He was getting a little worried about his friend. Of late he had seemed trapped in a perplexing state of ennui. He would complain about almost anything, particularly boredom, and seemed to revel in trying out new and “exciting” things. Daisuke believed his good buddy was setting him up for some elaborate and epic prank. If that was the case, he hoped it would be gotten over with soon.
Well. On reflection that day might well be today. He’d been dragged just outside the Tendo dojo pretty damn early in the morning. Daisuke yawned, and Hiroshi replied in kind.
“So… What are we doing out here, again?” Daisuke asked for the millionth damn time.
“Bit of patience there, buddy!” Hiroshi replied. Funny, he was smiling like a loon. “Patience. That’s not too much to ask, is it?”
Daisuke rubbed his forehead and released a weary sigh that had been building up since they first arrived. This whole thing was a stupid mystery with a seemingly obvious answer. The Tendo dojo. Daisuke had discovered that Akane Tendo liked taking morning jogs. So. Had Hiroshi decided to commit an elaborate suicide by asking her out on a date? ’Cause Kuno would surely have something to say about that. Several things, with a pointy wooden stick or an even pointier metal blade.
Sure enough there she was in pretty standard jogging gear. Long hair trailing down her back, taking measured steps with controlled breathing. Hiroshi patted Daisuke on the back and winked at him, then stepped right into Akane’s path. Then he pulled something out of his pocket and flashed it at her.
Akane took one look, and then… Something happened that Daisuke could barely even believe.
<hr>
Hiroshi was bored out of his mind. It seemed to him that nothing really all that interesting happened in Furinkan. He and his buddy Daisuke would head out to the arcades, hit on girls, get hit by girls, buy some manga, swap manga and other than that? School. Yawn. If only something weird would happen. If only something -
He stared out the window of the classroom, and tilted his head. There was a girl rushing towards school at top speed. From his class, he realises after a moment. Yes, that’s right. Kinda cute chick, but that Kuno guy from the year above expressed interest. No chance a guy like him could steal the attention of an athlete.
Or, for that matter, the two dozen athletes gathered by the school entrance.
“Dai,” he said. “Get over here. I think you gotta see this.”
“I swear,” Daisuke replied. “If this is an attempt to distract me while you slap a ‘kick me’ sign on my back, I’m gonna - What the hell?”
Truly, it was a spectacle. The jaw did not so much drop as it was dragged to the floor. This girl, this seemingly sweet, cute, tomboyish girl with the long hair was whipping around like a hurricane. She dodged, weaved around blows like water, then lashed out and with a single blow rendered her target immobile. It was the kind of thing where you didn’t really understand <i>what</i> you had seen until after it had long since happened. Your brain had to replay it to fully grasp how awesome it was.
They were watching Akane Tendo completely dismantle the top athletes in the school. All at once, in a blazing and glorious act of self defence.
“Holy shit!” Daisuke exclaimed. “I guess that Kuno guy was serious!”
“Huh? Serious how?”
“He said he won’t permit anyone to date that girl unless they beat her in combat first.”
Hiroshi rolled that thought around his mind a little bit, then mentally noted that he should probably remove Akane from the list of girls it was acceptable to hit on. Either she would turn his face into a mass of bruises, or Kuno would. Didn’t seem particularly like a safe course of action.
Safe. There was the issue, wasn’t it? This was by leagues the most interesting thing he had heard about happening to someone, and it was someone he neither knew nor had anything in common with. Even if he wanted to get to know her, it wasn’t like he could either do anything about it or anything like that…
“What’s with the sigh? You weren’t planning on asking her out, were you?”
“Not exactly,” Hiroshi replied, slumping in his seat. “Don’t get me wrong. If I had a chance, I’d tap that. The phrase ‘like the fist of an angry god’ comes to mind.”
Daisuke snorted. “Get real. I’ve done a poll. If every boy in this school that wanted to tap that were out there right now, she’d probably finish up about lunchtime. She tops the chart, and her sister ain’t too far behind.”
“She has a sister?”
“Yeah, but rumour is she’d sell you the shirt off your own back. Dangerous in a whole other way, catch me?” Daisuke shrugged. “Still hot, though!”
Hiroshi sighed again, and looked down just in time to see the school’s kendo club captain get kneed in the balls by the number one most desired girl in the school. She turned her head up and walked right past him, then without breaking stride circled around and stomped on Kuno’s head a couple times for good measure.
It struck him that she was the kind of person interesting stuff just happened to. Why couldn’t his life be like that? Surely it wasn’t the martial arts thing, and it couldn’t just be because she was pretty. Something about her attitude that made her popular, something he could almost grasp before it slipped right through his fingers. If only he could figure out what it was. If only.
<hr>
His thoughts were still lingering on the topic when he was on his way home after another dreary day of school. Such a humdrum life that should be so much more exciting and interesting and fun than this. Hiroshi had been trying to figure it out all damn day to absolutely no avail! What could he do to make his life more -
Something landed on his head. A metal little something that sent him reeling and clutching at his head in pain. “Ow, dammit!” he declared, staring down at the offending object. A little metal box. Felt like the corner had hit him. “Stupid thing,” he said. “Wonder if it belongs to anyone.”
