HHL Shimoneta
The mechanics of an invasion, at least any kind of reliable one, require flexibility, the ability to quickly adapt. Normally you don't want to get noticed. The best thing to do is fly under the radar. Don't get the attention of authorities. Work quickly but with subtlety, get the biggest hitters of the world on your team as fast as safely possible. Be they politicians, superheroes, supervillains. Whatever. The kind of people that would attempt to stop you if they knew what you were trying to pull.
But before you went for them you'd normally pick some nobody. Use them to introduce a few key perverted concepts into the world, then use them to spread the effect little by little, and then when you've built up enough power and influence in that world, you strike like a wrecking ball. Bring down the dominoes one by one, until the world is in your groping mitts before anyone even thinks to try and stop you.
However! It would be incorrect to say that any hentai invasion was a scientific endeavour. Nope. Not at all. Rick knew perfectly well that it was an art. Any artist will tell you the same. You gotta work with the tools you're given to express yourself. That's what he would do, right here.
But there was something else any artist would also tell you. Yep. They'd tell you that their favourite work was the one where the tools were extremely limited and they were pushed to their limits to get the result they intended. Because under those conditions they'd been forced to pour their heart and soul into the work, making it mean all that much more in the end.
"So, Mister Rick," said the principal of what was, supposedly, the 'leading moral school in the country.' Yeah. Sure. Moral. A pretty little word that tends to mean exactly what its speaker says it does, no more and no less. "Your resume is quite impressive. You appear to have a great deal of teaching experience. Your references are among the best and most detailed I've ever encountered. Naturally, we shall be conducting background checks into them."
"Naturally," Rick said, and internally finished the thought with "My support team back home will override your background check and feed you exactly what we want you to see." Because, funny thing? A lot of the worlds they'd conquered previously had technology way more advanced than these bastards ever dreamed of. Some of them had magic. Now, it wasn't exactly safe to make use of things like that. Normally Rick and other operatives would never indulge, save to extract themselves from a truly hairy situation. Especially in the early stages. Caution was vital at this point. Didn't do to tip your hand.
However. A surgeon desperate to save their patient isn't exactly going to hold back just because they don't like using a certain tool. This was an emergency. A world on life support and he would be damned if he wasn't gonna do whatever it took to bring it back from the verge of death. Damn his pride, if that's what it took!
The principal leaned back, eying him thoughtfully. "Then let's put your skill to the test," he said. "If Blue Snow were to appear on this desk here and now, spouting her usual nonsense, how might you attempt to deal with her?"
Rick ran his fingers along the fake Peace Maker on his neck while pretending to think the situation through. It was rather a basic little test, and there were a multitude of answers that might be acceptable in a sane and rational world. What about this one?
"My primary concern would always be the welfare and purity of the students," he mused. Well, both of those things were true enough. He was concerned that they were keeping the students so pure they might well prove to be the final generation this world had. "If Blue Snow were to appear right here and now upon that desk, I would muffle my ears and attempt to spray her with this!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small can, giving a little squirt into a cloth he had prepared for just such an occasion. "The smell is quite distinct," he said, permitting the principal to take a whiff. "It would give the authorities the means to easily track her down when she attempted to flee."
"My goodness," the principal said, trying to wave the odour away from his nose. "That is rather potent. Their dogs would have no trouble at all in tracking her down!"
Unless he had provided her with the counter-agent already, of course. Funny thing about this chemical. By itself, it smelled awful. Combine it with the counter-agent, and the bad smell went away... And an aphrodisiac would fill the air instead. Heh. Ayame had fallen over when she'd been told that little tidbit.
All in all? It was going perfectly according to plan. They had covered all their bases. There was no way that the Principal could refuse to hire him on. With a background like this? And references like that? All he had to do was stay cool and charming and the rest would come naturally. So long as nothing unexpected happened now -
Which, naturally, was when there was a knock at the door. A little bead of sweat formed at the back of Rick's head. Shit. Yes, that word seemed rather appropriate. Shit, shit and furthermore, excrement. It always went like that, didn't it? Just when you thought you had a plan set in motion something would come along to ruin it right when it appeared everything was fine.
