Story: Love Normal

 

The journey to the Hinata dorms was one of the most awkward experiences of my entire life. Consider. I'm the only one sane in a world gone mad. I'm travelling with a strange, busty woman who seemed nice enough but really loved talking about watermelons. I'm also travelling with my teacher, who is a mage and also younger than me.

Yeah, that's kinda weird. From top to bottom it's super weird. There really isn't any other way to say it. Totally, absolutely, magnificently weird, bizarre, strange, unusual, whatever synonyms that you could come up with, and what was more?

"Do you have to sit in her lap?" I asked quite pointedly towards Negi, who had taken up residence in Mutsumi's lap on this train journey.

"Well, there's nowhere else to sit, and it's fine, it's normal," Negi said. Though he took a moment to think about it. "Um... It is normal, right?"

"No!" I insisted, and Negi immediately started to scribble, while other passengers all turned their attention towards me as if I was the one being weird. Then again, this is Japan, and I wasn't exactly being polite or demure about any of this, was I?

Urgh! The sooner this was resolved, the better! Mutsumi was smiling about the whole thing too, which was also really starting to piss me off. Was it an innocent smile, or a knowing one? It was kind of like that, you get it? That sort of smile where what it means depends on what angle you're viewing it from. 

That wasn't even the worst of it, either. It seemed as though the three of them had acquired a special extra guest, who was sitting on the other side of the train car munching on popcorn, which she had acquired from who knows where?

"I thought you were bound to Mahora," I pointedly asked the vampire sitting opposite me. She shrugged, munched on some more kernels, and kicked her legs. "Hey, don't ignore me! How are you able to leave like that?!"

"Amulet," Evangeline said, holding up a blood red amulet she was wearing as if it explained anything at all. But before I could protest, the people in the train car all went 'ohhhh!' as if they completely got it!

This, to nobody's possible surprise, was not doing me any favours in the 'am I still actually sane?' department. This was, in fact, a department that was fully stocked to the point of overstuffing, and it would be quite helpful if someone would help to empty it out.

Given all of this, I made a point of staring at the floor of the train car. I didn't want to look at anyone else. If I looked, I'd see them doing something weird, and I'd react to it. So I made a point to tune everyone out.

Do you have any idea how hard that is for me to do? Any idea at all? Probably not, no. It's not in my nature. It's not even kind of in my nature. That train ride was the most awkward, stupid thing I've ever experienced in my entire life.

But the worst part was, I could feel Evangeline's eyes on me the entire damn time, and I could tell that she was loving this. Every bit of it. Sucking up the joy like it was blood in a vein.

Anyway. The train ride wasn't actually an eternity, it only felt like one. It did actually come to an end. We left the train, and I realised that I'd have to look at people acting all weird again. Urgh! But then, I felt a hand pat me on top of the head. Looking up, it was Mutsume.

"There there!" Mutsume said. "I know, it must be tough, being against the entire world."

"It's not that I'm against the entire world," I replied, then looked past her, and saw something really gross. "I mean, look at those two! That doesn't seem weird to you at all?"

"Oh my, they must really like each other," Mutsume giggled. "I do hope that Keitaro is willing to do that with me when we reunite~"

My eyes twitched, and I heard the distinctive sound of popcorn munching. Evangeline was way too close inside my personal space.

"Either back off, or -" I began, but Evangeline proceeded to step closer.

"Or what?" she asked. "How do you intend to threaten an immortal vampire, exactly?"

I responded by grabbing the amulet, which earned a gasp from those around us. Huh? Really?

"Is this amulet part of this whole thing?" I demanded.

"No, it's just enchanted," Negi replied. "It lets her leave the school grounds provided she doesn't taste blood. If she does, she zips right back to Mahora, and the amulet never works again."

"It also has a time limit," Evangeline replied. "And, uh, they all gasped in agreement because I made them. To mess with you a little."

"... If I find out that this whole thing is because you've been messing with me... " I warned.

"Go on, finish the thought," Evangeline replied. "It's not me, by the way. It's way, way stronger than anything I've ever done. If it's affecting Negi, and the headmaster, and me? It's big. It's so big I'm even using this rare trinket so I can personally look at it. Do you have any more complaints, little miss tsundere? Or perhaps you would like to point out more normal behaviour that is actually strange for us?"

