She was going to get him good this time. Ran was hunched over it with absolute manic glee. She would hide behind that tree and wait for that perverted goofball to come down the path, then she'd hit the button like so - causing a stunningly beautiful woman with big boobs, leggy legs and a figure that Ran was <b>absolutely not jealous of</b> to appear, leaning against the wall. Ataru would approach, putting himself into prime position to get a whole pillow full of sneezing powder dumped all over him! It was the perfect plan!
Ran skipped off happily behind the tree and silently chuckled to herself. This is the key element to any practical joke. That loser thought he could one up Ran? He'd have to wake up pretty early in the morning to get one over on -
"Ran?"
That voice! Ran peeked out and, across the street, she saw Rei leaning against a wall. Looking hungry! Oh, dear! That poor little hunky wunky, she simply couldn't leave him like that.
"Over here, Rei!" Ran called out, skipping across the street towards him without a care. "Oh dear, you look positively famished. Come with me and I'll whip you up -"
She reached for his hand, and passed right through it. There are moments in life where a person has made a mistake and suddenly realised they had just gone by the event horizon. No turning back. The mistake was made and the consequences were all coming along, any moment now. In those moments a person's true colours can often shine through. They lift up their heads and meet it face to face, with bravery. Or they deny it until the last, showing themselves the cowards they truly are.
Or they could simply exclaim "Fiddlesticks," and reveal the depths of their immaturity moments before getting a whole batch of itching powder dropped all over them.
"Well, hey there, Ran, fancy meeting you here!" Ataru said, coolly leaning against another part of the wall inspecting his fingernails. The very sight of him set her blood boiling, and she stomped across to him while scratching her arm.
"You... You insufferable snake!" Ran sniffed. Her scratching fever reached a whole new level. In particular this one little spot... "Ah! Right in the middle of my back! I can't reach!" she yelled, making a strong effort to contort herself in such a way that she could manage it, before ultimately settling for pushing her back up against the wall and rubbing up and down, allowing her hands to more freely scratch other places. "Where did you even get a hologram projector?!"
"You'd be surprised at the things Lum leaves lying around..." Ataru remarked. Ooh, and she thought her blood was boiling before. Her plasma was turning into a different kind of plasma at this rate! How dare he... How dare he humiliate her like this!
"Nnng!" she hissed. "Ahhh, my back! It's so itchy! This wall isn't doing it for me at all!" She locked eyes with him and gave him her best puppy-dog eyes. "Please, you wouldn't let a poor young maiden itch herself to death out in public, would you? What sort of monster would do something like that?" Bat the eyes for effect, and he should be putty in her hands.
"Huh? You say something?" Ataru said wistfully. He kicked a stone and spun around. "Have fun, Ran! And next time, take care not to call up what you can't put down."
"Oooh! Wait!" Ran yelled. He started walking away. "I said wait a minute! Gah! Th-This really is intolerable! I have a special anti-itching cream at home, but I won't be able to get it on my back. I'm going to n-need you to rub it on me to get this kind of itching to stop!"
"Hrm, how strange," Ataru sighed. "That almost sounded like someone was trying to bait me into a really obvious prank."
"Ooh! F-Fine! I was going to offer you a free kiss if you helped me out, but you're such a meanie!"
There's the rub. That, too was obvious bait. It was multi-layered, the perfect trap for someone like Ataru. The chance to touch a girl's naked back in her own room? A free kiss from that girl? How could he resist? The fool! He didn't know what he was getting in for! The prize was the prank! She was going to drain his life energy right out of his body with a well-timed smooch, a special ability of her particular alien race which were called the...
Huh, weird. She'd never really heard the name of her race before. Eh, never mind! All that mattered was that he had stopped mid-stride, no doubt battling against his survival instinct. But that was Ataru Moroboshi for you. No matter what else was going on in his life, that idiot couldn't possibly resist an offer like this!