What would it be? A staff member somehow sensitive to what he was? An extremely observant student? Perhaps someone had managed to figure out who Blue Snow was, or the identities of the SOX members. It could be a military official that had detected their incursion, or noticed the attempt to subvert the background check, or -
The door opened. A young woman stepped through. A student, actually. A silver-haired beauty wearing the dull and boring uniform inflicted upon these poor girls. She stepped politely into the room, almost apologetically. Happened to glide right past where Rick was sitting and deposited papers on the desk without saying a word.
And it took every single ounce of strength in his body to not get on his knees and worship her like a goddess. For in this day and at this hour, Rick had been in the presence of true perversion.
<hr>
Did you ever leave the house, get halfway to where you were going and then suddenly think to yourself, oh, did I leave the oven on? Exactly at the point where it's far, far too late for you to go back and check .You probably didn't. You're pretty sure you didn't. But the thought persists anyway right at the back of your head. Like a nagging voice telling you how you screwed up.
"How sure are we that we can trust him?"
Tanukichi's question was born from exactly that thought process. It was just another SOX meeting. Discussing ways to distribute some more erotic pictures drawn by their artist, or ways to expose the general public to naughty words or uncover forgotten limericks. Ayame had apparently really liked the limericks. And Tanukichi himself would never admit to smiling when he heard them, because they really were a little too blunt with the humour so that would be, ahem...
"Well, I don't think he plans on outing us as if we were the son of a homophobe balls deep in our boyfriend ," Ayame said in typical fashion. "He figured out what we were up to right away because of that special ability he has. I think he could detect my impish delights."
"Impish delights" being code for "perverted aura" in the parlance of those that did not wish to be caught out by the Peace Makers. Phrases like that weren't banned, and thus wouldn't be picked up and wouldn't make the alert sound.
"Ignore him, Miss Ayame!" Kosuri cheered on in her own usual manipulative, cute way. "He's just jealous that he's not flavour of the month anymore. Kosuri thinks your judgement is the best!"
"Well, that tells us what Kosuri thinks!" Ayame cheerily said. "What about you? Hrm? Otome?"
"So much potential...!" Otome breathed. A pen dangled from her trembling lips as she leaned over a page. "I didn't know... How could I guess that fabric could be worn in those ways? I want to... I want to design more beautiful clothing!" The artist's breathing was about as heavy as Tanukichi had ever seen it. Any heavier and she'd break the chair. Probably leave a dent in the floor. "It was... So wonderful! I wish we could live there. Live there forever..."
"Riiiight," Tanukichi said with a weary sigh and a slow sweatdrop. "Look, that's not the problem. This guy, he comes from a parallel universe with those strange abilities that let him feed off of and manipulate enthusiastic playfulness, then offers to help us out just because he doesn't like the way things are? Doesn't that seem suspicious to anyone else?"
The girls in the room stared at him blankly. Oh dear. It did make sense. Otome only had eyes for artwork and things that looked pretty, Kosuri was only interested in romantic works and Ayame was, well, single minded in a manner that used to be reserved for the men of the species, if you trusted stereotypes. Of course none of them were all that familiar with sci-fi.
"It's a typical invasion plot," Tanukichi explained. "You get a couple of sympathetic locals to side with the aliens, and the next thing you know there's screaming about how it's actually a cookbook."
"If things go right," Ayame said. "Then all our books will be cooked before long. Ohohohohoho!"
"That's not what I meant..." Tanukichi sighed. Oh dear, was this another headache he was feeling coming on? He seemed to be collecting a lot of them these days. A shame he couldn't store them away, maybe instead he ought to try that stamp collecting thing? Nah. Too boring. "What I meant was, we don't know if his intentions are genuine. He might be trying to manipulate us."
"Ah, now that's just being a little bit too paranoid, don't you think?" Ayame asked. "Don't you want to live in a world like the one he showed us? Where everyone was so happy and carefree, and was able to tell dirty poetry without having to worry about your corkscrew getting sparked... It looked like a real and genuine paradise! One where I could tell dirty jokes all day long!"
Well, actually he sort of did want to live in a place like that. Not only would it be less stressful because he wouldn't have to worry about Blue Snow or morality committees or Peace Makers. He could also presumably take away whatever stress was there by getting a little action.
Not that he would. Necessarily. Having the option would be kind of nice.
