Sunday, 25 October 2015

Story: Perverts in Denial


What does it mean, in the end, to be the perpetually lost boy? The ability to lose yourself in the easiest locations to navigate. Unable to follow simple instructions. Never quite knowing where you are, how you got there, or where you might be going next. It sounds like a living hell, doesn't it? It sounds like it would surely be impossible for that person to live an ordinary life.

Indeed, quite so. And much like others placed in hellish situations over an extended period of time, such a person might adapt to their circumstance. For this was, in the end, a lonely existence. Trudging through the wilderness with nobody but yourself to talk to can make a person go a little bit peculiar. Since they would rarely interact with the same people on a regular basis, they might form close attachments to anyone that they do happen to encounter. Gravitate towards them, develop a kinship, overlook their flaws. Or exaggerate them to the point of obsession. All the while developing an introspective, philosophical personality, without the people skills to make it come off as anything more than pretentious.

Pretentious? I'm not pretentious! Yes, I am; have you ever heard yourself? Look back at that last part. "Lonely existence"? Well, yes, I'm quite lonely. But are you really? Just five minutes ago you were in that bustling city surrounded by people. Yes, but people I barely knew. It's not like I could randomly start a conversation with one of them. They'd think I was a bit funny in the head. Oh, funny in the head? When you were arguing with yourself? I'm not arguing with myself! I'm reflecting on the deeper meaning to my own personal existence, and furthermore -

"Eeeeek! Pervert!"

"Pervert?" Ryoga Hibiki suddenly said. His fists flexed on instinct, and he readied himself for combat without really thinking about it. "Where?! Where is the pervert?!"

Which would be about the point a shoe struck him on the side of the head. Now, a mere shoe wasn't the sort of thing that would really get Ryoga's attention given that the boy had the constitution, the strength (and unfortunately the intelligence and the self awareness) of a walking mountain. He did notice it, but only really in the same way that a regular person might notice a fly on the side of their head. So Ryoga turned around.

And realised he was standing in a girls' locker room, with (one, two, three...) six girls of his approximate age group in various states of undress, although fortunately none of them seemed to have removed bra or panties quite yet if they had intended to do that at all. Ryoga scanned the rest of the room quickly, feverishly, eyes narrowing on the door.

"They must have run away when that girl cried out!" Ryoga reasoned, and so he hurried out through that door in a desperate attempt to capture the pervert that had so terrified that poor, unfortunate girl. Because in the end? Even though his direction sense sucked, his ability to kick someone's ass should not be underestimated. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, he kept on finding himself in situations where a pervert had just freshly escaped and managed to elude his grasp no matter how quickly he sprang into action.

The difference in this particular case was that he ran right into a girl with brown hair and a pageboy haircut with a sharp-edged fringe framing her face. As he tried to step by this girl to search out the dastardly pervert, Ryoga felt the girl's hand fall upon his wrist and then all of a sudden he was face down on the floor.

"Going somewhere?" the girl sweetly asked, but with a bit of sharpness to her tone that had Ryoga worried. Oh, no! Could it be that this girl was... An ally to the pervert, trying to get in his way? Her foot trod on his back, pressing down her entire weight. So Ryoga did the only thing he could under this circumstance, and stood right up without hesitation.

"Sorry about this!" he said to the girl. Ryoga turned back, which might have been a bit of a mistake, and saw that the girl's skirt had flipped up to the point where he could quite clearly see her underwear. "Please don't get in my way!"

Alright, this time. This time, the pervert would not get away. Ryoga ran down the corridors of this... School? And heard activity behind him. He looked back. A bunch of girls carrying brooms and rakes and other assorted improvised weapons.

"This way!" he heard the girls yell. "After that pervert!"

So he was going in the right direction? Good! Ryoga stepped up the pace, feeling even more determination that he wouldn't fail this time! He would make sure a pervert was brought to justice! He rushed around a corner, went approximately five steps down this new corridor, and then felt himself being pulled back by a new force alongside a familiar feminine voice saying, "Yoink!"

Which was how Ryoga found himself in the girls' bathroom at Furinkan High, with his old friend (and crush) Akane Tendo pressing her hand against his mouth and shushing him quiet.

<hr>
The idea of Happosai forcing his male student to attend a boys-only school is kind of laughable. He would view it as cruelty beyond even his scope. Removing a boy from feminine presence? What sort of monster would do such a terrible, dreadful thing? So. Ranma and Akane would attend mixed-gender schools for brief periods between training. Which meant that Ranma never had the chance to meet Ryoga Hibiki at the all-boys school, meaning they never had the bread duel, meaning that they wound up meeting under very different circumstances.

Which we shall get into at another time. For the time being, let's focus on the here and now. Namely, that Ranma was up on the ceiling looking down on Ryoga, noticing the way the pervert was looking at Akane and coming to the conclusion that it was about time to get his troll on.

