Story: Haruhi Paradox

As a humanoid interface, Nagato Yuki did not have to sleep. Therefore it was unusual for her to be lying in a bed in the nurse's office. Doubly so when considering that she did not get sick from any Earth malady. The one time she had been unwell had been due to an attempt to communicate with a truly alien intelligence.

When Mikuru Asahina had forced her to lie down, the heat within her body had reached a new height and caused her to lose consciousness. Now though she was awake again and very aware of the flutter within her belly. And also the other humanoid interface standing next to the bed.

Emiri Kimidori was planted in the school to assist the student council president. From that position she was <i>supposed</i> to be the one to have secondary position to observe Haruhi Suzumiya (behind Ryoko, of course). That had changed when Haruhi Suzumiya had inexplicably gone directly to the literature club and hijacked it to her own ends.

Her fellow interface peered down at Nagato, face in a mask of friendliness that she knew to be fake. Yuki was likely one of the worst interfaces at showing emotions, but she was also one of the best at actually experiencing them correctly.

“Good morning subject Nagato. I must inform you that your current state has proven impossible to analyse and cure with the available resources.” The words were spoken calmly and there was only the occasional blink of the girl’s eyes to show that she wasn’t a doll. “As we cannot risk contamination of the main Data Integration Thought Entity, you have been ordered to examine your state and catalogue your experience for further research.”

"Instructions have been understood," Nagato said. She sat up and looked at her fellow interface. The bookworm had never considered the other Interface attractive, but somehow right now there was a strange sensation coming over her when she looked at Emiri’s lips. They looked unexpectedly.. full and red. "Beginning internal catalogue."

At which point she struck like a viper. Her target: Emiri's ruby red lips. They were too luscious and inviting to go unkissed. This was her assessment. The small girl was clearly not expecting this since she froze in place like a deer in headlights. Without thinking about it, Nagato gently parted Emiri’s lips with her own and inserted her tongue into the other girl’s mouth. Carefully, then with ever greater enthusiasm she explored every nook and cranny of the green haired girl’s mouth.

Further assessment: This was activating pleasure nodes within her nervous system. The taste was... not unpleasant. The confused sound that was escaping from her target’s mouth and echoing through Nagato’s body sent another tingle through her body. Yes, this was absolutely not unpleasant.

Finally it seemed that Kimidori had gathered her wits as she pushed her fellow Interface away, a thin line of drool momentarily connecting the two girls.

“Beginning Immediate self quarantine to test for possible infection," Emiri announced. She flickered, a piece of the wall folded out, and then she was gone.

That was unfortunate. Now Nagato was left feeling hot and sticky again. There could be no question that the cut had definitely had an impact on her. Nagato looked down at herself. The temperature was too high. These clothes were clearly not helping. On the other hand it would be seen as inappropriate to walk the halls naked. She had learned this much of human culture. On the other hand, there was a certain level of freedom in how and what one can wear. And while a swimsuit may be unsuitable given the lack of pool or beach, she could at least adjust her current attire.

With a thought, her skirt shortened by a few centimetres and then her jacket became sleeveless. Finally the shirt under the jacket lost a number of buttons until it was barely holding together and also shrunk a tad, leaving her belly button exposed.

This should be acceptable, right?

Yuki Nagato stood up. Or more precisely, she seductively rose out of the bed, stretched out her limbs to test her artificial muscles and purely by accident cast a pose that made her look like a stripper setting up for a routine. Not that her underwear was very enticing, at least so far.

"... I don't know where it came from! It appeared out of nowhere!" Asahina said. Nagato focused her attention on the girl. She was speaking to someone on the phone in the next room. "Ehhhh! W-well, it was a really weird looking sword too!" There was a pause and the Interface tilted her head and considered whether she should use her powers to listen into the other side.

No, while the time traveller rarely showed it, she did possess some technology that could possibly discover such tinkering.

“Uhh.. I wonder what I should do with Nagato?” She asked, her voice a mix of embarrassment and confusion. “Isn’t there anything to fix her?”

Nagato had been given explicit instructions by a superior. Study and catalogue the effects this sword were having on her. A self diagnostic had just been completed: It was increasing her urge to mate at a quite an worrying rate.