It was pretty apparent by now that they weren't taking his concerns on board. This was bad. Alright. In that case, it might prove to be up to him to put a stop to this if it turned out Rick wasn't on the level. Unfortunately the only person he could think of to turn towards was Anna. And the problem with going to Anna for help was... Well...
Remember what he'd thought just now about having the option? If it was up to Anna, he really wouldn't have any options at all. Except her. And her love nectar. Well, at the very least this situation couldn't make her behaviour any worse than it already was.
<hr>
Imagine Rick's shock when he got the job. Apparently their background check was a little more efficient than expected. What he did expect, however, was that he would get right through all of them. I mean. Come on. They had a team of about ten Ami Mizunos working together back in base. Any system that could trump them, quite frankly, he would simply surrender to on the spot.
"Congratulations," the silver-haired girl said. "You will be our new science teacher?"
"I suppose so," Rick chuckled. Then he got hit by a passing thought that really should have occurred to him earlier. "What happened to the old one, if I may ask?"
The two of them fell silent, both principal and student. The air around them seemed just a shade darker, their features frozen quite deliberately. Why did he get the feeling that he had just asked a forbidden question? Why did it feel like, if he found out the answer, it might summon an eldritch horror suffering through a hangover?
"Well, never mind that for now!" the Principal said. "Anna here is the head of the student council. I am sure she can at least arrange for someone to show you around campus so that you know where you are supposed to go... Unless you are too busy?"
"Not at all! It would be an absolute delight to introduce the academy's newest family member to our happy place of learning," Anna chirped. She spun smartly on her heel and walked out through the door, even holding it open for him. What a charming young lady. He cast a second look at her. What a perverted young lady as well. My, my. How interesting. It was like standing next to a bottomless well. He'd seen a young woman literally wearing nothing but panties over her head and a sheer cloth around her body, yet this Anna was, by far, the most perverted thing he'd seen in this world.
It was like a dam had been built, and the water pressure had gotten too intense. This girl was just waiting to spill all over the place. Any moment now it felt like that mask of innocence would completely vanish and be replaced by a more natural expression of...
"So, you are in charge of the student council?" Rick asked. He ran his finger along the fake Peace Maker he was wearing, and did a quick analysis of her figure. Nice. Very nice. The girl turned and nodded, sweet as sugar and innocent as a daisy. "That's good. You see, I had a few... How do I put this... anti-perversion measures that I think you might find <i>interesting</i>."
"Oh, how pleasant!" Anna said. "We are always searching for new ways to preserve the purity of these noble halls. The science department is down here, by the way. I do beg your pardon."
Then, quite without warning, her breasts began to vibrate. It was as if someone had injected speed into a hamster and then tossed it inside her dress. The effect was, shall we say, rather... Effective. If this was an RPG battle it would have easily done double - no, triple damage!
"Uhhhhh?" he asked, in perhaps the most intelligent way he could manage without blowing his cover.
"Hm?" Anna asked, then followed his line of sight. "Oh, this? It's a wonderful gift from my one true love. Our love is so pure that he gave me this wonderful gift! It's a special pendant. It originally got broken... So I eventually figured out a way to get it repaired!"
A vibrator more like it. This girl was wearing a vibrator around her neck as if it was jewellery. And yet. His instincts were telling him that was not deliberate at all. Nope. It was all accidental… Unless you subscribe to certain psychological theories that there are no such things as accidents. In which case she'd be doing it unconsciously. But if that was the case? It was so deeply rooted that he couldn't sense a lick of it.
Could it be that this girl was so completely naive about sex and sexuality that she didn't know how much of a pervert she was? That was... Really strangely hot. Well. She'd make a pretty good test subject for some of the ideas he was playing with, regarding the strategy to covertly pervert everyone at school without them knowing it...
"Alright," he said. "I think I have the lay of the land."
"Ah, how wonderful!" Anna said, popping the still vibrating 'pendant' back within her bosom. No complaints on Rick's end. "Of course, if you require any further assistance..."
"Well, I did mention those ideas I had," Rick said. "I think... You might be the very person to help introduce them to the other students... How does that sound?"
- Rick demonstrates his "ideas" to Anna.
- Before he gets the chance, Blue Snow suddenly appears!
- Ayame somehow finds a way to visit one of those other worlds directly.
- Someone notices the entrance point Rick left and starts investigating.
- Something else
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