Story: Normality of Kyon

Of course it must be said that even the fiercest determination withers away in the face of the girl that slammed her way into the room at just that very moment. Just you try to remain focused on whatever you were doing when Haruhi Suzumiya enters the room and you might see what I mean. That noisy girl demands attention even if she's quiet. When she's not quiet -

"Drop everything!" Haruhi slammed a newspaper down onto the middle of the table. It sounded like she'd suplexed a rampaging rhinoceros, and the only reason I could think of that the table did not break from her enthusiasm was her own subconscious preventing it to maintain dramatic purposes. "This could be big! Huge! Why, it might even big enough to warrant the attention of the SOS Brigade."

Miss Asahina peered over the table in wide-eyed curiosity while Yuki merely continued staring at the book in her hands. Not that she needed to look, perhaps already knowing what the newspaper showed. I, meanwhile, resigned myself to the necessary wait to discover the truth of these earrings. If I were to investigate in Haruhi's presence, it might make her notice. If she notices something supernatural... Well then, that's all she wrote regarding reality.

Regarding the newspaper, meanwhile, I read the headline dominating the page aloud: "New Stadium Opening Delayed by Crow's Nest. Hm, I suppose that is an unfortunate waste of money, and crows must be difficult to get rid of..."

"Just like you to be so stupid," Haruhi huffed, rolling her eyes dismissively. "This! This right here!"

I followed her finger and found a much smaller article on the corner of the page. "Mystery Blackout Baffles Technicians," I read. "Isn't this the arcade opposite the cafe?"

"That's right!" Haruhi said with a twinkle in her eye. "Opposite where we meet every weekend, before we search for anything strange and supernatural! Isn't it strange that would happen at just that place and then they try to hide it away like that?"

"... By publishing it in a newspaper?"

"Well, obviously they'd have to publish it in the newspaper! That's how you create plausible deniability. Besides, shouldn't something like this be more prominent on the page? It's a mystery! People love mysteries! Any journalist would've had a field day filling in a page with this, but the article barely says anything at all!"

I pinched the bridge of my nose, holding back the inevitable complaint. Of course they couldn't do much more than this. The technicians don't know anything about what caused it, so anything else they put in would be supposition, padding, and things that journalistic integrity would prohibit them from adding. The best they could do for now was to lay the facts bare and follow up on it later if it turned out to be of any interest.

This is not how Haruhi Suzumiya's mind works, of course. To her there was a conspiracy behind it all, and like all conspiracy theorists all evidence contrary to the conspiracy is merely further evidence of a coverup. Well, I could at least take solace in the idea that she was probably at least a little bit correct. There probably was a conspiracy at play here. It wouldn't be the first time Koizumi's group did something like this to keep Haruhi amused...

"By the way, where is Koizumi today?" I asked, largely so I could tell when exactly I should have the opportunity to speak to him. About the earrings, and about if something really was going on. It might not be them, after all. It might be some data-based lifeform or something else beyond my current ability to imagine.

"I sent him on ahead," Haruhi declared, unbuckling her skirt and letting it drop to her ankles right there in front of me. I very nearly choked on my own spit and began to twitch. "I thought it might look a little strange if we all showed up at once, so he's volunteered to take a look around before we got there."

While she talked, I crept backwards towards the door trying to avoid staring directly at the hyperactive leader's increasingly bare flesh. After all, for all that she has a lousy personality there's very little to complain about regarding Haruhi's body.

My hand soon reached the handle, and found that it would not turn. She'd locked the door, trapping me in the room with a girl taking off her clothes right in front of me.

"Haruhi," I began. "Why did you lock the door? Shouldn't you let me go outside while you get dressed?"

"No," she replied, matter of fact. "I mean, it's perfectly normal for guys to pervertedly stare at a girl when she's getting changed."

So, I don't think even Haruhi is quite that mentally odd. Although this did mean - to my utter horror - that whatever was influencing the other girls was now working on her as well! Worse, if she now considered it "normal" for boys to watch a girl strip off her clothes then perhaps she might take offense were I to look away? Might this cause some sort of closed space event under these strange conditions? I had not even the faintest idea.

As impossible as it seemed, the safest course appeared to be sitting there and watching a girl of above average appearance take off her clothes. Well. I had done things more worthy of complaint to keep her happy. But the entire encounter did leave me completely floored and in no way attempting to justify this decision to myself, no sir, not at all, I was simply caught by surprise and trying desperately to determine what to do next while pondering the inevitable, fate-baiting question: How could this mess possibly get any more awkward?

"Ah, Mikuru! As cute as you are in your maid outfit, you'd better put on something else. If you stand out too much, the bad guys might spot you and do unspeakable things to your body!"

Asahina made the cutest little inarticulate noise that was somewhere between a yelp and an eek. "But I just got dressed," she shyly said. "And... And the only clothes I have are my school clothes."

"Tsk, tsk!" Haruhi wagged her finger. "That's why I brought along some more casual wear, just in case of an emergency. You too, Yuki! I have some clothes over here that I think should fit you both fine so we don't stand out too much."

"..." Yuki somehow said, closing her book, taking tiny steps towards the clothes rack while unbuttoning her blouse with mechanical precision.

"... Shouldn't I need to get changed as well?" I asked, completely stunned by the sudden sight of three girls I knew rather well inexplicably stripping down right there in front of me. Please forgive my brain attempting to find something else to do and asking such a stupid question, at that moment I was hardly firing on all cylinders.

"Nah," Haruhi said, dumping the final remnants of her school uniform. "You look normal enough."

Now. Most boys in this sort of situation would simply relax and enjoy the show. To an extent I must confess that there was a part of my brain actively attempting to memorise every detail possible for later use, but at the time I was mostly concerned with several important facts.

Whatever these earrings were doing, they were having an effect on Haruhi. Yuki was bad enough. Haruhi as well? The thought was rather terrifying, considering what she was capable of. Throw in the fact that I didn't yet understand exactly what that effect was, but it clearly influenced behaviour or the mind in some way and I became even more terrified. And from that terror came a new determination. To hell with worries about Haruhi noticing the effect these earrings were having! I had to understand if for myself!

"Ohh... Those huge melons! I'm soooo jealous!"

"Kyaaaaaa! Please don't!"

"I bet you rub them just like this to make them so big. Squeeze them, tease them, make 'em grow, grow, grow!"

"N-Nooooo! I don't do that! Please stoooop!"

Although it could at least wait until the girls were finished changing. That seemed the most sensible course of action to take.

1. Kyon's so frazzled, he remarks that next it would be normal for them to give him naked lapdances.
2. Kyon notices a clue about the earrings.
3. Kyon is left completely in the dark, and is forced to assist during the investigation.
4. Something else