The thing about Ukyo Kuonji that you've got to remember is that not only is she a very pretty girl, but she's also a complete knockout as a boy. No curse, no splash of cold water that makes her become a he, she's simply that talented at crossdressing that she becomes a pretty solid example of the 'reverse-trap'.
A trap that Shampoo was looking to swan-dive into with her eyes wide open.
"Alright, what sorta ideas did you have for this?" Ukyo asked, leaning back on a table while putting her foot up on a chair. Nice leg. Shame about the trousers. The tight, tight, painted on looking trousers.
"Oh Shampoo have lots of ideas," she said. "Lots and lots of ideas. By the way, has Ukyo slept with Airen yet?"
Some might wonder if Shampoo had timed that to the exact moment that Ukyo was taking a sip of water. Such people did not know Shampoo all that well. Of course she had! Seeing her spit out that mouthful was both funny and <i>hot</i>.
"Where the hell did that come from all of a sudden!" Ukyo yelled, grabbing her big dumb oversized 'battle spatula' and wielding it menacingly (cutely) towards Shampoo. "You trying to pick a fight?"
"Oh, it just that Shampoo sleep with Airen last week, he so big and manly." She leaned forward and looked Ukyo right in the eye. "Ukyo just pretender to fiance if no get deep satisfying dicking from Airen. Hmph, not like Ukyo know how to seduce him anyway."
"You - you - No way! There's no way that Ranchan would - Guh!" Oh, how cute! That particular shade of scarlet suited her perfectly. While she stammered and protested Shampoo made sure to walk around her, lying down on the table and resting her head on her hand while her other hand lay a trail down her curves.
"It true," she lied. “Shampoo and Airen spent all night fucking in every dirty way imagined.” Ukyo's look was pretty dirty too. "He take me and treat me like real woman, not that Ukyo know what that mean."
"Oh yeah? And what's that mean?" Ukyo growled.
"It mean that Ukyo go too, too long pretend to be man, is now too manly to understand woman's needs," Shampoo said. "Airen recognise Shampoo sex appeal, that why he no could resist for long. No man can look at Shampoo's hips or breasts and not think of sex. Ukyo not get that reaction from man, no chance."
It's funny but every word in that was a lie. Shampoo could see quite plainly that at the flip of a switch Ukyo Kuonji could make a straight man hard with a minimum of effort. That body was way too nice to manage anything less. If Shampoo herself was a ten, then Ukyo was a nine. Solid nine. (Do not ask Shampoo to rate Akane.)
"You... You don't know what you're talking about!" Ukyo yelled. She tried to bring that spatula down on Shampoo's head - but alas, it missed its target. As if Shampoo would be slow enough to let that attack land.
"Actually, Shampoo pretty sure Ukyo not know what she talk about," Shampoo sniffed. "Does Ukyo know first thing about what boys want?"
"Of course I do!" Ukyo yelled. "Do you know how many dirty magazines I had to read trying to fit in? I did go to an all boys school, you know!"
Fuck, that was hot.
"That prove nothing. Proof is in the pudding, as they say," Shampoo smirked. "I lay Ranma, not Ukyo." Although she'd be getting Ukyo in the sack before too long if she continued dancing on the girl's last frayed nerve like this. "How would you even seduce a man looking like that? Ukyo not even have first idea where to start."
"Hey, cut this out!" Ukyo warned.
"Why?" Shampoo sneered. "You know is right, is why. Ukyo not know first thing about to seduce man."
Ukyo's brow furrowed, and she put down the battle spatula. Not that it would have done her any good anyway. "Fine. You want me to prove it?" she said, flipping her hair back. "Here we go then."
Oh goodie. She could hardly wait. What would Ukyo do to try and seduce a 'man' based on her hanging out with boys while growing up? Her understanding of them... How scandalous it would have to be.
"Hey babe, you come here often?"
Pffffffft. Holding in this laugh was the single hardest thing Shampoo had ever done in her life, and last year for Mousse's birthday she hadn't hit him even once. Seriously, that 'cool' way Ukyo was leaning on the table, getting right into Shampoo's personal space, the half closed eyes and then that line on top of it - the perfect ideal of a wannabe playboy. The exact kind of cliche that turned off all but the actual ditziest of bimbos, or girls that already liked the guy that was using it on them. In the case of the latter, they did what Shampoo was about to do: Faked it.
Except... Hold on. Ukyo had to have been hit on by guys before, right? The guys at school were so hard up they'd even hit on Akane Tendo, breaker of balls and ruiner of kitchens, the least suitable woman to be a bride in recorded history. Surely a girl like Ukyo Kuonji would attract their attention?
In which case... this was a trap! No, not the kind of trap meant at the very start of this scene, rather a trap in the sense that Ukyo had seen through Shampoo's ruse, and was going to call her out for hitting on her the second that Shampoo accepted this obvious ploy.
Then the rational course of action (ignoring the fact that this decision was reached through rampant paranoia) was to say "Ah, yes. Shampoo come here on occasion." Politely smile, no more than that. There. A perfectly neutral response.
Oh, what was with that smug look? Why was Ukyo leaning in closer now? Suddenly, she put her hand up against the wall, creating the effect of trapping Shampoo in place.
"Hey, you know, we should get to know each other a little better. Doncha think?"
How was this supposed to seduce men? Or women? Or anyone for that matter?! DOn't laugh, Shampoo. Don't even smile. This was cheesy, this was corny, this was corn in the cob dripping with half melted mozzarella. Which... sounded pretty disgusting to her, but some people might like that maybe they should try it on the menu.
"Huh? What did you just say?" Ukyo said.
"What did Shampoo say?" Shampoo repeated back. "Uh, Shampoo not remember say anything."
"You kinda whispered something there for a sec," Ukyo said. "Kind of sounded like, I don't know, like something someone would come up with if they wanted to sound like they were speaking Latin, but didn't know a word of it."
That was strange. Shampoo didn't remember doing anything like that. Ukyo shuddered a little - but then got back into character.
"Listen babe, if I told you that you had a hot body would you hold it against me?"
That did it, that broke the dam. Shampoo couldn't stop herself from keeling over double from laughing. "H-Hold it against you! That stupid line! That not been in serious use since bronze age! Who ever think that work!"
"Hey! There's nothing wrong with that!" Ukyo said. She stomped her foot and... her eyes lingered a little on Shampoo's bare legs for a moment before she shook her head and got back to the outrage. "If I started doing that with guys, they'd be all over me!"
Oh, she was serious! In that case, Shampoo started laughing even harder, holding onto her stomach and rolling around on the floor.
"Bah! I bet your were making that whole thing up just so you could have a good laugh," Ukyo said. "As if Ranma would give it up that easily for your sexy... forbidden... Chinese booty..." Ukyo trailed off a little, but shook her head. "Once you're done with that, we're focusing back on this. Got it? No more distractions!"
“Yes yes. No distractions. Shampoo make sure Ukyo not distracted by Shampoo’s sexy tits or ass or cute face.”
“Yeah that’s right no more getting directed by your sexy tits and-” She glared at Shampoo. “Ha-ha-hah.”
- Now that she's under the influence of the spell, Ukyo is very much distracted by Shampoo's sexy tits.
- Meanwhile, Asuka has kidnapped Azusa. This should not be a forgotten development.
- Ranma continues trying to flirt with Akane to limited success.
- Something else
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