Story: Akane's Identity Crisis

After seeing this, I started to think about the idea. It was pretty interesting on the surface, but I did have a few problems with it. There is potential, but it needs fixing. So... I knocked out the below in maybe an hour and a half. Enjoy! If anyone has suggestions for improvement, I am all ears.



"Nihao, Akane!" Shampoo greeted as she stopped her bike next to the girl on her morning jog. Akane, for her part, ignored the purple haired warrior and continued on her way, much to Shampoo's irritation. She rode on a little further and tried again. "Shampoo say nihao!" only to be ignored once again.Time for a change of strategy. Shampoo peddled on in front of the kitchen wrecker and stopping right in front of her, swerving her bike around to block the path ahead... Only for Akane to turn down a side street and continue without breaking a stride.

 "Shampoo not believe this shit," she groused under her breath, riding after the girl once again. This time there would be no mercy. She dove off the bike in a perfect dive, colliding with Akane's back. This prompted the weakling girl to remind Shampoo that though she be rather pathetic by the lofty standards set by her village back home, that did not mean she was a slouch by any means. Certainly not if that forward roll had anything to say about it. Had Shampoo not quite so fast a reaction time, she'd have been slung off by that quite handily.

As it was, Shampoo had managed to pin Akane to the ground, satisfied that she had the girl's attention at last.

"What do you want?" Akane said in the same tone usually used by someone that rather actively disliked dogs being forced to step into a kennel.

"Shampoo want to say sorry! Sorry for messing up wedding like that."

"And you do this by tackling me to the ground," Akane observed, scowling at her. "I bet you're sorry alright. Sorry you didn't hit me with one of those explosives you and Ukyo were chucking around!"

Well, yes, not that Shampoo particularly felt like saying that right at this very moment. She was not here to provoke her rival. She was here to... <i>play</i> with her. Just a little bit. Which meant she would have to forego the argument with the girl about how Ranma obviously didn't want to go through with the wedding in the <i>first damn place</i> so <i>she</i> can just get right the fuck off her high horse and compete for his affections <b>properly</b> like the rest of them were!

You know. Through love spells and seduction and outright lies to get him out on dates. That sort of thing.

"You've said you're sorry," Akane said, sitting back up as Shampoo let her up. "So back off and leave me alone!"

"Ah! Wait! Shampoo have peace offering. Make up for little bit!" She reached inside her takeout bag and pulled out the box of dim sums she'd brought with her. "Is new recipe. Is too too delicious!"

Akane gave her a look so deadpan that it might actually have killed some pans in the general direction she was staring. "How stupid do you think I am?" she asked. "Those are probably stuffed full of... something weird! No way. Not happening. I'm not that stupid. I'm not taking one single - mph!"

There comes a point in some plans going awry that one just has to go "Fuck it" and improvise. Shampoo had reached that threshold for the second time in the same plan, this time cramming a dim sum into Akane's mouth while she ranted about how bad an idea it would be to eat a dim sum. Sometimes life was full of little pleasures like that.

"Is good," Akane intoned, blinking slightly as the mushrooms took effect. Her posture slouched a little, and... she was under! Perfect! Now was the crucial moment, now was the time for her rival to suffer greatly and not even realise what was happening!  This would be her win! Her victory! Ranma was in her sights at long, long last and all she had to do was give this girl a command to make certain that they hated one another for the rest of their lives!

Or, she could forget the plan and take the opportunity to dick around. That was a mighty strong temptation, now that she had thought of it. Eh. Screw it. Something would've probably gone wrong anyway. Why not have a little fun instead?

Shampoo rang her bell. "Behave like whoever's name you hear next!" she said, stifling a giggle. Akane's eyelids fluttered as consciousness returned, and Shampoo muttered "Mousse!"

In a second, Akane's body language underwent a startling transformation. It was as though before Shampoo's very eyes, she was seeing something... someone else materialise in place of the Tendo girl. She unconsciously adjusted glasses that were not there. Her stance became much more masculine, her gaze a little lonelier. "You've ruined the only chance of happiness I'll ever have," she muttered, and Shampoo began to realise her mistake right about then. "This is all your fault, Shampoo! I chall-"

The ringing of a bell cut that off before it went anywhere. Stupid! Shampoo could have kicked herself! She should have realised that would have been the reaction! Of course Akane viewed her as a rival for Ranma's affections, and of course she'd think that violent reprisals was the way forward. Stupid! Let's try someone a lot less violent now, shall we? "Kasumi!"

Again, that shift in body language was profound and virtuall instant. Akane was much more refined, blissful and clear. A bit taller and with longer hair, she could easily pass for her own older sister. Amazing! Shampoo had always known that body language was a large part of human interaction, but she didn't realise until this very moment how much of a person's appearance was definied by it as well.

"Please Shampoo, you really must learn to play nicer in future," Akane said, calmer than Shampoo had ever seen her. Not much of a bar to jump over in her estimation, but it was certainly true! "Though I do have to say... That was a very nice dim sum, Shampoo! Would you mind telling me the recipe? Or would that be too much trouble?"

"Is secret!" Shampoo replied, staring into the serene and happy eyes staring back at her. Of course, it would be rather amusing if she did try to go back home like this, but why waste the opportunity? She rang the bell once again. How about... "Ukyo."

"I gotta tell you, sugar. It's gonna take a lot more than that to make it up to me!" Akane said, lightly cradling a giant spatula that, once again, was not there. "You fouled up big time, and there's no way I'm forgiving you that easi-"

Bring bring once again! Shampoo was starting to wish she'd brought popcorn, because this was damned entertaining. "Principal Kuno!"

"You was naughty keiki," Akane waggled her finger at Shampoo. "Don't you go be blowin' up odda people's weddings! You needs da heaps loada discipline, and - And you best be stopping laughin' cause this no laughin matta!"

"Shampoo apologise. One moment!" She rung the bell one final time, and said "Akane," which was probably for the best because another one might very well kill her. Death by laughter was not nearly the top of her preferred ways to finally go. The thought that whenever she heard a bell for the rest of the day, the nuisance would start acting like whoever's name she heard next... well, it warmed the cockles of her heart. That alone would likely send her into giggly fits! Such a shame she wouldn't be able to see it for herself! As Akane clutched her head in confusion, Shampoo slipped off down the street back towards the cafe. Yes, sometimes it was good to avoid going for a plan and simply have a little fun!

<hr>
Ugh! Whatever was in that dim sum, it was giving her a splitting headache! Knowing Shampoo, it was bound to be something nasty even if she hadn't noticed the effect quite yet. So annoying! She'd been enjoying that jog and that psycho bitch had to ruin it, didn't she? Oh. And she'd slunk off into the sunset, no doubt back to the cafe. Well. Forget following her, especially alone.

Akane cleared her head and went straight home, trying to put the event out of her mind. She had a clear game plan - Tell Ranma about the encounter, get him to watch her behaviour closely and then they could figure out what was wrong with her exactly. maybe confront Shampoo with Ranma's help. Yes, that seemed like it might work. Just so long as he didn't try to take advantage of whatever it was. Who knows, he might just try it!

Ah, but then as she was about to run inside the front gate, she happened to be passed by an innocent cyclist, who had noticed a friend on the other side of the road and rung his bell to get their attention. The only question now, was what name Akane heard as soon as she set foot within the walls of her home?