My name is Haruhi Suzumiya, the glorious leader of the SOS Brigade! Seeker of hidden truths, genius beyond her years and generally speaking an above average high school girl. I strive to be special. I strive to be different. Things that are normal are the enemy, while the abnormal seeks to be known and discovered. That is who I am! That is how I have fun!
Well... That and teasing Kyon. That's also a lot of fun! Ha ha, the way his face screws up when I molest Mikuru, it's easy to tell that he's jealous I can get away with that. I could sit and listen to his sarcastic responses to my more deliberately wild and absurd statements all day, it's the ultimate pick me up!
Hey now! I know what you're thinking. Pervert! It's not like that. I'm not interested in a totally normal guy like Kyon. The guy I want has to at least be a time traveller, an esper, an alien or a slider. Or something else that's completely weird and off the wall. Kyon is far too normal for that. Bah! He'd probably be happier with a meek and busty housewife like Mikuru, or a quiet and clever girl like Yuki, no way he'd be able to keep up with my pace.
In short: I don't like him! Got it! Bah! I'm so bored that I'm internally justifying my lack of attraction to that stick in the mud. I mean, it doesn't exactly help that I'm kind of horny too. That always makes me think of Kyon... Not because I like him, but because he does a terrible job at hiding what a horndog he is. Ugh, the very idea of being horny for a normal idiot like him. I mean, I guess he's kind of handsome and cute if you like normal and boring and stable, but that really doesn't do anything for me.
Goodness but I'm horny. But my will is strong enough to resist those urges. I'm too smart to be ruled by some monkey-brain mating instinct, and anyway Kyon is all the way over there by the exit. Rushing away quite quickly and perfectly normally. The same way he does everything. Look at him. Working that cute little tush of his. Not that I'm interested or anything!
But... I am a little bit tipsy, which is kind of dangerous when you're also horny. Luckily I have a busty redhead on hand to take it out on. She lets out the typical yelp, the usual whimper, and I do sincerely dread the day that I get bored of playing with her like this.
"O-Out in public like this?" she cried.
"Well, it's not my fault," I said to her, giving her an extra rough squeeze. "When you're out in public with puppies like dish, it's inevitable my hands will go wandering." I hiccuped, and made myself laugh a little. Ah, it was nice to let off a little steam! I was in a nice festive and horny mood!
This was when the mariachi band showed up. As if out of the ether, there were violins, there were trumpets, there were guitars, there were accordions, there were even a few instruments that I'd seen before but never bothered to learn the names of because they were boring. They were parading through the arcade kicking up an awesome foreign beat with a distinctive South American vibe that one could recognise even if you'd never been to Mexico.
Also: They were almost entirely and uniformly bunny girls. Big bouncy busty bunny girls who put even Mikuru's body to shame! Bouncier than Mikuru! Bigger than Mikuru! Curvier than Mikuru!
Some people might call such an event absurd, but I had just been thinking that this arcade was bound to have some kind of event exactly like this to try and draw in more attention to itself. You know, make it stand out from the crowd! This band paid for itself. Besides which, it kind of felt like my definition of normal was getting warped by something or other, though that too is a perfectly normal thing to happen: People do change their opinions on things over the course of time, after all!
"Ehhhh?!" Mikuru gasped. "Wh-where did they come from all of a sudden?!"
"I dunno," I shrugged. "But gosh look at those bodies! Hrm... Maybe those are the supernatural element we've been looking for after all?" I asked, even though I kind of couldn’t quite think of the sexy bunnies as anything abnormal. Though it was kind of surprising to find that many bouncy, curvy and sexy woman in one place.
Suddenly Mikuru was spun out of my grip by an especially delicious bun-bun. "You're out of uniform!" it sang to her, keeping impressively to the beat. "Hurry, hurry! There's a spare costume leftover, get dressed and join in!"
"Ehhhh?! Wait! I'm not a - I'm not a band member! Uwah!"