"We meet again," Akane said, trailing a finger along Ryoga's chest. Any other man would turn completely weak in the knees at the pressure points Akane was precisely touching, for they were the sort that induced a highly, nearly intoxicating pleasure response in men. But Ryoga... His pressure points weren't quite the same as your average person. "It's good to see you again, Ryoga!"

"Akane," Ryoga said with a hushed voice. Then, a little louder, he said, "I never thought we would meet again. S-Sorry, I don't have a present for you this time. How have you been?"

"Well, I met up with my family again..." Akane said. She stepped away from Ryoga and skipped cutely backwards, which is, by the way, a fair amount more difficult to accomplish than it sounds. "And now I get to catch up with a dear close friend as well! So, you could say that I'm doing great! How about you, Ryoga?"

Alright, Ryoga, the lost boy was thinking. This is it. This is your chance. He turned slightly away to ready himself. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you've been in love with her ever since you first met, all those years ago. Tell her that her smile is your life, tell her that her laughter is your joy, tell her that you never, ever want to be apart from her ever again!

A feminine hand fell upon his shoulder and Ryoga quickly whirled around to hug her, and instead found himself being slammed back against the door by a familiar, yet adorable, pigtailed girl that pecked him on both cheeks and then leaned in for a full-on smooch on the lips. This was the point that Ryoga objected to, and he quickly pressed his hand against her forehead, then found himself having to use every single bit of his strength to maintain the virginity of his lips, that were meant only for Akane Tendo!

"R-Ranma!" Ryoga yelled. "I know it's you! I'd recognise that pigtail anywhere!"

"Aw, what's the matter?" Ranma cutely cooed, and then Ryoga felt the damned pervert's hand somehow inside of his trousers and gingerly stroking him off. "You seemed so affectionate a moment ago! It's not healthy to repress your desires, so why don't you tell us what you really want?"

And now it might be necessary to explain, just a little bit, what the dynamic was between these three. You see, Ryoga Hibiki was just about as pure as anyone that had met Happosai realistically could be. His interest in Akane was purely romantic in the old-fashioned sense. He wanted to spend time with her, for the sake of spending time with her. That sort of thing. Sex didn't enter the equation for him at all.

On the other hand? Ranma and Akane? They believed that Ryoga was absolutely the worst pervert they had ever met. Which made sense, because his poor direction sense kept on leading him into situations exactly like earlier: He would somehow arrive in dressing rooms or bathing areas or - pick places it would be better off if a man wasn't there. If you can think of other such places, he's been there.

Now, this led the two of them to want to handle him in quite different ways. Ranma felt that if Ryoga would just get laid, that would solve the problem. And since he was a girl sometimes now, then... Hey, why not volunteer? Ryoga's physique was even more <i>mmmm</i> than his boy form's, not that he'd admit it aloud. As for Akane? She just wanted Ryoga to admit to what he wanted and felt that a more, shall we say, long-term relationship would squash those perverted tendencies for him. Once and for all.

As for Ryoga's opinion of them? Ranma was that irritating little brother that always liked to play jokes, but was otherwise fun to hang around with. And Akane was an innocent angel that would never think a filthy thought in her entire life ever ever ever.

So, basically... We have a friendship born of a pretty large misunderstanding of what sort of person each other was. With that established, please allow us to continue from where we left off.

"Let me guess," Ryoga said, extracting Ranma's hand from his trousers and staring a hole through her pretty little head. "Jusenkyo, right? Hmph. Just like you. Getting such a cute curse. You have that kind of luck."

"Aw, you think I'm cute!" Ranma giggled in a quite over-the-top feminine manner. She batted Ryoga on the arm, and honestly hurt her hand much more than she hurt his shoulder. "You flatterer, you! Ah, wait a minute. You know about Jusenkyo...?"

"Oh, no, Ryoga!" Akane gasped in genuine horror. "Don't tell me... You're also cursed to change when you're splashed with cold water? What do you turn into?"

Now, this was something Ryoga had actually been afraid to reveal. He obviously didn't like talking about his cursed form, nor the manner in which he had acquired this particular curse. The whole thing was just so... Embarrassing. Humiliating for a guy like him. He should have been more careful. He shouldn't have given away that he knew about Jusenkyo in the first place!

He also should have kept a closer eye on Ranma, and remembered that they were currently in a bathroom with a couple of sinks. But hey. Hindsight really is everything in the end.


  1. Nabiki encounters Kuno, who has a new lease on life.
  2. Ryoga's cursed form is a little different to canon.
  3. Ryoga's cursed form is the same as canon.
  4. Nabiki bursts into the bathroom, because she's not an idiot.
  5. Something else

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