She had not been commanded to search out a cure for this state. And such a thing would interfere with further self diagnostic and her gaining a closer understanding of this change. Not to mention that she really wanted something right now, and it wasn’t to get rid of this heat. Nagato pondered this new line of thought. Shortly after being affected, she had felt the irresistible urge to kiss her fellow Interface Kimidori long and hard.

So did that mean this effect induced homosexual urges within its victims? Did she desire to mate with another female like Kimidori or Asahina? Inconclusive data. Only interactions so far have been with females. Therefore further data is required: Use imagination to imagine a scenario where mating with a male occurs. Does this provoke any kind of reaction?

<i>"Hello Yuki. Are you feeling better?"</i> Kyon would ask as she entered the clubroom.

<I>"Affirmative," she would reply, striding up to him and planting her foot on the chair next to the one he was sitting on. <i>"However, the doctor was quite insistent on some unorthodox medication. I am to strip like a slut and satisfy a man with as much vigor and energy as we can both muster. Are you up for the challenge?"

"If it will help you feel better..." </i>Kyon said, his eyes wandering over her body as her hands roamed. He gulped as she slowly began to remove her socks. Then she grabbed him by the tie and pulled his head forward so that he was forced to kiss her navel.

<i>"I am feeling better already,"</i> Yuki hissed, grinding her hips into his face and relishing the feeling of his tongue lapping at her belly button. The boy's hands began to wander up her thighs, and just as they started exploring beneath her skirt Yuki dropped it to the floor.

The boy pulled her closer so that Yuki was sitting on his lap. His big hard thing was hidden within his trousers still, but that was no problem for Yuki. She wasn't finished dancing for him yet. She spun around and ground her panty clad ass onto his erection, pulling up his hands so they slipped under her shirt. Just a little at first, and then she let go so that she could undo buttons in the nick of time, allowing him to move them up uninterrupted until they reached her bra.

<i>"You're very hot, Yuki!"</i> Kyon said, slipping his fingers underneath her bra so that he could play with her erect nipples. <I>"So very... very... hot!"</I>

Conclusion established: Mating with males is vastly preferred. Breathing is shallow to almost unhealthy degree. Increased sweat. Heart rate is rapid. Underwear is thoroughly ruined. Modifying to remove dampness.

"Objective clarified," Yuki stoicily said, licking her lips but otherwise remaining totally expressionless. There. A black silk thong seemed more appropriate right about now. "Mating with Kyon is primary objective. Mating with Kyon is secondary objective. Mating with Kyon is tertiary objective..."

She continued like that, only falling silent when she'd stepped out into the hallway. Because she knew that stating such things aloud where anyone could hear would be considered quite impolite within human society. Which would interfere with her deep vigorous analysis of what happened when a regular human being mated with a Humanoid Interface. Several times in quick succession.

<hr>

Have you ever seen a gaggle of Mikuru Asahina begin to panic all at once? You have? Oh, right! That was in the very first episode of this thread. Well, it was a little bit more of the same here, though the flavour was slightly different.

"Haruhi can't have the sword!" Beta yelled, making the other jump. The girl’s impressive chest was bouncing, not helped by the clothes she was wearing and the lack of a bra under her wizard robes. "If she becomes like the Haruhi of my timeline, it would be a very bad thing!"

"How bad would it be?" Epsilon meekly asked.

"Very naughty!" Beta nodded. "At least... ten spankings?"

The Asahinas all gasped in horror, making scared little "eeeeehhh" noises.

“And there will probably be a city wide orgy too.” She added almost as an afterthought.

Now they were making scared large "eeeeehhh" noises. Full on clasping their bright red cheeks, eyes wide with terror. Gamma was even frothing at the mouth from sheer fright.

“It should be fine.” Beta continued, trying to calm down everyone with hand gestures. “Since Yuki didn’t get removed from Kyon and Haruhi is removed from the sword things should go alright.” Assuming that Haruhi didn’t notice anything of what the alien was going to do with the boy. It was very confusing for Beta, trying to wrap her mind around an entirely different timeline where Haruhi had not turned into an erotic overlord. Where she instead had to be kept unaware of the supernatural so as to make sure that everything kept working.

“We would have to worry if Yuki had been removed from Kyon. I don’t know about this version, but the one from my world gets.. bad if she cannot release pent up lust quickly.” Her eyes gained a ten yard stare as she seemed to remember something horrifying. “So many tentacles.. tentacles everywhere..” She shuddered and hugged herself seemingly without noticing it.

