Nobody she knew understood why oh why Lum was so infatuated with Ataru Moroboshi. Well, does it matter why? Love wasn’t a very rational thing in the first place and people have been brought to ruin because of it. Of course on the other hand it had also brought great and wonderful things in other cases. It wasn’t the sort of thing where you asked ‘why’ and got a nice neatly ordered list of things explaining why you felt such passion.
And that was the case for this alien girl, cupid’s arrow had hit her straight in the heart!
"Hey babe, what's your name? Measurements? Phone number? Address?"
Even if that boy was an unstoppable skirt chaser.
"Darling!" Lum yelled, and by now that cry was enough to get the locals checking whether or not they were grounded. The reason why, for those who were new, was the arc of lightning that flew out of her fingers aimed directly at the boy with the same precision that cupid's arrow had struck her heart.
What? You think that she can't get frustrated with the guy she liked merely because she was in love with him? You don't live in the real world, do you?
Ataru had gotten rather used to being shocked, much to his unhappiness. So when the lightning bolt hit him and turned him black like a piece of coal, he only looked lifeless for a few short moments. The girl he had been hitting on meanwhile took the chance to run for the hills, likely fearing that she would be next on Lum’s list of targets to shock.
Not that she would do that. If she shocked everyone her darling tried to flirt with, she would have to hit every female in the city who wasn’t a grandmother yet.
"Darling! What would it take to get you to stop hitting on girls?!"
"Nothing!" he stuck out his tongue. "No pain, no reward, no nothing in the world or even the universe will keep me from - Hello over there! Yes, you cutie! I'm Ataru, what's your name!"
And off he went again. Oh boy. Lum was feeling a real headache coming on. She'd tried everything she could think of at this point. Nothing had worked! She loved that boy beyond all reason, and still he wouldn't look at her unless he had to!
Which, if you actually look at her, would surely make most straight men scratch their heads in confusion. Lum was cute. Lum was really super cute, and she tended to fly around in a tiger print bikini and gogo boots. Not looking was practically a crime against heterosexual men across the globe.
Perhaps it was that they started off the wrong foot? He never seemed to quite get over how she had been trying to break up him and his former girlfriend. Or maybe it was that he simply couldn’t deal with a girl that actually hit on him instead of the opposite?
In any event: Lum started to growl and show her fangs (not her best look) with electricity arcing all around her - and then something fell from the sky. Landed on her head and bounced off to the ground below.
"Oh, what now?! Tcha!" she growled, looking down to see a book lying there. Lum stared at it for a moment in confusion, and then a piece of paper fluttered down in front of her. She grabbed hold and read it aloud:
"Heard you were having trouble with that man of yours," she read. "Bring him to heel with this magic book. Yours, the benevolent spirits of magic. P.S: We have absolutely no ulterior motives whatsoever."
Well then it must be true! Why else would they write it like that? Lum picked up the book and read the title, blinking very slowly to make sure her eyes weren't playing tricks on her.
"The Secrets of Titnosis...? What in the Milky Way is this supposed to be?"
<hr>
Some asked why Ataru went girl chasing when he had a perfectly good girl at home. To which he would look at the asker askew and question their sanity.
Truth was: It was about the thrill of the hunt! The one and only time a chick actually said yes, he was caught completely flat footed. No, no. Not Shinobu. Some other chick who seemed to want to play along with him to see what happened. Well, they hung out in a cafe for a while and then he almost immediately replaced himself with some other guy. Last he heard was a 'thank you' card he got on Valentine's Day for setting them up, which was nice...
Anyway! "That was a nice day out," the boy grinned while walking home. "Weird how Lum vanished half way through, but I'm not complaining! No more scary Oni alien hurling thunderbolts to frighten off the babes!"
Ah, he should really switch to inner monologue right now. Lum was probably around, with his luck she may stand right behind him.. nah that would be too much even for him.
