Ryoga Hibiki was a simple man, for whom sex was a thing that happened to married people entirely for the purposes of reproduction and never ever for fun. Nothing lewd. It all would be done under the sheets. To think otherwise would be to <b>defile</b> such a pure and beautiful thing as love!
As such, the matter of genitals pretty much extended to keeping 'em clean and keeping 'em from being kicked or punched or - heaven forbid - bitten. He was much too pure for something like that! Instead of obsessing over sex, he was hellbent on beating up Ranma Saotome and stealing his fiancee. Or failing that, turn into a pig and sneak into her bed at night. Totally pure, completely innocent.
"Where the hell am I now?!" Ryoga yelled to the heavens, as is his wont.
"Good morning Ryoga," Kasumi said. She was in the process of taking in the mail from the mailman, hence standing at the front entrance to the Tendo dojo. "Beautiful day, isn't it?"
“Oh what sort day is it alone!” Ryoga monologued, “A sunny day may as well be a storm without the presence of my dear-” Then he realized who was talking to him. "Kasumi? What are you doing in Spain?" Ryoga asked.
"Oh my, I'm flattered Ryoga. But I'm not into younger men," Kasumi said.
"Eh? Never mind that! Is Akane around?" Ryoga asked.
"Oh yes, of course," Kasumi beamed at him. "Please follow me to the living room."
Right then! Ahaha! Finally, he'd arrived back at the Tendo dojo somehow! Whatever wicked magic was cast on the place to relocate it into whole new places - Urgh, that sounded like the sort of nonsense that Kuno guy would spout.
Well, anyway! He had a really great set of gifts for Akane this time. They were sure to impress her! Whatever had been going on around here, she was bound to be sick and tired of it -
"I should mention," Kasumi said, interrupting his thoughts. "We have another guest this morning. Ukyo Kuonji. An old friend of Ranma's. It seems as though they get on quite well with Akane too."
"Ah?" Ryoga grunted. "Oh... that's nice! It's good that she's making friends." Ukyo, huh? That was a boy's name... An old friend of Ranma, as well? That sounded like trouble to him. Ryoga knew Akane had many admirers. Like that Kuno guy, and the weird goth guy who’s name escaped him, and around half the boys in Furinkan High.
Well, it wouldn't be that much of a problem. He was exaggerating things in his own mind. Haha! How silly of him. There was no way anything could possibly kick off with some old friend of Ranma's, he was probably the same type of cocky jerk -
"Ukyo? This is Ryoga. He's Ranma's sparring partner and martial arts rival."
A boy wearing a long flowing ponytail and the Furinkan boy's uniform turned around. Oh no! He was really, really handsome! He had this sort of rugged pretty-boy look! The kind who’d you’d see in some shojo manga all the girls swoon over! Could Akane resist this clearly perverse playboy’s charms!?
"Hi there, nice to meet you," Ukyo politely said. "I hope you don't mind, but I'm waiting to meet up with A-chan and Ranchan so we can head off to school together. Would you be okay waiting to kick Ranchan's ass until after school?"
Oh no, he was also well spoken in a rustic charming way, giving him an exotic flavour without being too threatening, creating a well seasoned balance!
"Th-That seems acceptable!" Ryoga coughed. "I was only wanting to share a few things with Akane today anyway... so...."
“Well if it isn't Ryoga! I’m afraid Akane’s out of dog food.” Enter Ranma Saotome. Bane of his existence. Tormentor of his life. Architect of Ryoga Hibiki's misery.
"That's fine! I'll eat you for breakfast instead!" Ryoga yelled, balling his fists and making ready to let fly. Ranma, for his part, relaxed his posture. On anyone else it would look like their guard was down. Ryoga knew better. For all that he might hate this boy, he had martial arts instincts beyond belief.
"Nobody's eating anyone for breakfast!" a new voice interrupted. And in sharp contrast to Ranma's presence, here was his light. His radiance. His reason for being. Ah! Akane Tendo! Such a kind and gentle soul. An angel walking the earth. Her beauty was only paralleled by the warmth of that tender smile. Akane Tendo had arrived. "Honestly, thanks to that inspection we're running pretty late this morning - oh, hello Ryoga!"
