Story: Neon Retcon Evangelion

 

 
Playing at the pool wasn't much fun when you can't swim. Watching all the people splash around, playing in the water. Swimming, racing, bouncing balls around in the water, floating there in a way that humans hadn't been meant to do for thousands of generations...

On the other hand, swimsuits were awesome. Really, whoever thought of them deserved all the kudos in the world. Tight fitting lycra, snugly fitting against the body... The perfect opportunity to see pretty girls in such clothing was truly a blessing from the Gods.

Especially Rei. Oh boy. That body covered with nothing more than a thin layer of waterproof body paint? Hrm, yeah. Gimme some of that. With her bobbing around in the water, her unrestrained breasts showing exactly how buoyant they were - hrm, yeah! Who couldn't appreciate that? Even the lifeguards were playing along, pretending like they weren't seeing anything while simultaneously casting looks her way...

And then there was Miss Horaki, who was also quite a treat for the eyes, though not quite to the nigh supernatural level that Rei was. Her curves were more, shall we call them realistic? How end, certainly, if one must rate such things. Any straight man would look at her with at least a little bit of lustful intent, no matter how pure hearted they might be - but they wouldn't outright leer like they would at Rei.

As to Shinji himself, he was content sitting on the edge of the pool staring out with envy and lust. Enjoying them frolicking, yet unable to join in. The more he watched the more determined he became to rock that body all night long. Seducing her would be easy. In fact, it would be too easy. All he had to do was order her to lay back and have fun while he satisfied her in ways he hadn't even dreamed of yet.

In fact, it was... too easy. Just command her and she'll spread her legs? That's kinda... too easy for him. It's like taking a free gift. Or a participation trophy. What's the point? What's the worth? Oh, Rei seemed to be doing a backstroke, which was almost certainly going to lead to all sorts of stroking at some point or other -

Oh dear, he seemed to have tilted his head too far, and had tumbled into the water. To whit: Glub! Thrash! Splash! Shortly after that, darkness took him.

In his sleep, he dreamed. He dreamed... of another world. Where he was a wimp. Where he was nervous around girls. Where he didn't know how to talk with them, and had all the confidence of a plank of wood. He dreamed of nightmare scenarios where that wimpy version of him, completely lacking a spine, had his resolve tested time and time again, finally culminating in him strangling some pretty redhead on a beach for god only knows what reason.

Which was terrible, because the girl in his dream may have been a bit lacking in the chest department, but that ass. Totally didn’t deserve to get strangled.

...

There was something soft pressing into his lips. He recognised this feeling right away, of course. It was a girl's lips. Kissing him. Light returned to his eyes, and he found himself staring up at the disinterested face of Rei Ayanami, a gorgeous ange- Er, actually that's probably not the best term to use here.

"He is resuscitated as you commanded," Rei said. Oh? She'd been doing CPR on him? She then just sort of sat there. Like a doll that was awaiting her next instructions.

In response to this, Shinji coughed up water. Because of course he did. Ah, looking around it seemed as though he'd earned the jealousy of several of the men, and a couple of the women too.

"Idiot, almost drowning in the shallow end, how is that even possible?" Miss Horaki said. Guh?! "If you'd just stood up you would have been fine."

"Oh good, help me just find a rock to crawl under so I can die of humiliation please - No, Rei that wasn't an order!"

Phew, she'd honestly pulled a Shinji sized rock out of nowhere and was holding it up for him to crawl under. That was scary! Absolutely terrifying! How the hell did she -

Deep breath now. Alright, let's think this through. You really want to tap that, but it's just... too easy. No challenge to it at all. If you can do it, then so can anyone. Alright. So turn your mind to this in a different way. Rei can apparently fulfill literally any order she is given. That's kinda weird. Also, supernatural. Sort of like his own ability to jerk off at the dinner table and have nobody bat an eye. Yeah, he did that. Once. Just to test it.

Well, he was kind of curious about this as well. Could Rei actually do that, or was it just a figment of his imagination? Humanity had progressed as far as it had by scientific enquiry. While he couldn't pretend to be a scientist, or especially knowledgeable about that sort of stuff, he at least knew the methodology!

Also, he was really curious about it. Curious to learn more about her too. Not just the sex stuff, but to learn more about Rei as a person.

"So, Rei... Can you actually fulfill any order given to you?" Shinji whispered to her once interest in him was lost. Rei nodded silently. "Okay. So... Disobey this order."

"Very well."

He realised his mistake a little too late, as she did nothing at all. There was no instruction to disobey, and therefore nothing for her to act against. So she just... stood there doing nothing, as there was nothing paradoxical about it. Damn. Okay.

