Story: UY C+S

 

Shutaro Mendo is a proud person, and so when he was surrounded by a trio of hot cheerleaders scowling at him ominously he did not feel the same weight of danger that another might. Instead of escape, instead of dread, what came out was -

"Pardon me, ladies!" he coolly flicked back his hair. Pouring on the charm that had left many girls his age swooning. Look around him in the air and you might see sparkles, little twinges of light broadcasting his charisma. "It was not my intention to peep. To be honest, I am quite lost in this facility, and - "

"He's not been processed," one of the cheerleaders said.

"Clearly," said another. "We need to take him to processing."

The last one didn't say anything. Instead, she leaped up, wrapped her legs around his head and flipped her skirt over it.

"Weakness identified," that cheerleader said. "Exploiting ruthlessly."

Now, you might be thinking that the weakness was Shutaro's own perverted nature. He is, in so many ways, merely a richer version of Ataru Moroboshi. Yet there are distinctions. Differences that add nuance and flavour. It's not a perfect one to one. For example, Ataru in this position would, as you would expect, be having the time of his life. A pretty girl had just effectively sat on his face. What wasn't to love?

Well, that's all fine and good... provided you don't have self inflicted acute nyctophobia and claustrophobia. Ignore that self inflicted bit, by the way, it's a whole other story we don't have time for, the point that matters is -

"Wah! It's dark! It's cramped! I'm scared!"

Thus neutralising any capacity for him to do much of anything else but be lead where they wanted to take him. The other two cheerleaders put a hand on that first one's back to keep her steady, while using their other hand to guide this buffoon down the corridor, away from the hot spring. Off towards the ominous sounding 'processing', whatever that meant. No fuss, no objections, no awkward questions - 

"It's dark, it's cramped, I'm scared!"

Though that particular ruckus was rather on the annoying side. Oh well, nothing they could do about it, best just to soldier on.

"I thought by now all the boys would have been processed," one of the cheerleaders said. The others shrugged. "Oh well. Soon enough they'll all meet our perverted standard."

They soon arrived at the processing room, and at that time the cheerleader sitting on Mendo's face climbed off, jumped behind him and hip checked him inside. And what did he find upon entering?

"Yo, Mendo!" said swoll Ataru. Which, to Mendo, was much like one of those memes you see quite often these days. 'Swoll Ataru cannot hurt you' followed by a bodybuilder with Ataru Moroboshi's head. "Welcome to hell, please stay a while."

"M-Moroboshi?!" Mendo pointed an accusing finger at his hated rival. "What are you - How did you get a body like that?!"

A thousand yard stare came upon Moroboshi's face, as he peered off into the distance, seeing things that were not there. Within those eyes was a sadness, innocence lost, a realisation that the world was a grim and terrible place - and yet, your suffering could not hope to match those of another, somewhere on this little blue rock. The futility of life, the ultimate end of the universe. Melancholy, pain, suffering, loss, the ordeals he had gone through to obtain what he'd received could hardly be called worth it -

"Yoo hoo, Mister Moroboshi~?" one of the cheerleaders called out. "So, like, wanna party with us?"

"Do I ever?!" And just like that, the thousand yard stare was gone, replaced with Moroboshi's usual mirth and delight. "Tralalala, hold still ladies, I'll be right the~re!"

Grr....! That was too much for him to take! Mendo reached into that place they always pull random stuff from, grabbed his sword, and whirled it around at Moroboshi, who caught it between his hands, leaving the two of them glowering at one another.

"Moroboshi! You can't just run off with some hot ass at the first- Woah!"

That 'woah' was because those new muscles weren't all for show! Moroboshi wrenched the sword out of Mendo's grip and sent him flying! Oof! He landed in a heap among some empty cardboard boxes, which were there because -  Huh. it was almost as though they'd been placed her expressly for him to land in.

"Hey, leave him be, let's, like, go to the hot springs~"

"Right away, ladies! Kukukuku!"

The hot springs?! "Moroboshi! Don't you dare!" That's where Lum and the others were being corrupted by some wicked external force! If he went there right now, something unthinkable might happen! "Moroboshi, get back here! Moroboshi!"

Damn! This was unthinkable! By the time he'd managed to get himself out of these boxes, the boy was already gone. Guh! No matter, he scrambled to the door, pulled it open and then -

Found himself face to face with a super sexy secretary type, wearing a black dress suit that went down to her thighs and not an inch further. Naturally, he wound up running directly into her cleavage, and she cradled his head to her bosom.

"Ah, a new boy that hasn't been processed yet?" she asked. "Hrm... Let's see, let's see... Your preference is..."

"Who are you?" Mendo demanded. He pulled himself out of her tender grip to get a better look at her. You could see the mode shift in his brain, and if you watched in slow motion you could probably pinpoint the exact moment that his brain went from 'angry' to 'flirty'. "By which I mean, my name is Shutaro Mendo, madame, and may I have yours?"

"No, you may not," the woman said. She looked at him closely. Closely. Far too closely... "Let's see... Your preferences are...?"

Her facial features shifted considerably right before his eyes. The structure was similar to Sakura's, but the eyes were more like Lum's. The hair as well. Yes, it was unquestionable. That nose was Ryuunosuke's! That chin, Ran's! Aha! Some form of shape shifter, trying to adapt to his ideal aesthetic...?

"In case you were wondering, that other boy's ideal was a more mature Lum," the stranger in front of him said. More mature...? "Taller. Leggier. More like a housewife than a wild untamed alien girl, though there were strong hints of that as well. Yes... Feed us your lust, Shutaro Mendo. Feed us your lust and become another of our agents."

"Feed you my lust...?" Mendo muttered to himself while blatantly, nakedly staring at this woman's chest. "You'll never have it. I am a model of restraint, unlike Moroboshi! You'll never have -"

"Say, wanna give me a quick rubdown before we get started?" the woman interrupted. "Then, we can get to processing you properly."

"Hrmph! Certainly! But I shall only do so because your muscles must be sore after shifting form like that."

Of course, Shutaro Mendo. Of course that's the reason. None other than that.