"Welcome home dear," his mother said. "Did you have fun?"
"Yeah mom!" he said. "What's for dinner? I'm famished!"
"Chicken tit," his mother answered with an odd lilt to her voice. "Succulent... warm... Spicy chicken tit."
“Sounds tasty.” Ataru said, not caring about the odd wording or the lilt in her voice. He had seen weirder things, like that time with the thousand devils. Or when these aliens took all the oil on earth and gave it back as rain. That had been a mess.
"By the way, son!" his father called for him, the same lilt to his voice. "I do hope you weren't making a boob of yourself out there today. The breast thing for a young man like you to do is to nipple under and make sure time doesn't lactate away for you."
“Dad, are you drunk?” Ataru asked, tilting his head and looking at his old man curiously. His father was normally the serious type, not one who got randomly drunk. But with the ridiculous events that happened in his life since he met Lum, perhaps he had finally given into the temptation of alcohol to distract himself?
"I don't know about that, son. But the one thing I do know is tits: You should marry that Oni girl. right dear?"
"Marry... Lum!" his mother shuddered. "Yes. It would be nice to have her as our daughter."
“Alright, what sort of bribery did she use to make you say that?” Ataru asked, raising a single eyebrow in question.
Then he saw it. The watermelons sitting on the counter.
"I get it! She used those melons to make you compliant!"
"Juicy... tasty melons!" his mother moaned. Was she sucking on her fingers? "They're perfect! Truly perfect!"
“To think you would sell your only son for fruits! You are horrible parents!”
Right then! That was it! Nobody bribed his parents to try to convince him to trap his ankle in the old ball and chain! Like he told her earlier there was no bribery and no reward worth it. Even the juiciest and tastiest melons in existence wouldn't be enough!
"Lum!" he yelled, barging into his room. Lum was sitting in mid-air with her legs crossed and back turned to him. "What's the big idea bribing my parents with melons?"
"Oh? I thought you'd like melons," Lum said. Her voice was oddly breathy. Oh hell, she was trying to be seductive again. Dammit! Much though he tried to deny it, she was kind of hot. But no! He could not succumb. He would not taste of the forbidden fruit! "Do you want to have a sample?"
"Nuh uh! Not if the price is a wedding ring!" Ataru sneered.
“Really? But I even got them just for you. Everyone else who saw them loved them so far.” She said, making clearly fake sounds of sniffing in sadness. “At least take a look before you say they aren’t worth it.”
Ugh, whatever. She was up to something again, and he wasn't going to play along this time. Ataru turned away and sat on the floor, arms folded and his best indignant expression on his face. "Whatever game you're playing, I'm not interested!" he said.
"Really now? Are you sure?"
He turned around to yell at her again - but by now she had turned around. Floating in the air with her hands behind her head, stomach pointing downwards and blushing so brightly he thought her face might burst.
Just as he thought that her tiger print bikini would burst any second now. Seriously, how was that thing even keeping together at this point? The question vanished almost as soon as it formed, for Lum untied it and let her bre- her tits hung free in the air, wobbling and jiggling slightly due to gravity.
"So? Do you like my melons"? she asked timidly. "They're - ah! Very nice. Very sensitive."
Very swinging like a pendulum.
Having the advantage of flight, Lum was floating from one side to the other. Her gigantic tits jiggling in perfect harmony. Nipples swishing from left to right and now that he was looking more closely, slowly growing hard. Lum hummed quietly to herself and then slowly started to increase the speed of her motions. Causing this titty pendulum to also speed up in turn.
Internally Ataru was protesting, but it was coming from a deep deep place in his mind. So deep that his conscious thoughts weren't quite able to reach. Therefore, the prominent thought going through his head was to continue staring. continue taking it all in. Continue to watch the perfect pair of tits swinging in front of his perverted eyes.
"Would you like a taste?" Lum asked.
"Yeahhhh..." Ataru breathed.
