Story: FGI Akane

 

Blind panics can lead to a person thinking very quickly under pressure, and doing things they might not normally be able to do in time. Thus, Akane held out the badge that had made her life a misery of late and yelled at the top of her lungs "Mousse! Inspection time!"

The blind boy dropped the hose before the spray could hit the innocent members of the audience, thank goodness. Akane let out a hugely weary sigh of relief, grateful she'd been able to pull this off properly. She hadn't been entirely sure it would work on a duck.

"Honk!" Mousse, ah, quacked? Akane gestured to the backstage area.

"Find some hot water," she commanded. "Then we'll get this done!"

The crowd murmured, and Ranma along with them... Though he was a bit too preoccupied getting his previous dick down from where it was. Once again, Akane was struck by the sheer absurdity of the situation. Luckily Mousse had some hot water already prepared, which made this at least a little easier.

"Really?" Mousse asked. "I was ordered to surrender my penis yesterday!"

"Indeed," Akane said. Ah, hold on, let's think about this... "But sometimes right after an inspection... standards slip as another isn't expected for a while. So, sometimes we, uh, randomly inspect someone again."

"Oh, I see," Mousse said. "This is like that gambler's fallacy, where 'just because the roulette spun 25 this time that doesn't mean it won't next time'. Right?"

"Right," Akane said. Though really she didn't know what he was talking about. Not that it mattered. The only thing that mattered right now was keeping him occupied for long enough that he stopped being stupid. Urgh. As annoying as this situation was, she technically did owe him a new penis didn't she? Right now he was like a Ken doll down there.

"Incidentally, you do realise you had a penis up there?" Akane asked. "That makes this fall under my purview." Ah. yes, that's a good point actually.

"A penis?" Mousse asked. He adjusted his glasses. "It didn't look like a penis to me. Are you sure?"

Akane held the badge in front of his face. She'd seen a few too much junk of late, so she was pretty darn sure of it.

"Were you about to spray it with Jusenkyo spring water?" Akane asked. "That's quite a serious breach of several rules. If so..."

"Oh, no! That's ordinary water actually!" Mousse said. Huh? Ordinary water? "I just wanted to spook Ranma, that's all. Ah, to think that he got engaged to a penis..."

Akane bopped him on the head for that one. It felt like an insult, even if it was a nonsensical one.

"Okay! Look, I'm going to make this very simple for you," Akane said. "You want your penis back, don't you? Well then! Here's the deal! I'll give it back to you, if you promise to leave Ranma Saotome alone! Do we have a deal?"

"No! I can't give up my beloved Shampoo!" Mousse said. The idiot! He was a true love blind oaf, wasn't he? Oooh! That might be for the best. This stupid badge would probably punish her if he'd taken the deal. The reason would be asinine, no doubt, but... Urgh.

At the very least she should have bought Ranma enough time to retrieve his penis. Akane winced a bit. Maybe she should just... give him his junk back? Exchange his and Ranma's penises to get them back to where they should be? That would probably be the best thing to do. Keep it simple, don't overcomplicate things, try to avoid abusing your power here...

"Ah, Akane? Are you done with Mousse?" Ranma asked. He sounded nervous.

"Just about, but you can come in," Akane said. She gestured for him to cover up, which he did. Thank goodness. Still, she stood in between the two of them for now. "Ranma, did you get your dick back?"

"About that," Ranma said. "Uh... I got it off the target just fine, and was on my way here to get you to put it back."

Right. Okay. Perfectly sensible thing for him to do. Yet he didn't seem to be carrying it right now. Where was it anyway?

"Thing is, I kinda... dropped it."

Akane gave him a cold, glowering stare. "You dropped your penis?" she asked. Funny. She'd heard that boys his age had little problem keeping hold of their dicks. "You didn't damage it, did you?"

"No, not exactly, it had a pretty gentle landing," Ranma said. His feet were fidgeting around now. Shuffling, not making eye contact. "Y'see, the thing is, it kinda... landed in a bucket."

"A bucket?" Akane slowly asked. "A bucket of water?"

She looked back at Mousse, who was twiddling his thumbs. Oh no. What had he done now?

"Well, I'd heard that Shampoo's fiance was a real manly guy, who was proud of how manly he was," Mousse said. "So, I grabbed some spring of drowned girl and - "

"Hey babe, want me inside you?" Ranma's girl form asked, suddenly very much inside Akane's personal space. "I'd love to be inside you. Like. All the time. You. Only you. Specifically and exclusively you."

"H-Hey, don't read anything into -" Ranma began to protest, but the girl form Ranma pushed him away.

"I only ever get hard for Akane Tendo because tomboys make my engine run!" Oh wow those were pretty insane eyes right there. "Gimme gimme gimme~"

Akane groaned and facepalmed. Okay. Great. Just great. Ranma's penis now literally had a mind of its own. What else could go wrong today...?