Story: Urusei Yatsura Dream Jumper

The expression on Lum's face transformed in an instant, and her thoughts went on a bit of a roller coaster at the sound of Ran's question: "How's Darling at sex?"

Like all roller coasters, it started off slow to build the suspense. Why would Ran ask that question? It was more than a little personal, huh? Then it began to accelerate, just a little towards the first corner. Maybe Ran and Rei did something? No, that didn't seem possible. He was only ever interested in food when I dated him. That probably hadn't changed. Then it hit the first corner, and - Actually, she's a bit tricky. Maybe this is some weird plan to put distance between myself and Darling? How could that work? From there, the track turns sideways, twisting the passengers around in their seats. Maybe she knows we haven't done anything yet and is trying to provoke me into admitting it? And then, loop de loop. In which case her plan might be to try and steal Darling away by offering him sex in exchange for something. Build up high to the peak. No, no, if that was the case she wouldn't just come out and say it like that, she's the sort that would do it. Then, with the tension fully built fly down the steep slope at the fastest heart-stopping speeds yet. This topic of conversation would embarrass Ran just as surely as it would me, so that wasn't it either. The angles didn't add up. Maybe Ran wasn't up to something after all? Maybe she is genuinely curious what sex was like?

"We're waiting until we're married," Lum said with a carefully controlled, polite smile. "And even if we weren't, I'm not the kind of girl to kiss and tell."

"You- You haven't -" Ran stumbled over her words. "Bu- But... You, he, that doesn't make any -"

This had to be an act. Ran was never like this usually. All out of sorts, but not angry or yelling. That didn't make sense. That was not how Ran was. Something was wrong, or this was an extremely elaborate ploy from someone that didn't know the first thing about being subtle.

"Are you feeling alright?" Lum asked. "You're not coming down with something, are you?"

"Huh? No, no, no! Nothing like that! Well look at the time gotta run see you around bye!"

"Bye..." Lum said, waving off at the strange friend of hers that she sometimes didn't understand at all. However... Sex. It was like a seed had been planted inside her mind. Now that she was alone with her thoughts, it sort of crept up on her out of nowhere. Sex. Her and her darling. What would it be like if they were to -

"Ooooh!" Lum blushed. "No, no. We should wait. Definitely wait. Oh, Darling! Our first time together will be a night to remember!"

Still. A person dismissing the thought isn't enough to get rid of it completely. Her mind did sort of wander a little. Him. Her. His bedroom. Candles all across the room. A small table between them, with phall curry on her side and... um... something a bit blander on his? It didn't matter anyway, she wasn't tasting it and she wasn't looking at it. The only thing they were looking at was one another, and then when they'd finished their last mouthful he'd reach across to stroke her face -

Lum clasped her hands to her cheek and caught a little giggle trying to escape. Oh, no! What came next was too much to think about in public. Yet the thought crept through regardless. Clothes discarded without care. Reaching out to touch one another's naked bodies. Tenderly kissing each other, lowering down towards the floor where he gingerly pushed her legs aside, lined himself up and then -

Drove his dick into her like it was a piledriver. Gripped her hips and made her whimper as he thrust his mighty, enthusiastic manhood into her over and over again. Filling her up. Driving her insane with lust to the point that her tongue lolled out the side of her wide open mouth and her eyes rolled up and her entire body began to shudder and jerk around wildly in a desperate attempt to maximise the animalistic pleasure they were giving one another.

And Lum's face turned beet red. It was a funny thing. When she'd first showed up, she'd been all over him. Sitting in his lap at school, giving him electric kisses, but over time she'd stopped doing that sort of thing completely. Sort of like she'd settled into a more romantic idea of their relationship as she developed a real and genuine attraction to him. It was kind of the idea behind those berries, after all. Dream the fantasy, envision what you want because if you can't believe in it, then how can it ever be?

Had that romanticism pushed her physical attraction to the side? Maybe it had. That thought made her a little bit nervous. Especially when she realised that, yes, she actually did want to have sex with Darling. And, at the same time, they slept in the same room. To put it simply: Oh boy. This could go badly... But then again, maybe she could reprogram this batch of dream berries so that she could have the best of both worlds? Indulge in both fantasies at once... Yeah! Sure! That sounded like a good idea! What could possibly go wrong with that?

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You might say that Ran was just a little bit twitchy. They hadn't even done it. The biggest pervert in the universe hadn't had sex with Lum. The maths didn't add up. Ran had seen Lum. She had eyes. That body got guys paying attention for a reason. Lum wasn't the sort to, you know, not go for what she wanted. So...

Did it mean that she wasn't sexually attracted to Moroboshi? Was that what this was? But that didn't make any sense either...

"Ah, you are one of Miss Lum's friends, aren't you?" said a voice that interrupted her thoughts. She turned around. Oh yeah, this dork she saw Lum and Ataru and the rest hanging out with sometimes. The rich guy. "I don't believe we interact all that much. Such a shame. I should act to correct this oversight immediately! As I am sure you are already aware, my name is Shutaro Mendo."
"Ah, please call me li'l Ran!" she replied with a cute curtsey, though inside she was thinking, "Ugh! Gag me! I have to get rid of this clown! Right away!" Externally, she said "Did you want something from adorable little me, Mister Mendo?"

"Nothing save your time," Mendo replied, a bit arrogantly for Ran's tastes. "Tell me, what are your opinions on Ataru Moroboshi?"

I want to fuck him. I want him to fuck me. I want him to ride me like his whore as I make him mine. These were things she absolutely would not say out loud, and certainly not to some full-of-himself asshole she'd only just met.

"He is Lum's Darling, isn't he?" she cutely hopped up, arms clasped behind her back. "They're such a cute couple, don't you think?"

"No. In fact, I am left with the distinct sensation that he is up to something. That boy irks me..."

"Don't tell me... He's your nemesis!"


The veneer of cool, calm and collected gave way to a half-strangled "Ha!" and a creaking smile spreading up his lips. It was almost amusing. Watching him try to stuff it back down his own throat with sheer willpower. And failing. He snerked. He snarked. He opened his mouth to speak, and a loud "HA!" escaped. The muscles on his shoulders began to twitch up and down, he stumbled across the wall for support, he lost all control over it and began to laugh uproariously in place.

"Moroboshi, my nemesis! What a ludicrous notion, someone at that level being my arch-enemy! Even though he is irksome, disrespectful of his obvious betters, offensive to the eyes, to the ears and even the nose! An irritant, a scoundrel, a knave, a living corruption infecting the very Earth with its..." He stopped, straightened himself up, turned back towards Ran and said, "No, he's not nearly important enough to be anything close to my nemesis. He is but a buzzing insect in need of swatting."

"Right..." Ran said with a curt, exasperated nod. "Um, if you need me for anything, I'm going to be talking with Miss Sakura about this awful, awful headache I suddenly have. And nausea too. Bye bye!"

Ugh, this planet! Why was everyone here so weird?! Why couldn't these humans be more normal, like adorable li'l Ran, who could suck energy out with a kiss, or even Lum, who could fly and throw lightning! More normal folk like that instead of the bunch of freaks they all seemed to be! Anyway, at least Miss Sakura was approaching something like normal. She would probably be worth talking to about this, and at least it wouldn't feel like she was suffocating by merely being in her presence.

Ataru is still talking with Shinobu.
Lum interrupts Ataru and Shinobu.
Lum finds Shinobu giggling away all by herself.
Ran talks with Sakura.
Something else