Everyone in this world is born with a measure of greatness. For some, it was as large as a mountain and they could inspire whole nations into adulation with a single speech. For others, they would be lucky to fill a thimble with their greatness and often wound up leading lives devoid of meaning, sacrifices to the gears of society. Then there was the Mendo family, whose very presence alone was sufficient to turn the mediocre into the marvelous.
To be a Mendo was to be blessed, not once or twice or thrice but more times than one could count with anything save the bills in their deepest, most secure vault, and luck wouldn’t be enough to get there safely enough to try it. Good looks, grace, intelligence, manners, wealth, style, poise, confidence, a well-rounded education and upbringing, never wanting for anything while still having the skills to get it off the sweat of your own brow. The list was seemingly endless, and it illustrated quite excellently the reasons that Shutaro Mendo was head, shoulders, torso, legs and feet above the normal people he deigned in his compassion and magnanimity to bless with his presence. The radiance of his greatness would make them better by degrees, even without him doing anything more than sitting there by himself. Should he choose to speak with them, then his words entering their unworthy ears must surely brighten their day!
“Oh, gosh,” one girl whispered. “Isn’t Mendo looking especially handsome today?”
And of course it went without saying that the normal people, failures though many of them may turn out to be in life, could at least take solace in succeeding in recognising his greatness. Hardly a difficult task. The bar was not a high one to leap over for much the same reason it is not hard to see the sun in the sky. It was only natural they would idolise him. He shifted in his seat a little to bless the girl with the good side of his face, which really meant giving her the opportunity to see more of his entire face.
“Smug prick,” a boy whispered, and Mendo didn’t rise to the bait. No, of course not. He could understand it quite easily. The poor soul was jealous. An immature reaction to his betters, nothing more. He would therefore, in the spirit of benevolence, ignore the fool instead of laughing in his face or enacting some petty revenge.
“Good morning, everyone!” a voice called. Speaking of greatness! Mendo virtually leaped out of his seat towards the single vision of loveliness that demanded his attention above all others when she floated into the room. “Good morning, Shutaro!” she said, politely slipping by him with the grace of a feather floating on the wind. The fact that she was, in fact, floating on the wind detracted nothing from the metaphor, and Mendo would slice anyone that would question him!
“Morning, jerkface!” said the shining example of that very kind of person, who yet again deftly caught his blade before it could taste blood. “You’re especially energetic today!”
“When one has to contend with the certainty of your existence upon this earth,” Mendo sneered, “one must endeavour to maintain a healthy body, for a healthy mind will surely follow!”
“Now, now!” Lum admonished. “You two play after class!”
Very well. But only because Lum suggested it. Still. Mendo’s eyes lingered on Ataru’s form as he slinked along towards his desk in a manner reminiscent of an especially slovenly reptile. Why Lum should choose to ignore his advances in favour of Moroboshi astounded him. Astonished him! Why anyone would choose scum like Moroboshi over even an inanimate garden gnome… Well, the very notion left him flummoxed. Baffled. Stunned. Appalled. Insulted. The notion that she could be wholly ignorant of his interest seemed utterly impossible, yet he was compelled to confront it every single day.
“Hey, ya just gonna stand there all damn day like a fool, or are ya planning on maybe moving sometime soon?”
“Ah, my apologies, Miss Ryunosuke!” Mendo said, giving way to allow the class’s latest addition to move past him towards her seat. As she passed by, Mendo twitched just slightly at the observation that many of the girls were paying this girl even greater attention than they did himself.
“I know she’s a girl,” one girl might whisper, “but she’s so perfectly manly I can’t help it!”
“Completely with you there,” another would reply. “Manliest man in the class, with second place a speck on the horizon.”
A speck on the horizon. He was just a speck on the horizon. He’d been hearing similar whisperings over the last few days of “perfect manliness” within the class, and of course had attributed these descriptions to himself in his own head. At first. When it became apparent it was this girl… Another girl in the class that ignored his attention through sheer obliviousness. (Although he had to concede it was at least understandable given the poor girl’s upbringing.) This <i>girl</i> was manlier than himself! Bad enough that Moroboshi was technically his romantic rival, but to have a girl be his rival for manliness? Unthinkable! Inconceivable! The situation could hardly be worse than this!
“Yo!” Ryunosuke said to Lum. “Listen, ’bout this… whatchacallit again? Double date thing? Meant ta ask, is there anything special I oughta be doing?”
What.
“Double date?” Ataru said, stroking his chin in a rather elaborate manner that couldn’t be more blatantly aimed at Mendo if he leaped off the desk and painted a big red X over his better’s face. Which he would not put past the little creep. “Oh, you mean that double date that me, Lum, you and Ran are going on?”
WHAT!
“Uh… Yeah?” Ryunosuke scratched her head. “That’s right. I mean, I don’t even know what a date is, really. Never mind a double date. Is it sorta like doubles tennis?”
“Y-Yes, that’s right!” Lum hurriedly said. “Don’t worry, tcha! I’ll fit you up for a nice tuxedo.”
“Will all this help me and Ran get close?”
“Absolutely! ” both Ataru and Lum said in unison, and all of a sudden all of the boys (and most of the girls) in class spontaneously developed bloody noses.
“Pardon my intrusion,” Mendo said, gently hefting his sword over one shoulder while dabbing his nose with a handkerchief with the other. “I would like to try to comprehend what you are telling us just now. You, Moroboshi, are attending a date with the beautiful Miss Lum, her charming, almost doll-like friend Ran, and the (ahem) tomboy enchantress Ryunosuke?”
“Uh huh! Why do you ask?”
“How is that a double daaaaaaate?!” Mendo roared, leaping forward with his sword like a lion leaping for its prey. Or a lioness. Whatever! The point is, imagine a big cat attempting to tear strips out of something lower than itself on the food chain, and then imagine that thing lower on the food chain earning itself a merely temporary reprieve by catching its attacker’s claw in its mouth. “You’re going on a date with three girls at once! That’s not a double date! That’s triple timing all of them!”
“Triple timing?” Ataru retorted, or at least began to. “Not at all! Ask Ran who she’s going on the date with! She’ll say it’s our lovely Ryu here! You remember Ran, doncha? She used to date that Rei guy?”
Rei? Rei… Rei… The name rang a bell… Oh yes, of course! He was the same alien species as Lum. He wore a tiger-print suit which showed off just enough of his chest to make any woman swoon and had a face that made even his fall to -
<i>“I AM NOT THE MOST HANDSOME!”</i>
“I don’t know who you mean, hahaha!” Mendo laughed nervously while his brain worked to suppress certain unwanted memories. “But more to the point, Moroboshi! Attempt anything ungentlemanly on this date -”
“And Lum will fry me with her lightning bolts of despair and jealousy,” he cheerily replied, which was <i>amazing</i> given that he was currently holding back a blade inches away from his face between his two hands. “You worry too much, Mendo! This date will be clean as a sheet, don’t you worry about that!”
Worry? Him? The Mendo family doesn’t <i>worry</i>. The Mendo family hires people to worry for them! Then they punch the worries in the face, throw money at the problem and make it go away forever! Very well then. Mendo withdrew his sword and began to plan. He would <i>have</i> his little… Double date. Oh yes, he most certainly would. Just see if he wouldn’t!
- Mendo crashes the date with his own entourage of starstruck girls from class.
- Mendo buys the restaurant, and encourages the staff to humiliate Ataru.
- Mendo convinces other girls in the cast that Ataru is up to something with this date, and lets them take care of the problem on his behalf.
- Ran decides to spike Lum’s jealousy by making Ryu fall in love with her via alien tech.
- Something else
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