Story: Ataru's Kingdom

Whoever came up with the harem exam must be a genius. Or a Saint. Ataru couldn't remember the last time he'd had so much fun at school! All these pretty girls, barely clad, dancing for his attention. Even Lum was involved, and she hadn't zapped him even one time!

Not out of jealousy. Not out of frustration. Not because of some weird affectionate quirk. For the first round, he'd merely had to look at some silhouettes and pick out which girl was which. An easy task for a boy like him, who watched girls closely all the time. For the second round? Lum, Shinobu, Ryuunosuke, Miss Sakura and Ran had all been assigned tasks, and he was given the job of making sure he didn't play favourites.

"Ah, Lum! Maybe instead of cooking, you should focus on dusting?" Ataru offered. "Your palette is different from everyone else's... I think Ran should be the cook here, and since you can fly you can reach spots the others can't. Uh, Ryu-chan, please don't play with the girly clothes, they need to be put away. Shinobu, can you show her how to fold them? Ah, Miss Sakura, please wash the glasses first..."

Of course, he wasn't just bossing them around or playing the role of manager, he actually did have to muck in and help out. Do his own part. That's what it means to have a harem, after all. Everyone must contribute to the relationship. Everyone must do their part. He wasn't just directing traffic, he was watching for where help was needed and providing it. When the dishes began to pile up and there was no more space in the rack for them to dry, he'd grab a towel and help to put them away. When Ran needed an extra pair of hands to prepare some food, he was right there to help her out.

It was something he'd never really thought of before about having a harem. It's not just the sex. You're living together. Working together. You're a family. You have to cooperate, make sure that everything is taken care of, clean up and maintain things. At some level if he just sat back and let them get on with it, they'd start to resent him, and he'd start to feel a bit guilty or maybe even bored just watching them get on with it.

Yes, this is the true meaning of 'harem'. Miss Sakura was the one scoring him for this round, and the way she was nodding seemed very, very positive. Which could only mean - 

"I think that I've seen enough," she said. "Onto the third round!"

Oh joy! What could this be? Would it be time to go to the bedroom, perhaps? Or maybe they'd take turns giving him laptdances?Even the chores of the second round had been fun because he'd been able to steal a few nudges or gropes while assisting them on their tasks. None of them complained, hell, he had the general idea that this was somehow encouraged! What could be next? What could possibly be -

"Deflect this giant meteor in a test of strength!"

"I'm sorry what?" Ataru asked, raising his finger in the air. The rooftop folded away, revealing an enormous ball of ice, rock, fire and death descending down upon them from on high. "How does this test a guy's worth for a harem?!" he yelled, pointing an accusatory finger right at it.

"Go! Go! Ataru! You're the best! So much hotter than the rest!" a bouncy cheerleader called out from the sidelines. He was pretty sure that was Benten, but - nah, couldn't be, Benten would never do something like that. "Don't hold back, let's be juicy! Smash that rock like it's my pussy!"

"Whew, that's a big one, tcha..." Lum whistled. "Why haven't your meteorite defenses struck it from the sky?"

"Meteorite defenses?!" Shinobu yelled.

"Well yeah, every planet with a civilisation has one," Lum said. "Obviously you're going to need protection of some sort, right? You must have something to protect you from them, right?"

"It's called Jupiter's sheer size and mass!" Shinobu yelled.

"Ohhhh, you keep yourselves safe by taking advantage of a much larger celestial body, which alters the trajectory of the majority of incoming projectiles, keeping them from colliding with the planet long enough for life to undergo ambiogenesis and evolution," Lum said like it was a matter of fact, perfectly ordinary thing.

"Uh, you chicks just gonna stand around all day talking about intergalactic physics, or are we gonna deal with that bullshit before it smashes us to pieces!"

Right! Of course! Ataru slapped his own cheeks. Obviously they weren't in any real danger, it had to be a test of some sort. It certainly couldn't be because, say, the fairies currently running reality asked the wrong person about what a harem exam should entail and they'd taken it to a ridiculous extreme. This was another teamwork test! Consider the resources they have on hand, and then -

There we go! He had it! That's what they needed to do!

"Girls, listen carefully, there's no time!" Ataru said. "Ran, I need you to kiss all of them, and drain them as much as you safely can."

"Eh?! At a time like - "

"No time!" Ataru grabbed hershoulders. "Ran, it's up to you! Go ahead, kiss all of them! The cheerleaders and Miss Sakura too!"

"W-Well, okay..." Ran grumbled. Then grabbed Ryuunosuke and smooched her right on the lips.

"Hey, I'm not into girls, what are you -" Shinobu began to protest, before Ran whirled her around and dipped her too. In moments, Shinobu went limp, and next up Ran set her sights on Lum.

"Um, I'm not sure I- "Lum began to protest, staying just out of Ran's reach.

"Hey Lum, if you do this we can sleep in the same bed tonight," Ataru offered. He was planning on offering that anyway, but! Lum's eyes twinkled, and she lowered herself, offering up her lips to Ran, who supped greedily from her. From there, she jumped around to the other girls, one after the other. The cheerleaders, Miss Sakura, all of them lay at Ataru's feed drained of energy, and next all he had to do was grab ahold of Ran herself, whirl her around and -

She tasted sweet. Like bubblegum. The energy she'd stolen from the others flowed up into Ataru. From there, he exploded upwards like a goddamn superhero, bustling with lightning and sheer raw strength. His fist collided with the meteor - 

"Harem Smash!" he yelled and sent it flying back into outer space, whereupon the burst of energy ran out causing him to fall right back to Earth, where - for reasons he didn't understand - he had a completely soft landing.

"Uuuuurgh~" groaned someone under him.

"Oh, hey Mendo, is the harem exam going well for you too?" Ataru asked.

Meanwhile, the girls he'd been paired up with were groaning as well.

"P-Pass!" Miss Sakura raised her hand to the sky, and then extended a thumb. "F-Flying colours! Ataru Moroboshi now has the right to have a harem!"

"I'm in!" Ran said right away. "I am so in that harem!"

"Urgh, fuck it, so am I..." Benten groaned. "I'm, like, way too turned on by that to think straight no more."

"Something's wrong here..." Shinobu was barely able to lift her head, and yet. "Nnnnrgh, b-but I really want to join in that harem too. No, reality's broken, I have to fight this, I have to -"

"Darling's so cool!" Lum sighed. "He saved us all!"

And that's how Ataru Moroboshi got himself a harem. All according to the desires of his kingdom, which seemed to be getting more and more dominant over reality with each passing moment.