Story: Quadranma

Picture, if you will, a rather ordinary Japanese family in a rather ordinary, old-fashioned Japanese house. The only quality that, on the surface, sets them apart from the crowd is that their father is a martial arts instructor and that they live with a training hall attached to their house. They live modestly, happily, content with one another’s lives.

Picture them quite clearly: The father, a tall man with a preference for robes. The sort of person you can tell at a glance thinks of himself as a samurai warrior, but in truth is emotionally craven. The eldest daughter, though clearly beautiful and young, projects such a mature aura that one might easily mistake her for the mother of the family - though it must be said that she does rather play the role within this household. The middle daughter is quite a contrast to the eldest. Still beautiful, but calculating and shrewd. Mature in a rather different meaning, one might say. And then the youngest. Brash, headstrong and the perfect example of the “pretty tomboy” type. Athletic yet clumsy, and on the day that she learned she or her sisters might be put into an arranged marriage didn’t even have time to change out of her gi and probably wouldn’t have bothered even if she had, because she’s not exactly jumping at the chance to marry some boy she’d never even met before.

Yes, about that. The father of the family had pulled his three daughters together to tell them that he had already arranged for one of them to be married, and their prospective husband was due to arrive <i>today</i>. Somehow, telling them had completely slipped his mind even though it was something he had been anticipating heavily for literally years. The reactions had varied across the three of them, of course. Hesitation to eagerness to frustration in descending order of age. There was a knock at the door, and then about quarter of an hour later -

“And basically that’s what happened when we went to China.”

Imagine this entire family once again. All four of them at once, sitting on one side of a table and staring with slack jaws and wide eyes at their visitors on the other side of the table. For they had just heard the story of how a friend of the family took his son - his one and only son at that point - on a martial arts training trip to China, then came back with two extra sons, a daughter, a daughter-in-law and a panda transformation curse. Tripling the family size over the course of about a month.

On the whole the Tendos were taking it a fair amount better than most would have. None of them had fainted, for example. Genma, on the other hand, collapsed in place out of sheer exhaustion and was soundly ignored by all present for the duration of the conversation (except Kasumi, who put a pillow under his head and a blanket over his body without saying a word).

“Well,” Soun said with a polite cough into his fist. “That was quite the adventure you had, wasn’t it?”

“And the understatement of the year award goes to…” Nabiki mumbled, and she considered the “family” in front of them quite carefully.

So, Genma Saotome could stand to eat a little less and develop less disgusting sleeping habits. Both Ranma and Isamu looked like they would rather be anywhere else than right here, right now and that included places like “the moon” or “inside an erupting volcano”. The main difference between them right now was their clothes: Ranma was in a rather nice red silk shirt and baggy black trousers while Isamu was wearing a gi. Next to them was Ranko, who was wearing a Chinese style dress, but the pair that particularly caught Nabiki’s eye were the “happily married couple” who were snuggling up against each other in a scene so saccharine it might well have made her sick.

“Told you this was a bad idea,” Isamu groused. “Who the hell wants to get hitched when we got so much else going on?”

“Oh, please, Mister Tendo!” Ranko cutely called. She scooted forward faster than Nabiki could keep track of and was right in front of her father, staring at him with just the biggest, brightest eyes you ever did see. “I look at how happy Shampoo has made Akihito, and I just know that my other dear brothers would be happy too if they could only marry a good woman! Please don’t call it off because of the curse. It would be more than I could take! Please, oh pretty please?”

“Pipe down, will you?” both Ranma and Akane yelled at once, which told Nabiki everything that she needed to know pretty much immediately. Neither of them wanted anything to do with the engagement, and from the little smile Ranko was trying to hide it seemed that she…

“Oh dear,” Kasumi said out of nowhere. “I’m not quite certain if we have enough space for all of you, or food either. Two guests is one matter, but six is a little too…”

“That’s quite alright, Miss Kasumi!” Akihito enthusiastically declared. “I have been considering this matter with the intelligence of a genius and the focus of a martial arts master. It is, of course, unfair of us to intrude upon your wonderful home in such great numbers without taking your needs into account. Therefore, Shampoo and I have decided to apply our considerable martial arts abilities into assisting your home’s upkeep in any way that we can. Is that not right, beloved?”

“Wo de ai ren!”

“Shampoo says yes.”

Isamu grunted. “That chick’s been hanging on your arm all month; surprised she ain’t cut off circulation yet. The sight of you two like this is something I can’t stand no more! I’m outta here before I hurl.”

