Urgh! Fine! She'd have to investigate this stupid turn of stupid events! Yumiko didn't like it. She didn't like it one little bit! Nonetheless, what choice did she have? Ignore it? Bitch please. As great as it would be to have this guy wrapped around her little finger, it wasn't real, it'd wind up really blowing up and causing a lot more trouble than it was worth.
Now, granted, she'd come to that conclusion after spending about half an hour making out with him that night after their dinner date, but she had made that definite decision. As such -
"Wait, wait, this is all wrong!" Yumiko said. She climbed off Hiroshi's lap and adjusted herself. "You're under a spell, and it's quite literally draining the life out of us, we can't have a relationship like this."
"Sure we can!" Hiroshi said, and it annoyed her how compelling his argument was. His followup was even more convincing, reaching up to pull her back in for another quick makeout session, but -
"No, we really can't!" Yumiko grumbled. "I'm not looking for a quick lay." She paused for a moment. "Tonight, I mean. Maybe tomorrow, but what I really need is a long term relationship."
"Then marry me!"
Guh! What a potent attack! She hadn't even seen it coming! The temptation to say 'yes' was very, very strong, and yet - No! No, no, no! Bad Yumiko, naughty Yumiko, don't be tempted by the sweet free hunk being offered to you on a silver platter!
"Ah... I have a shrine to visit," she said in a hurry.
"Okay, let's get married there!"
That's not how this works! There's also paperwork and family registries and suchlike to contend with as well! Who wants to deal with that nonsense? Not her! Even though an image of her in a traditional Japanese wedding dress was hitting her brain pretty hard right now. Giving her that sweet dopamine rush!
You know. They could have a one night stand, then she could sneak out while he's asleep to deal with this, and by the time he wakes up he might feel so guilty that -
Oh yeah, that's a healthy long term relationship. We got blackout shitfaced and then he knocked me up! Super healthy, the kid won't wind up a nervous wreck at all! No social or psychological problems here!
There was a problem though. A fairly big one. Namely, he had a pretty good grip on her hand right now. Didn't seem likely to let go any time soon either. Look at him. Staring at her with those puppy dog eyes, completely lovestruck, under a potent hypnosis spell that had -
Wait. Wait, wait wait! He's under a mind control spell! His brain's been whammied something fierce! He's not in the right frame of mind, which meant that she could just transform right here, right now!
"Sparkling Lover Unite!" she called out, and cue the transformation sequence, which seemed to be happening in slow motion for some reason, and - voila! In an instant, she was here! Sparkling Lover Star had come back to life!
"Wow that was hot," Hiroshi said. "Man, I never knew you were aware of my magical girl kink!"
"Your what now?" Yumiko asked. "No, never mind that!" For now. Definitely filing away for later. "Shrine time! You can, uh, let go of my hand now."
"And risk losing sight of the love of my life?" Hiroshi asked. "No, ma'am! That is not something I can do!"
Yumiko sighed a weary sigh, and looked down at her 'cute' animal sidekick. In turn, Pompon the rat looked up at her as if to say 'not my problem'. Which made her twitch nervously a bit. Great. The hell was she meant to do now?!
=====
The girls she knew were all acting weird. All lovey dovey with guys they'd never normally give the time of day to. It didn't take much to peg the reason: This shrine was handing out enchanted charms which were making people fall in love against their will. It was pretty obvious. Too obvious. Sparkling Lover Sun didn't like it. She didn't like it one little bit.
Even so, it was also their only lead. Thus, she was watching the shrine itself and those that entered or came out of it from a rooftop two blocks away. That was enough distance. She could see it pretty clearly from here. Since it was so obvious, they probably had people nearby watching out for them, but at this distance they'd have to cast a really wide net to spot anyone.
This was the kind of job that required caution like that. The enemy learned, and so did they. If one side could outthink the other just a little bit longer, they could score a crushing blow. A war of nerves as much as it was a war in a more general sense. The Eternal Night Empire... They would pay for messing with the emotions of others! For causing this kind of grief, for manipulating hearts, toying with people's lives for no good reason at all! She was furious, she was livid, but she knew full well that rushing in would only make things worse for -
"Alright you Eternal Night Empire creeps!" yelled that older woman dressed up like Sparkling Lover Star. She was carrying a random man up to the shrine bridal style. "I'm coming to get you! Ready or not!"
Oohhhh, but she could feel a migraine coming on all of a sudden. A really nasty one too. Time for her to head on in and bail this idiot out. And the guy she'd brought with her, for some reason.
=====
General Pluto stood at the centre of the Eternal Night Empire’s operations room, a stark contrast to the bustling chaos that surrounded her. With her sleek, dark uniform impeccably pressed and her long silver hair pulled into a tight ponytail, she was the embodiment of discipline and competence. Her icy blue eyes, sharp as the edge of a sword, scanned the room with an expression that suggested she was mentally calculating how many of her underlings she could get away with throttling before anyone would notice.
Unfortunately, given how things were going, that number was probably all of them.
The latest scheme, the brainchild of one of the many hopelessly optimistic lackeys under her command, was laid out before her: love charms. These small, heart-shaped trinkets glittered innocently on the table in front of her, each one pulsing with a soft, pink glow. They were supposed to be foolproof, a masterstroke of dark magic that would enthral anyone who wore them with an overpowering, undeniable love. Supposed to be.
