Story: SBO Negima

SBO Negima
Ever have a question you couldn't put into words? Well, more like what is happening is your brain is parsing too many questions all at once so you cannot simply pick one. Questions like, for example, why had Chisame called Asuna on video conference and only then seem to notice her breasts were on full display? Who was the unlucky person deserving of Evangeline's death gaze? Why did Chachamaru have Evangeline's foot nestled in her cleavage and why was her hand rather obviously goosing Chisame's raised rear?

Ultimately the only question Asuna could think to lead with had to be "Did you girls want something?" because the others somehow felt a little bit... Rude.

"Yes!" Chisame hurriedly said, adjusting her dress for the purposes of modesty. "No matter what, stay on this conference call! Please don't ask why!"

Well, that just raised further questions! How terribly helpful. Asuna folded her arms and huffed. Such strange behaviour. What on earth could have caused something like this? Chisame going over to Evangeline's cottage? What possible reason could she have to go over there?

"Has Chamo been up to mischief again?" she cautiously asked. "I swear, that little ermine better not have done anything."

"Never mind that!" Evangeline snapped, roughly pushing Chisame out of the way. "You just stay on the line and do not ask any questions. You hear that?" She flexed her hands as if throttling someone. "The importance of this cannot be stressed enough!"

"Would you like me to give you another foot massage?" Chachamaru asked.

"No!" Evangeline said. "Argh! This situation is impossible! When I find the person responsible -"

Aha! Just as Asuna was starting to believe. Magic. It had to be something magical. Maybe they'd been hit by a spell, or an enchantment. Some kind of attack? Something even Evangeline couldn't deal with by herself? Wait... That last part felt off somehow. Something Evangeline couldn't deal with? Well, didn't that just boggle Asuna's mind.

"Wait, hold on a moment," Chisame said, shifting in front of the still-fuming Evangeline. "Ah, let me just open this word processor... Can you see that at all, Asuna?"

"See what?" Asuna said. "The word processor? No, of course not."

"Good," Chisame nodded. "Just making sure there wasn't a reflective surface or anything." And then she began to quickly type away at her keyboard, covering up her hand so that Asuna couldn't even see what it was. Honestly now. This privacy thing was really starting to piss her off.

Evangeline read whatever Chisame had typed out on the screen and nodded her head. "Hmph, agreed. In that case..." And then it was her turn to type away.

"Are any of you going to fill me in on what the hell is going on?" Asuna said, frowning a little bit at them. "It is a little rude to call someone up and then ignore them, you know."

"Quiet, you! We're trying to come up with a plan!"

Right. That tore it. Asuna snapped her laptop shut and stormed off right towards Evangeline's cottage. She made a beeline there, stomping off so furiously that it felt like even the trees themselves were getting the hell out of her way. Ten minutes later and she was marching right in through the front door like a storm about to hit, lifted her index finger, opened her mouth and gaped at the sight of Chachamaru sitting lewdly in Evangeline's lap while Chisame was groping her breasts from behind.

"Ah!" Chisame suddenly yelled. "This isn't what it looks like!"

A little-known fact. This is the mating call to the tsundere. Little more in this world will make them hotter or wetter on an unconscious level than hearing those very words uttered by someone caught in an act which could cause inexplicable discomfort or humiliation in whomever it happened to. Indeed, Asuna genuinely had to stop in her tracks to readjust her thinking process upon hearing that utterance. It really did feel like something Negi should have been saying.

"First I will murder the person responsible for this situation," Evangeline twitched. "In the most painful manner I can imagine. And then, once I am done with that, I shall find a way to resurrect them from the brink and murder them again in an even more painful fashion, then repeat that until they can no longer be brought back from whatever lies beyond."

The three of them extracted themselves from their rather lewd position, and Asuna seriously considered just leaving them to it. Hell. If not for the fact that Evangeline and Chisame both shot her a death glare the second she took a step towards the door, she might have well done exactly that.

"So this is the point where one of you tells me what's going on around here," Asuna said, tapping her foot and trying to forget that Evangeline was both pissed off and fully capable of hurting her in ways she was not even personally aware of. Rather difficult to be brave in the face of someone like that. Even when you were as stubborn as she was. "Right? Well? Start talking! Is it magic?"

"No!"

"Yes."

Asuna threw up her hands at the contradictory answers. For the love of - At least get your lie consistent. You'd think this was the first time they'd ever been caught in a compromising position and had to hide what was really going on around here!

"We are leaving," Evangeline said quite firmly. "And you are coming with us."

"And we're going...?"

"To the library for inspiration. Perhaps there I might be able to find some answers..."

"What sort of answers?"

"Fufufufu... There are mysteries in this cosmos that would drive little girls like you completely insane," said the immortal vampire that looked like a little girl. "If you were to behold their non-Euclidean forms, your brittle mind would snap like a twig. And I will personally show you a slideshow of them if you ask me any further questions."

"You will have to excuse her," Chisame whispered. "She's been in a bit of a bad mood ever since... Well, never mind that."

