Sunday, 20 July 2014

Story: Ranmasexual

Decided to throw in a little twist that I thought was pretty funny. I hope you enjoy it.

It has been remarked that a lie can travel the world before the truth can get its boots on. Mr Twain was quite astute in this manner, as it is far, far harder to correct a convincing lie or any manner of misconception than it is to propagate it. In that light can the prevailing nature of gossip be any kind of surprise? They are in a way lies of their own. They treat deduced observations as facts, often omitting necessary context. They tell a juicy story ripe for repetition, elaboration, fabrication. It spreads more rapidly among a population than any disease, because in the telling there are bound to be eavesdroppers that will pass it on even should the recipient of this gossip themselves not be remotely interested.

Ah, but in this particular instance you would be hard pressed to find a single person in Furinkan High School that was uninterested in this particular topic of conversation. Cup your ear and listen for a moment: The halls are resounding with it now. The sounds of idle chatter on this very topic echo through the halls.

“Akane Tendo has a boyfriend!”

It was astounding, really. Akane and her “boyfriend” had barely managed five steps past the front gate, and already every single student attending that day had heard the news. Lining the schoolyard were the more athletically inclined boys in school, staring slack jawed at the inexplicable sight of Akane Tendo arm in arm with a furiously blushing pigtailed boy wearing a Chinese silk shirt.

Which put Ranma in a position he never expected to find himself in. The centre of attention for reasons entirely unrelated to his martial arts skill. Or his giant panda father, who he was pretty sure was following the two of them to school. Oh, but wouldn’t he be pleased by the sight! Akane hanging off his arm like it was the only thing keeping her from falling into a deep dark pit.

“So this is your school!” he declared a little more loudly than he’d intended. “Hahaha! Seems nice!” She stepped closer to him, and Ranma froze. What was he even supposed to do in this situation? Sure, it was pretty obvious that any chick was going to fall for a hunk like him, but this was not what he was expecting from the tough tomboy he’d met yesterday. It wasn’t like she was cutting off the circulation in his arm or anything, but her grip was more affectionate than he was used to. Then again. Given the life he’d led a gentle brush on the cheek from a hurled glove was more affection than he was used to.

And it didn’t exactly help that everyone was staring at them. Right at them. Whole bunch of guys dressed like they were going to the most diverse sports meet he could think of in terms of games played. Well, Akane’s attitude made sense all of a sudden! Was this a demonstration of how seriously Furinkan took sports? In which case, maybe he’d get better training here than he’d thought…

“Your name,” a tall student demanded, stepping past the rest of the group. You could tell at a glance he was a kendoist. “I would know your name, good sir! That you would deign to date with Akane Tendo without first defeating her!”

“Actually, he did defeat me,” Akane sniffed, pushing herself even closer to him. “We had a sparring contest at the dojo, and he won. Hands down. Isn’t that right, Ranma?”

The kendoist’s eyes flashed with fury, and he bolted forward with his bokken ready to strike in a moment. Ranma could tell that he was fast, really fast, and still easily ducked out of the way, rolling to the kendoist’s side.

“My apologies,” Ranma’s opponent sneered. “I should have given my name before attacking! I am Tatewaki Kuno. What is your name, scourge of all that is decent?”

“Ranma Saotome,” he replied, sliding into a battle position. Yes! This was more like it! The other students all backed the fuck off, and that was just the way Ranma liked it. Him and this guy duking it out, giving a chance to show off and make everyone forget about… Before. Here, guys, have something to really stare at -

And then Kuno got kicked in the head by Akane, prompting him to drop like a sack of potatoes. She dusted off her hands, resumed her place on Ranma’s arm, stuck out her tongue at the fallen kendoist and said, “Get the hint now? Let me spell it out for you. G-O A-W-A-Y! Come on, Ranma, I’ll show you to class. The air around here stinks anyway.”

Thank heavens he was wearing baggy trousers, because at that moment in time Ranma had the weirdest boner.

<hr>
It was one of those funny things. People assumed that Nabiki was all about the money. But no! No, no. Her methods might make her a bit of quick and easy cash in the short term, but in the longer term? There were better, smoother ways to operate. Which betrays her true motivation at the end of the day. Money was a means towards a different end. There’s a special word for what Nabiki was after, and it was unrelated to anything within sound economics.

Schadenfreude.

