One might think that a boy my age would be thrilled to have the opportunity to witness firsthand as three pretty girls prepared to prance around in skimpy clothing. It must sound like a dream come true. Well, the latter was certainly literally the case. But if you knew the girls in question you'd think twice about the former.
"Is your top on alright Mikuru? We wouldn't want these big dangerous weapons flopping around and hurting someone, now would we?" Asked the ringleader of this madness, Haruhi Suzumiya. She was at present standing behind Mikuru Asahina in a pose that was, alarmingly, growing more familiar by the day: Reaching under the poor girl's arms so that she might grope freely at her chest. Damn my jealousy anyway. "How did they get so <i>big</i>?"
"Kya! I - I don't know? G-Genetics?" Mikuru whimpered. The poor dear was obviously trying her hardest to ignore the fingers trying to reach underneath her bikini top. "M-Maybe my diet...?"
"Oho!" Haruhi cackled. "The old debate between nature and nurture is it?" Her hands sped up, roaming around in big circles. "You know that every time I see these weapons of yours it pisses me off just a little bit? Yet another mystery of the universe that will have to be solved!"
Her hands pulled away and very nearly dragged the top off with it. I watched with baited breath, anticipating a nipple slip - but Mikuru's hands were too fast, and she covered everything up before I could commit anything to memory.
My hormones settled down a little bit on seeing Mikuru's face. Becoming aroused by those kinds of antics always left me with a deep feeling of guilt which was more than sufficient to function as a boner killer. Even in the face of that body. Or should I say 'those bodies'? Mikuru's figure was extremely pleasing to the eye and had to be the cutest around, but you can't discount Haruhi's either. The girl got asked out nearly all the time for pretty good reason, and it had precious little to do with her sparkling personality.
Then, of course, there was Yuki Nagato who was standing off to the side quietly sipping on a drink. She was just as pretty as the other two, but didn't quite stand out so much when the other two girls were around. Now, I'm not normally into Moe but... Yuki, why did you have to have such a powerful appeal in that plain school swimsuit?
"Alright, then let's get to this!" Haruhi clapped. She strode past Yuki, reached down and did... something with her hands that I couldn't quite see. Then Yuki turned around and - that was Yuki's bare ass. Haruhi had somehow managed to adjust that boring school swimsuit so that it was now a thong one piece. "Get ready to dance, girls!"
Which led to the two key problems I was having with maintaining arousal at what was about to go down. The first was a simple case of ontology: Is this real? Is it another dream? If it was a dream then I could relax. Enjoy it. If it was real then enjoying it could - in theory - lead to the destruction of reality. Talk about the guilt being caused by Mikuru's sad expression, try holding the weight of the universe on your penis! As for the other reason...?
"Popcorn?" Koizumi asked.
"... Where did you even get that?" I asked. Koizumi shrugged and flipped a kernel into his mouth. I wasn't in much of a mood for the stuff. Besides which, he'd salted his. I preferred the stuff without salt or butter.
"Oi! Kyon! Pay attention!" Haruhi demanded. Now, one might think that would be what had drawn my attention back to her; If I had looked away would it annoy Haruhi to the point of doing harm to reality? But this question was moot. After all, try ignoring someone when they're rubbing their ass into your crotch. "Penalty!" she decreed. "Every time I catch you looking away from our dancing, that's another day you have to wear the sleeveless butler uniform at SOS meetings!"
I grunted and thought about all the lives on the line. Must... Resist... Ass! "It's a little awkward watching you all like this," I remarked.
"Hmph! Be as honest as your lower head," Haruhi replied. She leaned back into my chest and turned her head. She was so close that if either one of us took a breath in the sudden change in air pressure would have us kissing. All of a sudden I became aware of her eyes. Looking into them felt like looking up at the night sky through a telescope. All the wonders of the universe laid bare before me. One might consider it ironic that for a moment there I forgot that those wonders were at stake. My hands settled on her bare hips and I made ready to take that deep breath with the full intention of drawing her in, dream or reality be damned -
"Yuki!" Haruhi suddenly yelled. She grabbed hold of the Moe alien's hand then spun her around so that the two of them swapped positions. "Keep Kyon's attention on us while Mikuru and I finish setting up!"
