Once upon a time, these two girls were opposing points on a love triangle. The ordinary (if strong) girl from Earth and the exotic Oni from outer space. Now the two of them were sitting at a table in Lum's spaceship. Both wearing bathrobes. Both smiling like loons. Both sighing a genuinely content sounding sigh.
"Wonder what I should tell my parents," Shinobu suddenly said. She took a sip of the hot alien drink Lum had made her. "I've been out all night. They must be worried sick, and telling them I was having plain vanilla missionary sex with Ataru all night long won't make things better."
By 'plain missionary sex' what she actually meant was 'we started out that way, but then I got really into it, reversed our positions and then rode him like a wild untamable cowgirl for the rest of the night.' A subtle difference, but a profound one.
“Don’t worry, I’ll tell them we had to go to Venus to get a new type of lipstick, or something like that.” Lum said. Better than saying she had been on all fours all night letting her Darling take her like an Earth animal. A nasty, dirty, naughty Earth animal.
The two girls resumed staring into space and sighing contented sighs for another minute or so.
"This isn't normal," Lum finally said.
"Nope," Shinobu nodded in agreement. Both girls were still smiling, but now they were also fidgeting in their seats. "Nothing about this is normal. I never went that far with him when we were dating."
"And I was holding off until marriage to keep him from getting the wrong idea about our relationship," Lum said, now playfully twirling with a strand of hair. “He was way too happy about 'sleeping' with me that one time… Even though all we did was sleep. Kind of regretting that now.”
"You see? That's the problem right there!" Shinobu said. She frowned. Or rather she tried to. She felt too good all over to quite manage it. It took pushing on her eyebrows with her fingers to actually make it stick. "They're perfect. Too perfect. They drew both of us into bed as easily as breathing."
"Path of least resistance," Lum agreed. "It's like they found that route and guided it along, then satisfied us in ways that we never knew possible. Ahhhhh... Ahhh....!"
Shinobu snapped her fingers in front of Lum's face. The girl was having a flashback. Easy to see it happening, she could barely restrain herself from going back to that night and reliving it with full vividness.
"Stay in the here and now," the perfectly ordinary girl said, both to Lum and herself. "We should think about what we do next. Do we really want to continue a relationship with those two?"
Their loins said 'if you don't we are going on strike'. Their brains, on the other hand, were being a bit more sensible. Both girls knew full well there was more to a healthy relationship than deeply satisfying sex. There were emotional connections beyond the mind blowing orgasms.
'No there are not!' their loins were insisting. ‘You can go really far with amazing sex! Just spread your legs for that amazing dick right now!’ Oh god how they were tempted to listen.
"M-maybe if we can try to focus on things we want in a relationship other than sex, it will lead the Darlings to give that to us?" Yes. Give that to them. Instead of the deep satisfying dicking they'd been given last night. "If they are predisposed to making us happy, that's the rational thing to do, right?"
"I... suppose that makes sense..." Shinobu mumbled. Something about that idea didn't quite seem right but she couldn't put her finger on it.
“S-so when Darling comes back we’ll talk about something other than sex. Anything.” Lum said.
"The weather, the latest baseball scores... Anything but sex!" Shinobu agreed.
Which was when the two Ataru entered through the door that led to Lum's kitchen. The girls turned to see, and beheld... two oiled up Ataru Morobishi wearing naught but an apron, each one carrying a tray. It was easy for them to tell which was which. Lum's Ataru was wearing a tiger print apron, while Shinobu's went for a floral design.
‘Spread them now!’ Their loins shouted. ‘Climb up and tell them to fuck you until you pass out!’
"Good morning, Darling!" Lum's Ataru called.
"You're looking radiant today, dear!" Shinobu's Ataru said.
The two girls stared hungrily at their Ataru and loosened their bathrobes just a touch.
"Hope you don't mind we used your kitchen," Lum's Ataru continued, setting a tray in front of her.
"Well, sometimes it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission," Shinobu's Ataru said, setting a tray in front of her.
Neither girl really heard what had been said to them. They were too busy staring. While it's true that the woman in a naked apron is a devastatingly powerful attack, it's no less true when it's a man doing it for his woman. Both Lum and Shinobu internally thought to themselves that they should try to talk about something other than sex. Talk about something other than sex. There are countless such topics. Talk about something and stop staring like an idiot!
"You seem a lot more defined than you were yesterday," Lum said, reaching out to stroke her Ataru's abs underneath the apron. This was not a helpful topic!
"Come here often, big boy?" Shinobu asked with a husky voice. "That outfit really suits you."
Then the two girls looked at one another as if realising what they were doing, and pulled themselves back from the edge of the abyss at the last possible moment. Right! Topics other than sex.
"Oh! That's right!" Shinobu said, pounding her fist into her hand. If there was any topic that could make thoughts of sex going away, it would have to be this one! "Did you hear that Cherry went on vaca-"
She was interrupted when her Ataru scooped up some rice and fish with a set of chopsticks and pushed it into her mouth in the middle of her sentence. Immediately, her thoughts jumped track again, but this time to something other than sex. This was good. In fact, this was really, really good!
"Here you go, be sure to eat up!" the Ataru in the floral apron said. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."
"And that's true for aliens as well," the other Ataru added. "Aw, Lum. Whatcha crying for?"
"It's... so good!" Lum sniffed. "So spicy and tangy, and the texture is exactly like sand!"
That... did not sound all that nice to Shinobu. Not that she cared much. She was too busy wolfing down her own delicious breakfast. Ah! That made sense, in a way. Of course they would be able to cater specifically to their palate. Oh well. At the very least she could feel relief. It was a genuine weight off her mind. They really could have a healthy relationship with their Ataru without needing to focus everything on sex, sex, sex!
