“Oh ho ho ho ho!”
Say what you will about the Kuno family - and Ranma did indulge in that activity quite a lot more than he might typically enjoy - but they sure as hell knew how to grab hold of your attention by the lapels and shake it into submission. Ranma tensed up immediately, scanning his surroundings for any sign of paralysis powder or some sort of booby trap. Mercifully, there wasn’t anything sprung except Kodachi herself, clad in her usual leotard, landing directly in front of where they were standing with graceful poise, a twirling ribbon and roses, just, everywhere. It was tweaking his cleanliness impulse just a little bit, though that was far from the most annoying aspect of the psychotic gymnast.
“Oh, Ranma dear!” Kodachi cooed affectionately, in much the same manner that a viper probably does to its potential mate. Or a black widow. “How lovely to see you come visit… Even if your companionship leaves much to be desired. I suppose <i>you</i>, Nabiki Tendo, are here to sell images of that pigtailed harlot and your <i>delightful</i> little sister to my idiotic elder brother?”
“No,” Nabiki replied, more like her aloof self all of a sudden. Pretending to inspect her nails like they were the most interesting thing around. No concern at all that they’d been spotted before they could even enter the grounds, just sort of shifting to plan B as casually and coldly as you like. “I’m here for something a little more important than that. And it involves both of you. It’s something I think you should really know about.”
“Hang on,” Ranma said. “You can’t mean -”
“Why not? It’ll clear up a few misunderstandings, so you get what you want. Right?”
Yeah, maybe. That didn’t mean Ranma had to like even a little bit of it. Was this her real goal all along? Pretend like she was trying to get the Kunos under her thumb, when she was really looking for a chance to have a good laugh at all of their expense? He had half a mind to get the hell out of there; spending time around the Kuno siblings was absolutely not his idea of a fun time!
<hr>
Alright. So they were spotted by Kodachi. That meant sneaking around was probably not feasible anymore, but she was ready for that possibility. Besides, breaking and entering… Such a bad idea all around. It really was always going to come down to this, wasn’t it? Time for Plan B.
And Ranma didn’t like it. The boy was easier to read than a book about puppies getting into wacky and colourful adventures which were described in words of at most two syllables. You could see the distaste on Ranma’s face, and why shouldn’t he be a little put off by the idea? He was always a bit shy about his own past, which she always used to find an amusing contrast to his braggart nature where his martial arts skills were concerned. Now she just found it… Cute. Like a little brother trying to make himself seem more mature than he really was.
In which case, it was time for her to play big sister to her little brother. After all, he really would be one day… And Nabiki unconsciously lay a hand on her breast, smiling as she briefly let herself be lost in remembering that wonderful image of her dear little sister’s…
“Ohohohoho, Ranma darling! Have you been keeping secrets from me?” Kodachi asked. Her shrill laugh completely shook Nabiki free from being lost in her memories as if lightning had struck the ground next to her. “How mysterious! How intriguing! How romantic!”
“Not really!” Ranma insisted, backing away while seeming to dance around Kodachi’s ribbon which was she was whipping around at incredible speeds with the clear intention of tying him up. “And it’s not really the sort of thing you’d wanna know anyway!”
“Oh, come on, Ranma! It can hardly make things -”
“Ranma Saotome!” Tatewaki Kuno interrupted, and normally Nabiki would’ve found a way to bilk him a little extra for the sleight. The kendoist charged right past her with bokken drawn, and leaped out into the fray. “So! It is not enough for you to hoard the attention of Akane Tendo and the pigtailed girl, but now you have come here to seduce my sister as well!”
“If you were gonna say it couldn’t make things worse,” Ranma yelled, “I’d like to present exhibits B through I: B for batshit, I for insane!”
A snarky comment about his intended piece of humour rose to her lips, but died instantly. No. That was the old Nabiki. The old Nabiki would stand by the sidelines, watching as the Kuno siblings and Ranma got into a tussle: Ranma trying to escape, Kodachi trying to pin him down, and Tatewaki attempting to punish Ranma for crimes imagined and real. She would make bets with bystanders regarding the outcome. She would make jokes at their expense, try to make sure her own payout was the biggest one of all.
Not anymore. Nabiki’s hands roughly fondled her breasts through her shirt and bit back a whimper. She was a good girl, now. A good girl that helped people. It made her feel… So good being good! More than that. She was Ranma’s big sister, in a roundabout manner. Which meant that it was up to her to be the responsible one, even when he didn’t want anything to do with responsibility. Or rather, especially when he didn’t want anything to do with it!
Which is why she - responsibly - dumped a bucket of cold water over the extremely hot-blooded brawl to put a stop to it there and then.
“Hey! What’s the big idea?!” girl-form Ranma yelled. The siblings stopped in their tracks for a moment and stared at her. Alright. Good. Now maybe they would -
“You pigtailed harlot!” Kodachi snarled. She retrieved her ribbon and cracked it with a much more cruel sound than the considerably more affectionate wooshing noise it had been making previously. “Return my Ranma dearest to me at once!”
