You know, it occurs to me that sentences are rather wonderful things. Each one unique, they can be long they can be short. They can convey any manner of information the writer intends. Even two sentences composed of the same letters and punctuation can convey entirely different meanings depending on the contexts of the sentences around them. For example, the simple sentence "He ran." takes on rather different connotations if the previous sentence was "He saw an ice cream van down the street." or "There was a clown holding a blood-drenched chainsaw behind him."
Why bring that up? Well, that stream of thought came about as a distraction when my brain conjured the following sentence in description of events occurring at that time.
Having used her madness-spouting lips to draw sensations from deep within me more glorious and wonderful than the realisation that we are indeed not alone in the universe, Haruhi Suzumiya twisted her body around and planted her rear end very nearly on my achingly erect penis.
Some people think about sport. Others, their nation. Me, a little linguistic theory keeps me from bursting my balls. I was convinced she was doing it deliberately - wedging the lump in my trousers in between her skirt-covered butt cheeks and wiggling around while pretending that she was looking frantically for sign of anything out of the ordinary.
"Sit still a moment," she hissed back to me while firmly pressing her butt right up against that lump in my trousers. "I'm trying to figure out who is in on this whole thing and who is just an innocent bystander."
If you're looking for an innocent bystander, try the boy you were giving a lapdance to! I did not wish to be this aroused in public, though to my shame I would certainly remember this experience quite vividly for later use!
Now I returned to the question that mattered the most: How were the earrings affecting everyone's behaviour today? It was obviously them. The behaviour changes had started when I had put them on. So why...?
"Haruhi," I asked, tentatively. "You don't see anything peculiar about what you are doing to me right now?"
"Huh? No, dummy!" she leaned back and sucked out more of my soul through her devilish lips. When she pulled away a scant thirty seconds later I reflexively bobbed my head forward like a man dying of thirst who could see a straw leading into a glass of water inches away from his face. Haruhi was heedless and I instead buried my face into her neck, to which she helpfully tilted her head to the side to increase my access. "This is what couples do on dates. It's perfectly normal."
At this point my thought process was a mite hazy, so my body resigned itself to nuzzling her neck. My hands wandered quite a bit as well. Normal. This was normal, she had said in that infuriated way she did when describing something as normal. My hands wandered her body on instinct. Ah, if only it were Miss Asahina instead of Haruhi! After the earlier experience I could so easily envision them both in my mind, what their bodies looked like without clothing. Still, her body had curves in the right places.
Haruhi sighed in boredom while I groped her and she was sitting in my lap up. Inspected her nails, or rather pretended to while actually inspecting the surroundings. "Bah, everyone's so normal around here it's impossible to tell," Haruhi whispered. "They must be doing the same thing we are, pretending to be like everyone else. How devious of them! Therefore... We must actively seek out the most normal person, for they must be the conspirators!"
Normal... Normal... The word swirled around in my mind. I blinked my way back to rational thought. Yuki had described the earrings as "normal". When it was quite obvious they were anything but. The girls had undressed with me in the room with them as though it was a normal thing to do. It couldn't be...? I had to test this out!
My first course of action at this point was to move my hands until both of them were openly groping Haruhi's chest, which I must admit was more sizable than I remembered it being.
Hey, I said rational thought. Not unaroused thought.
"Is there anything strange about this?" I asked. Haruhi looked back at me and rolled her eyes. "How about now?" I located her nipples through the fabric and pinched them. She shrugged. "So, you doing this to me is perfectly normal?"
Yes, dear reader, in hindsight I know what I had just done. Yet again I am ashamed to confess that I do not particularly regret it. Nor does Haruhi, but we can get to that later on.
"Yes, yes, it's all perfectly normal," Haruhi sighed again. "That's your problem, you know? You're so boring the most interesting thing about you is your nickname. Aside from the fact you're a member of the SOS Brigade, and hence associated with me, but that goes without saying."
Her statement had confirmed my suspicions. Normality was the keyword at play. Anything I did or said was a mundane, usual and everyday thing. She would react to it, but she wouldn't think it was unusual. Maybe a little annoying if it directly interfered in what she was doing, but it wasn't something "out of the ordinary".
In short: The issue wasn't "what has Haruhi/Koizumi/Yuki/unknown third party" done. The issue was "what has happened to me that has made me perpetually normal."
Of course it could well have been Haruhi, thinking that exact thought. "Kyon is so normal!" and bam! Just like that, it's a law of reality. I could hardly believe it, but there it was. I tested it again, this time undoing the straps around her hair and tying it back into a ponytail. Two thumbs up!
And she didn't even flinch. Nor ask what I was doing. She fidgeted slightly in discomfort, but completely rolled with it like it didn't even matter. So, that definitely confirmed it. I was 'normal' no matter what. Which created a new dilemma: What were the limitations of this power? Was there anything at all that I could do that people would find unusual? Could I still make people laugh if I told them a joke? Make them cry or scared if I told a sad or scary story? Provoke any particular kind of emotional reaction at all?
Then Haruhi twisted in my lap and kissed me again. My thought processes turned to mush for a while, and when they returned my initial thought was "If I am normal then why is she doing this?"
The answer: Because I had suggested behaviour like the frisky couple in the corner was a normal thing for people to do on dates. Looking around I could now see that there were a few other couples who were equally frisky, and nobody batted an eye. I gulped. Oh, dear. Here's hoping it only affected those within earshot, otherwise that might have caused some difficulty worldwide.
"Come on!" Haruhi suddenly proclaimed. "We're not learning anything here! Let's go!"
Before my brain could register, she had grabbed me by the collar and dashed off, dragging me behind her in a frankly absurd feat of strength. Wonderful! Just when I was figuring out what on earth was going on I was about to be dragged into a whole new situation!
- Haruhi gets into an argument with the manager.
- The real reason Haruhi dragged Kyon here is to have a "not a date" with him. So she moves to impress him at the dancing games.
- They meet up with the others to compare notes.
- They actually have uncovered a conspiracy of some sort. A real one!
- Something else
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