Tuesday, 24 May 2016

Story: Cursed Joketsuzoku


Soun Tendo had a dream. It was a simple dream from a simple, overly emotional man. He dreamt that one of his lovely daughters would marry the son of his best and dearest friend, Genma Saotome. He dreamt that this joining would lead to the dojo he owned getting a much-needed shot in the arm, the revitalisation of youth and ultimately a new generation to carry on the tradition of Anything Goes Martial Arts.

It didn't matter to him which of his daughters married Saotome's son. His eldest, Kasumi, would make an excellent housewife. His middle daughter Nabiki was intelligent and shrewd. His youngest daughter still practised martial arts, and was doing rather well at it. Any of them would be excellent candidates, and different enough to satisfy the taste of any man, so even though he knew nothing at all about young Ranma, Soun was still quite certain that he would be able to happily choose one of the three, settle down and -

"Nihao!"


And this was what it was like for a dream to die. With the appearance of a figure that basic biology and common sense said was quite impossible, and yet there it was. Tucked into a tight-fitting Chinese dress and cheerily waving at him and his family.

"Well," Nabiki shrugged. "So much for that whole engagement thing. If anyone needs me, I'll be in my room rethinking my position on the Kinsey scale."

And off went Nabiki, leaving the rest of the family staring at the four arrivals with a multitude of emotional reactions. Akane goggled, Kasumi, had her hand to her mouth, Soun was just... still. So very, very still.

As for the arrivals: There was Genma, standing to the back, looking very nervous. There was some kind of monkey wearing a dress and holding a cane. There was a pigtailed boy over there wearing a red shirt who was almost certainly Ranma, and then of course there was the already mentioned lavender-haired goddess standing a little behind him.

"Greetings, Tendo!" Genma said, making a rather obvious attempt to force himself to sound happy. "It's been a long time! How have you been?"

"Quite well," Soun answered ."I've only been waiting years for word of contact from you, so that I could introduce your son to my daughters and we could get that whole arranged marriage thing going. Though it does puzzle me greatly that your son already appears to have a girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend, she's my sparring - What was that about arranged marriage?" Ranma asked, interrupting himself to do so.

"Yes, I was curious about that as well," the monkey noted, narrowing its eyes towards Genma suspiciously. "You said that you had sent on a letter -"

"Postcard," Soun interrupted, waving it around.

"Postcard," the monkey patiently corrected itself, "telling your friend we would be coming. Did you not think it might have been prudent to also tell him about our arrival?"

"Well, it's not exactly the kind of story one can tell in a mere lett- postcard," Genma explained, adjusting his glasses. "A good deal of it is rather unbelievable, and would rather require an explanation in person. If I had tried to tell you in the postcard that I transform into a panda when splashed with cold water, you would have probably thought I had gone completely insane!"

He did, actually. That was exactly what Soun did think. That his old friend had gone completely off the deep end. Oh, the humanity! To survive that dreadful training with the Master, only to break down like this years later. It rather brought him to tears!

Much like how Saotome himself was brought to tears when the monkey suddenly knocked him about the head with the sturdy-looking top of the cane with a cry of "Idiot!" While Genma rubbed his head indignantly, the monkey returned its attention to Soun, making him realise just how big those eyes were in proportion to the rest of that face. "My apologies, but do not be concerned. I had anticipated some manner of problem and prepared accommodations for myself and my great-granddaughter in advance. I am Cologne of the Joketsuzoku, and it appears as though Shampoo - my great-granddaughter - has gone inside the building alongside Ranma and your daughters."

"Ah, never mind that!" Genma groused. "Now that it's just us adults, it will be much easier to sort out what's going on and what needs to be done."

"Very well then," Cologne solemnly said. "For the purposes of demonstration, I shall require some warm water and cold water." She stopped, closed her eyes and sighed. "In separate containers."

"I did get that impression," Soun said.

"I know," Cologne replied, giving Genma a sharp look. "But given the company, it may be best to idiot proof as many of our remarks as possible."

<hr>
Ranma was feeling two emotions at once. Firstly, he was tired of this bullshit and wanted to go someplace else. Secondly, he was really hungry and whatever was cooking over there smelled delicious. So he followed his nose inside, incidentally following after one of the three sisters to whom he was apparently engaged.

Then his stomach growled, making that woman stop in her tracks to look at him.

"Oh, are you hungry?" she asked. "I was just in the process of putting out breakfast when Father called us over to tell us about the engagement. There should be enough for you as well."

"Thanks," Ranma said graciously, feeling a little embarrassed by his behaviour and the noise of his stomach. "You just found out about this engagement as well, huh?"

"That's right. I'm Kasumi, by the way. It's nice to meet you, Ranma. And your girlfriend as well."

"She's not my girlfriend," Ranma repeated, having stated the same thing earlier. "She's a friend, and that's -"

Now, what happened next was rather uncharacteristic of the normally quite careful Kasumi, but while walking across the room with a glass of water she tripped over - well, something at least - and wound up dumping the whole thing all over Ranma's head.