I, of course, did the sensible thing and did not help. Instead I offered a salute to my brave subordinate, who was cunningly taking the chance to go undercover. Mikuru is such a reliable member. Perhaps I should promote her from mascot? In the meantime, I was really digging the music. You don't usually hear this style in Japan, it's all traditional or pop, or something trying to ape a western style without quite having the soul. This? This was real mariachi!
“Oh yeah!” I said, letting the music flow through me and forgetting about the time for a moment. This rhythm was incredible, it made you want to do nothing but dance the day away. Which was almost certainly their evil underhanded scheme! To make sure I didn't stand out, I danced along with the music while keeping a close eye on those bun-buns. Especially their shaking, leotard clad buns. Goodness, what did these girls eat to get so big? It was like watching jelly in an earthquake machine, their butts jiggling wildly with every new beat of the music. I was at least a bit impressed though. They were managing to grind up against several customers while still playing those instruments to the truest and highest professional standard.
“Well, we never had anyone that small on the team before. You will have to wear these until we get a top your size.” Interrupted a voice and I turned my head to see the extra bouncy bun looking seriously at Mikuru. She attempted to keep her clearly naked chest hidden from sight by holding up the top of her suit. Which refused to stick to her chest, apparently being made for the giant bouncy boobs of these professionals here. This was honestly.. mildly disturbing to watch, simply because it made me kind of feel.. inadequate.
Of course then the big bunny pulled away Mikuru’s top and before the girl could protest, pushed a big heart-shaped pasty on each of her nipples. “There all good, now go and join the parade. Just follow the rhythm!” A panicked look appeared on Mikuru’s face, but the big bouncy bunny girl just rolled her eyes, grabbed our mascot by her shoulders, turned her around and then slapped her butt <i>hard</i>. The poor redhead eeped loudly, then jumped away, her movements quickly changing into a strangely erotic dance seemingly on their own. Hah, I always knew Mikuru was talented!
There was only one thing that would make this perfect.
"H-Hey, let me out!"
Aha! That sound was the (perfectly normal) sound of Kyon protesting! I rubbed my hand with glee while rolling my hips and my shoulders to the sweet mariachi beat. Some of the inexplicable sexy bunny mariachi parade had surrounded him, playing and dancing around him while gently, oh so gently forcing him to return to the main area of the arcade!
For some reason this sight both pissed me off and made me happy at the same time!
"Guh... I should escape," Kyon said aloud, in that way he does when he doesn't seem to realise he's turned off his inner monologue. "But where do hold? All I can see are danger zones! Nowhere is safe!"
“Don’t you remember, if you see something, it is normal to grab hold of it good!” I called to him, more out of reflex than because I really cared about him. Sure, it was amusing to watch him be embarrassed, but there were more interesting things. Like trying to discover the origin of these sexy bun buns. Were they normal like they inexplicably felt, or perhaps something stranger was afoot? I was going to find out, and not just because I wanted to distract myself from Kyon, no no! This was important, essential, world changing research!
In particular, her gaze was drawn to a particular group. A really handsome and intelligent looking boy, and a ponytail wearing girl who was looking at him with absolute disappointment.
"So I see, feeling up random bunny girls is your plan to discover the secrets of this world. Truly, your cunning knows no bounds."
Sure enough, that boy was giving a bunnygirl a groping that made me rethink the methodology I was using to molest Mikuru. Those were some talented nimble fingers, it seemed that even I could stand to learn a thing or two!
Also, for some reason the tone of that ponytail wearing girl felt oddly.. familiar. Hell, the glare she was giving the boy gave me a sense of deja vu like nobody’s business.
"How better to get the lay of the land?" the boy asked.
"Sometimes it feels like the word 'lay' is all you care about," the girl replied. So familiar! That tone was so familiar! "You will not find any news between that girl's breasts no matter how ha- how lo- how much you try!"