"Ak-Akane!" Ryoga stammered. "It's good to see you again!"
"Hey, are these two always like this?" Ukyo asked. "Hey, I thought Kasumi was jokin' about them being martial arts rivals. How about the two of you swing by my place and we'll talk it out over a nice okonomiyaki?"
Oh no, he was perfectly reasonable and willing to act as a mediator between two bitter rivals! That... felt like the sort of thing that would really impress Akane, and from the way she was looking at Ukyo that very much seemed to be the case!
He had to act quickly! Ryoga reached into his bag and pulled out the first gift right away. "H-here you go!" Ryoga stammered.
"Hey, thanks!" Ranma interrupted, swiping the present right out from his grip. "Man, I've been looking all over for a... statue of a fertility God from a far off foreign land. However did you know?"
"That's a cute pig plushie, you idiot!" Ryoga yelled, lunging for Ranma - and eating the flat side of the biggest spatula he ever did see. Anyone else would've been out cold from having their bell rung like that, but all that happened with Ryoga was him turning around and pulling out another gift from his bag. "Here, Akane! This is for you!" he said, making sure all trace of ambiguity was gone this time.
"Oh... thank you Ryoga," Akane said, holding up the bag of sweets he'd picked out for her. Not half as sweet as her. "Um... I'd better have them later," she said, glancing sidelong at Ranma and Ukyo for reasons that Ryoga did not fully understand. "Kind of had a big... creamy... breakfast this morning. Double helping... and I'll probably need to have a third by the end of the day..."
Not exactly the reaction he was hoping for. Regardless! He had more gifts!
"Hey, wow! This scarf is really cute!" Ukyo said, having pulled out the scarf Ryoga had bought for Akane out of his bag.
"Yeah, yeah!" Ranma said. "Ryoga's always been good at getting gifts. For anyone but Akane, that is."
It was at this time that Ryoga Hibiki's urge to kill was rising quickly. He stomped towards the two interlopers with murder in his eyes, and his fists flexing to ensure that murder was delivered as quickly and messy as possible. That is, until a gentle strong hand fell upon his and all the rage vanished out of him like some great magic trick.
"Really sorry about this," Akane whispered. "Um... I need a favour? Ranma and Ukyo have already... Helped today, but I need another volunteer and you're the only boy I trust to help."
"A-anything you say, Akane!" Ryoga agreed immediately. Of course he did! Something like this was a dream come true for him! "What do I need to do?"
"Well, I'm a little bit stuffed from Ranma and Ukyo's... Help," Akane said. She stopped and belched. "Ugh... God help me, I'm starting to really like that taste. I knew it was meant to be delicious, but this is ridiculous!"
Then she pulled out some weird badge and flashed it in his face.
"Ryoga Hibiki! Come lunchtime today, you will submit to an inspection at Furinkan High’s Nurse’s office!"
<hr>
Akane paced around Furinkan High's Furinkan Office that lunchtime with great impatience and uncertainty. Doing this with Ryoga made her feel dirty. Really, really dirty. Ryoga was her friend. He probably didn't get it yet. The situation she was in. How to explain it? How on Earth was she supposed to tell him that she was magically compelled to inspect three dicks today, and she'd already done both Ranma and Ukyo's already?
How was she going to explain that Ranma and Ukyo were both girls when she inspected their dicks!? How was she going to explain the way she'd be punished if she disobeyed her daily commands?
But most of all, how was she going to explain this weird craving she had to track those two down and... And... Ahhhh, this whole thing was turning her into a pervert!
"Better Ryoga than Kuno," Akane mumbled. She might have been able to bring herself to inspect Doctor Tofu, but... It couldn't be a coincidence. Ryoga showing up on the day she gets three dicks to inspect? Yeah, sure. This was probably an extended, subtler part of her punishment.
The door opened up. Ryoga wandered inside. "Hi Akane," he said.
"Huh? Oh wow, you actually arrived on time," Akane said.
