Thursday, 24 November 2016

Story: Ranma's Sudden Wedding


Alright. So, obviously this wasn't happening. That much was pretty clear. Firstly, one does not forget an upcoming wedding, never mind your own. And never mind a wedding to three sisters! Whoever heard of something like that? Three sisters. He was marrying three sisters at once. That does not happen. It doesn't happen in reality, but it might happen in a dream. A fantasy.


Or a nightmare.


Ranma looked around frantically, left to right and back again. Three beautiful, blushing brides beamed back. Gulp! He discreetly pinched himself in a desperate attempt to wake up. Then withheld a scream upon realising that he really wasn't dreaming! As inexplicable as it seemed he really was about to marry all three Tendo sisters at once.


"Do you, Ranma Saotome, take Akane Tendo to be your bride? To have and to hold, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"


"Uh," he began, and then Akane glommed onto his arm.


"He does," she said for him. This seemed a mite presumptuous on her part. Trouble was he made the mistake of turning to look at her smiling face and felt like if he said no at this point he might as well find a nice big rock to pull over himself. He hadn't seen anyone that content since the last time Pops found an all-you-can-eat buffet which hadn't banned him entry.


Still, he couldn't help but at least try to ask "What -"


"Do you, Akane Tendo, take Ranma Saotome to be your husband? To have and to hold, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"


"Hold on -" he tried, but she drowned him out before he could go any further.


"I do!" she yelled with great enthusiasm.


"Then you may kiss the first bride."


"Hey, hold on a mom-"


And that was the moment all rational thought left him. He didn't know what that was supposed to be, but a kiss it most certainly was not. It was clumsy, it was rough, there was nothing tender or romantic about it at all and he still couldn't stop smiling after it was done. Point of fact he was just kind of swaying in place with a bit of a goofy grin on his face trying to gather his thoughts.


What was he doing again?


"Do you, Ranma Saotome, take Nabiki Tendo..."


Oh, yeah. That's right. He was getting married. To the sisters. All three of them at once. Right. That was nice. Wait, no. No, it wasn't! Ranma Saotome wasn't going to get tied down that easily! Sure, Akane had blindsided him by being so completely forceful about it that he pretty much had to go along, but he was pretty sure he could handle Nabiki! So Ranma turned around to demand some answers -


Then saw that Nabiki was holding up what looked like some kind of bill. There were a lot of zeroes on it. With his name right underneath. Somehow he felt as though he would prefer death to what might follow if he did anything other than say "I do," in the quietest, most high-pitched voice he could manage.


"Good boy," Nabiki mouthed at him and licked her lips seductively.


"Very well. You may kiss the bride."


"H-Hey, wait!" Ranma exclaimed. "What happened to asking her if she -"


Nabiki answered by grabbing his ears and pulling him in for a smooch while the crowd oohed and aahed. He'd give her this. Nabiki was a pretty good kisser. Trouble was she was also an extremely selfish kisser. It felt like his life energy was being drained out of him, and all of a sudden there was one sister left.


"Do you, Ranma Saotome, blah blah blah, Kasumi Tendo, et cetera et cetera until death to you blah."


Ranma raised a finger, took a deep breath, looked to his right and slumped his shoulders in defeat at the sight of the quite literally blushing bride. In for a penny... "I do." Because look at her, standing there like that. Who in their right mind would try to break that heart? He wasn't a monster. He couldn't do that to her.


Of course that resignation had nothing at all to do with the other two sisters standing off to the side, Nabiki holding a bill over her head and Akane absently punching a finger into an open fist, and their dad sitting in the crowd with a whetstone and a really sharp-looking katana. Nope. Nothing to do with any of that, nosir!


Following an extremely chaste kiss, Akane and Kasumi grabbed him arm in arm, while Nabiki trailed behind him. He was pretty sure she was staring at his butt. The three sisters practically frogmarched him out of that church before he even knew what the hell was going on!


"Uh," he complained and considered his options with care. "'Scuse me?" he whispered to Kasumi. She seemed a bit nicer than the other two. "Stupid question. Why -"


"Can't you remember the wedding plans?" Kasumi whispered back, interrupting him even before he'd finished articulating how to ask the question. Eh? By which Ranma of course meant EEEEEEHHHHH?!


"It's a side effect of... Something," Akane whispered back. "Apparently you'll be back in your own time after the four of us..." She bit her lip and looked to the floor.


"You do live a storied life, honeybunch," Nabiki whispered into his ear. The three of them piled into a car. "It just seems as though you'll be living that story out of order."


Right. So. Okay. So. This had officially been the weirdest day. Woke up. Got engaged to a chick he didn't even like. Got knocked the fuck out by a table. Wakes up at a wedding ceremony for that chick and her two sisters all at once. Gets a nice kiss from all three. No memory of setting up the ceremony. Sisters seem to know what's going on.


"Could someone please fill me in?" he asked. "Would that be so much to ask?"


  1. His mind has temporarily switched places with his older self.
  2. Ranma fell under the influence of a memory-manipulating spell just before the wedding.
  3. Ranma is in a parallel universe.
  4. Something else

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