"Nooooooo!" Delta moaned. "Not tentacles! A magical girl like me, that's our greatest feaaaaar! Our mortal enemy, always reaching and tying up and teasing and corrupting and everywhere and -"

"Um..." Gamma mumbled. "I think she's out of the conversa- And she's going fetal. There, there. It's alright. Sshhh, the mean old tentacles won't find you here."

"It's okay!" Epsilon said. "They get tired after a while! And if this Yuki is anything like back home, then they are gonna be really good at what they do too! You will enjoy yourself a lot.” The student with the most jiggly breasts of all the Mikurus finished cheerfully, chest bouncing with every word.

If it was Epsilon's intention to induce further panic among her fellow Asahinas: Mission accomplished.

“That isn’t helping!” A chorus of Mikuru Asahina answered her, their cute faces distorted in unusual angry visages.

"Oooh! Honestly!" Beta sniffed back tears and rubbed at her face. "You're even worse than Haruhi saying something like- like that! Waaah! Wh-what sort of comfort is that? The next thing you'll say is, 'if one thing came through from my world, other things will have come through from yours as well!'"

The other Asahinas slowly turned to look at her. Even Epsilon looked aghast. You could see it on their faces as they started to mentally catalogue random things from their own worlds suddenly coming through to this world that could quite easily ruin anyone's day if they fell into the wrong hands.

Especially since 'wrong hands' typically meant 'basically anyone'.

There were high technological wonders from Gamma’s reality, nanite technology that allowed one to de- and reassemble matter. And all manner of exotic matter guns with sometimes outright ridiculous effects. Objects that could awaken someone’s potential as a psychic to give them telepathy and other psionic powers.

In fact after a moment Beta started adding her own to that list: There was a magic lamp that contained a half genie half succubus. There were scrolls that induced explosions when their contents were read aloud.

Delta meanwhile feared what would happen if someone got their hand on a transformation item. Or one of these cursed items that would summon Darklings to corrupt innocent people. Never mind some of the various minor magic items they had to occasionally deal with.

"We - We can't let that sit around on a pre-lightspeed travel mark 5 civilisation!" Gamma yelled. "That's in direct violation of the Supreme Recommendation!

“Ah, well my world is at least harmless.” Mikuru Epsilon said, scratching her chin in thought.

"Must uphold Supreme Recommendation!" Gamma yelled like a woman possessed, rushing for the front door.

“What is the worst that could happen? Perhaps that cursed doujinshi that made all the girls addicted to blowjobs? That is harmless enough.” Epsilon continued, barely even listening to what the other Mikuru was saying. “Or perhaps that hypno-gun that makes anyone looking at it unable to wear clothes. That was kind of funny.” She continued, a quiet giggle escaping her mouth.

"Hey, where are you going?!" Beta yelled, lunging after Gamma. "You can't go out there now!"

“I must look for anything from my timeline ending up here! This could contaminate this whole civilization.” She said, trying to push forward against her temporal doppelgänger’s resistance.

<i>“Hello? Is anyone still there?” Asked the local Mikuru meanwhile through the phone, the others having pretty much forgotten about her.

"B-but if you're seen by someone who knows this world's Asahina -" Beta mewled.

"It's fine! We can say we're a distant relative! It's fine!" Gamma insisted, by now basically dragging Beta out of the building with her.

“Oh, does that mean we will do incest play at some point?” Asked Epsilon, then frowned. “Or would that be masturbation? Oh hey, where are you two going? Take me with you!”

Meanwhile Delta was still cowering on the floor right up until she suddenly realised that she was alone. That the others had left her be. "No don't leave me alone, I don't want to be caught alone by tentacles!" she yelped.

And that's basically how the four Asahinas from another reality got a good wander around some local streets. May Haruhi have mercy on them all.

<i>"Hello? Hello! Are you - Are you all still there? Wh-what should I do about Yuki and this sword? Ack! Yuki's gone!"</i> <b>Click</b>.

1. Yuki horny. Want Kyon dick.
2. Haruhi accidentally cuts another person with the sword.
3. More items from other universes start creeping through.
4. More <i>people</i> from other universes start appearing.
5. Four Asahinas from different reality went on a walkabout. Are noticed by a certain evil group of anti-SOS Brigaders. Hilarity ensues.
6. Something else