Almost nobody was aware of it, but Lum was not actually the only super cute alien girl attending Tomobiki High School. It's easy to see why any human would be fooled: Ran looked like a human girl. Certainly more than Lum did. Oh, sure. She had fangs, sharp enough to mince even the toughest steak in seconds if she had the mind to it. But her species didn't really show them off unless they got really, really irate. And to most people the idea of Ran being angry was simply contrary to the personality she displayed: Ran? Annoyed? Oh, dear no. That cute doll like girl? Was she even capable of getting angry?
Yes, that cute doll like girl was perfectly capable of getting angry. In point of fact, she was more than capable of grabbing hold of anger, spite, envy and a whole host of other extremely negative emotions, tying them up in her basement and engaging in tough negotiation with the local police for their release. Ran looked cute. She acted cute. To almost everyone she knew, she was the embodiment of adorable.
Except to Lum. Her old childhood friend. Why is that? Well, it's a pretty long list. Mostly petty, usually involving Ran taking the blame for something Lum did when they were little. The most recent crime was by far the most heinous: Stealing the attention of the super hunky (and equally dumb) alien boy known as Rei. Who Ran was also interested in. Of course. Anyone remotely interested in boys was interested in Rei. The guy was a looker and a bottomless stomach and, on occasion, a cow. Literally a tiger striped cow.
So what's a vindictive girl like her to do? Why, go to Earth, of course! Lum had a new boyfriend? She'd ditched Rei? Oho! Instead of being happy, Ran got petty. Oh sure. She'd move in on Rei as soon as possible. But there was a little matter of payback to deal with. To that end she fully intended to use her race's inherent special ability to suck out life force with a simple kiss to drain Lum's Darling dry! It should be easy, right? The guy had a reputation for being a total pervert and she was a real live cutey out for a quick smooch.
But... No. It wasn't easy. Things kept on getting in the way. Happenstance interfered, or Lum was being extra sneaky where Ran couldn't see her. It was infuriating! Humiliating! All of her best laid schemes were leading her nowhere! At this point she was on the verge of giving up on the whole damn thing and settling in for that lame 'living well is the best revenge' ploy. It was kind of hard for her to see another way she could go about this at this point. It wasn't like a new plan would pop out of-
"Hi Ran!" Ataru Moroboshi said, popping out of nowhere in front of her like some kind of sex offender ninja. This was Lum's special Darling. Now, any other boy but him and Rei trying to hit on her, and Ran would completely ignore them. But for the reasons listed above she didn't do that with Ataru. She tended to play along with his asinine flirting and - "Hey, that smells nice. A new shampoo?"
"Oh, yes! That's right!" Ran said, flicking back her hair. Oh, she was looking forward to this. She'd have him wrapped up around her little finger in no time at all. “It’s Galactic Plum scent.”
"Oho! It suits you!" Ataru nodded. He gave her a big thumbs up. He sniffed the air in front of her with his eyes closed. "Mmm, yes... Aha! Is that the faint scent of baking I smell too? Your baking is always so nice, Ran-chan!"
Teeheehee! She tittered and balled her fists into her cheeks, and girlishly squirmed around in that way that boys like. Not because she was into Ataru or anything, no, of course not. He wasn't her type at all! No sir. She was simply...playing him. The fact that there was something about him that drew Lum away from Rei and the mystery of what it was sometimes plagued her late night thoughts was immaterial!
Oh, and it was also a little bit nice to be complimented like that. So behaving in this cutesy way would definitely encourage -
"I bet you look so cute in an apron, Ran-chan!" Ataru remarked all of a sudden. "Especially if it was a naked apron!"
And there's the spell broken. That's right. This guy is a total idiot when it comes to the opposite sex. What the hell did Lum see in this guy?! He wasn't nearly as attractive as Rei!
"Oh my goodness, li'l Ran would never do something so bold!" Ran protested, though internally she was noting the plan for a future date with Rei. "Gosh, you say the silliest things sometimes, Darling!" Ran cooed at him. She batted her eyelashes for effect. That always got the boys thinking stupid.
"Well, I get a lot of practise!" Ataru laughed. “After all, there’s no nicer sound than a girl’s laughter.”
She tittered again, though that was completely asinine. Then again... The way he was smiling at the sound of her laughing was making her feel weird. So weird that she didn't even notice him taking control of the conversation right under her nose.
"So what are you doing tonight?" he asked.
"Baking some more treats," she answered. "I found some new interesting recipes I want to try out."
"I bet they won't be as sweet as you!" Ataru bopped her on the nose. Normally that would annoy her quite a bit, but for some reason it was weirdly endearing. "Do you need a taste tester? I'm free if you do."
"Sure, sounds great! My place, after school. You know where to find me!"
"It's a date!" Ataru turned around and walked away, waving off at her as he went.
With that, Ran turned around and skipped off. Aha! Got him! This time there would be no escape! She felt a bit of an evil laugh coming on. That fool Moroboshi, he had no idea what he was stepping into! She'd lower his guard with a few small snacks, and then the next thing he'd know she'd be kissing him... And draining him dry in the process! Lum's Darling was finally his, and then she could focus all of her energy on dating her big handsome and wonderful real Darling Rei! Starting tonight when he was due to arrive to try out those treats that... she was... going to make for him...
Ran's skipping slowed to a crawl, and her brain started to rewind to that conversation. How had that... But she... She had been waiting for this date all week, and she simply forgot all about it while talking with Ataru? She didn't even remember it until after the conversation had ended? There was only one answer for this. Only on explanation!