Have you ever been in the room with someone talking on the phone? It's frustrating, right? You can only hear one side of the conversation and your brain tries to fill in the blanks for you. Right now that's where Asuna was. It was like looking at a jigsaw where all the middle pieces were missing. You could see around the edges of it, but the picture itself was still a total mystery.

However. This did present Asuna with a pretty good opportunity. With Chisame right next to her and Eva fuming over there next to Chachamaru, this was the perfect opportunity to grab Chisame, yank her out of the room and close the door for a quick quiet chat.

"Ah!" Chisame yelled. "W-Wait a minute, we should probably bring those two with us!"

"Oh?" Asuna said, tilting her head and feigning stupidity. "And why might that be? Is it something to do with the magic thing the two of you are and aren't dealing with right now?"

If there was anything you could admire about Chisame, it was her performance ability. Her expression changed so smoothly and quickly that Asuna almost believed it. "Oh, that?" Chisame sighed. "Oh, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. You know how Evangeline can be when she gets into a mood. It might be for the best if you went with her to the library without asking any questions."

"Really now. You don't say?" Asuna said, idly noting that Chisame was reaching her hand for the doorknob. "And what if I say no? After all the weird things that've happened around us, I'd much rather look before I leap these days."

Now, that might sound harsh. However. From Asuna's point of view it was an act of kindness. If the three of them were in some sort of trouble and they needed her help, it seemed to her that the best thing to do would be to talk about it with her. After all. She didn't want to accidentally make things worse for them because she misunderstood what was going on. Like Chisame said. "It's not what it looks like." Okay. Then what was it in the first place?!

Which was right when the door opened, revealing Chachamaru standing in the doorway with her arm holding the handle. This by itself wasn't of any particular note, save for the fact that her other arm was tucked underneath Eva's butt, and the vampire's legs were squeezing tightly around the cyborg's waist, while her head was, however briefly, buried quite contently within the robotic bosom.

"Gah!" Eva yelped, disentangling herself quickly from this position, quicker than any human could. "It will rain tears of blood and viscera by the time I am done! You! Leave me alone again without permission and you too shall meet my wrath!"

Asuna considered that, mulled it over, took in the expression from within Evangeline's eyes and quickly nodded. "The library then?" she said, silently resolving to get to the bottom of this as soon as opportunity permitted.

<hr>
Time for a rewind to see what we missed.

At the very instant that Asuna picked up the call, all three bimbo-carriers snapped back to their normal selves and felt a keen sheen of humiliation welling up within them. Chisame, for her part, was utterly mortified, but by now had determined the pattern: Those that learn of the bimbo shall become of the bimbo. If anything, she was grateful Chachamaru hadn't said anything strange herself that would've gotten poor baffled Asuna into this mess as well.

"Did you girls want something?" Asuna asked, as well she had every reason to. For Chisame, however, the feeling she had was absolute desperation. She could think clearly again! This was their opportunity to do something about it. First thing's first -

"Yes!" Chisame hurriedly said, adjusting her dress for the purposes of modesty. "No matter what, stay on this conference call! Please don't ask why!"

Kind of lame, but damn if she could think of a reason that would work without spreading this blasted memetic bimbofication further afield. Think. Think! Now that you're not a nymphomaniacal airhead, you can think and reason and plan. Use this chance. Use it well!

"Has Chamo been up to mischief again?" Asuna cautiously asked. Oh, good question! There was culprit number one right there! "I swear, that little ermine better not have done anything."

"Never mind that!" Evangeline snapped, roughly pushing Chisame out of the way. "You just stay on the line and do not ask any questions. You hear that?" She flexed her hands as if throttling someone. For anyone else they'd have to wait in line. Chisame was perfectly willing to let this one person skip that queue. "The importance of this cannot be stressed enough!"

"Would you like me to give you another foot massage?" Chachamaru asked.

"No!" Evangeline said. "Argh! This situation is impossible! When I find the person responsible -"

"Wait, hold on a moment," Chisame said, shifting in front of the still-fuming Evangeline. Inspiration was brewing. This was their chance to try a little something... Although a twinge of paranoia did catch her out at the very end. "Ah, let me just open this word processor... Can you see that at all, Asuna?"

"See what?" Asuna said. "The word processor? No, of course not."

"Good," Chisame nodded. "Just making sure there wasn't a reflective surface or anything." And then she began to quickly type away at her keyboard, covering up her hand so that Asuna couldn't even see what it was. If she could even make out the word "bimbo" that might be enough to spread this - This aberration!

"This bimbo thing spreads when people learn about it," Chisame typed, fast as she could. "However, it seems that when anyone that's not affected is aware of us we are our usual normal selves again. We have to be careful not to spread this any further, or it could easily become an outbreak in no time at all!"

She shifted over to let Eva and Chacha read over what she'd typed, and also respond. For Eva: "Hmph, agreed. In that case..." And then it was her turn to type away.

"This is beyond any spell I know of. Need more information. If we can get to the library, not only would we be in a public place but we might be able to research this more."

