Story: Two Fatesplits and Akane's Gift

The Book of Self-Fulfilling Prophecies: Ranma 1/2
Honestly now, he did not understand the youth of today. Look over there. That idiot Ranma had been tackled to the ground by a buxom and beautiful Chinese girl who wanted nothing more than to fuck him stupid. Well, to Happosai's mind Ranma was already plenty dumb! What sort of healthy young man looked at that and said no?

Obviously to us, the answer is obvious: Gay men and men who know not to tap crazy ass. To Happosai's twisted mind these were not healthy young men.

"It's such a travesty," the old man bemoaned, watching the pigtailed youth squirm. "He doesn't know how good he has it. Oh, how I would love to be held by that curvaceous, naughty minx!"

It was perhaps even worse than that. Happosai saw such potential in the youngster, but he was so insistent on squandering his gifts. He was handsome, a naturally gifted martial artist who hadn't even begun to explore his full potential and he even turned into a super-cute buxom lass with a dose of cold water. If not for the quibble that Ranma was ardently anti-pervert, Happosai would've probably adopted him as an student and taught him everything he knew!

Alas, the world was not so kind. If he did take Ranma on as a full student then the boy would go out of his way to thumb his nose at the old master whenever he tried to have some fun.

Oh well. Life was too short to spend moping about on what could have been. Happosai pulled a handkerchief over his head and made off to skip towards locations unknown, where he would surely find silky darlings in desperate need of rescue!

At least, that was the plan... Until something fell out of nowhere onto the pavement below. Well, well, what do we have here? Happosai frowned and looked around for anyone willing to claim it. Finding nobody in sight, he skipped on over and picked it up. "Never underestimate the worth of a book," he muttered to himself. "That's how I learned my best tricks."

He read through the first page, and off in the distance thunder crackled even though the sky was completely clear of clouds. For on that terrible day, an evil was about to be unleashed that would rock this world to its very core.

"Kukuku..." Happosai cackled. "Change of plans. It's time I had a word with -"

1. Ranma
2. Akane
3. Shampoo
4. Kasumi
5. Cologne (playing a longer game)
6. Something else

The Book of Self-Fulfilling Prophecies: Urusei Yatsura
Alexander the Great is often attributed to weeping on the discovery that there were no more worlds to conquer. To Shutaro Mendo, that kind of remark made it seem dubious that Alexander deserved to be called "great".

He understood the quote in its proper context, naturally: Alexander wanted more challenges to overcome, and great men were supposed to prove their greatness by challenging themselves. Ah, the young sir Mendo certainly agreed with the idea, but in weeping upon his discovery of lack of challenges Alexander proved that he was not great for a truly great man would have noticed the new world lying ahead of them:

The Mendo family had long since learned that if there are no more worlds to conquer, then you have already created one. The challenge lies in the fact that there is no more new challenge to face. Maintain your power, keep the barbarian hordes to heel and allow your greatness to shine on through the rest of history. In a quite literal sense it was the challenge of a lifetime.

On this particular day, a rather bored Shutaro Mendo was wandering the expansive garden of his family. Bored out of his mind. It was a peculiar sensation for one so great as he. Normally when he was bored his sister remedied that, or that buffoon Moroboshi would do something outlandish. But alas, his sister had elected to experiment in something called a "slumber party" with Asuka Mizunokouji tonight. Which meant that she had to leave early morning two days ago. Her transportation was elegant, luxurious and also slower than a hesitant snail.

So. Here he was. Out in the garden, appreciating the aesthetic beauty and careful design of nature, yet had been placed here artificially by wealthy human hands. It made him feel a mite philosophical, wistful. He placed a hand against a tree, and sighed wearily.

"I don't get it," he said, eyes misty. "I'm clearly the more handsome, charismatic and likable one, yet nobody writes threads featuring me in the lead role." He takes a few steps further down the path, sighing occasionally as he goes. "Writers keep on ignoring how fabulous I am, and giving Moroboshi his unearned harem. Surely I am far more deserving and interesting than that poor, ugly slob. A blatant pervert like that has no right to lay claim to so many pretty girls, and I shall not permit it to occur within this thread!"

He suddenly points out towards some of his workers. "You there! Repair that fourth wall, forthwith!" They salute, and - where did they get that building material from so quickly? Never mind, Mendo continued his walk, ignoring the wall repair and letting his thoughts wander onto the topic of what to do now.

Then he stepped on something that should not be there. His eyes cast down towards the offending object and behold a book, with the title "Self-Fulfilling Prophecies" emblazoned in it in big, golden letters. Anyone else would think it looked tacky. To Mendo, it wasn't nearly tacky enough.