So he did the only thing he could to answer that question. He picked it up, and it popped right on open. There were two things inside. One, a small badge and the other a notebook. The front slip of paper on the notebook was covered in writing.
<i>Welcome, agents. When a woman is shown your Federal Breast Inspector badge she will allow her breasts to be 'inspected', whatever the operator of the badge deems that to consist. If something about the breasts are not satisfactory (and size is not the only quality that can be changed) the owner can write a ticket recommending changes with the notepad, and the changes will take place as soon as the woman takes hold of the torn-off sheet. Remember agents that breasts are your sole jurisdiction and technically the only thing that the tickets can refer to, though other areas can be changed with clever wording: e.g. 'Your boobs are excellent but would be complimented better by a more hourglass figure'.
Once a woman has been inspected, she isn't eligible again for another six months. If you're going to prescribe changes, do so wisely.
Good luck agents, and remember you are federal employees - there are daily quotas to be met. These vary each day but be assured that if you fail to meet your daily quota there will be punitive consequences...
</i>
Wow. That was quite a lot of writing for such a small slip of paper. Very impressive handwriting to impart so much information while leaving it legible! There was a tiny little badge formed into the shape of breasts, and within the cleavage there was the words “Federal Breast Inspector” and below that a number: 2.
“Hey, what’s that?” a voice asked. “Hiroshi, what’s that you have there?”
“Huh?” he said, turning around to see two girls from his class. Kinda cute, too. “Ah! N-Nothing!” he declared, lamely hiding the box behind his back. Honestly, being caught with something like this would have been too humiliating for him to bear! He’d have been known as a pervert throughout the school, and that wasn’t the kind of interesting life he wanted to lead! Not by a long shot!
What he had not counted on was the expert double teaming these two girls were capable of, as one drew his attention while the other slipped behind and grabbed the box out of his hands while he was distracted.
“Hey, no!” he yelled. “Give that back!”
“Now let’s take a look at what you’ve been hiding,” the girls giggled, popping the box open. “Federal Breast Inspector?” she read out loud. Then she blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. Shit. That seemed the best word to use in this situation. His reputation was ruined for the rest of his school life. All because of a box that had nothing to do with him. All because of dumb, random -
“So- Sorry, I didn’t realise you were an official!”
… Huh? Say what?
“That’s right,” the other girl said, fidgeting nervously. “I… I suppose you’ll want to inspect us, won’t you? My name is Yuka, and this is my friend Sayuri.”
“Uh…” he intelligently replied.
“So… What exactly does this inspection entail?” Sayuri asked, nervously pressing her index fingers against one another. “And… Uh… Do we have to do it in a public space like this? I mean. You’re the inspector, so it’s up to you, but -”
Hiroshi’s mouth twitched into a nervous grin.No way. There was just no way! These girls were screwing with him. They had to be.
As he learned about a minute later, they most certainly were not.
<hr>
Right in the middle of a street where anyone could see. It was like something out of his wettest dream. He half expected to jerk awake at any moment, but the moment never arrived. Instead he was staring at Akane’s chest, or more accurately the bra she was wearing.
“Alright, very good!” Hiroshi said. “My assistant and I shall conduct the remainder of the inspection in a more private location.”
“I was about to say,” Akane said, and Daisuke noted that she was blushing rather furiously. “This whole thing seems a little too -”
“Ah-ah!” Hiroshi said, wagging his finger as Akane attempted to pull her shirt back down. “Leave it up, and I shall tell you about the inspection once we are inside.”
“Fine!” she said through gritted teeth. “Follow me.”
As soon as she had turned her back to stomp off inside, Daisuke grabbed Hiroshi’s arm. “Dude. What the hell is going on?!”
Hiroshi tossed him a weird boob-shaped badge that read “Federal Breast Inspector: 3”. It looked like something out of a porn parody. A particularly cheap, badly performed porn parody. By which he meant badly acted by the standards of which porn parodies were performed, and cheap by similar comparisons… Which were pretty low standards so far as anyone could possibly be concerned.
“Don’t ask me how,” Hiroshi said as if reading his thoughts. “It just works. Show it to a girl, and away you go. Still gotta figure out the limits of this thing -”
“So you decided to test on a girl that is 1: Able to break every bone in our body without breaking a sweat and 2: Lusted after by a guy with equal ability and less moral scruples stopping him? Dude! Not smart!”
“Will this do?” Akane asked, gesturing at their surroundings. It was a training hall. Now that Hiroshi thought about it, he’d never actually set foot in one before. Didn’t seem all that much in his opinion. “So… What exactly does this inspection involve?”
- They limit themselves to fondling her, then give her a ticket that causes her breasts to grow.
- Same as above, except that her ticket ensures they can deliver repeat inspections whenever they deem necessary.
- Same as above, except that her ticket ensures her cleavage will always be on display no matter what she wears.
- The inspection involves having her titfuck them both, then they give one of the tickets previously described.
- Someone walks into the training hall.
- Something else
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