"Yeah, weird thing," Ryoga said, scratching his cheek with an envelope. “Every time I tried walking one direction it felt like somebody was grabbing me by the collar and dragging me towards this office." He suddenly seemed to notice the envelope in his hand. "Here, this has your name on it."
Akane took the envelope, opened it and read its contents quietly to herself.
<i>"Henceforth any Inspections done upon the Individual known as Ryoga Hibiki shall be done immediately rather than setting appointments. Because we have our limits and he pressed them."</i>
Duly noted. Well. She might as well get this over with. “OK Ryoga, please sit on the bed here and undo your pants.”
“Wait? Undo my pants!? Why?!”
"I'm a Federal Genital Inspector," Akane said, flashing him the badge. He stared at it blankly. "You know... the people who make sure that everyone's genitals are up to code?"
“I’ve never heard of anything like that before! How did you get involved with something like that?”
"Random selection," Akane shrugged. Funny, if Ryoga had asked this question just a mere few weeks ago she would have cried. She would have screamed about the unfairness of it all. Now she barely had the energy to give a damn beyond fulfilling her oral sex quota. She only felt much about it when inspecting Ukyo, or recently Ranma. “It pays well too.”
"Eh? Well... I guess that's alright then?" Ryoga sounded pretty confused. "So, I just have to take my trousers off. Right?"
"That's right," Akane said. "I'll take care of the rest."
Sorry about this Ryoga. It must be really embarrassing the first time you have to do this, but better you than almost any other man she -
"Woah..." Akane stared rather obviously at the heat Ryoga was packing.
"Is... something wrong?" he asked, sounding quite genuinely concerned.
"Nuh uh," Akane shook her head. Damn! Akane might not have much experience with male genitals - well, not much experience in the variety of them - but she could tell right away that this was a masterwork of penis. She knelt down for a closer look. Goodness, he was big. Length and girth was already bigger than Ranma and Ukyo's, even after Akane had, ahem, crafted them into what felt like a more pleasing size.
She'd have to reevaluate her standards. Too bad it was attached to Ryoga. She imagined for a moment it on Ukyo, slowly pushing it into her spread legs and- Oh no. Not now. Don’t think about them while doing your job.
Akane hadn't worked it out yet, but she didn't actually have to give head to every boy (or girl) that she inspected. That was a rule she had mistakenly imposed on herself, and those are the most constrictive rules that anyone can find themselves following. As such, she closed her eyes, opened her mouth and set to work.
It wasn't bad. This particular penis hadn't been made tasty like Ranma or Ukyo, but that was easily fixed. Though she'd probably also have to make Ryoga into a girl during future inspections which would be <i>so hot</i>.
"Woah! This is a weird inspection!" Ryoga grunted, settling his hand on the top of Akane's head. As if something like that could take away her control of the pace. It went as quickly as she wanted, no faster and no slower.
To that end she went for a trick she'd learned after blowing Ranma and Ukyo for a while now. Namely: She applied one hand directly to the ballsack. Not a hit, no. A gentle, gently squeeze here and there. Play with those nuts. A little extra stimulation and - he lasted no time at all.
"First thing's first, we're making that semen yummy," Akane said after spitting that salty mess out. "Second thing..." she trailed off. "Maybe we could fix your direction sense? Uh... I know! How about if your penis pointed you in the direction you wanted to go?" Aha! She was a genius! Might as well use this power to help people out in other ways, right?
Ryoga looked a bit dazed, “Uh… how would that work?” He asked.
“Well I guess you’d have to look at your penis and… oh.” Oh wait that would be a problem. Ryoga would be much too shy to whip it out just to get directions!
"Uh... This is a work in progress?" Akane mumbled. Oh well! She'd figure something out next time. Ah! There's an idea... maybe she could help him get a cute girlfriend!
- Akane bluntly asks him if there's a girl he likes.
- Akane picks a girl she thinks Ryoga would like, inspects her, sets her up with Ryoga.
- Before things can proceed further, zaniness interrupts.
- Another Furinkan Resident has found an FGI badge! Will they horn in on Akane's turf?
- Kodachi shows up to talk with Akane about her penis.
- Something else
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