Right then! Ranma Saotome was in her element. Standing in a dojo about to learn a fancy new martial arts style! Ever since she could remember this kind of thing came super easy to her. She was a natural. Gifted. Even in the rare cases where it was troublesome she had the perseverance to learn, to adapt and to master the techniques being laid out in front of her.
Why the female pronouns? Because there was a hard limit to what Ranma was willing to make his boy form do and walking like a chick was absolutely beyond that limit. The entire style seemed girly, and cute. Akane had shown off some katas and it had looked like something she’d see in some weird maid cafe. Not that this would be enough to put her off! All she had to do was use the curse to her advantage for a change! Hah!
"... Is she laughing like an evil villain over there, or is it just me?" Yuka whispered to Sayuri.
"Funny, I was about to ask if you could also see that dark cloud around her," Sayuri whispered back.
The two girls were huddled together away from Ranma, who did look very much the part of some evil psychopathic villain plotting the downfall of a brave hero. The whole package was here: The maniacal grin, accompanied by a low cackle. Hunched shoulders, folded arms, generally cocky body language. Heck, even her red silk shirt didn't dispel the overall effect.
"Alright everyone!" Akane entered the training hall, clapping her hands to get everyone's attention. “Before we start, let’s see how you handle tripping.”
Tripping, huh? Any clumsy idiot can trip! Ranma gently pushed ahead of the other two girls. As untrained martial artists, it would be best if he showed them how it was done first. Less chance of them hurting themselves, for their own good, it was only natural!
What was less natural was the slice of burnt toast suddenly getting thrust in his mouth.
"Whash ish fow?" Ranma asked, pointing at the offending blackened slice of bread.
"Running forward and tripping with a slice of toast in your mouth is the most basic form of Dojikko Ken!" Akane said, sagely as if she had explained everything.
"Oooh! That makes sense!" Yuka nodded.
"Of course, of course! There's nothing more fundamentally cute or clumsy than that!" Sayuri had seen that scene hundreds of times!
It didn't quite make sense to Ranma, but whatever! Ranma hopped between her two legs to build up a bit of momentum, and then began to run across the dojo floor - only to get a smacked bottom from a ruler that Akane was suddenly holding.
"Skip, don't run!" Akane admonished.
Ranma grumbled, but obeyed. She skipped across the dojo with this burned piece of bread in her mouth. A couple more steps and then she'd trip over nothing just like Akane wanted. Then they'd see. They'd all see! This stupid martial arts style was nothing to a natural like -
Gulp! Suddenly, Ranma reflexively swallowed the bread whole, getting it stuck in her throat. Maybe it was the determination she felt at showing off. Or maybe it was a psychological rejection of all things Dojikko. Or maybe it was just that a Saotome couldn’t hold food that long in their mouth. Either way it didn't matter much: Instead of tripping Ranma was clutching at her throat and gasping for air.
"Ranma! Hold on!" Akane yelled. She slipped behind the busty not-really-a-girl then hitched her arms right under Ranma's lungs and compressed repeatedly until Ranma spat out the offending item of food. By the time they were done Ranma was sucking in air and Akane was breathing in a huge sigh of relief while leaning on Ranma's shoulder.
Sayuri pulled a camera out of... somewhere and immediately snapped a photo. For later use.
"I have nothing but good feelings about this," Yuka said.
Ranma took an indignant look on her face. Alright, so that hadn't gone so well... But that was just a fluke! Only a fluke, that's all!
<hr>
There was something unnerving about watching someone carry a stack of books that high. It was almost more unnerving how unnaturally easy Ranma made it seem. Like balancing them wasn't any trouble at all. That stack was almost hitting the ceiling, for pity's sake!
"No, no, no!" Akane sighed. "You can't carry it perfectly! Then it's completely unbelievable when it finally does drop! You have to make it look like you've barely got it, when you're actually in total control over the books! See! Yuka gets it!"
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!" Yuka screamed, barely managing to keep hold of the stack of books that went slightly over eye level. She was running backwards and forwards, to and fro in a desperate attempt to keep them from toppling over. "No, no, no, no, no! Akane, I thought you were my friend!"
"You see? She completely gets it!"
Suddenly Sayuri felt quite glad there weren't enough books for her to join in quite yet. On the other hand now she was feeling this great sense of dread over what would happen when she did.
"So... the point of this technique is to dump books on your opponent. Right?" Ranma asked. "If it looks like I'm gonna drop 'em anyway, won't they be ready for that kind of attack?"
As if to prove a point, Akane dropped an ice cube down the back of Ranma's trousers. Ranma's hands shot into the air in shock, tossing the books high into the air - and then every single one of them landed on Ranma. Every. Single. One.
Man but Sayuri wished she had some popcorn right about now. Having said that, the sight of Ranma trying to get the ice cube out of her trousers was definitely going to stay with her for a long, long time.
"Wh-what the hell! How did they all land on me?!" Ranma yelled. Then she stomped her foot. Then Yuka tripped and dropped even more books onto Ranma.
