Story: Genma the Ex-Harem Protag

 

Koharu pinched the bridge of her nose, muttering under her breath, "Honestly, with all this chaos, you’d think I’d be the unreasonable one. But no—"

Nodoka, meanwhile, was gazing wistfully at her reflection in a nearby icicle, smoothing her hair back with an almost girlish glee. "It’s been years since I’ve felt this young. I’d nearly forgotten what it’s like to have so much… energy!"

Ellanora, still dusting herself off from the snowbank incident, narrowed her eyes. "Wonderful. She’s not just youthful in appearance; she’s regressed mentally too."

"Oh, hush," Koharu snapped, waving a dismissive hand at the vampire. "You’re just bitter because you’re eternally cranky."

"I’m eternally refined," Ellanora retorted, her voice dripping with indignation.

As the two bickered, Nodoka began to pace, her hands clasped behind her back in a thoughtful pose that seemed entirely too reminiscent of a young Ranma. "You know, I was just thinking… Genma and I never had a proper chance to enjoy our youth together. Sure, there were those martial arts challenges, and the constant fleeing from angry mobs, but there was always so much… seriousness."

Koharu raised an eyebrow. "Wait, seriousness? Your husband literally carted your son off to China to train and got him cursed in the process."

"Exactly my point!" Nodoka spun around, her eyes gleaming with the fire of a young woman’s wild ideas. "We never truly embraced the fun of reckless youthful adventure! The running! The challenges! The thrill of narrowly avoiding certain doom!"

Ellanora groaned, rubbing her temples. "Oh, fantastic. She’s gone feral."

Koharu stepped forward, trying to steer the conversation back to sanity—or at least her version of it. "Nodoka, listen. Youth is great and all, but you’ve got responsibilities now. This whole thing is just temporary—like a bad haircut! It’s fun while it lasts, but don’t let it go to your head."

But instead of grounding Nodoka, Koharu’s words only seemed to embolden her.

"You’re right!" Nodoka exclaimed, grabbing Koharu by the shoulders. "This is temporary! And that’s why I need to make the most of it while I can!"

"That is not what I meant—"

"No, no, it’s brilliant!" Nodoka released her, eyes sparkling with excitement. "I’ll find Genma, get him to eat one of those mushrooms, and we’ll have the chance to relive the glory days together! Oh, the possibilities!"

Ellanora’s jaw dropped. "You’re joking. Please tell me she’s joking."

Koharu held up her hands, desperately trying to backtrack. "Wait, wait, WAIT. That is not what I was saying. I meant—"

But it was too late. Nodoka was already sprinting off, her kimono billowing behind her like a cape. "Oh, Genma! Where are you, my dear panda of chaos? Let’s seize the day!"

There was a long, stunned silence as Koharu and Ellanora watched Nodoka vanish into the distance, her laughter echoing behind her.

"Well, that’s just wonderful," Ellanora deadpanned, crossing her arms. "You’ve unleashed a storm. Congratulations, you’ve managed to make this situation even worse."

"I didn’t mean for her to go full ‘teenage rebellion’ on us!" Koharu protested, throwing up her hands. "I was trying to get her to be a little less uptight!"

Ellanora pinched the bridge of her nose, mimicking Koharu’s earlier gesture. "And instead, you’ve inspired her to drag her husband into some ridiculous midlife—or I suppose pre-midlife—crisis. If this spirals any further, I’m blaming you."

"Oh, come on," Koharu grumbled. "What’s the worst that could happen?"

At that exact moment, a distant crash echoed from the direction Nodoka had run, followed by what sounded suspiciously like the panicked squawk of an Anubis warrior.

Ellanora glared. "That."

=====

The Anubis warrior loomed over Nodoka, its jackal-headed form glinting in the pale moonlight. Its golden staff, crowned with a glowing emerald, pulsed with ominous energy. But Nodoka, youthful and brimming with enthusiasm (if not wisdom), stood her ground, gripping her family sword tightly.

"You’ll regret underestimating me!" she declared, her voice ringing with dramatic flair.

The Anubis warrior tilted its head, unimpressed. With a guttural growl, it lunged forward, its staff swinging in a deadly arc. Nodoka dodged—barely—and countered with a swift slash of her blade. The sword gleamed as it connected with the warrior’s torso.

For a brief, triumphant moment, Nodoka thought she had won. That was until the creature let out a strange gurgling laugh.

"What?" she gasped, staring as the warrior’s body shimmered and then… split into two identical Anubis warriors, both snarling and brandishing their staffs.

"Oh no," Nodoka muttered, stepping back. "That’s definitely not what I intended."

The two warriors lunged simultaneously, forcing Nodoka to parry frantically. Her movements, while skilled, lacked the raw power needed to handle such foes. It wasn’t long before she found herself cornered against a tree, the warriors advancing with gleaming eyes.

"Okay, maybe this wasn’t such a great idea," she admitted, glancing around desperately. "Genma, where are you when I—"

A thunderous roar echoed through the clearing.

