"My word, these muscles!" Akane said, clinging onto his arm as they walked down the street. Hanging off him like curtains off a rail, which was fitting because - "You simply must return me to our bedchambers and ravish me, hold nothing back. I am in the body of your wife after - Will you stop that, you horny spirit?!" Because the ghost possessing his wife wanted him to rail her.
To her question: No. No, she would not stop it. All that Ranma could do for now was grin and bear it, and hope that the rumours died down before they died of humiliation. He didn't like this. The worst part was this was far from the first time Akane had been possessed. He almost preferred the doll. At least with it trying to kill him, he knew where it stood. He had a pretty good handle on stopping people trying to kill him.
Trying to stop girls from wanting to fuck him? Man, if he'd known how to do that the last two years of his life would have been simpler. Ah, but it was truly a curse to be this beautiful. To be a true man among men -
"You're thinking something stupid again," Akane warned. "Oh, is that any way to talk to your husband? Show him the respect he's due! I am! Lay off, you don't know our relationship! It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me..."
"Ah... I always knew Tendo's youngest was a bit too wound up for her own good..." a neighbour muttered, a little too loudly.
"Had to happen one of these days, the poor thing," another neighbour muttered back. Okay! Ranma might be an insensitive dolt most of the time, but even he could see that this would not be good for Akane's reputation. He scooped her up in his arms, then jumped to the roof so they could get a better look around.
"Goodness me!" the spirit possessing Akane gasped. "That settles the matter. At the very least, if you won't satisfy my long ignored loins, then you shall join our Royal Guard!"
Come on, come on... There she is! Usagi, skipping down the street like a high schooler instead of the mother of a high schooler she actually was. Apparently oblivious to the - Was that a freaking jackal headed shirtless scimitar wielding maniac in pursuit of her?!
Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer! Ranma leaped down, kicked the guy in the face and watched in disbelief as the creep turned into a pile of sand.
"Oh, hello there Ranma," Usagi said, chipper and perky as can be. "I'm afraid I've not seen Elanora anywhere. Was that an Anubis Guard you just kicked in the face?"
"Probably!" Ranma said in a panic. "Listen, before we head off to deal with Elanora, Akane got possessed by -"
"Daughter!"
You know, given how messed up Ranma's life had been for the last few years you would think, you would actually think that nothing could happen that would stun him into total and complete silence, but Akane jumping out of his arms and embracing Usagi in a great big hug and calling her 'daughter' was definitely up there.
"To think you would be reincarnated in an Asian body - Japanese! Urgh, what's the point... hush, you! Do not dare interrupt my reunion with my daughter, lest you feel my wrath!"
"Oh, no, I'm not your daughter reincarnated," Usagi smiled brightly. "It's a common mistake, apparently something about my very soul makes me think I'm the reincarnation of someone close to them."
... That is a very specific and weird common mistake! How is it possible for someone to be this much of a trouble magnet?! How did pops survive his youth? The old man had it worse than he did!
Oh, and to make matters even better? The sand on the ground was shifting in a way incongruent with the wind. You tend to notice that sort of thing when you're a naturally gifted martial artist. Indeed, just as he feared the sand was billowing up into a humanoid shape... which soon enough became two right before his very eyes. Each one wielding a nasty looking scimitar, raising it above their heads - and so Ranma moved in to punch them in the torso, which caused them to collapse again.
"Dear me, why did you do that?" Usagi asked.
"Because they were going to kill you," Ranma said. He didn't yell it. He said it. In the tone of someone who had long since realised the person they were talking to was an idiot, and they needed this sort of thing explained patiently to them. Normally, if someone had said something that dumb, he would have yelled it, but here... It would not have helped.
"Well, yes, but everyone knows that when you attack an Anubis Guard they become two after a short amount of time."
"That's right," Akane agreed. "Even the loveliest servants know such a thing."
Oh, but Ranma was feeling a headache coming on all of a sudden. Right before his eyes, the sand was stirring again, and this time there were four of them. Aha. Okay. This might be a problem. Maths might not be his strongest subject, but even he could see that the sums weren't going in their favour... Urgh! Could anyone possibly be having a worse night than this?
<hr>
How long had it been since she'd gone out on an adventure? Too long. She'd settled for the life of the poor martial artist's wife for almost two decades now, and it had been fine, it had been alright. Occasionally reading letters from Genma informing her of Ranma's current status, keeping herself busy with this and that. Discovering new ways to save money.
She'd thought she was fine with it. Thought she was happy. She'd put the stupidity of her youth behind her, the nonsense, the disarray, the absolute chaos! She'd won the contest for Genma Saotome, won decisively, bore him a child, you can't put a bigger exclamation point on it than that!
"Ellanora! Don't you dare!" Nodoka yelled into the night's sky, hitching up her kimono so she could pursue more efficiently. The bat flying overhead had something of an advantage over her. Flying over the buildings let her easily track her path out of the Furinkan area, off into the woods nearby. She had to stop her. Stop that vampiress from turning her Genma into a younger... fitter... more handsome... Virile...
What was she doing again? No, no! Don't think like that. You're trying to stop this madness, not participate in it! If Genma becomes younger again, why - He'd... still be your husband. And there's nothing stopping you from having some mushrooms as well. The sex was always amazing when they were younger, but they didn't really have the time for it after Ranma was born. But now he was grown up, living in a place of his own, which meant that they could -
No, no, no. It would invite trouble. It was all part of Ellanora's plan to seduce Genma. She shouldn't fall for that kind of thinking, it was a trap. A trap! She soon arrived at the edge of the mysterious woods, stopping only to lean against a tree to catch her breath. Salt shaker and garlic in her pocket. Oh! Come to think, she could grab some branches to form a makeshift cross... Though that might not work all that well since she was a believer in Shinto. Let's see. Perhaps a torii instead? Yes, make a tiny little gate out of sticks and twigs and -
"What am I doing?" Nodoka said. Her breathing was still ragged. "I'm out of breath already? Really? Am I that out of shape?"
The answer was inevitably 'yes'. You can't just avoid this kind of strenuous activity and expect your stamina to be what it was twenty years ago! You can't rely on long walks and a steady diet to keep you fit and healthy!
Nodoka was starting to have a few regrets about this plan as she wandered into the woods, but... She had to stop Ellanora. Again. If only she had a bit of backup this time she wouldn't be so damned nervous about it...
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