Story: Parallel Ranma

<b>Pervert Universe</b>

You know, it seemed to Akane that people were determined to think the worst of each other. It was like if you showed a single flaw then people pounced on it and blew it up and made it your thing when really, you were more complicated than that and they were leaping to conclusions that weren’t right, putting words in your head that you weren’t thinking, and it just drove her completely insane.

“Hello, little sister!” Nabiki called. Case in point. “Why so glum? Didn’t I just see Ranma rocking your world just now? That usually puts you in a pretty good mood.”

It was so strange. The way people spoke, you’d think Nabiki was the devil herself. That was a difficult image to maintain while watching a boy happily rub lotion on her back. At worst Nabiki was a little manipulative, but everyone blew it all out of proportion. It was quite ridiculous!

“Yes,” Akane said, squirming a little. “I mean, it’s not because I like him or anything. He’s just a good lay.”

“Mmm, yes, he is…” Nabiki trailed off, purring like a kitten as the boy’s hands found her happy spot in the middle of her back. For some reason she’d always been sensitive there.

“But today he’s been acting so <i>weird</i>!” Akane paced around towards Nabiki’s head and knelt down to talk face to face. “He’s usually like a powerhouse. You know, reacts to what you want before you even know you want it and makes your entire body curl with pleasure and only <b>then</b> builds himself some momentum to get your engine really started?”

“Did you have a point, or did you come over here to brag?” Nabiki asked, sighing when the boy’s hands lingered on her thighs. “Was poor Ranma not up to par today? Such a shame. I was looking forward to catching up with him later on.”

Akane sniffed. Not because she was jealous or anything. Not like she wanted Ranma to rub oil on her or anything like that. “Well, it’s not like he was bad. Just… Different. He made a whole production out of it like it was some big thing that we were fucking. It was almost like he… I don’t know, thought it <i>meant</i> something other than a little bit of fun.”

Ah, that seemed to get Nabiki’s attention. She finally lifted her head to look up at Akane from where she was lying down, quirked eyebrow and an intrigued twinkle in her eye. “You have my interest,” Nabiki said. “However. You know more than I do. What do you think the problem is?”

“I don’t know, but it’s kind of freaking me out a little,” Akane said. “I mean, look over there! He’s in a three-way with Shampoo and Ukyo and he’s letting them lead him around by the nose! The Ranma Saotome I know always sets his own pace, drags you along for the ride and makes you beg for him to go faster all the while.”

Nabiki’s lips upturned just slightly for a fraction of a second, and for a moment Akane could more easily see the devil that everyone said her older sister was creep out behind those eyes… But just as quickly it was gone. As if she’d imagined it, which she must have. Obviously. Everyone was merely exaggerating their experiences with Nabiki, nothing more than that.

“I think you and I need to keep a closer eye on him,” Nabiki said, hopping to her feet and shooing off the helpful boy that was rubbing oil over her back. “For his own good. Of course. I mean, one can only hope that he’s not so sick he’ll actively try to avoid erotic opportunities, but until we know for certain -”

Akane felt herself grow quite pale. That possibility hadn’t even crossed her mind. What if Ranma <i>was</i> sick? What if - What if he’d suddenly become a prude without anyone even noticing! Why, that would be simply awful, and not only because she’d not get her after-dinner eating out. If that was the case then their mission was clear: Repervify him at all costs!

“Huh,” Akane said. She tapped her lips in deep thought for a moment. “Is repervify a word? That should be a word.”
<hr>
<b>Regular Universe</b>

So, this kind of sucked. Tied up with nowhere to go. Normally he’d think Kodachi had snuck into his room and decided to surprise him, or maybe Akane found another book on BDSM and royally fouled it up like the klutz that she was, but either way he had to give kudos for the knots. The more he struggled against the ropes and chains, the more restricted his movements became. These weren’t just knots designed to keep you in place. They were knots that were designed by someone that knew all of the tricks for getting yourself untied and deliberately set about circumventing them all at once. Not that he could, but Ranma doubted he could even slip out if he dislocated his shoulder or happened to be double jointed.

In other words, he was in the lair of the enemy. A bunch of prudes that were doubtless determined to rob him of his sex drive and make his life a boring hell. Let’s see. Less of the metaphors, where was he <i>literally</i> right now? From the looks of it this was the Cat Cafe basement, where he’d whiled away many an evening giving Shampoo just the most thorough dicking imaginable. He smirked. Girl might change into a kitty, but she knew how to roar.

Ranma sighed. No matter how good those memories were, they wouldn’t exactly help him out of this predicament. Aside from providing him with a reason to try and get out of this damn mess in the first place, but that should go without saying! But how? There weren’t any sharp objects anywhere near him, not even any water so he could maybe transform and slip out. Nothing for him to do but -

The door into the cellar opened, and Mousse strode down the steps. Mousse?! What the hell is he - No, don’t assume anything. This whole situation was so bizarre and surreal that he shouldn’t be all that surprised by pretty much anything at this point.

“You’re finally at my mercy!” Mousse declared triumphantly. Ranma merely rolled his eyes. “No fighting back this time, Saotome! You’re completely helpless! I can do anything I like, so long as I don’t kill you!”

“I didn’t know you were into that sort of thing,” Ranma said with complete sincerity.

“You! You are so infuriating!” Mousse yelled. “Saotome! What is it that Shampoo sees in you?!”

“Whatever it is, safe bet you couldn’t see it if it danced on your nose.”

Mousse drew a sword out of his robe, and Ranma could so easily see his chance. Yes, that’s right. Just a quick swing, and - He put the sword back up his sleeve and shook his head.

“No, not that easy,” Mousse said, returning to that smug tone he’d started with. “You were trying to trick me into cutting the rope, weren’t you? Well! It’s at least clear to me that they’ve grown tired of your games at last, Saotome. Soon Shampoo will see sense and she’ll be all mine!”

“… Mousse, you have got to stop setting yourself up like that,” Ranma said. “I mean, I can already think of a dozen cracks I could make from that last sentence alone. It’s no fun teasing you if you make it so <i>easy</i>.”

Hold on, wait just a moment… So this Mousse was infatuated with Shampoo? Interesting. Surely that was something he could use, but how? The myopic warrior was an unpredictable person at the best of times and that was even when Ranma knew up from down and left from right, never mind this crazy backwards world where everyone was a prude. Still. He had to at least try one gambit.

“Besides, it’s not even like Shampoo would look your way if I was out of the picture anyhow. It’d sure make things simpler for me if she did, but it just isn’t happening.”

Ten bowling pins and a ball bounced off Ranma’s head in quick succession as Mousse poured them out of his sleeve. Ow! Ow! OW! Man, this really was just like Kodachi’s bedroom on a bad day! Alright. So that meant he really had hit a sore spot there. Now, if he could find a way to convince Mousse that he knew a way to seduce Shampoo that would definitely work, he’d be in. Then he could get back to getting everything back to normal, just like it should be!

1. In the Pervert universe: How do Akane and Nabiki intend to investigate Ranma?
2. In the Regular universe: Kodachi succumbs to the sister's advances.
3. In the Regular universe, Kodachi is able to escape.
4. In the Regular universe, the sisters are interrupted while they are seducing Kodachi.
5. Something else