"Hehehe... I'm not the only one with a dirty mind," the boy cackled, punctuating his comments with a smack to a bun-bun's buns. The bunny in question made a happy little sound of appreciation, leaning into the touch. Then he started batting around the same girl's poofy tail like a cat playing with a piece of string. "Besides, what's the harm in a little skinship?"
"Openly groping girls in public is a bit more than skinship!" Answered the dark-haired girl, lifting a finger and giving the male a look of long suffering. It was so strange, watching these two felt like looking into a distorted mirror or something. "Can't you be more like the other two? They know how to behave!"
The other two?
“P-please stop that!” Screamed a voice just as I turned my head towards where the ponytailed girl was pointing. Surrounded by a group of bun buns hanging onto him was a very.. hunky looking boy with red hair. I wasn’t normally one to describe people like that, but this guy was even more attractive than the other one. A face right out of a shoujo manga and a build I could declare as S-rank even through his clothes. And oh my, was that girl shoving her butt in his face while the other tried to cover him from behind with her chest? This was a high level attack the likes is rarely seen in this world!
And then there was a much smaller boy who had a very different kind of appeal. He was quietly sitting in a seat, reading a book. The pose looked familiar. Something about the glasses and the hairstyle. Anyway, there were three girls dancing around him as well, grinding their asses and thrusting their boobs into his face. The weird thing was though? The boy was <i>dodging</i> them. Every time it seemed like they would make contact, they simply seemed to miss.
The weird thing was: He didn't seem to be moving... At least until I took a much closer look! Yes, there was movement! it was very slight, the bare minimum needed to dodge and no more than that. Ohoho! How interesting!
I felt someone bump into my back. "H-Haruhi, somehow you're -"
I put my finger to Kyon's lips and deliberately stepped back so I could grind into him. "Shhh," I said, nodding towards the group that had received the blessing of my attention. Or, depending on their motivations, such a thing might even be a curse! "play it cool," I said, wrapping my arm around his head to tightly clamp his chin over my shoulder. I rubbed my cheek up against him. Not a sign of affection or anything, just because it kinda felt nice. And it provided us with cover in case they noticed us staring. "Those guys are kind of weird, right? I think we should investigate them!"
"Poor them," Kyon said. I ignored this. Because as with everything else Kyon ever did, it was completely and totally normal. Which was sometimes a bit annoying, but also kind of comforting, you always knew what you had with him.
I shuddered a little bit. Maybe it was whatever was in this drink, but today I was feeling way hornier than normal. In which case, maybe it would be in the best interest of my own health to blow off some steam with Kyon later on. He so obviously wanted it, and the last thing I needed was to keel over from a surplus of unwanted hormones! It was for the sake of my own health, not because I like him or anything!
But that was for later, for now we had to investigate, find out more about this mysterious group. I was no slave to my libido! There was no way I would fall to-
Which was when one of the bunny girls walked up to us and started to feel up my chest with abandon. I did not eep at that, neither did I do so when another popped up and began to massage my butt, or the third stuck a hand under my skirt and did more peculiar things to me.
The only good thing about this was the fact that Kyon had his own little bunny squad, so I didn’t have to suffer on my own. Why, it actually looked like he was having it worse what with one of them sticking her tongue down his throat and ohhh.. these were good hands and ohh… it was getting kinda hard to keep thinking straight. Ah! Maybe that toxic buildup was coming along faster than I was expecting! left with no choice, I wheeled around and frenched the living hell out of Kyon right there and then.
It was in the best interests of my health, you see. Not because I like him! My health was in grave danger! And I'll fight anyone who says otherwise!
- Kyonko has noticed their counterparts, and ponders their connection to all of this.
- Haruhi's hormones are a danger to more than her health! She's made a closed space!
- Yuki talks with alternate Ryoko.
- Kyon accidentally makes things better.
- Kyon accidentally makes things worse.
- Something else
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