Shinobu grumbled in amongst the crowd, and reflexively snapped a ruler she'd been holding. Something very, very stupid was going on right now. Something involving Ataru. He'd better not have gotten fresh with that alien floozy! Not just because it would annoy her, but also? If you think about it? Really think about it? The biology shouldn't work anyway. Who knows what sort of microbes these outer space sluts had developed? Even now, spread across the globe, an intrusive species writ large. Shaping, outright warping human bodies, distorting the natural course of evolution, taking over niches, destroying others!
"Alright Ran, don't do anything stupid," Ryuunosuke whispered.
"I'm not!" Shinobu whispered back. Then realised how close she was to this extremely masculine but also very pretty girl, felt a torrent of confused feelings, and then - "I'm just gonna expose to the whole world how the sneaky aliens are lesbianising us so they can steal our men!"
Ryuunosuke fell suspiciously silent upon hearing that.
"Let me do the talking," she said. "Trust me, you'll be happier in the long run if you just... let me do all the talking, okay?"
"Fat chance!" Shinobu yelped. "Someone needs to expose- "
"I'll make out with you later on if you play along with me," RYuunosuke interrupted, and... dammit, that was a tempting offer. Should she go for that? She had rather liked that kiss, alien brainwashing or not... Which meant she should resist it, clearly! But on the other hand Ryuunosuke was super cute, so -
"Welcome, welcome!" Ran said, waving to the two of them. Then, for no apparent reason, she coughed up a baseball. "Ooh, pardon me~ You're Ryuunosuke Fujinami, right? And you're Shinobu Miyaki, right?"
"Guilty as charged," Ryunossuke said, flashing a big charming smile. Despite being in that tiger print bikini, it was easy to forget sometimes that this girl was a girl.
"Yay!" Ran clapped her hands together "Um! Alright then! Bye bye!"
"Bye bye...?" Shinobu blinked, and then in the blink of an eye she was dropping down a chute really really fast. "Aeeeeeee-" she screamed, clinging on to Ryuunosuke for dear sweet life. Her knowledge of physics keenly reminding her that it's not the fall that kills you. It's the landing! The very sudden stop, as all the forces accrued from the fall suddenly enter into your body and do a heap load of damage -
Only for that sudden stop to actually be quite comfortable, thanks. They'd arrived in the pinkest room that Shinobu could remember seeing. That was not an exaggeration, either. The walls were pink, the ceiling was pink, the plush shag carpet was pink, the glowing soft light had a rosy hue, and even the ominous restraint chairs bolted to the floor were… pink leather. With heart-shaped buckles. And fuzzy handcuffs.
"Oh no," Shinobu muttered. "We're in the room."
"What room?" Ryuunosuke asked, eyes scanning the walls for exits, or at least a coat rack she could break into a weapon.
"The one every conspiracy thread warns about!" Shinobu hissed. "The reeducation room! Where they play soft-core pop music and holographic Yuri until your brain melts and you start rating girls on a 10-point sparkle scale!"
"...That doesn’t sound entirely bad," Ryuunosuke muttered, mostly to herself. Shinobu blushed and playfully hit Ryu-chan in her washboard abs, then let her hand linger there a little longer. Oh, wow. Wow, wow, wow.
"You gotta tell me your exercise regime sometime," Shinobu whispered.
"Hrm, I'd like to know that as well~" chirped a familiar voice. Ran. Frolicking into the room wearing a... very... very sexy pink bikini. Ooooh, boy. After seeing yellow and black for so long, that design was definitely awakening something inside her.
"Wait a minute!" Shinobu said. "Wait, hold on a second here... I'm your biggest fan! Autograph please!"
She held out a photograph of Ran performing one of her greatest hits. Ran took the photograph, signed it, then kissed the back of the photo for good measure! Ooooh! Shinobu clung it to her chest, intending to prize it forever and -
"Wait, no!" Shinobu yelled. "How are you down here, wearing that? You should be upstairs in a fancier dress, singing one of your iconic, enthralling, enchanting, mesmerising lesbianising songs!"
"Oh, you do flatter me too - Lesbianising?"
"Ignore her," Ryuunosuke sighed. "Listen, what do you even want?"