"Lum!" Ran hissed and stomped her foot hard enough that a pair of boys passing by jumped halfway to the ceiling. "She did this... somehow! Somehow she told him exactly what to say to make me forget about my date with Rei!”
That would be just like Lum, using someone else to do her dirty work for her! Ooh, that cheeky <i>bitch</i>.
Yet therein lay the problem. If she broke it off with either one of them, it would make it that much harder to approach either of them in the future. That was the truly devious part of it all. What a sinister trap! On that basis, she had no choice. Somehow... Some way, she must find a way to date both of them at once!
Meanwhile in the nearby Furinkan district, an idiot practising kendo sneezed. "How peculiar," he remarked. "Is someone stealing my bit?"
<hr>
Victory! Ataru triumphantly punched the air and gently patted the level upper hidden in his pocket. Aha! He'd always had the sense that Ran sort of liked him, and here we go. Proof positive. He hadn't had that much of a reaction from girls other than Lum and Shinobu yet, which meant that things were only going to get better and better the more he practised his flirting skill. This little device was the best thing to happen to him in a long, long time!
<i>Beep</i> and getting Ran to agree to go out with him leveled up flirting just a bit more! He'd have to check out his skill level later on, he had other things on his mind right now.
"Darling!" Here was one of those things right now. She glommed onto his arm: The same arm that was on the side he was keeping the level upper in. He couldn't risk letting her see it. Not yet, anyway. "Darling, let's go out tonight. It's been a little while since we went on a date."
"Yeah, it's been... Oh, a whole day," Ataru said. Then, drawing on the new instincts gained from his flirting skill, quickly added "It feels like years."
“I know!” Lum squeezed his arm tighter, “I feel like every moment I’m not with you darling is an eternity sometimes!”
Ugh, that smile! Why did she have to sometimes have such a cute, contented smile? Maybe she'd levelled it up at some point or other, or maybe it just came naturally?
Well, whatever. By this point Ataru was rather expert in pretending that Lum didn't have a body and a face that could make a man's knees weak with a passing glance. Which let him focus on the real problem he was bound to have: How was he supposed to go on a date with Ran when Lum would be all over him the instant school ended?
The answer: Flirt with her. He could almost hear the ghostly voice whispering, nay demanding it of him: Use the flirt! But what could he use to flirt with...? Aha! The only thing he could think of was his conversation with Ran just now, which led to an easy answer popping right into his mind.
"Actually, I was just thinking," Ataru idly remarked. "Mom was talking about some old recipes she hadn't managed to try out for a while. Maybe if you asked her, she might teach you?"
"Eh?!" Lum gasped. "Well, wouldn't that be a little bit awkward?"
"Not really. It's normal on Earth for - Ah, never mind."
"What?" Lum asked, clinging onto his arm tighter. "What were you going to say, Darling?"
"It's nothing, forget it!"
"Darling..." Lum hissed warningly. The familiar scent of ozone hit his nostrils. In a second she was going to shock him something fierce!
"Okay! Okay! I was just going to say that..." he said, then cleared his throat and lowered his voice so she could only barely hear him. "On Earth it's pretty normal for the groom's mother to teach the bride how to cook his favourite meals..."
"Oh! Darling!" Lum cooed, and the next thing Ataru knew he was on the receiving end of an electric smooch that knocked his socks off. As in, literally. They flew right off his feet and took his shoes with them. "Don't worry Darling! I won't let you down! I'll make sure your mother teaches me all of your favourite meals!"
"That's great honey, mind the badgers!" Ataru slurred, completely in a daze. Oof! That had him in another world entirely for a moment! "I mean... Uh... Don't you go mentioning it was my idea or anything. Okay?"
"Aw... that's so sweet!" Lum sighed. "Alright, Darling! I'll catch you in class! Bye bye for now!"
Aha! He'd done it! The perfect diversion! Lum was drifting off, literally walking on air down the corridor. Ataru made the mistake of scratching his hair and receiving a bit of static shock from the experience. Oof! Man, the first time the two of them had sex, it was going to be... What was he thinking about! He'd just ensured his date tonight with Ran would go without any annoying aliens interrupting the two of them!
Aha! What a sweet night it would be. Nobody was around now, so he was able to discreetly take out his level upper and switch the skill to something else. Just for a little while. Yes, that's right... Dating. Let's see now...
<i>Dating: Level 11 Experience: 15/20</i>
Ah! That was a bit higher than his flirting had been when he'd started wasn't it? Well... Then again, he had been on a couple of dates by now. Not just Lum dragging him out either, he'd been dating Shinobu for a fair bit before she showed up. So, that probably made more sense? Well, whatever. He'd gain some experience for his date with Ran, get to taste some of her delicious cooking. Then he'd come home to meet with Lum...
Who would have spent hours cooking with his mother by that point.
And she would expect him to try some of her cooking.
Her spicy hot cooking that would burn his mouth like the fires of hell opening a gateway directly from his tonsils.
"What have I done?" he whispered with all the horror of a man in a Lovecraftian tale who just now learned that he'd spent the last ten minutes systematically waking up Cthulhu and covering himself in Eldritch Sauce, the favourite condiment of the Elder Gods. "What have I done?!"
- Ran makes a copy of herself so she can date both of them at once. Just a shame that the other her is such a flighty airhead.
- Shinobu notices Ataru is up to something, and decides to investigate.
- It turns out that Lum's electric shock didn't sit well with the level upper.
- Things go crazy during Lum’s cooking lesson.
- Something else
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