"Mister Negi certainly seems to want you to!" Mutsume said, and indeed, Negi was staring at her over his oversized glasses, notepad in hand, ready to scribble further notes in it.

She had half a mind to make him eat that notepad. Instead, they were going to head onwards to the Hinata Dorm.

The gravel crunched under my shoes, and the rhythm was helping keep me sane. A regular, normal sound like that in a world gone mad. I marched forward, shoulders hunched, eyes darting from side to side like a soldier in a minefield.

Beside me, Negi hummed a light melody, his notebook open and pen poised while his eyes occasionally darted towards me, as if waiting for me to point out something else that was 'odd'. He looked far too peaceful for a boy walking through a living nightmare.

"Asuna-san, you're walking with a very rigid posture," Negi noted, glancing up. "Are you still feeling tense? I could suggest some breathing exercises."

"I'm tense because the world is a toilet!" I yelled back at him. "Urgh, this is so gross, gross, gross!"

I stopped dead. Ten feet ahead, a middle-aged man in a business suit stood with a woman near a vending machine. He wasn't just holding her hand. His other arm was wrapped around her waist, his hand disappeared beneath the hem of her skirt, and he was kneading her hip with a rhythmic, firm intensity. 

The woman didn't lean into him with passion. She didn't blush. She simply looked at the drink selection and pointed. Like they were having a totally normal conversation while it was pretty clear what his fingers were up to.

"I think the peach tea is on sale," she said, her voice as flat as a board.

"Good call," the man replied, his hand never stopping its work. "We'll get two."

Jaw dropped. A vein throbbed in her temple. She pointed a shaking finger at the couple.

"Look! Right there! Look at him! He's practically rearranging her internal organs in broad daylight!"

Negi blinked, looking at the couple. He tilted his head, his expression one of genuine, academic curiosity.

"I don't see the problem, Asuna-san. He's just showing affection while they coordinate their beverage choices. It's efficient. Why does that bother you?"

"Efficient? Efficient?!" I yelled at him. "Urgh! Why do I even bother! And what are you writing in that notebook of yours?!"

Evangeline, strolling a few paces behind us, let out a vicious, cruel laugh. There was something under it that felt especially cruel. I snapped my head around to look at her, and the grin on her face made me want to slap her.

"Pardon me," she jeered. "But seeing you get all worked up over something that I think is normal was quite adorable."

"Why you -"

"Oh, look at her. She's practically vibrating," Evangeline purred. "I can almost hear the gears in her head grinding to a halt. Tell me, little tsundere, does the sight of a simple gesture truly cause such a visceral reaction? Your face is a delightful shade of magenta."

"I am the only person left in this city with a functioning moral compass," I whispered to myself. "I am a lighthouse in a sea of perverts."

"You're shouting again," Negi said gently. Ah? Was I? I thought I was whispering... "Is there a specific reason why you find physical touch so taboo? In many cultures, the boundaries of personal space vary. Perhaps you're just experiencing a clash of cultural norms?"

"Cultural norms," I sneered. "Ptooie! I'm not buying that for a second!"

"You're so dramatic," Evangeline sighed, though her eyes glinted with amusement. "Though I will admit, the sheer scale of this spell is impressive. To rewrite the very concept of 'shame' across a population... It's an elegant piece of work. Whoever did this has a twisted sense of humor. I'm starting to like them."

They continued their trek, the atmosphere growing heavier. Asuna noticed the air felt different-thicker, like walking through invisible syrup. Every few steps, she felt a prickle of static electricity against her skin.

And then, they had arrived. After going up way, way too many steps, they'd arrived at the dorm itself. 

"Hrm?" Evangeline scowled, staring at the building. "That's strange."

"Oh thank goodness," I sighed. "What's strange? Is it something I'd find strange?"

"There's a little pocket of... something in one part of the building," Evangeline said, gesturing towards the first floor. "It's about the size of... well, I suppose it would be about the size of a room in a place like this."

Which means... what exactly? Well, whatever it might mean, Mutsume was already approaching the front door and knocking on it. Asuna gulped nervously. If they were right, and this is where this whole thing was kicking off from, then she shuddered to think at what they might find inside!