"Well that's too bad. Skirt chasers can't have a taste."
"Nooooo!" Ataru breathed. He made grabby motions with his hands and smacked his lips. "Don't make me choose!"
Plompf! All of a sudden his face was enveloped in tit - but just as quickly she drew back again. Ataru let out a whimper, and so did Lum.
Heaven was in sight, so close and yet so far. He needed them, these wonderful glorious titties. To hold them, to fondle them, to kiss and suck them like no tomorrow! But even so a part of him was holding back, a fundamental part of himself. Ataru Moroboshi was a perverted skirt-chaser, a seeker of thrills and adventure.
How could he sacrifice that for a pair of tits?
Said pair of perfect mammaries continued jiggling just out of his reach, making it harder to think every time a nipple moved from left to right. So hard to think, so hard!
"Darling. Do you like me?"
"Yessh," he said without question.
"How much do you love me?" She questioned again.
"Soooo much!" he went on, holding his arms apart like he were measuring his feelings.
"G-good boy!" she said, leaning down and pecking him on the lips. "Alright then. Let's see. Uh... If you won't give up on being pervy, let's put a trigger in you instead!"
For the second time Ataru was returned to marshmallow heaven. It was nice here. So nice. Lum was speaking, but he couldn't quite make out the words. He was too overwhelmed by the pink valley smothering him to care.
"Whenever you start to hit on a girl that isn't me... Uh... You will feel as though someone has electrocuted you!" Lum said. "Ah, but every time you hit on me, you'll remember how soft and pleasant my chest was. Th-There, that should condition you into a proper faithful boyfriend.”
She pulled his face out and Ataru almost melted to the floor in genuine blissful contentment. He'd never know this, but the sigh he made on sinking to the floor filled Lum's heart with joy and her stomach with butterflies. She pulled a sheet over him and patted him on the head.
"Dream of me," she whispered, making sure to rub her tits up against his chest. "Dream nice dreams of - Oh!" the Oni girl gasped when something poked her bottom. "Darling! That had better be a dream of me causing that!"
"Lum..." Ataru mumbled.
"Eehh! It worked!" Lum whispered. She looked down at her tits and giggled. "Darling was completely under my spell! Oh! It might take a while to make sure he's totally compliant, but it definitely works!"
Victory! Total victory had been achieved by the beautiful Oni girl with the bare naked chest. Aha! Aha! She took a bow to an invisible crowd that she was actually grateful did not exist, because she was totally topless right now. Anyway! With that done, all she'd have to do was occasionally reinforce the spell and she would accomplish the impossible: Tame Ataru Moroboshi, greatest pervert in the universe!
"Hrm... I should get these back to normal now..." Lum sighed. "I'm meant to meet up with Benten and Oyuki in about an hour, the last thing I need is a pair of hypnotits distracting them."
Hehe! The idea of it. Hypnosis didn't really work that well on aliens, so the idea of titnosis having any kind of effect was pretty ludicrous. With her work done she picked up the magical book and flipped to the index.
"Let's see... Return your bust to normal... No? Maybe decrease size...? Yes, there we go. Page 150!"
Lum flipped to the page listed by the index. The shortest chapter in the book, titled 'How to decrease breast size'. Then, on reading through the entire chapter in an instant her pretty face was the only thing falling flat. For the only thing on those pages aside from the chapter title were two words in a massive font:
"You can't."
"Ehehehe... Lum in a naked apron..." Ataru muttered in his sleep. Meanwhile Lum hovered over him grasping at the side of her head and silently screaming. She should have known, really. She honestly and truly should have known it would never be that easy!
- Lum tries her best to cover up, but Benten and Oyuki get suspicious right away.
- Lum is honest and upfront with them - but now they wanna see this book!
- Lum winds up using titnosis to make the two of them ignore her giant bust.
- Ataru wakes up the next day. Tries girl hunting. Fails.
- Something else
No comments:
Post a Comment