"Gold?" he scoffed, picking the book up. "Not nearly to my refined taste. If it were me the book would have been set in diamonds and pearls rather than something as tawdry as gold."

"Sir, would you like us to examine that book for you?" one of his servants asked.

"No, no, that won't be necessary," Mendo mused. "I can take care of a rogue book. I may come from a wealthy family, but I am also quite self reliant."

He moved to sit down, and a comfortable chair was quickly pushed underneath him. In addition, another servant hurried along with a reading light, while another picked up his feet to place upon a resting stool. And while there re-tied his shoes.

"How to use..." he read aloud, sounding quite amused as he did so. "First, make a prediction of any kind. Second, make the prediction known to someone. Third, every attempt made by this individual to prevent the event will find it increasingly likely to occur the harder they work to stop it. Fourth, any attempt to unearth contrary evidence shall fail, as all evidence shall point towards the prophecy coming true."

How endlessly amusing. Still, he could hardly toss the book aside just because it seemed ridiculous. He had beheld some rather... Unusual events. Supernatural, otherworldly and sometimes both at once. It would be unwise to dismiss a book like this out of hand, but it would also be unwise to accept it at face value.

In which case, Shutaro Mendo decided that he needed to perform a little test to ensure that the book was quite valid. That is, after all, what a truly great man would strive to do.

1. Something unpleasant happening to Ataru... Which would mean he would have to work to prevent it, unfortunately.
2. How about a kiss from Lum?
3. A little revenge on his little sister would hardly go amiss.
4. Something else

Akane's Gift
Akane sat on the edge of her big sister's bed and scowled. Though she hated to admit it, she was quite good at scowling. Tried to keep it in reserve for when she needed it the most, and, oh boy, did she feel it was needed now! Honestly! She knew her sister was bad, but this was outright atrocious! Money was one thing. The clothes off her back was quite another.

"That girl has a serious attitude problem," Akane huffed. "What's yours is mine, and what's mine is mine."

Except that was now quite the opposite, wasn't it? Anything of Nabiki's, Akane could simply... Take for herself. No questions asked. Nabiki would willingly and eagerly hand it over, just like that. No fuss, no mess, 'here you go, sis' with a great big grin. That felt a little unsettling to think about.

On the other hand screw Nabiki. Screw the whole lot of them (except Kasumi, and a very <i>different</i> kind of screwing for Ranma), she'd gotten sick of it, tired of it, disgusted by it and by all the gods in all the heavens she was going to land her man, start a family and set course to the rest of her life without any more of this utter bullshit, and there was absolutely nothing in this world that could change her -

"Done and done!" Nabiki chirped while stepping back into the room in her underwear, which was quite black and lacy. "What do you want me to do now? I'll do whatever you want!"


Akane stared at her nearly naked sister for a moment with big wide eyes and a mouth that seemed to be constantly five seconds from asking a question but never quite grasping the words to express it.

That is, until...

"Nabiki?" Akane asked, her voice an octave higher than usual. "Where are your clothes?"

"All put away in my closet," Nabiki obediently answered.

"No, not those!" Akane said, pointing at her in a quite agitated manner. "Your clothes! The ones you were wearing when you left the room! Where are they?!"

"I'm still wearing them," Nabiki sincerely replied. She gestured to her underwear. "See?"

"That's not what I meant!" Akane was really getting exasperated now.

"Then what did you mean, sis?"

"Where. Did. Your. Clothes. Go?"

"Right there in the closet. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

This... could take a while, so let's head off elsewhere for a little while.

<hr>
Akane wasn't the only one upset at the outcome of the wedding. Oh, no. Not by a long way. Sure, the fathers were a mite miffed, and sure, Ranma could have at least received his curse cure.

But did anyone think about poor Shampoo's feelings? No. Of course not. They're all reacting like she was the bad guy for showing up to the wedding and trying to shove explosive food down the bride's gullet. Then accidentally tagging the groom. All she wanted to do was remove an obstacle in her way, was that so wrong?

Shampoo tapped her foot indignantly while stalking around the basement of the Cat Cafe. It was too, too frustrating! Her beloved was too spellbound by that flat-chested, mean-tempered kitchen wrecker to notice what a good thing they could have together if only he'd give her a chance. Normally this is where she'd destroy the obstacle in her way, but this time the obstacle was so close to her goal that destroying it would also destroy the goal. Ranma was not stupid.

Which is when Shampoo stopped, frowned, sighed and adjusted that last thought. Ranma <i>is</i> stupid, but the very special kind of stupid that pretty much everyone is, where he's brilliant in one area and really stupid in others. For example, he was stupid enough to be more interested in Akane than Shampoo but smart enough that he'd spot it if she tried anything to eliminate Akane.