And off he went, hopping up towards the roof as if he was simply walking down the street. Whew! Were they all that powerful? If so, Akihito’s little brag might not be overconfidence… But Nabiki had little time for considering that right now. Her father had pulled the family into a trademarked (or at least she hoped he had the sense to trademark it) Tendo family squeeze, gripping Kasumi on one shoulder, Akane on the other, and pulling her right into the middle. Such a <i>comfortable</i> position to be in.

“Your delightful sister is quite correct,” her father said. “Why, Akihito seems quite content with his lovely wife! I’m sure you’ll be content with one of my daughters, haha! Go ahead, Kasumi is nineteen, Nabiki seventeen and Akane is sixteen. Pick whichever you want. I’m sure any of them would make any man happy!”

“… Who says I want to get married all of a sudden like it’s my idea?” Ranma shrugged. “My life is complicated enough right now as it is without having to put up with a wife as well…”

Akihito’s hand fell on his shoulder, which showed impressive speed and strength since Shampoo’s head was still nuzzled against his chest. “Tsk tsk, such youthful arrogance,” Akihito said. “It is clear you do not comprehend the joys of wedded bliss.”

“I think that’s part of the problem,” Ranko piped in. “He understands all too well, since every night the two of you - Mph!”

In the blink of an eye, Ranma had dashed across to slap his hand over Ranko’s mouth. He stood there with a sort of goofy, almost apologetic smile on his face accompanied by a nervous tic in his eye.

“Mister Tendo,” Akihito whispered while the other two glowered at one another. “Might I suggest giving him a little time to consider his options? Alas, it seems that my dear brother might not be mentally ready for the wonders that matrimony bring. Give him a little time with your daughters; not only will this change his mind but it might also help him to make a more accurate assessment of which he intends to devote the rest of his life.”

“Fine advice,” Akane said, “coming from someone who married a girl the day he met her.”

Akihito and Akane turned to stare at one another, a smile adorning his face while a frown adorned hers. You could almost see the electric animosity between them, as if the two of them had found something in each other that was a diametric opposition. Sort of like meeting one’s exact counter in every possible way.

“Well,” Akihito finally said, “I at least can tell which of the three he is absolutely not going to wed. A temperament like that, dear me! Most unbecoming of a wife. I doubt any man would want to marry you if this is your true personality.”

Almost everyone else in the room stepped back when Akane lifted up the table over her head with an almighty “harumph!” - then was sent flying backwards across the room with an even more almighty “ack!”

“No hurt airen,” Shampoo said. “Next time, Shampoo not so nice!”

“You okay?” Ranma asked. Amazing! Nabiki didn’t even see him move, just a blur across the room, but somehow he’d managed to catch Akane before she struck the wall. “She’s a bit protective of him, and she’s very, very strong.”

“I noticed,” Akane replied, roughly pulling herself away from Ranma. “Thank you. At least one of you isn’t an insensitive jerk!”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that,” Ranko twiddled her thumbs. “He’s got a pretty thoughtless mouth on him… So I suppose the two of you might get along famously!”

Right. That confirmed it. Nabiki allowed herself a brief smile, then let out a rather obviously fake yawn. Not that anyone else would really pay attention to it.

“This is getting boring,” she said. “I think Akihito has the right idea; we should definitely give Ranma a little breathing space. In the meantime… Ranko, would you like me to show you around Furinkan?”

“Who, me?” she asked, all innocent and sugar when she was anything but. “Alright, sounds like fun!”

“Hey, don’t you go starting any trouble!”

“Who, me?” Ranko repeated, and it was a little strange because for a moment Nabiki thought she saw a mirror image of herself for just a moment. “Why, I’m sure Nabiki and I, we’re gonna be the very best of best friends!”

It was kind of cute the way Ranma and Akane both shuddered like that in unison. Hm. When their father had first brought up this arranged marriage it had already sounded like a lot of fun already. But after meeting the Saotome family, Nabiki could hardly wait to see where it went next.

1. Akihito and Shampoo get a little alone time, away from the rest of them.
2. Isamu thinks about his, ahem, affliction. Tries to bathe. Encounters one of the sisters.
3. Ranma finds himself alone with Akane, but their relationship is off on a very different foot this time.
4. Ranko and Nabiki plot and scheme.
5. Meanwhile, back in the village of warrior women…
6. Something else