Story: Pride and Joy

 

Ukyo had thought herself lucky in escaping the whole beach escapade. That affair was rather stupid, nya. Not just because it made the other girls stupid when they got horny... or should that be stupider? It was, in itself, an inherently stupid turn of events. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

So! Now that she was a horny catgirl needing to be bred soooo badly it hurt, she was kinda feeling a bit put out. So much for her damned luck, right?!

What really wasn't helping matters was how affectionate, horny, big boobed and stupid Shampoo was getting. To a point, Ukyo got it. While she was trying to learn how to control herself, and trying really hard to not obsess over Ranma's enormous penis, that is not an easy thing to do. She was pretty sure it had addictive qualities beyond that normally associated with really good sex, but the thing was she didn't have any experience in that sort of thing besides with other girls. Even then, it was probably a side effect of the spell they were all under...

Anyway. Right now Shampoo was laying across Ukyo's lap, curled up and purring contentedly, while Ukyo was shuffling in her seat, new ears atop her head twitching like mad, and the tail coming out from the base of her spine swishing around. She stroked Shampoo's back, and the top of her head, marvelling at how soft and luxurious her hair felt, as well as how smooth, warm and enticing her back was.

"This is getting ridiculous," she said. Not to Shampoo. Not to Mousse, either. He was in the back washing dishes. Chained to the sink in a quite literal manner. "It feels like every time we turn around these days - Boom! More sex magic."

"Indeed," said the old ghoul sitting in front of her. "One would expect you would encounter something that wasn't perverse once in a while. Perhaps a spell that allows you to shoot fire. Or teleportation, time freeze -"

"I'm not so sure about that last one," Ukyo said. She'd been to a boy's school. She'd seen some of the porn they read. She knew full well that was a whole ass genre. "So, what, you think Happosai's doing something?"

"Happosai would be less subtle than this," Cologne said. "What's more, he'd be here right now to reap the benefits. There are more perverts in the world than that old letch. For example, I hear he once had a friend who was every bit as bad as he."

Ukyo shuddered. Not a nice thought. Two Happosais running around? Who needs that in their life?!

"Anyway!" Ukyo coughed. "Based on what I heard from the guy that sold me these paper dolls, there's definitely someone doing something scummy. They must be targeting us."

"We go fuck airen now, yes?" Shampoo purred, then giggled, which caused very interesting sensations to pass through Ukyo's body.

"Not yet," Ukyo warned. Shampoo pouted cutely, then sniffed herself, lifted her leg into the air and began to trail her tongue down her... long... powerful... yet slender leg...

Bonk! The old ghoul hit her with her cane!

"Hey! What's the big - Was I staring at her with lustful hunger again"

The stare that shot back at her told volumes. Ukyo pinched the bridge of her nose. This wasn't gonna be easy, was it? Urgh! This whole thing was soooo fucking stupid! Stupid things piling up on top of stupid things - 

"So we're being targeted for the horny by a person or more likely a group," Ukyo said. "We don't know who they are, or why they're targeting us specifically... Could it be because of Ranma's absolutely enormous dragon dick?"

"Possibly," Cologne said. "That may well be the inciting incident. Combine this with his Jusenkyo curse, and he may have acquired the attention of undesirables. Though it is equally likely that Happosai, despite not being directly responsible, has attracted their attention. Or it could be something in the history of the Tendo family. Or an enemy of the Joketsuzoku, or something in your family history or perhaps even the Kunos. Or it could be happenstance. As you were correctly surmising, we don't know nearly enough information to make a rational assessment."

She stopped for a moment to cock her head.

"Were you perhaps expecting me to divine the answer out of thin air? Wisdom, true wisdom, comes from recognising what you do not know, rather than thinking that you do know everything."

Right. The old ghoul was clever, but she wasn't omniscient. Though this did lead into the next question:

"How do we catch them, then?" she asked.

"We set a trap," was Cologne's answer. "If they're targeting you, then surely the best approach would be setting some bait to bring them into the open, and then snap the cage shut behind them."

Yeah, that made sense. There was quite a bit of 'bait' around to use as well. Which was good. That was nice. They could use that to discover something about the enemy that was hiding in the shadows and throwing all manner of lewd stuff at them.

"But there is one problem wiith that," Ukyo sighed. To demonstrate: "Shampoo! Nya! What's ten plus two?"

"Um..." Shampoo blinked stupidly, vapidly. "If Shampoo kisses you, would spatula girl give Shampoo clue?"

"You see?" Ukyo said. "Also I'm about to kiss her because she gave me an excuse and I'm starting to really, really feel it burning a hole in me."

=====

Ukyo's point was well made. By the time she'd finished her sentence, she'd already tackled Shampoo to the floor, and - Goodness, they were quite a bit more flexible like this weren't they? Tut, tut!

Cologne hopped away to let them work their issues out. She poked her head into the back room to make sure Mousse was still behaving himself. Luckily, he was so oblivious he hadn't noticed the headphones Cologne had put onto him.

Which made her a little suspicious. Normally, those with a visual impairment often make up for this deficit by training their other senses. Had he really not noticed anything...? Or was he merely pretending? It didn't really matter if the blind duck was or if he wasn't. In the end, he'd already lost that which he had sought for all his life. Not that he had a chance of getting it in the first place.

Then again, perhaps he might make a suitable lure...? Something for her to think about. Kukuku! In any event, she ought to check up on her son-in-law and that foolish rival of his. The martial arts technique the two of them were using did require her attention, and this matter with Shampoo had been quite the diversion.

So much going on. So much fun for her to observe in her old age! Kukuku! Cologne was having the time of her life - and she couldn't' wait to see how it all ended!