Oh, yes. It sounds cruel because it is. Nabiki loved herself a little bit of suffering, but only when it was truly earned. Boys that thought they could impress her by throwing some cash around? Pft. Practically begging to be blackmailed. A pompous martial artist? Begging to be taken down a peg or three. And then there was the walking, living, breathing example of schadenfreude that was known to the world as Tatewaki Kuno.

In that sense, you could say that Nabiki loved him. Loved tearing down his self esteem. Loved taking his money. Loved ridiculing him at every single opportunity. Who wouldn’t? Look at him! He was a complete tool in every way. Arrogant wannabe poet that thinks he’s god’s gift. Not just to women. To everyone. The kind of person that is mystified at the reality of his life, that women don’t throw themselves at his feet and that boys don’t clamour over themselves to be his very best friend. He’s good at one thing and one thing only. Kendo. That’s it. He’s really, really stupidly good at kendo and that apparently makes him a blessing from the gods.

So, she was looking forward to seeing his reaction to discovering the existence of the engagement. It was her birthday and Christmas rolled into one. She watched from above as Akane kicked him in the head and dragged Ranma indoors. She watched as he dusted himself off, as nobody made eye contact, and he entered the building like a wounded animal. She waited for him to take his seat and watched as he crossed his arms, closed his eyes and tried really, really hard not to look like he was sulking. And oh, but he was failing.

“Something wrong, Kuno-baby?” Nabiki asked, resting her chin in her hands and staring up at him with bright, bright eyes and a big genuine smile.

“Who is he?” Kuno asked through gritted teeth. “This… Ranma Saotome. From whence did he come?”

“You see, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much -”

“Do not toy with me!” Kuno snapped. He reached into his hakama and pulled out a big wad of cash. Now she knew he was really serious. “Everything you know about him. Immediately!”

“There isn’t much to tell,” Nabiki shrugged. “His father’s an old friend of our father. We met him yesterday, and -”

“And what does he like to eat?” Kuno asked out of nowhere. “Did he express any particular interests? What are his measurements? I must know, you mercenary! And damn the price!”

Aha. Ahahaha. This was one of those times where Nabiki was glad she had a modicum of self control because if she did not then she would be laughing like a mad scientist in a room full of nitrous oxide. And why shouldn’t she when an absolutely perfect vein of schadenfreude had just this moment made itself known to her. A vein that she could mine for quite probably literally years to come!

<hr>
“Sorry about this,” Akane whispered as the two of them walked off to class, surrounded again by staring students. She was torn. Half of her didn’t want this walk to class to end, but the other half felt like a complete heel. “Those idiots out front have been trying to prove their worth by defeating me in combat since the year began. I figured if we pretended to be dating, then -”

“Then they’d leave you alone,” Ranma finished with a sigh.

Akane pursed her lips. She should have asked him for permission first. Stupid! This wasn’t just another fight. You can’t just attack attack and attack in a situation like this; it simply won’t work! How was this seduction thing supposed to go, then? She’d normally just been herself and the boys flocked to her, but somehow that didn’t feel like it would work with Ranma…

“Feh. Bunch of idiots, then. I can’t believe they fell for your bad acting, too!”

“Had you going for a bit,” Akane replied, trying to fight down how hot it made her feel when he insulted her. It wasn’t rational. Then again, nothing about her attraction to him was. She leaned a little closer to whisper right in his ear. It would be so easy for her to put her tongue out just a fraction and… “The look on your face,” she whispered, fighting down the urge, “was priceless.”

Ranma’s head snapped around and, oh, their lips were so close. So close! That steamy look on his face made her wish she had the faintest damn clue about seduction. She had to have him. Had to. All to herself. Not for sharing. For life.

“Yeah,” Ranma whispered back. “But you’re gonna have to think of something else. You’re fun to hang out with, but I’m not acting like this for the whole year. Darling.”

Akane smiled. We’ll see about that, she thought. This wasn’t a girl that took a challenge lightly! Sure, she didn’t have any plan right now, but she’d figure something out. Just you watch!

  1. Kuno finds out about the curse. Feels great relief.
  2. Later, Akane tries clumsily seducing Ranma.
  3. Akane/Ranma get cornered by the biggest gossips for what’s going on.
  4. At the end of the day, Kuno calls Ranma out.
  5. Something else

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