of her own. With more success than her brother.
  2. Benten comes over to <s>ogle</s> visit Shinobu.
  3. Chocolate has another scheme going to have fun with Sakura
  4. Something else


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