"What does li'l Ran want?" Ran giggled. "Why, what else might li'l Ran want? Revenge, of course! Revenge upon Lum, for her selfish ways, her manipulation of those around her - For stealing my Darling Rei's heart!"
"Rei...?" Shinobu tilted her head. "You mean the ridiculously handsome guy that turns into a sort of tiger patterned feline monstrosity?"
"Man, you weren't kidding on the ridiculously handsome bit either," Ryuunosuke grumbled. "I ain't into men to start with, but after five minutes with him I worked out how to flick my bean."
Ignoring that image, ignoring that image, ignoring that extremely sexy image. Focus on Ran, focus on Ran, god she's pretty even when she's angry...
"Okay, wow," Ran let out a breath. "Shinobu, I think your friend is the lesbianiser around here, not me, 'kay?"
Shinobu opened her mouth to protest. Looked Ryuunosuke up and down... Fuck, the alien had a good point there. The effect was amplified by the bikini, because of course it was, that bikini turned basically every girl she met into a stone cold babe.
"Anyway!" Ran chirped. "Here's the deal! You're gonna lure Moroboshi here. Then I, the brilliant Ran, am going to seduce him. Right in front of Lum! I'll kiss him in front of the world, claiming him for myself - and give her a tiny taste of the ruination she has invited upon me!"
Ryuunosuke put her hand in the air. "Question," she said. "Are you having us believe that you set this whole thing up so you could publicly seduce Ataru Moroboshi? Stealing a kiss from that boy in particular?"
"Sure thing!" Ran giggled.
"You could just, y'know, show up at his house, lean up near his window and pout," Ryuunosuke said. "He'd be all over you like white on rice. Could've saved a mint on this concert, and not had to... Wait, you brushed right by Shinobu's question earlier. How are you down here and up there at once?"
Ran wearily sighed. "Oh, some stupid rich brat got back here and accidentally got himself - yes <b>him</b>self stuck in my dress, and broke my dress up machine. So I used some transformation spray on him, and afixed a headset that lets me control his movements -"
"Aha!" Shinobu declared. "I knew it! Mind control tech!"
"Oh dear," Ran giggled. "You're not one of those Truthers are you? My, my, I can assure you that Lum beat that idiot fair and square~ Tee hee!"
Bah. Furthermore, bah! She knew that already, but there it was! She had her evidence, at long last. They were capable of mind control after all! Now all she had to do... was get that proof to the public. Somehow. Might be tricky while down here, but they'd find a way!
=====
Tobimaru was trapped in a living hell. For one thing: Male, and his body had been temporarily transformed into a cute pink haired girl, who wasn't wearing an awful lot. For another - and this one was actually worse - he couldn't control his body. At all. It was singing and dancing on this stage uncontrollably. There was nothing he could do to stop it.
🎵 “Kiss me twice or I’ll cry in starlight, / I don’t play fair, I just play right~!” 🎵
At least the audience seemed to be enjoying themselves.
Oh, but what was this? A tiny little doll shaped just like Ran had pulled itself up onto the stage. It was looking around, this way and that. Fast approaching the chute that the weirdly buff girl and the strangely girlish boy had been dropped down.
Then it noticed her. Tilted its head. Gave her a long hard look, and -
"Scan complete," the little doll said. "Not the real Ran. Discharging. Discharging to eliminate!"
Wait, hold on, what did it mean by - All of a sudden, Tobimaru was hit by an explosion that sent him flying up into the lights. Other men, mere mortals lesser than he, would have died from such an impact. He was made of sterner stuff (not the least thanks to his sister Asuka's embraces), and so he was merely winded... Which caused him to vomit all the baseballs he'd eaten today. Which was twenty in all. How did he fit them inside him? Who knows!
However, the explosion and the chain of balls had all set off quite the chain reaction, knocking equipment here and there and everywhere, until at last the screen flickered to show -
<i>"Pardon me,"</i> an image of Ran on the screen said, where the crowd of Ran fanatics could see. <i>"While that idiot boy keeps the braying masses entertained, I need you to be a little preoccupied~"</i>
And so, Ran's fans got to watch as she slipped her lips onto Shinobu's, making full use of her innate energy draining technique... and then the image happened to freeze right there, before Ran immediately pulled back and Shinobu dropped to the floor.
Oh dear. Oh very dear. What a damaging thing for an idol to put on display, would you not agree?
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