“Touch not a hair on her head!” Kuno swiftly slid in between the two of them. “Also, dearest sister… Your leotard is damp. For modesty’s sake, perhaps you should change?”
Kodachi looked down at herself, and then was replaced with a cloud that took her approximate shape. Poor girl just bared her assets to the world, though they weren’t a shade on -
“Ah, now that my twisted sister is gone, the two of us may express our love uninterrupted!”
“Let’s not,” Ranma sulked, taking the time to give Nabiki the evil eye. It hurt her a lot more than she expected, but… This had to be done. For Ranma’s sake. For the sake of her little sister’s breasts. For the sake of her conscience! “I’m going home.”
“Oh, no, you’re not!” Nabiki insisted, stomping up to Ranma and twisting her ear. “Inside! You as well! We’re having a chat about Jusenkyo curses that might make you rethink a few things.”
<hr>
So. Here he was. Sitting in the Kuno’s living room. Just a little bit drenched. Kodachi in a bathrobe, jaw attempting to detach from the rest of her face. Kuno doing his best imitation of a statue. Pale skin, not moving, not breathing, not blinking. Look at her. Standing there all innocent and smiling like she’d just done everyone a great big favour.
“So as you can see,” the manipulative bitch began, “Ranma Saotome is the pigtailed girl. They are one and the same due to a rather peculiar curse. Same mind, same personality, different bodies. I’m sorry you had to find out this way,” as if she was ever sorry for anything, “but this was the breast, I mean, best way to resolve this mess before things really went tits up.”
Silence fell upon the room with the weight of a particularly obese elephant. Ranma really, really didn’t want to say anything. Ugh! This whole thing was humiliating for all three of them, couldn’t she see that? She was even petting him on the head as if he was some kind of pet that needed reassurance. Mocking him? Or… No… Maybe she really was unwell?
“Ohoh! Ohohohoho! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!” Kodachi tumbled from the seat to the floor, rolling around laughing like a lunatic. Which wasn’t that far of a stretch for her, to be fair. Her laugh seemed to break the spell that had been cast over them, as Kuno sharply rose to his feet.
“Unacceptable!” he declared. “I refuse to believe this! If it were true, then my beloved Akane Tendo would have corrected me in an instant! She would not allow me to humiliate myself in this public manner! I must confirm this with her personally!”
“Actually, my little sister doesn’t… Really like you at all… And he’s already gone. I guess he’ll still be making a boob out of himself no matter what we do.”
“… What’s with the breast fixation?”
“Excuse me?”
It was a bit of a longshot, but Ranma had finally had just about enough of this. He got right in Nabiki’s face and entered her personal space, which wasn’t something he’d usually ever do to her. As he expected, she backed off just slightly. The Nabiki he knew would’ve stared him down cold. “You’ve been acting weird all day. All… Nice, and stuff! I keep expecting you to pull something, but no! You keep helping people out, and you aren’t acting a bit like yourself!”
“I fail to see what that has to do with breasts,” Nabiki calmly said, but aha! She just touched her breast again. Didn’t even seem to know she was doing it. “Maybe you’re the one with the breast fixation?”
“Nice try, but I’ve been watching you for any weird behaviour, remember? You keep on touching your boobs and don’t even seem to know you’re doing it!”
“I am not!” Nabiki yelled, which contrasted incredibly with the image of her roughly squeezing both of her girls at once. “I am not… Wait. Yes, I am. That’s weird. Why am I…?”
All of a sudden, a ribbon slid around Ranma’s waist and hauled him to the ground. Once he was there, a still madly cackling Kodachi straddled his waist, and out of the corner of his eye he could see Nabiki rush forwards right into a bouquet of flowers that made her body go limp. Unfortunately there wasn’t much he could do to help out, since Kodachi had just stuffed a similar item right into his own face.
“My goodness,” Kodachi said with a twinkle in her eye that he really, really didn’t like. “I would never have guessed that you had such a peculiar curse. Transforming into a girl? That’s so. Very. Hot. But! I shall have to wait a while to indulge in some fun. I find myself curious about Nabiki Tendo’s change in attitude, and I noticed a peculiar pattern during our conversation: Whenever her little sister was mentioned, she gave her unimpressive pair a lingering touch through her clothes, as though remembering something. This merits immediate investigation! I shall return shortly, beloved! Ohohohohoho!”
At times like this the most satisfaction he could muster was that at least he could say “I told you so!” later on to Nabiki. He had warned her this was a bad idea….
- Meanwhile, Akane experiments with the book some more.
- Kuno arrives, is immediately hypnotised by Akane’s assets.
- Kodachi discovers the book!
- Happosai finds a way to exploit Akane’s new power for his own ends.
- Something else
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