"Uh... Disobey my next order," he commanded. Yeah, that would do it! That was a paradox right there! One of the two orders would not be fulfilled, no matter what she did! "So, um... K-Kiss me!"

Rei stared at him. Looking closely into her blood red eyes, he could almost see it. Sort of like, you know how when your computer is doing something there's usually a whirling symbol of some sort on the screen. It was like that.

"Conflicting orders have been given," Rei said. And then a hand fell upon his shoulder. "I shall not kiss you."

"And I will," said a second Rei that appeared out of nowhere. Eh? Eh?! Eh?!!!! A s-second Rei?! She wasn't as curvalicious as the other one, but - but a second Rei? A twin?!

Now here he was getting a deep thorough snogging by an apparent copy of the girl he was into, while the original watched dispassionately. "Please refrain from paradoxical commands," Rei said. "For example, you might have ordered us to make one equal two, and then mathematics would break completely. Furthermore, the commander has taken precautions to resolve paradoxical orders with his own pre-emptive instructions. If it would cause a genuine paradox, I have been instructed to kill the person that gave it to me by any means I deem fit."

Guh... So that old man of his was the guardian of a reality warping girl who would follow any instruction?! And he'd already taken precautions regarding it?! For the first time he could remember, he actually felt something other than disgust or a frustrating desperate need for validation regarding that old man of his. Respect? No, that couldn't be it. Something else perpendicular to respect...

With a loud plop, the kiss ended. Miss Horaki, for her part, made an 'aw' sound, as if she was seeing her favourite ship come to life. "Uh, could you keep her busy for a bit?" Shinji asked, and the second Rei quickly led her away for a bit.

"So Rei has a sister? That's nice, what's your name...?"

"Rei."

"Huh? Doesn't that get confusing? You should change your name so people know which of you is which!"

Shinji winced. Oh boy. If that was just a copy of Rei that she'd created with her order making powers then - Ugh, that would probably cause issues down the line.

"S-So, if I did give you a genuinely paradoxical order, how would you -"

"Pulmonary distress induced by intense, long lasting lovemaking."

Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. She'd just said that she would choose to fuck him to death. Hold on, hold on. Let's step back a bit and think this through.

"Because...?" he asked.

"You are interesting," Rei said. "I do not know how to answer beyond that."

Which meant that she probably wanted to bang him too. Awesome! Really, that was awesome! Normally he was the one that left girls flustered when they learned he wanted to fool around, but this time he was the one feeling flummoxed! Ah, but hold on now! He was still a bit put off by how easy it would be to get everything he wanted out of her! Just having her be a sex aide wasn't very satisfying at all!

In which case...

"Rei, uh..." Shinji began, thinking carefully about how to proceed. "I'd really like to fuck you, but I don't want it to be too easy. What I want is a girl who can challenge me -"

"Order understood," Rei said. And then she vanished. When she returned moments later...

<hr>

Meanwhile, in Germany, Asuka had finally put the finishing touches on her newest and greatest creation. Using all of her intelligence, all of the resources allocated to her by NERV (and a few she'd, ahem, tricked out of a few unwary people) she had managed to do the absolute most impossible thing.

She had created a chemical that put plastic surgery to shame. If her calculations were correct - and she'd triple checked them to make sure - then all she had to do was smear this on her chest and -

Well, why wait? The simulations had run smoothly. The success rate was 100%. Asuka took a sample of the LCL like substance - though more pink than orange - and carefully, oh so carefully, used an instrument to smooth it onto her chest.

It was warm. Tingly. After a moment, she felt it start to work. In the process making herself crave food. Crave meat. Luckily, she'd already prepared a nice fatty steak. She wolfed it down faster than she'd like to admit, then immediately went on to the next supply of food. Ice cream! Fatty milk! Pork! She had it all laid out just in case, and ohhhh, she'd underestimated the hunger!

Not just the hunger either. The sensation of her boobs growing and swelling was unforgettable. Totally unforgettable! If she didn't have such strong mental acumen, it would have driven her completely insane! All this food she was eating, they were going to her boobs. Yes, all of it was going directly to her chest. In no time flat, she was going to have bigger tits that than slutty bluette, and she'd be able to make Shinji her plaything in no time -

"Asuka Langley-Sohryu?" an unfamiliar voice asked. "You will be able to give Shinji Ikari a 'cahllenge'."

"Huh?!" Asuka grunted. She shook her head, getting the cobwebs out and found herself looking at - oh wow, in the flesh she looked even hotter than over the camera. "Wait, how did you - Eep!"

The blue haired minx grabbed Asuka, and then all of a sudden she found herself at a swimming pool with a whole lot of Japanese people splashing about in it. And, uh, for some erason she had Shinji Ikari right there in front of her. To all of which, she could only say one thing.

"Gott Im Himmel!"