Of course, what she didn't pay much mind to was the nod the two Atarus gave each other once the two girls started tucking into their delicious and specifically tailored meal. Neither of them really noticed when their Ataru started kissing the nape of their neck. Neither paid much attention when they undid the belt holding their bathrobe together. Neither cared a whit when their robes were slipped right off their bodies and dumped without ceremony on the floor.
"That's right, Darling. Eat up," said the Ataru in the tiger print apron. His hands slid underneath Lum's arms, and he began to place a trail of kisses down her neck.
"You girls are going to need your strength for later on," the other Ataru added, mostly mimicking the same gesture with only a 0.1% deviance. "Your adventure to Venus is going to last a little longer than you were saying, I'm afraid."
<hr>
This may come as a surprise, but Ran hated mysteries. Hated them. Haaaated them. Because there was always some big twist that was supposed to make you feel like an idiot for not seeing it coming, and it felt like the writer was laughing at you from a distance.
Which is why her first inclination of finding herself in the middle of a mystery was to do the sensible thing; Cheat! To that end she had the Ataru she had been in the middle of a weird prank-war-sex marathon shoved into a tube and was running all sorts of fun scans! Plus she got to see his naked body and damn it was actually kind of nice. Was he that jacked last night? She was pretty sure she'd remember.
"Oh, pardon me out there!" Ataru politely knocked on the glass. "I don't mean to be rude but <b>where's the fucking candy you promised me, you lying bitch!</b> Oh my, sorry for yelling."
"In a second!" Ran replied, chipper and sugary. "If you'd stop being so <b>impatient like a braying jackass</b> I'd know if the candy was safe for you to have!"
Okay then. On with the checkup! A green light passed down his body and spat out the readings at her. Which were, to say the least, discouraging. Because it was showing absolutely no abnormalities whatsoever. Genetically, he was reading as the same. Same brainwaves from the last time she'd taken a scan of him. Everything that mattered was identical.
So why was he so different? More importantly, why was he so damned good at angry sex?! Mysteries upon mysteries and - damn it all she hated mysteries!
"How long is this checkup going to take, by the way?" Ataru politely asked. "Only, it seems to be taking <b>a really goddamned long time already!</b> Oh dear, pardon me. I'm only cranky 'cause my tummy is rumbling."
Ran, for her part, was totally oblivious to the similar manner that Ataru was behaving to her. All she knew was that something about it was setting her teeth on edge. Big time. "Alright, alright! If it'll stop you complaining, I'll make you breakfast!" she threw her hands up into the air and stomped off towards her kitchen.
“Oh great so you’re going to poison me or something now?” She heard his snide commentary from the tube. Note to self; Soundproof the Probing Tube.
"I'll take a bite first if you're gonna be so paranoid!"
"I've seen Princess Bride! You're gonna do it with some shit that only affects humans!"
"That kinda poison is a little outside my price range!" she barked back.
Ohhhh, that boy! The angry sex they were gonna have after breakfast would be the stuff of legends! She stormed through her spaceship with such fiery determination that she didn't even notice Ryuunosuke and her Ataru making out on her couch.
Ran set about making breakfast with the same demeanour one might set about planning a murder. Complete with pulling out knives and wondering where she would bury the body. In record time she was storming back through to her bedroom. Yes, she had a scanning tube in her bedroom! What of it?! You never know when you need one and it had helped lure Ataru into it as he carried her on his lap while they fought/fucked around the room. Anyway, she was heading back there with no less than twenty trays stacked high with an assortment of food.
"Here's your damned breakfast!" Ran yelled, setting the food angrily down on the floor. Ataru looked at it and then blinked several times.
You know how some badly designed modern incandescent light bulbs can take a while to get really bright? You throw the switch, and it's not all that much better than it was before you did that, but then ten minutes go by and the room is brightly lit? Ran was having an experience like that right about now.
The expression on his face was making her wonder if something was wrong with the food. Was he really thinking that she'd poisoned it? No, that probably wasn't it... Was there something else wrong with it? Couldn't be. Rei always liked this breakfast whenever she made it for him and -
This was the point where the room became fully bright, if you catch my meaning. Without thinking about it Ran had gone off to make a breakfast at Rei suitable portions. That is to say, massive. There were feasts, and there was satisfying Rei's gluttonous appetite. Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear! Whatever must he think of her for making this much food for him? He must surely be about to hurl the cruellest of insults at him for being so thoughtless and -
"Not bad," Ataru said. "Better than the filth Lum tries to make for me."
He'd polished it off. Just like that, he'd eaten every single morsel. He - He had a Rei sized appetite, and complimented her cooking in a way that also insulted Lum.
It was at this moment that Ran realised she had bigger problems than an angry-sex fuckbuddy. She was fully ready to swoon! She'd become... a fool in love!
“Fuck you!” She slammed her hands on the table, causing all the now empty bowls and plates to crash to the floor.
“The hell did I do!?” Ataru shouted back.
“You stole my heart from Rei! How dare you!” She snarled at the stupid idiot in front of her who was so handsome and fun to be around!
“Oh yeah well maybe Rei’s a dumbass who doesn’t deserve a bitch like you mooning after him all the time!”
“I’ll show you bitch!” Ran threw off her bathrobe and pounced. The rest, as they say, is some truly legendary angry sex worth having epics told of it. Epics... that will have to be told another day.
- Today we tell the tale of epic angry sex.
- Or while that’s going on let’s see what Ryuunosuke is doing?
- Continue with Lum and Shinobu's breakfast.
- Sakura and Benten meet up.
- All of a sudden the Mendos appear in the thread, being annoyed that they've been left out.
- Something else
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