"It's because you were keeping the books too much under control," Akane explained. "They were being drawn towards you, and so they came back towards you when you threw them in a haphazard manner."
"Oh! That makes perfect sense!" Ranma said. "In every place but reality! The hell kind of explanation is that supposed to be? That's like saying if I cradle this book to my chest like this." Cue Ranma cradling the book to her chest. Cue Sayuri dearly wishing it was her face being cradled. "Then randomly chuck it aside like this, it'll -"
Thunk. No points for guessing what just happened there.
"... Let's try something else," Akane suggested.
<hr>
Sometimes you had to go more basic than basic. It's no good trying to explain what one plus one equals if the one you're teaching it to does not know what one, plus, or equals mean. Besides which. Akane had an uneasy feeling settling in the pit of her stomach. A hypothesis for which she was testing evidence. Finding proof. Settling the score.
"Ranma, could you walk across the room for me?" Akane asked. "Like a cute girl?"
Cue the most over exaggerated feminine gait you have ever beheld in your life. It was as if someone was doing a parody of womanhood. No woman Akane had ever met walked like that, jutting out their hips in such an exaggerated fashion, deliberately swaying their booty back and forth... back and... Woah, she kind of lost track of what she was thinking about for a second there. Luckily the flash from Sayuri's camera brought her out of it.
Anyway, the point: Ranma might have the body of a really cute, petite, busty girl. But she had the mind of a boy underneath all that. Moving like a girl in a natural way was an integral part to learning Dojikko Ken, and quite frankly Ranma Saotome was not too skilled at moving like a girl.
"I think you should give up," Akane suggested.
"What's that? You scared I'll kick your butt with your own technique?" Ranma jeered.
Yeah, that's about what she was afraid of. This jerk wasn't going to let it go! Which meant she was going to have to take this back to basics before even the basics before they'd get anywhere.Which meant - Oh, she couldn't stand the way this supposed girl was walking a second longer!
"Not like that!" Akane corrected, stepping up behind Ranma and grabbing hold of her hips. "You're doing it all wrong! Girls don't walk like that! Look, take a step forward and let me show you how it's done!"
"Do it!" Sayuri suddenly hissed, and not quietly either. "Doooo iiiiit!"
"How the hell is this supposed to let me learn this technique?" Ranma protested. Still, looking back and seeing the glower on Akane's face, Ranma rolled her eyes and took a step. Akane firmly gripped the girl's hips from behind, using all of her strength to keep them from rolling in that ridiculous exaggerated manner. This was harder than expected, seeing as how despite looking like a super tiny and super cute young lady right now Ranma still had a lot of power, especially in those toned smooth legs. With all that strength to deal with, Akane had to pull herself closer to get the grip right.
Sayuri fainted. Yuka boggled, yet she knew that Sayuri would never forgive her if she let this sight pass unrecorded. So she wordlessly grabbed hold of Sayuri's camera, and snapped a picture for later use.
"Before we go any further, you've got to learn how to walk like a girl," Akane said.
"What's wrong with my walk?" Ranma said, trying harder than ever to go back to that stupid gait again. "It's plenty girly! Girlier than yours!"
Rolling her eyes, Akane whirled Ranma around to reverse their position. Honestly! The things she had to do to prove a point! "Feel the way I'm walking, idiot!" Akane huffed. She forced Ranma's hands onto her hips and then started walking forward in a totally natural way. "You see the difference?"
This was the point where Sayuri got up. Then she fell down unconscious again. Yuka's jaw had dropped, and she was genuinely scared to blink in case she missed anything. How into each other were these two...?
"Wow, Akane! I really learned something!" Ranma sniffed. "I learned how to walk just like a tomboy!"
"Well then give it a try!" Akane said, pulling out of Ranma's grip and spinning him around to reverse their positions once again. So that's how he wanted it to be, huh? "Try walking the same way I did."
"It's a snap," Ranma said. Indeed, she took a step forward and this time Akane barely had to do much of anything at all. The gait was much more natural this time. Alright. Maybe she was a pretty quick learner after all?
But then Akane took a fatal error. She adopted one of the oldest teaching techniques known to mankind, most often used when a parent tries to teach their son or daughter how to ride a bike. Namely, by letting go and letting them ride the bike by themselves for a while, letting them understand the balance naturally and experience the joy of realising they have done it themselves.
Except... That Akane's hands had not left Ranma's hips for more than three seconds before, and don't ask her how this happened, the pigtailed girl had stumbled. Not even a cute stumble. This was the kind of trip an especially ugly orc might do. It was ugly with a capital <i>Uggggg</i>.
The thing is that it didn't even end when Ranma faceplanted. Somehow she rolled right out of the training hall very, very quickly. Into the kitchen. Wound up with a kettle tipped over her head, leaving Ranma irate, damp and very much not a girl anymore.