Romantic mood: Destroyed. I watched Haruhi saunter off towards Mikuru, practically skipping along the way. The two of them were fiddling with the device. Funny thing. If Yuki were doing that it would be fixed already -
"Your attention is wandering," Yuki suddenly said. "Haruhi Suzumiya's instructions were explicit. Attention must be maintained on us. Most efficient method to maintain attention is confirmed."
And then she pressed that thong clad ass backward into me. Men out there, your attention please? You <i>think</i> you've been erect before. You <i>think</i> you have been aroused. The scary part about Yuki Nagato was her effectiveness at calculation combined with an ability to tweak the laws of physics on the nose and get away with it scot free. Though I can be assured that her expression did not fluctuate in the least bit I can absolutely assure you that combining her thong clad ass with her precise calculations and calibrations brought me to a level of arousal that might actually qualify as zen. I heard nothing. I saw nothing but the bodies of Haruhi and Mikuru as they set about fixing up the machine. I felt nothing but contentment in watching them set it up. The passage of time no longer held any meaning for me. My identity was lost in a sea of methodical grinding.
"Alright! We're ready!" Haruhi declared, and then that zen state of being was lost to me forever. I collapsed into a heap, sitting on the rooftop and automatically moving to the lotus position.
"Are you alright?" Koizumi asked.
"I'll have some popcorn now," I said. I had seen nirvana. Nothing could scare me anymore! Or so I thought at the time.
<hr>
It was just an ordinary day in the life of an explorer for the Asinine Empire. Yes, that's right. The Asinine Empire. We don't get it but people make fun of the name <i>all the time</i> and never get around to explaining it. It's quite... What's the word... Annoying. It is a good word from the old language of our planet! It means 'strength through wisdom'!
In any event: For whatever reason this particular galaxy had been given a wide, wide berth by every sentient alien species we had hitherto encountered. Nobody seemed to want to talk about why that was, which was kind of... Not annoying but close... Irritating? Yes, irritating. Some blamed the Data Entity Overmind, others blamed the Sky Canopy Dominion.
We'd never heard of either group and any attempts to contact them were met with failure. They were probably merely legends perpetuated by beings of lesser intelligence. Whatever. There wasn't really anything that special about this region of space. Only one planet with intelligent life, technology level too low to be bothered with. Probably had space travel, but at the most basic level. Not even faster than light drives! I was all ready to return home to make my report...
When suddenly a new signal reached the ship.
This signal had come from a frequency only used by higher level species. That immediately set off alarm bells. Could an advanced being have crashed landed on this planet? It might be an emergency distress call! Desperate to get off this ignored backwater, the wretch might have had to wait decades before anyone else noticed them and mounted a rescue... assuming one ever came at all.
The Asinine Empire is not without its mercy. Though we are cruel to our enemies, we will not ignore a genuine plea for assistance without a really good reason. So I had the signal picked up and then beheld... Three earthlings in scantily clad clothes (by their standards) gyrating their bodies. While there was a tune playing in the background, none of them were actually moving to it. The small one was moving in a very methodical manner that barely qualified as dancing. The one in the middle seemed to be more interested in provoking the other two into giving it their all, serving more as a director than another dancer. While the one with the large bust was trembling too much to pay attention to the beat.
"Is the alien life form compelling them to behave in this way for some reason?" I wondered aloud. "This ponders further investigation."
And that was why I made an ill fated journey to the planets that the locals, in a pique of dullness, named Earth.
- Kyon slowly comes to accept that this is not a dream, but can't stop himself from enjoying the dancing.
- Haruhi steps up the eroticism of the dancing. Not because she's horny for Kyon or anything like that! She simply felt like it, that's all!
- Yuki notices the alien approaching and distracts Haruhi.
- The alien makes sure to land discretely and tries very hard to blend in.
- Something else
No comments:
Post a Comment