Story: Half Goddess Akane

 

"Aloha! How be da wedding?!"

Every time words came out of this man's mouth, someone in Hawaii winced in pain. Akane was certain of it. The man had embraced the culture so hard he'd become something that was somehow worse than a stereotype. You couldn't even call him a caricature of the people of Hawaii, not even the word parody quite got the idea across. It was like someone had deliberately and maliciously put together a string of descriptions intended to maximise offending the residents of that chain of islands. And yet, that was somehow the least annoying thing about this guy! He was a troll, pure and simple. A full on, gaslighting, doing it for the laughs, malicious intention dripping from every pore, troublemaking jerk of a troll exerting the limited authority he had to make his student's life a misery. If there was any justice in the world, a higher authority would have heard of him throwing around pineapples with bombs in them on school grounds and had him arrested a long time ago. Or had him pulled up for locking students in a room which could only be unlocked by bowing at the foot of a statue to him. Or any of the other myriad schemes he'd concocted over the course of his career to humiliate and belittle and break the wills of the students he should be trying to educate.

"Good morning, Principal!" Yuka chirped, stepping in front of Akane in a truly bold move. "Is there something I can help you -"

The Principal responded by handing Yuka a pineapple. Ranma reacted immediately, grabbing it right out of the girl's grip and making to toss it away - when it exploded in his hand without warning. This left his face and shirt covered in soot, which was an annoyingly familiar sight at this point.

"Ah-ah-ah! You no be 'aving luck with de explosives do ya Saotome?" the Principal pranced around like a jackass. Hold on, that was a simile when it should have been more of a metaphor. The Principal pranced around braying because he was a jackass. There, that's a bit better. "Your nuptials got interrupted by da big bang, yes?" He clapped and clapped away, laughing hysterically. "Since you two no be married, you be keeping a wide berth at all times! Not appropriate for non-married students to show intimate affection on school grounds - or out of it for dat matter either! Bad look for Furinkan!"

"The only one that's ruining our school's image is its Principal!" Akane yelled.

"Yeah!" Ranma yelled as well. "Besides, it's not like I'd go outta my way to touch Akane like that anyhow!"

Oooh, she knew what he meant, but come on now, phrasing! The sky up above rumbled a bit and storms swirled around, curiously enough in time with Akane glowering at Ranma for being so damned careless with what he was saying.

"I know what dat look be meaning now, Saotome!" the Principal grabbed Ranma around the shoulders next, cozying up to him like an old buddy. Ranma quickly hip tossed him away, but the bastard landed on his feet. "She about to hit you again, yeah yeah? Maybe dis relationship not be de healthiest!"

"What are you implying?" Akane demanded.

"Oh, not much!" A projector and screen appeared out of nowhere, and the Principal used a pointer to gesture towards it. On the screen, a variety of shots of Akane punting Ranma away into the distance appeared. Like the time with the Sakura Mochi where she'd been so embarrassed she shoved him away, or the time he was trying to hand off what he thought was an engagement ring by having her dig it up only for Gosunkugi to find it first, plus the time that she dunked a table on his head the day they - Wait a minute!

"How did you even get those shots?"

"It no be mattering! What be mattering is you be de abusive housewife!" the Principal swooned, faux tears streaming from his eyes. You could tell they were fake because of the half sliced onion he was holding in his left hand, not really hiding it all that well. "It's too sad! Young man forced into marriage with violent girl who take advantage of his tendency not to fight women!"

"Get lost, Akane's not abusing me!" Ranma yelled.

"Oh, how sad! Abusers often defend their victims! You be gaslit into acceptin' da relationship as is!"

"I don't know, the Principal seems to be the only one gaslighting around here..." someone whispered. Akane couldn't disagree with that. The clouds above were getting quite a bit darker, greyer, and more sparky the more the man with the pineapple on his head flapped his gums.

"Ranma, let me handle this -" Akane began, stepping in front of him and ready to defend herself.

"Oh, you see? Dis also be sign of abuse! Telling the little man to step aside, treading on his emotions and pretended dey don't matter! Is it be any wonder dat Ranma be trying to seduce other women behind your back all da time!"

Uh oh. How unfortunate. It seemed a bit of wind was picking up. Not a gale yet, but it was gathering speed. Atmospheric conditions surrounding the Principal were not looking favourable.

"It's not like that!" Akane yelled, in time with a thunderbolt striking somewhere in the distance.

"Ah-ah-ah! For de safety of de young man, and to ensure his secure emotional growth, da Principal is ruling dat de abusive wannabe housewife who can't even get married safely is banned from being near the subject of her abu-"

The heavens opened. Rain poured down. Thunder struck the courtyard, but the Principal merely shrugged and pulled out an umbrella with what looked like a lightning proof covering.Insulated handle, with a wire that trailed down from the tip to the ground. Cheeky! Not improving her mood any!

"I mean, dis be for de best, right?" the Principal continued to jeer. "I mean, da two of you be gettin' on like cats and dogs, yeah? If he really be makin' you so upset you lash out at him, maybe you should have some distance, huh? Maybe you not 'ave to put up with 'im bein' da big dum jerk, yeah?"

Thunder. Lightning. Rain. So much rain. The wind was really starting to pick up, now. Akane's fists clenched in frustration at this - This bully who thought himself a Principal! Blatant abuse of power! Yeah, you want to talk about abuse? Look in the mirror first! Akane's hand raised in almost slow motion, divine energy flowing into it, out from her heart, down her shoulder, across her elbow, gathering into her index finger - 

But then a hand fell upon her shoulder. She looked back. She saw Ranma - now in girl form - looking at her with concern shining in those big bright eyes. Only now did Akane realise she was trembling. From anger? Frustration? Having her own insecurities and fears tossed back in her face?

"I will have you know that Ranma and I are very happy together!" Akane yelled, her voice louder than the lightning striking all around them. She linked arms with him, and let her head rest on her shoulder. "Nothing is going to split us apart. Do you hear me? For the rest of our lives, we are going to be happy together! No matter what you do or say! Right, Ranma?"

"R-Right!" Ranma said. "Together for the rest of our lives."

Then they walked off into the building with their heads held high, daring the Principal - or anyone - to stand in their way. They entered the school, drenched through, and then almost as soon as they were out of sight - 

"Did I just propose to you?"

"Yeah, I thought that's what you were going for," Ranma said.

"Oh," Akane quietly whispered. Then she realised what Ranma had said in response to her proposal. "Well, I guess that puts all the rumours to rest then. We are officially engaged of our own volition."

"Yes dear," Ranma said, gently resting her head against Akane's. But this was only the start of their school day. It was only going to get worse from here...