That seemed like a plan. However. Out of the corner of her eye Chisame could see that Asuna was rapidly losing whatever patience she had in the war between it and her confusion.

"Are any of you going to fill me in on what the hell is going on?" Asuna said, frowning a little bit at them. "It is a little rude to call someone up and then ignore them, you know."

"Quiet, you!" Eva snapped. "We're trying to come up with a plan!"

Which turned out to be exactly the wrong thing to say. Asuna snapped her laptop shut and just like that it all seemed like such a silly idea. Going to the library? There wasn't anything there but musty old books and geezers telling you to stay quiet. Ooh, it was no fun staying quiet! If you wanna have fun, you've gotta yell and scream and shout!

"Teehee!" Eva tittered. "Looks like Asuna's gonna be here soon! That chick is sooo wound up!"

"Mmm, tell me about it," Chiu licked her lips. "How about we find out how many times the three of us can cum before she gets here?"

"This contest seems acceptable," Chachamaru said, easily scooping Chiu right off her feet and planting rapidfire kisses all along Chiu's neck. So quickly and precisely that by the time Chiu had even registered one happening three more had already gone by. Combine that with the gentle vibrations of her cyborg hands, and Chiu was already on her way to climax number one.

However, Evangeline was also pretty busy. She crawled backwards underneath both of them, then lifted one foot to rub up along Chachamaru's leg slowly, teasingly, until it reached a destination more than eager to welcome it. Then, in a show of amazing flexibility, she used a chair to pull herself up so that her fingers could trace their way around Chiu's labia.

Needless to say, a certain net idol didn't last much longer after that.

"That's one," Evangeline giggled. "Now for number two, I'll - Whoa!"

Suddenly Chachamaru put the still cumming Chiu directly on top of Evangeline's face. Not that she was complaining. However, this distraction did give the cyborg the opportunity to slip away and grab her foot, then rub it in between her big bimbo boobs while sucking on the very edge of the bimbofied vampire's toes.

"Oh, gosh!" Evangeline whimpered, slightly pushing Chiu off so she could talk. "That feels amazing! But I bet this totally feels better."

Which was when her other foot hit her mark with deadly erotic precision. Chachamaru stumbled forwards as her pleasure centre hit overload, giving Chiu an easy opening for a kiss of her own. She slid away from Evangeline's body and wonderful tongue because right now she had a little bit of payback in mind, pushing the cyborg forward with minimal effort as she practically crawled onto her mistress's lap, letting Chiu grope her from behind -

And then Asuna entered the room and Chisame would not have complained if a bolt of lightning struck her dead right there and right then. Actually, no. Let her have the chance to clear her good name first; that might be nice.

<hr>
All she could see was death. Oh, yes. Death. So much death and despair and blood, so much blood for her to bathe in. Someone out there was going to pay for this. Pay dearly. Pay securely. Pay for the things they'd made her do, made her think, made her be and most of all pay for -

The sound of a door opening behind her caught Evangeline's attention immediately, but by the time she finished turning around all she could see were cute little pink flowers, love hearts, puppies and other assorted cute things.

"Aw, poo!" Evangeline stomped her foot. "I wanted to rock Asuna's tight bod! Now she's all alone with Chiu! Hmph! Not fair! If only we could've made Asuna into a nice sexy bimbo too!"

"That is a desirable state of affairs," Chachamaru agreed. "Calculating bimboness potential of Asuna. Ranking level: Totally super hot. Eminently fuckable."

"Hey, I had a great idea!" Evangeline unknowingly lied. Still. She smacked her open hand into her fist in a mark of inevitable triumph and declared, "Let's show 'em what they're missing out on!"

"Hooray, hooray!" Chachamaru said, waving around tiny flags that she had procured from - Actually, probably better off not knowing. All we do need to know is she was waving them around in an adorable manner, and the flags themselves were all showing images of bimbo Eva's face winking, smiling and saluting in a manner that she wouldn't normally do even if doing so were the only way to save the world from imminent destruction.

Which is why the two bimbos strutted over towards one another, Eva with her hands on her hips and Chachamaru running her hands up and down her curvaceous figure, and then the vampire jumped straight into the cyborg's arms and nuzzled her breasts as if trying to breastfeed. From this point, all Chachamaru had to do was cradle her mistress against her body with one hand, stroke her hair and body with the other, then use that hand to push open the door...

Death. So much death and misery, one person couldn't even hope to experience it all. As soon as she found a way to reverse this, as soon as she discovered the person responsible there would be a reckoning the likes of which the world had never before witnessed. A reckoning so severe that it alone would cement her name in the history books. A reckoning that would ensure that nobody, ever, ever dared try to fuck with Evangeline A.K. McDowell ever again!

1. Evangeline and Asuna head to the library where nothing bad happens.
2. Chisame lurks in the cafeteria in an attempt to stay around people.
3. Someone noticed Asuna heading off in a mood and followed at a distance...
4. Suddenly, an unrelated plot development that complicates things!
5. Something else