On the outside Ran put on a scowl as she scratched her skin raw, but internally she was delighting in the opportunity. Honestly, this was something she'd been trying to do for ages: Get revenge on Lum by draining her darling's energy! Sure, it was embarrassing to be beaten in a prank war like this, but that made this revenge all the sweeter. Now she was going to get both of them at the same time!
"Gee, I sure do hope you're not planning something!" Ataru mused.
"Who, me?" Ran asked. "N-No! I mean it! I'll let you rub the cream on me, then I kiss you. No tricks! J-Just a harmless little kiss."
"I wonder..." Ataru said.
Grr! It wouldn't be enough to drain him. She'd take his listless body and - and dress him up like a scarecrow! That's it, leave him in the middle of the street with a sign begging to be pelted with rotten fruit and veg!
"That's quite the fun new dance sensation you're inventing!" Ataru suddenly clapped. "Soon all the young folk will be dancing the Itchyback!"
"Sh-Shut up, you wretch!" Ran barked. Aha! Here they were, back home at last. Ran couldn't remember getting her key out so quickly, nor charging in through her front door so fast. "Oh, finally!" she proclaimed, virtually tearing the dress off her body in a desperate attempt to free her skin from the powder rubbing up against her.
"Ooh la la, I should have brought a camera!" Ataru sneered, making a rectangle between his thumbs and forefingers and peering through it at her. She growled at him. "Hey, I'm serious. That Rei guy doesn't know what he's missing out on, that body is a real feast for the eyes!"
All the better to make you lower your guard, you irritating creep! Ran soon found what she was looking for in a cupboard. Soothing skin cream like this should arrest the reaction, but it would also serve as the perfect tool to make him lower his guard.
"Oh!" she moaned, only playing it up a little bit while rubbing the stuff up and down her arms. "That's so much better." She moved onto her neck, lifting her head up knowing full well that this would draw more attention to her chest. "Mm, yes! So much better!"
She had her hooks in him now. Any questions he might have about the legitimacy of her offer lay shattered to pieces at her feet. He'd probably crawl through broken glass for a chance to kiss her now. Revenge! Was there anything sweeter in this world? Her heart was racing with anticipation. A quick few button presses and a massage table slid out of a wall. Ran lay on it, slipped her bra off and placed the bottle of cream next to her head. "No funny business!" Ran warned.
"Oh, dear me, no!" Ataru said. "The very idea that I would betray li'l Ran's trust is <b>such an insult that it almost makes me want to smack that little butt of yours just to teach you some manners</b> but that would be really quite mean spirited of me, wouldn't it?"
Ran didn't say anything. Because anything she did say might ruin the moment. Behind her she heard Ataru pick up the bottle, slather up his hands and lean over to touch her -
"Oh..." Ran whispered in surprise. "Oh. Oh! Ohhhhhh yessssss!"
Not a bit of acting. The second his hands touched her back it was like nothing in the galaxy.
"You got a lot of tension back here," Ataru whispered. "Mind if I work that out for you?"
"N-no objections from me!" Ran wriggled and writhed under his touch. So good! This was a massage so deep it touched the bottom of the Mariana Trench and kept right on going. It felt like every muscle in her back was being loosened up, draining away liquid tension that had built up for years and years and years. All of her anger, all of her constant frustration, her obsession with revenge on a certain green-haired nuisance was being pulled out of her, reshaped and... And moulded, crafted into something else. Something new. Something better.
"My my, you are such a hot mess," Ataru said. Suddenly Ran realised, he wasn't standing anymore. He was on the table too, straddling her hips. "With emphasis on the hot. So? How about it? Who won our little prank war?"
She did. It's just that the prize was so much better than she anticipated. Li'l Ran didn't want this massage to end, but little did she realise that he was only just getting warmed up.
- Ran and her Ataru are interrupted by someone.
- Cut to Sakura, who is having to kiss her Ataru to banish a spirit.
- Oyuki confronts her Ataru over what's really going on here.
- Lum and Shinobu try to keep their Atarus out of trouble.
- Before she knows it Ryunosuke is on a proper actual date.
- Something else
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