Story: Quadranma

Let us venture for a moment into the mind of kitty Ranma. It is a simple place. Much simpler than Ranma's normal mind, which was already pretty straightforward as it was. Stripped away were all societal concerns and neurosis, all sense of shame. Laid bare was the animal side which was far more honest, far more blunt and far more unrestrained than a human would normally be.

To that end: On spying a certain girl heading out on a jog to get some fresh air, the following thoughts went through kitty-Ranma's simple and straightforward head:

'That is Akane. I like Akane. Therefore I shall go with her. I shall show her that I like her.'

What cat owners will probably find amusing about this is that usually cats are the most tsundere of pets. They pretend that they do not like their owners, then seek out attention if they feel ignored. Perhaps this has more to do with Ranma's view of cats than anything else, but he was currently behaving in a much less tsundere means than normal.

Consider the way he was bounding after Akane, for example. Bouncing off all fours with a big goofy grin while she jogged down the street. What's remotely tsundere about that?

"Ranma! Go away!" Akane yelled. Aha! Akane was talking to him! She must want lots of affection. Ranma bounced forward with a mind to rub his cheek up against her thigh, and for his effort was soundly kicked into the nearest wall. "Honestly, what do you think you're doing out in public?!"

Again, if Ranma was in his normal state of mind he might have taken the hint. Akane was not in the mood to speak. But he was nowhere near his normal state of mind. Instead of thinking 'Akane is annoyed at me,' the thought that crossed his mind was instead 'yay, Akane wants to play!'

To this end he was back up on his feet and bounding towards her with the inevitability of the heat death of the universe. Except with a touch more of a manic gleam in his eye. If she wanted to play then he was certainly up for it. Oh, what fun they would have together!

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One thing to understand about Akane Tendo is that she is used to male attention of the very worst sort. What else can you call it when a group of boys attack you every single morning for the 'right to date you'? It had rather dimmed her view a bit of the opposite sex and left her wondering if there even was anyone her age group worth dating.

Then along comes Ranma Saotome and his siblings. He was nice, if a little weird. Good looking. A strong martial artist. And, as she discovered a little later on, pretty amazing in the sack. Not that she had any experience of that kind of thing, but it was difficult for her to imagine anything better than - Anyway, the point was that she had been thinking he might be pretty good boyfriend material. Maybe they could have a long term relationship. Maybe they could fool around every now and then. What she didn't expect was -

"Nyaaaa!" Ranma happily pounced towards her. Akane didn't run from this dive. Instead she met it with an uppercut that sent the boy flying a block away. Honestly, this weird foreplay he was engaging in was - "Nyaaaa!" mewled Ranma from behind her, rubbing his back against the back of her legs.

"Cut that out!" Akane yelled, not daring to look at him. Oh, sure. It was weird. But it was kind of working for her too. Much to her shame Akane couldn't deny that she was starting to feel wet and tingly and she didn't know why. Ranma was pressing buttons she didn't even know existed, and still she didn't know what they were labelled. So she responded the way that she usually respondent to perversion: She kicked him away.

Or tried to. Looking down, she saw that Ranma had curled himself up around her leg. And was starting to purr a contented purr which was sending vibrations up her leg which were... Guh.

"Aren't the young these days so daring?"

"Oh, I know. It's quite shameful seeing them carry on like this out in public."

"Isn't that Soun's youngest. I never pegged her to be the type."

As soon as the gossiping old couple were out of sight Akane was hopping towards the nearest lamp post with the intention of bashing Ranma's back into it. As she was making the kick he hopped over from one leg to the other, leaving Akane bashing her shin against the sturdy metal.

"Ow! Will you get off me already?!" Akane yelled. Oh, she was just about having enough of this! She reached down to push on his head, still thinking he was flirting with her. "Quit joking around and stop bothering me in public! Are you trying to embarass me?!"

"Nyaaaaa!" Ranma mewled. He rubbed his cheek up against the hand Akane was using to push down on his face. Then, as if to add indignity atop indignity, he affectionately licked her. Oh! This was intolerable! The urge to pet him and stroke him was building and building, leaving Akane with no other option! Her hand snaked down even further - Then grabbed hold of the boy's collar and used it as leverage to toss him down the street.

"Go cool your head!" Akane dusted off her hands and resumed jogging. But after a moment she peered back over her shoulder. Much as she was expecting by this point, Ranma was happily bounding after her. On all fours, with that odd springy movement and not an ounce of annoyance on his face.

So, normally Akane was the kind of person to stand and fight against something that was annoying her. This time, she was going to make use of the better part of valour. Create a little bit of distance between herself and Ranma. Before she wound up bounding up to him on all fours and -

Akane ran faster, turning as red as her name. Heedless of the direction, she ran down the streets turning at random in her desperate attempt to get away from -

"Nya!" Ranma mewled, hanging upside down from a tree right ahead of her. Smooch on the cheeks, smooth on the chin, smooch on the forehead, smooch on the lips. "Nyaaaaa!"

Akane wobbled and then reversed tracks. How did he do that?! The pace he was bouncing at wasn't even half of her speed, and yet -

"Nyaaaaa!" Ranma mewled, happily bounding besides her as she was dashing full pelt. Or what she used to think of as her top speed. It turned out that with the right motivation she could go at, oh, about double that.

This was insane! None of the boys that used to drool over her were ever this persistent before! Not even the worst of them would pursue her to this extent, not even that idiot Tatewaki -

She collided hard with someone running in the opposite direction. It turns out that you don't have to speak of the devil to make them appear. Thinking apparently did the job just as well.

"Akane Tendo!" Tatewaki Kuno happily cried, grasping her shoulders. Oh great. Wasn't Ranko enough to satisfy him anymore? He was still going to hit on her too? "Thank goodness you are here! A wicked spell has been cast over my dearest Ranko, and she is acting in a most peculiar manner!"

"Nyaaaa!"

No. No way. Akane looked past the idiot and beheld Ranma's sister fast approaching them. On all fours. Bouncing along the pavement. Big goofy grin on her face. In short an exact mirror duplicate of her own lover bouncing right on after her, and no less cute to boot.

"Huh..." Akane sighed, already feeling Ranma rubbing up against the back of her legs. Fight it, girl. You're better than this. Don't give in. Not in front of Kuno. Not again, at any rate! "Somehow I don't think they're flirting with us..."

Kuno blankly stared at her for a moment. "My former love, please do not take offense but you have some truly bizarre opinions about what constitutes flirting."


As if the situation wasn't zany enough, enter Mariko Konjo on the prowl for a hot guy.

Akane and Kuno decide to work together to figure out what's going on. This is not made easy by Ranma and Ranko's cute behaviour starting to really turn them on.

Meanwhile, Shampoo is trying to sort things out on her end. With limited success.

Ukyo and her sisters have managed to contain Isamu for the time being.

Something else.