"Uh... Are you alright?" Akane asked upon catching up with him. That had looked like a really nasty stumble. Actually, he didn't even look like he'd scraped himself or anything. The only thing injured here was his pride.
"Stuff this! I'm out!" Ranma said quite loudly. "Stupid girly style of martial arts. I'll come up with a version for boys, and it'll be better than your silly clumsy girl style!"
Now, Akane's initial response to that was anger. Great, tremendous anger at the boy's blatantly sexist attitude. But then her mind betrayed her. It brought to mind the question of what exactly would a boys version of dojikko-ken look like...?
Cute and clumsy boy? What would that even look like? She could see it already. Ranma Saotome, powerful and fast martial artist. Surrounded by tall, dark and shadowy figures. THere are tears in his eyes as they move on him, looking to mug him. Then he lets out a bawl, throws his hands in the air - then stumbles over his own feet sending him flying through the air with limbs flailing about in all directions. Knocking them all out in an instant.
But what really stuck with her was the image she had of Ranma in the aftermath of that event. Wringing his hands and sarcastically apologising to his attackers. Pretending to be helping them to their feet just so he could throw them down again. Then one of them tears at his shirt while falling to the ground, revealing Ranma's muscular abs and the kind of torso that absolutely didn't fit with the woobie image he was putting out there.
All in all it was making Akane... Feel things. Not entirely unpleasant things.
"Uh... Akane's been laughing at that shelf for about ten minutes now," Yuka whispered to Sayuri.
"Not even an out loud laugh either," Sayuri whispered back. "It's more like she's barely containing herself while remembering a private dirty joke."
"Akane? Laughing at a dirty joke?" Yuka asked. “She’s not you.”
"You say that like there's something wrong with a dirty joke now and then."
Yuka glowered at her for a moment, but then returned her attention to Akane. "We've got to snap her out of this... Whatever this is. Any ideas?"
"Just one! Hey, Ranma could you come over here for a second?"
Ranma may be a bit of a loudmouth jerk at times, but he's actually pretty accommodating for the most part. If it's something as small as "come over here for a second," he'll be even more inclined to listen to what you had to say.
"You want something?" he asked.
Sayuri smiled at him. Then with frightening precision undid every button on the front of his shirt in a single fluid motion, using only one finger. Before Ranma knew what was happening, he was standing there shirtless directly in front of Akane!
"How is that supposed to help?!" Yuka asked, smacking her friend on the back of the head.
"Help? You asked if I had any ideas!" Sayuri replied.
"Ranma... You... boy! Stripping down in front of houseguests!"
"Hey! It was your pervy friend that did this!"
All in all, this training session was a lot more productive than it had any right to be.
<hr>
Azusa's bedroom was a sight to behold. Pink and cute as far as the eye could see. Look around, you'll see her treasures. There's Francine. There's Marianne. There's Josephine and Caroline and they're all so, so cute and content just where they are.
Ah, and if you're careful you can even see the girl herself lying on a bed that seems to be made of giant pink marshmallows. It's so soft. It's so serene. Is it any wonder that little Azusa curled up and fell asleep the second she was in there?
Listen! Do you hear that? It is a lullaby!
<i>"Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you -"</i>
"A-R-E doing sleeping in bed!" Mariko Konjo suddenly yelled, interrupting the lullaby with a loud cheerleading routine replete with megaphone in one hand and twirling baton in the other. "Get right up you sleepyhead!"
"Yay... Mariko-chan has come to play with me!" Azusa mumbled in her sleep. "So h-a-p-p-y, play with me and don't ask why!"
Mariko glared down at the girl lying in bed with her eyes closed. Cheering in her sleep. Ooh, this was so frustrating! Did nothing wake her up? Did a lullaby send her off into a slumber that even Sleeping Beauty would find ridiculously deep?! What kind of ridiculous weakness is this?
Actually that wasn't even the part that annoyed her the most. It was the fact that Azusa's sleep cheering was actually really good! What a completely useless ability! How was she supposed to turn Azusa into an anti-Akane killing machine now?
"Aw, now, Mariko don't be S-A-D, don't you want to play with me?"
Actually... Then again, maybe this was the <i>perfect</i> tool that she needed to properly deal with Akane. An idea half formed in Mariko's twisted mind. Yes... yes, with a little more training and a little more practise she could turn this into a whole new cheerleading martial arts style! Sleep-cheering!
"Ready Akane? What'll you do, when cute little Azusa sleep cheers you?"
Cue maniacal laugh filling up the room as Mariko reflexively went through a generic cheering routine, while Azusa sleepily copied her. Yep. This was a perfectly sane and reasonable plan from a calm and rational M-I-N-D.
- Ranma tries to develop his own style to counter Dojikko-ken. Note the word 'tries'.
- The next day, Azusa challenges Akane yet again with Kuno’s help this time
- Ryoga appears. Things get messy.
- Genma and Soun see how well the children are getting along, so they decide it’s time to push things further.
- Something else
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