Story: UY Authority Badge

You know, the real problem with ultimate power was what you did after your first impulse. Ataru had spent yesterday having the authority to control and guide other people in their sex lives. Now, he could easily continue down those lines, but that rather felt like it might get him caught in a rut. And while he did, it turned out, like ruts quite a bit it might be a good idea to explore other options.

The trouble was: What? Perhaps a bureau of pussy pleasing? No, no. If yesterday was anything to go by, he'd completely forget almost all of the fun he wound up having and take the job way too seriously. The department of harem building, perhaps? Again, the same problem. He'd become professional, have no control over what he was doing and while he'd get some pretty sweet payment from either kind of authority when the day was over he wouldn't be able to stop himself from taking the position seriously.

"Whatcha thinking 'bout, darling?" Lum cooed, floating overhead. Ataru looked up at her and couldn't keep himself from smiling. Best non-monetary payment ever. Hell, toss the monetary part in while you're at it and it still wins hands down!

"Just thinking that we should keep those tickets to ourselves," Ataru lied. That is, lied about what he was thinking about. He definitely wanted to keep these tickets to himself. His eyes roamed over Lum's drifting body, tragically hidden behind that covering, stifling, unflattering school uniform. "And what we might do tonight after we get home."

Lum giggled, Lum tittered, and despite himself Ataru Moroboshi felt really, really good all of a sudden. Happier. Content. Laid. If only he could work out what kind of authority he should grant himself today, but he kept on getting distracted by Lum. Her infectiously cute smile, those lovely Oni legs that were tragically being kept hidden beneath that long, sweeping skirt, the figure concealed by that sneakily baggy blouse, the chest merely hinted and teased at. Oh, if only she could attend wearing her tiger-print bikini, that would be simply -

"Whatcha thinking 'bout now?" Lum asked. "It's not like you to pass by three pretty girls without chatting them up; you must be really distracted."

Huh. So he had. That really was unlike him to not notice those three lookers. Ataru's impulses demanded he ask them out right this second... But on the feel of the badge in his pocket, a better idea took hold. It was, if anything, even more impulsive and yet the longer-term benefits were...

"Darling? Stop staring at those girls!"

Ah, yes. There it was. The more normal bout of suffering through alien-generated electricity. Still, while his stunned body could do little more than watch Lum drift off in a huff, Ataru merely felt the idea solidify in his mind. It was genius. It was perfect. It was -

<hr>
"The Institute of Uniform Fetishization?"

Here he was. Sitting in the principal's office. Holding aloft his Badge of Authority. The bald, serious-faced oddball sat straight in his chair, staring at Ataru with his normal, unreadable expression while Ataru himself couldn't stop smiling.

"That's right," Ataru affirmed, nodding. "Our remit is studying the psychological effects of fetishized uniforms." He stopped and blinking in surprise at how genuinely professional that absurdity sounded. "It is our belief, after careful study, that stifling uniforms inhibit imagination and expression and create repressed sexual urges that could cause long-term psychological issues. On the other hand, our data analysis indicates that more fetishistic uniforms have a cumulatively relaxing, comforting effect on both the person wearing them and their peers. We believe this is due to these kinds of uniforms having numerous psychological effects: Being compelled towards greater self confidence, leading to less denial of individual expression and so forth."

Huh! That was kind of the idea he was going for, but even Ataru himself was shocked to find himself so erudite. Gah! Now he was doing it inside his own head as well!

"I see," the Principal said with a nod, accepting the absurd story without question. "And may I enquire as to the reason you have visited our school today?"

Heh. Jackpot. Ataru opened his mouth, fully intending to transform the girls' uniform permanently into something with a bit more of a view to it. His reasoning was perfect. Spend today setting it up, then spend every day thereafter enjoying the results! Thanks to the badge they would accept his authority, and then -

"I intend to set up a controlled experiment to test our hypothesis further," Ataru said to his own surprise. He blinked in confusion and then continued. "Four groups of students shall be selected. Two with only male students, two with only female. One group from each gender shall wear their regular uniform, while the other group shall wear a fetishized version. Each group shall fill out a brief questionnaire at the conclusion of each school day under monitored, controlled conditions."

What? Wait, no that wasn't right! He wanted to set it up so that every babe in school was swishing around in tiny pleated skirts, wearing blouses that exposed midriff and - And -

"I see," the Principal solemnly said. "That sounds like an incredibly vital study. It will surely illuminate useful data regarding youthful exuberance. Very well then. You have Tomobiki High School's full support."

1. Ataru starts setting up the experiment despite himself.
2. Meanwhile, Shinobu finds herself giving advice to Ran about her fantasies.
3. Lum tries really, really hard to keep her tickets secret. Really, she does!
4. Mendo uses his own ticket. Just to prove that foolish civil servant wrong.
5. Something else