“So let me get this clear,” Ataru said to Lum as the pair casually strode down the school hall. Well, to be fair, Ataru was walking. Lum was lazily drifting along through the air, although lazy may not be a fair way to describe such a blatant defiance of known physical laws. Not that Ataru thought about or cared remotely for such matters, especially when so many other impossible things happened around him regularly. “Ran thinks that you’re interested in Ryu and is actively trying to date her. Doesn’t have the faintest idea that she’s a girl.”
Lum nodded a little wearily.
“On top of that, Ryu asked her out on a date, resulting in numerous rumours and speculation regarding their intentions on this date. Current leading opinion says ‘pillow fight’, ‘mud wrestling’ and ‘enthusiastic kissing’.”
Lum stopped to scowl down at him, but Ataru was too busy imagining the scenario unfolding in his mind to notice. “Hot,” he said moments before the electricity sparked right through his body, making him hot in a way rather unlike the meaning he had been going for.
“Pig,” Lum huffed. “I don’t even understand that. What could possibly be such a turn on as watching two girls kiss? Surely it means they’re not interested in kissing you at all!”
“Human sexuality is a strange and wonderful creature,” Ataru replied once he’d shaken off the electrocution that he really should have seen coming. “It is our duty to celebrate it whenever we can.”
“Hmph!” Lum replied, storming off ahead of him. “I’m going to try talking to Ran again. Maybe she’ll listen this time.”
Ataru really doubted that, but trailed along anyway. No chance was he missing this! Let her shock him for a week straight if she liked; regardless, he would forever embed the image into his eyeballs.
<hr>
So there they were, just the two of them. Minding their own business, drawing curious looks from pretty much everyone that walked past. She and Ryu. Such a darling couple they made. It would get even better once she was able to somehow figure out the reason Lum was so interested in him. Honestly, claiming that he was a girl? Impossible. Anyone with eyes could tell that this was a boy. A shy boy, certainly, but definitely a male of the species. Why would Lum make up such an obvious lie? Almost certainly because she was put on the spot and had to think of something quickly, and her limited imagination was only able to come up with that.
Which made the situation all that much juicier. Apparently this was netting her a little bit of social status given the expressions she was seeing. The girls were clearly jealous, and come to think the boys weren’t so easy to read. It was either jealousy or something else that she couldn’t quite place. Whatever! Nothing quite like basking in the envy of others, especially that irritating, loudmouthed brat Lum.
“Excuse me, Ran! Can we talk a moment?”
Speak of the oni, and there she is. “One moment,” Ran said, giving Ryu a small peck on the cheek. The boys in the corridor developed inexplicable spontaneous nosebleeds, while the girls roughly elbowed them in the guts. “Just have to talk with my <b>good buddy</b> Lum,” she said in her cutesiest of cutesy voices. “The hell do you want now?” she asked more roughly once they were out of earshot.
“I think going out on a date with Ryu is a bad idea,” Lum began. “You see -”
“Still jealous?” Ran interrupted. Seeing a chance to twist the knife, she continued. “And I can see why! Ryu is so much more of a manly man than your darling could ever hope to be. So much more reliable and charming.”
“Actually, that’s not why it’s a bad -”
“Kya, it’s so sad!” Ran exclaimed, returning to her cutesy tone to maximise the effect. “To see someone so determined to ruin the happiness of someone else. So despicable! Can’t you just be happy for us?”
“But you don’t underst-”
“I’ll tell you what,” Ran said. “Why don’t all four of us go out together? A double date. Us two girls with our two men. Then we’ll see which of us is happier, eh? Maybe you’ll even learn a few things about how to keep your man’s eye from wandering.”
Lum opened her mouth to respond, but then for some reason stopped. Her posture slouched in a clear sign of defeat that made Ran want to do cartwheels. Ha! Got you! How does it feel, hm? Soak that feeling in! That humiliation, that feeling of inevitable justice!
“Alright,” Lum slowly said. “We’ll go on a double date with you. I’m sure Ataru would happily agree to watch this. And I certainly want a ringside seat as well. I wouldn’t miss this for the galaxy.”
<hr>
It was never a good sign when Lum walked back towards him with that little twitch under her eye. Ataru was fully expecting another thunderbolt to be thrown his way, but instead Lum linked arms with his and guided him towards Ryu and Ran.
“We’re going on a double date,” Lum informed him. “You wanted to see two girls hooking up, I want to see Ran hoisted by her own petard. So, just this once, <i>darling</i>, we’re looking for the same general outcome.”
- Ataru and Lum’s behaviour on the double date disturbs Ryu greatly. But at least she’s learning a lot about how to behave like a girl!
- Other characters are spying on the double date.
- It turns out that the location of the double date is haunted.
- They agree on where to go on their double date. Now they just have to get there despite all the weirdos who keep getting in the way.
- Something else
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