Pluto had insisted on quality control before rolling out anything involving powerful magic to the masses, so they’d tested the charms on a few of the more unfortunate members of the cleaning staff. Sure enough, the charms worked like a dream. Or rather, a nightmare. Love-struck janitors had spent the entire day professing their undying devotion to brooms, mop buckets, and in one particularly embarrassing case, an old vending machine that had been gathering dust in the corner for years. It was efficient, yes, but the part about “draining life energy” was happening so slowly that Pluto was beginning to suspect it might not even be real.
“General Pluto!” A chipper voice broke through her thoughts, and she turned to see one of her underlings—Lieutenant Lunaria—approaching with a clipboard. Lunaria was a petite woman with wide, glittering eyes and hair the color of cotton candy, and she was, in Pluto’s professional opinion, a human disaster in uniform. “We’ve just finished distributing the love charms to the target areas! Isn’t it exciting?”
“Exciting,” Pluto repeated flatly, her tone devoid of any actual excitement. “Lunaria, remind me again why we’re relying on love charms instead of, say, a straightforward energy syphon spell?”
Lunaria’s smile was bright enough to illuminate a small country. “Because this way, we get to spread love and chaos at the same time! And you know what they say, General—love conquers all!”
“Except perhaps common sense,” Pluto muttered under her breath. She pinched the bridge of her nose, fighting the urge to rub away the headache that was rapidly building. “And the charms are definitely syphoning life energy?”
“Oh, absolutely!” Lunaria chirped. “Very slowly, of course, but that’s just part of the fun! The victims won’t even notice they’re being drained until it’s too late! Isn’t that clever?”
Pluto’s eye twitched. “Yes. Clever.”
She scanned the room, where a group of junior officers was currently huddled around a computer monitor, giggling as they watched footage of the charms in action. One of the screens showed a middle-aged man kneeling in a crowded train station, loudly declaring his eternal love to a confused-looking Pomeranian. On another screen, a pair of schoolgirls were fiercely debating over which one of them was the true love of a nearby lamp post.
Pluto sighed deeply. “This is what we’ve come to,” she said, more to herself than anyone else. “The proud Eternal Night Empire, reduced to matchmaking for inanimate objects and small dogs.”
Lunaria, oblivious to her superior’s frustration, nodded enthusiastically. “Isn’t it wonderful, General? The Empire is finally making people happy!”
“Happy,” Pluto echoed, her voice dripping with sarcasm as she resisted the urge to throttle something. “Yes, Lunaria, nothing spells doom like an army of overly affectionate civilians. Remind me, what happens if someone comes along and just removes the charm?”
“Oh, don’t worry about that!” Lunaria waved a dismissive hand. “Once the charm is on, they won’t want to take it off. It’s practically glued to their souls!”
Pluto’s patience was wearing thinner than a villainous monologue during the final battle. “And what about the life-draining aspect? When does that actually start having any meaningful impact?”
Lunaria’s expression faltered for the briefest of moments. “Well… it might take a few days for the effects to really kick in. Maybe a week. Or two. But by then, the emotional devastation will be so intense that they’ll barely notice!”
“Barely notice,” Pluto repeated, now seriously considering her options for defecting to a saner organisation. “And by that time, I assume we’ll have been overrun by Sparkling Lover Star and her entourage?”
“Oh, General, you’re so funny!” Lunaria giggled, clearly missing the sarcasm by a mile. “But don’t worry! The chances of Sparkling Lover Star getting involved are practically zero!”
As if on cue, a loud crash echoed from the hallway outside the operations room, followed by the unmistakable sound of magical energy charging up. Pluto’s eyes narrowed as she instinctively reached for her weapon—a sleek, obsidian-bladed sword strapped to her back.
“I’m going to take a wild guess,” Pluto said, her voice dropping to a deadly calm, “and say that Sparkling Lover Star is about to burst through that door.”
Lunaria’s eyes went wide with shock. “But… but how? The charms were supposed to be untraceable! Who could have led her—?”
The double doors to the operations room flew open with a resounding bang, and there, standing in the doorway in all her sparkling, sequined glory, was none other than Sparkling Lover Star herself. She was accompanied by a tall, handsome man who was currently sporting a love charm around his neck—a love charm that was glowing ominously and sending off pink sparks like a broken firework.
Pluto sighed deeply as she drew her sword, fixing Lunaria with a glare that promised retribution in the near future. “Next time, remind me to veto all charm-related schemes.”
Sparkling Lover Star pointed dramatically at Pluto, her voice ringing with righteous indignation. “General Pluto! Your love charms have gone too far this time! I’m here to stop your vile plan and save this poor, handsome man from your clutches!”
The handsome man beside her—who, despite his predicament, looked somewhat pleased with the attention—gave Pluto an awkward wave. “Uh, hi. Sorry about this.”
Pluto, keeping her composure with the last vestiges of her sanity, glanced back at Lunaria, who was now trying to sink into the floor. “You know what? Forget the veto. Next time, we’re skipping directly to world domination.”
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