"But Shampoo no can wait any longer," she decided. "Shampoo need take action! If Akane get him to altar, next time they might marry no send invites!"

Which was really cheating when you got right down to it. Not fair at all, how was she supposed to steal him away if there wasn't advanced warning of something like that? Nothing else for it but to dig out - Hello!

Hypnotic dim sum mixture. Oh, she had not used this in a while! Use a little of it to bake some delicious treats, and you can cast a spell of suggestibility over the victim. Last time she'd tried it, Ranma had tricked her into eating one and then - well, he'd ordered her to go home. So, she'd spent a week and a half heading back to her village in China, then turned around and came back home. Shampoo wasn't upset. She knew he didn't mean to do that, so she didn't hold it against him. Why should she, when she had so much better things to hold against him?

For example: Her spectacular chest.

It had been a good while since she had used this for anything. So, how about it? Why not? If she could find a suitable patsy to deliver them, Akane would never see it coming. Then again, why target her when there were others around who had probably never heard of this effect?

Shampoo's devious little mind was spinning all sorts of plans and schemes and plots. That was another thing she had over Akane. Although she had to work quickly. She could ill afford to underestimate whatever devious little scheme that girl might have to squirrel away Shampoo's rightful airen. Because for all that Akane put on that angry face Shampoo was too, too certain that she was much more devious than anyone was giving her credit.

<hr>
"Alright, I think I have this now," Akane said, tapping her finger to her forehead while Nabiki pulled on a shirt. "When I say 'your clothes' you think I meant 'the clothes that belong to you' when I actually meant 'the clothes you were wearing when you left the room, but aren't anymore'. Does that make sense?"

"Yes," Nabiki nodded. "That does make a lot more sense."

Oh boy. Akane could feel a rather large headache coming on. Well, at least the clothing issue was sorted out now. Nabiki had changed into her own clothes, a snug pair of shorts and a loose-fitting shirt. She'd put all of Akane's clothes back in her room, handed over the wedding money and was absolutely subservient to Akane's every whim. Even if it did mean Akane had to be more careful about the letter of the whim.

"Alright," Akane sighed. "So, what were we about to do again?"

"Judging from your tone and body language, you were probably planning to punish me in some manner," Nabiki helpfully suggested. "I could take off my clothes again and wander around the house in my underwear. Would that be sufficient?"

"No, no!" Akane yelled. "The last thing I need is for Ranma to see another attractive girl's body right now!" Nabiki blushed at the compliment and fidgeted in a most distinctly un-Nabiki like manner. Ooh, but that really would be the worst, wouldn't it? Forcing Nabiki to strip down right there and then as Akane watched, dumping her clothes on the bed and then skipping out around the house clad only in her underwear blowing kisses to the other residents as she went on by. Smiling the entire time because Akane had ordered her to. Feeling shame deep beneath that for behaving in such a manner. That would be a <i>terrible</i> thing to do to her older sister. Simply... Awfully naughty.

Oof! Akane shook her head and the image fell out. "Right, so... Punishment later, planning now!" Akane huffed. "Although I must say, thank goodness our rooms are right next to each other otherwise someone else might have seen you. That could have blown the lid off this whole -"

Then she was interrupted by a knock at the door. Kasumi suddenly poked her head inside - the eggshells were hidden, Nabiki was dressed, so Akane relaxed her suddenly extremely tense muscles - and smiled sweetly at them.

"I just thought you should know," Kasumi chirped. "Ranma and that nice Taro boy have convinced young Mister Gosunkugi to channel the spirit of Happosai so that he can change Pantyhose's name."

"Uh... Huh?" Akane lifted an eyebrow. "That sounds like the King, Queen and Prince of the Kingdom of bad ideas. I suppose they want us to stay out of the way?"

"That," Kasumi admitted. "Although I also wanted to ask if you could avoid daring Nabiki into wandering around the house in only her underwear? It's such a good thing our guests didn't see, who knows what they might have thought. We'll speak more about this later, I have to dribble some candles to create the right atmosphere."

The door closed, and Akane was left as little more than a twitching mess. "Looks like... You were seen after all..." Akane said. "Uh... Okay! Planning time!"

1. Shampoo arrives, giving the dim sum to Kasumi as a gift... Which she passes out during the seance.
2. Happosai's spirit discovers the eggs.
3. Akane and Nabiki leave the house and go to visit Ukyo.
4. Kodachi arrives, intending to attack Akane.
5. Something else