While she gasped, both apologetically and at the sight of a young man transforming into a young woman, something changed inside Ranma as well.

"She's really pretty," thought the doubly cursed youth, looking the older woman up and over. "Her body doesn't have anything on Shampoo or my girl form, but she's very cute..."

All of a sudden, even though Ranma's regular hunger was what had led him to the kitchen in the first place, now that he was a she, a different sort of hunger was starting to gnaw at the back of her mind.

<hr>
If Shampoo had learned anything these last few days, it was patience. If she had learned anything worth knowing from her great-grandmother, it was strategic thinking. Her goal: Prove and demonstrate the superiority of True Power by seducing Ranma Saotome. Complication: His dumb, stupid fool of a father had already set up an engagement between him and one of three pretty - but not possessing True Power - sisters.

She did not know Ranma very well. But if he was the honourable sort, he might well decide to settle for one of these flat-chested, figureless, unerotic girls. It would net him some land, a dojo he could use for any number of purposes...

Which left Shampoo with the intention of allowing Ranma to have his cake, and also have wild, passionate, sweat-drenched sex with it. Or he could eat it. If she could somehow manage to acquire both this land and Ranma's devotion at the same time...

Anyway. It was because of her patience and strategic thinking that she didn't follow Ranma and the tallest sister into the main building, instead preferring to head off after the one wearing the unflattering gi. Not that there was all that much to flatter in the first place, from what Shampoo could see...

"Can I help you with something?" the girl sharply asked, a little annoyed, but not directing it at Shampoo. Internally, Shampoo smirked. It was time to set about seducing this girl.

"Nihao," she said, cute and bubbly as she could manage. "Name is Shampoo. Nice to meet you."

"I'm Akane," the girl replied cautiously. "And you're Ranma's girlfriend, right?"

"Nope, but want to be," Shampoo said with a pout. "He not seem interested."

"Your Japanese is a little rusty."

Shampoo reached into her cleavage and pulled out a book, in the process giving the flat-chested girl a bit of a look at something that would surely cause her to gulp in envy. "Shampoo is..." She began flipping through the phrase book. "Learning... Rushed... Not good... Grammar... Hold of, yet." Then she plopped it back into her cleavage, rather enjoying the jiggle that this caused and making her wish she were standing in front of a mirror.

"Ranma is good boy," Shampoo said. Chipper, cheery, approachable. "He not make one wrong move to Shampoo." Not that he really could have, because she'd have done anything sexual he'd asked if only he'd thought to. "He and dumb, dumb daddy help Shampoo get free of curse."

"Curse?" Akane asked. "What curse?"

"You no think all this natural," Shampoo said, giving a little twirl in place. "Is cursed. Used to be strong, strong martial artist. But now -"

She threw a clumsy punch, and Akane caught it. In Shampoo's estimation the girl could beat her in an actual fight as she was right now. If not for True Power, that one punch would have sent this girl flying.

"Your balance is off," Akane said, prompting Shampoo to raise an eyebrow. "Your muscle mass is all distorted. Your body's been sculpted into a sensual mess that's completely unsuited for fighting." Impressive. She could tell that much from one punch? She might not be as strong or as fast as they used to be back in the village, but this girl's ability to read a fighter was very nearly at the level they used to be. "Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry! I had no idea!"

"Is okay," Shampoo sniffed, shedding crocodile tears for a loss she didn't remotely regret. Not when she'd gained so, so much more. She let her bubbly voice crack a little. Rub some salt into the wound. You were jealous of me before, Akane Tendo, and you had every right to be. Maybe you hated me, and Ranma too. But now... "All Shampoo want is to break curse. Make Ranma love Shampoo. He good man. He not treat Shampoo like eye candy, he try to help her. Like gentleman..."

There we go. Sow the seeds. Seduction?: Hah. That word basically means "make someone like you," and that's what Shampoo had done. Not in the typical sexual manner, but rather more like -

"I'm sorry," Akane said giving her a deep enough bow that she completely missed the wicked gleam in Shampoo's eyes. "I misjudged you, both of you. Like I said. I'm Akane Tendo. Would you like to be friends?"

Shampoo wasted no time or energy in pulling Akane into a deep, deep hug. "Shampoo like that," she said, discreetly using her own sensitive body to check out this other girl's. Fit. Healthy. Not much flab, not much chest. On a scale of normal girls, she was maybe an eight. On the scale of True Power, she was a six. Not bad for an outsider, but that score could be improved.

"Shampoo like that very much."


  1. Girl-form Ranma flirts with Kasumi, but doesn't really know what she's doing.
  2. Ranma fights down the urge to flirt, but asks Shampoo about it later on.
  3. Akane tries to help Shampoo improve her form.
  4. Meanwhile, Nabiki is engaged in self reflection.
  5. Something else

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