From the shadows, a massive black-and-white blur hurtled forward. Genma, in his panda form, barreled into the Anubis warriors like a furry wrecking ball. His sheer bulk sent one warrior flying into a tree, its staff splintering on impact. The second warrior swung its weapon, but Genma caught it with his massive paw and snapped it in two like a twig.

Nodoka blinked. "Genma?"

The panda grunted, swiping the second warrior across the clearing with a single, powerful strike. Both creatures dissolved into golden dust, their magic spent.

"Oh, Genma, you saved me!" Nodoka gushed, her eyes sparkling with admiration.

The panda gave her a long, flat look, then turned and lumbered off into the forest without so much as a backward glance.

"Wait! Come back!" Nodoka called after him, trying to follow. But Genma picked up his pace, disappearing into the shadows before she could catch up. "Oh, darn… Well, maybe if I can find Ranma and Akane…?"

=====

Deep in the forest, Genma sighed as he slumped against a tree, reverting to his human form. He rubbed his temples, muttering to himself.

"This is exactly why I stay out of things. The nonsense. The drama. The endless disasters!"

He thought back to the old days—the constant trouble, the near-death experiences, the endless chaos that seemed to follow him wherever he went. He had no interest in revisiting that part of his life.

"Let the boy and his friends deal with it," he muttered, crossing his arms. "I’ve done my time."

But just as he was settling into his self-imposed exile, a voice shattered his peace.

"Well, well, if it isn’t the infamous Genma Saotome," drawled Koharu, stepping into the clearing with Ellanora at her side.

Genma froze, his eyes darting between the kunoichi and the vampire. "I don’t know what you’re talking about," he said, already inching away. "You’ve got the wrong guy."

"Oh, please," Ellanora said with a smirk. "I’d recognize that cowardly aura anywhere."

"Cowardly?! I’ll have you know I’m a master of—"

"Save it," Koharu interrupted, waving a hand dismissively. "We’ve got more important things to deal with. Like your wife, who’s currently running around picking fights with ancient warriors because she thinks she’s invincible."

Genma groaned, slapping a hand over his face. "Of course she is."

"And it’s all because she thinks you’re going to join her on some grand adventure," Ellanora added, crossing her arms. "So, what’s your plan, oh mighty ‘master’?"

"My plan," Genma said, standing and dusting himself off, "is to stay as far away from this madness as possible."

Koharu arched an eyebrow. "Yeah, good luck with that. Because if she doesn’t find you, she’s going to keep causing trouble. And guess who’s going to have to clean it up?"

Genma’s shoulders slumped. "Why me?"

"Because you married her," Ellanora said dryly. "And because fate clearly has a sense of humor."

Koharu clapped him on the back, grinning. "Cheer up, big guy. At least it’s not as bad as the time you stole those sacred scrolls from the Yamazaki Clan."

Genma’s face turned pale. "How do you know about that?"

Koharu’s grin widened. "Oh, I know everything, Saotome."

As the two women dragged Genma back toward the chaos he was so desperately trying to avoid, he couldn’t help but mutter under his breath.

"This is why I hate my life."

=====

As they dragged the reluctant Genma back through the forest, Koharu couldn’t resist casting a sidelong glance at Ellanora. The ancient vampire’s expression was pinched, her lips pressed into a thin line as if she were holding something back.

"You know," Koharu began, her voice dripping with faux innocence, "it’s funny how much you seem to care about what happens to Nodoka. Aren’t you supposed to be the cool, aloof type? You know, ancient, brooding, detached?"

Ellanora shot her a withering glare. "I am not brooding."

Koharu smirked. "No, of course not. You’re just frantically chasing after her because…?"

The vampire’s eye twitched. "Because she’s creating unnecessary chaos, and someone has to—"

"—babysit her?" Koharu interrupted, grinning wickedly. "You’re acting like a doting aunt who’s trying to keep her niece from climbing a tree. It’s adorable."

Ellanora let out a low growl, but Koharu wasn’t deterred. She leaned in closer, her grin widening. "Admit it. You like her, don’t you? Not in a vampire-food way—though, who knows—but in a weird, sentimental, ‘oh no, I actually care about this human’ kind of way."

Ellanora’s crimson eyes flared briefly, but then she sighed, her shoulders sagging in resignation. "It’s not like I have a choice."

Koharu blinked. "Huh?"

"There’s… a compulsion," Ellanora admitted reluctantly, avoiding Koharu’s gaze. "Vampires have… quirks. Sometimes, when a mortal has a certain spark, we feel compelled to protect them. It’s instinct."

Koharu snorted. "Protective? Like a big sister? Or maybe—"

"Don’t."

"—mommy vampire!" Koharu howled with laughter, doubling over.

Ellanora sighed, muttering under her breath. "If I drain her dry, will anyone notice?"

"Aw, you say the sweetest things," Koharu replied, still grinning.

Behind them, Genma glanced at them and muttered, "If I have to deal with even five more minutes of this, I’m going to jump into the nearest cursed spring. I do not miss this part of my life at all!"

Koharu and Ellanora ignored him, their bickering continuing unabated as the trio trudged through the forest toward yet another inevitable disaster.