Story: Love Normal

 

Normal is such a subjective word. No, really. What's normal for someone in Spain is probably weird to someone in Japan. Heck, it's probably weird to someone in France, and they're right next door.

I've always thought of myself as normal, you have to understand. That is, until everyone else around me started behaving very strangely. The specifics aren't that important. Despite what a certain glasses wearing gossip hoarder and certain other loud people in my life might think!

In case you haven't guessed already, and why should you, this is Asuna Kagurazaka, at your service.

I have now been informed that I need to tell you the circumstances of me finding out things were weird. Fine. Fine! If I have to, I will, okay?The hallway of Mahora Academy smelled of floor wax and adolescent anxiety, but today, something else hung in the air. A thick, suffocating layer of absurdity.

I stopped dead, my boots skidding on the polished linoleum. Ten feet ahead, a second-year girl had pinned a boy against the lockers. She wasn't kissing him. She wasn't fighting him. She had her hand shoved firmly down the front of his trousers, her fingers curled around him with the casualness of someone checking the ripeness of a melon at a grocery store.

The boy didn't struggle. He didn't blush. He just leaned back and checked his watch.

"You're late for English, Sora," he said, his voice flat.

"My bad," she replied, giving him one final, firm squeeze before releasing him. "See you at lunch."

I felt the world tilt. My stomach did a slow, sickening roll. I looked around, expecting a crowd of horrified students, a teacher screaming for order, or at least one person with a functioning brain. 

Instead, I saw a group of freshmen walking past. They didn't even glance at the pair. Further down the hall, a girl had climbed into the lap of a boy sitting on a bench, grinding her hips in a slow, rhythmic circle while he continued to read a textbook. 

I backed away, my breath coming in shallow, jagged hitches. This wasn't happening. I was having a psychotic break. Maybe it was the stress of the upcoming exams, or a dormant brain parasite, or a very specific, very targeted hallucination.

"Good morning, Asuna-san!"

I jumped, nearly leaping out of my skin. I spun around to find a classmate, a girl I'd known for years. She beamed at me, then reached out and grabbed my wrist, pulling me toward a nearby boy.

"Meet Kenji," she chirped. 

Before I could process the introduction, she reached down and cupped Kenji's genitals through his pants with a cheerful, open-palmed grip.

"Nice to meet you, Asuna-san!" Kenji said, smiling politely while his crotch was being handled like a stress ball.

I recoiled, my back hitting the wall. I stared at them, my eyes wide, my heart hammering a frantic rhythm against my ribs.

"What... what are you doing?" I whispered. My voice sounded small, distant.

The girl stopped, her hand still firmly planted on Kenji. She tilted her head, her expression one of genuine confusion.

"Greeting him? Is there something wrong with my form?"

"Your form?" I shrieked. "You're groping him in the middle of the hallway! Why isn't anyone stopping you? Why aren't you screaming? Why is he *smiling*?"

Kenji looked at me with a hint of pity. 

"Asuna-san, are you feeling alright? It's just a greeting. It's perfectly normal."

"Normal?" The word tasted like ash. "Since when is this normal?"

The girl let go of Kenji and stepped toward me, her brow furrowed. 

"Since always? Are you having some kind of episode? Maybe you should see the nurse."

I didn't wait for a second suggestion. I turned and bolted, my footsteps echoing like gunshots in the corridor. I didn't know where I was going, only that I needed to get away from the casual perversion that had seemingly swallowed my entire school. 

I didn't get far. A heavy hand landed on my shoulder, gripping me with a strength that brooked no argument.

"Asuna. My office. Now."

I looked up into the eyes of the Headmaster. He looked the same as always-eccentric, slightly disheveled, radiating a chaotic energy that usually signaled a looming disaster. But as he spoke, he reached over and casually squeezed the breast of a passing female teacher.

The teacher didn't flinch. She just nodded and kept walking.

I felt a sob rise in my throat. I was definitely insane. I had finally snapped.

=====

The Headmaster's office was a sanctuary of mahogany and old paper, smelling of expensive tobacco and something that vaguely resembled ozone. He sat behind his massive desk, leaning back in a leather chair that groaned under his weight.

He watched me. I was shaking, my hands clenched into fists at my sides.

"Sit, Asuna," he commanded.

I sank into the chair, staring at him. 

"Tell me," he began, his voice low and calculating. "What do you see when you look at the students in the hall today?"

"I see... a madhouse," I choked out. "I see people doing things... disgusting things... and acting like it's a Tuesday afternoon. I think I've lost my mind."

The Headmaster hummed, a sound that vibrated in the small room. He reached down and adjusted his trousers, then looked at me with a piercing intensity.

"And how did you react when your classmate greeted Kenji?"

"I screamed! I tried to run away! I felt like I was trapped in a nightmare!"

A slow, knowing smile spread across his face. He leaned forward, the leather of his chair creaking.

"Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating."

"What's fascinating about me having a mental breakdown?"

"The fact that you're the only one who thinks it's weird," he replied. "You see, Asuna, I am well aware of your particular... constitution. You are immune to magic. Not entirely, perhaps, but your spirit possesses a natural resilience-a stubbornness of reality, if you will-that prevents external enchantments from altering your perceptions."

I blinked. "Magic? What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that I currently believe it is perfectly normal for a woman to greet a man by fondling his equipment," he said, his tone conversational. "In fact, the thought feels entirely mundane to me. It feels like the most natural thing in the world. And yet, the moment I look at you, I see the horror. I see the dissonance. I can feel the gap between what my mind tells me is 'normal' and what your reaction proves is 'abnormal.'"

I stared at him. "So... I'm not crazy?"

"Quite the opposite. You are the only sane person in this building. Which means we are dealing with a massive, systemic alteration of reality. Someone, or something, has rewritten the social contract of the human race, and for some reason, you were left out of the update."

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I slumped in the chair, the tension leaving my body in a sudden, exhausting wave. 

"Who would do this? Why?"

"That is the question, isn't it?" The Headmaster stood up and walked to the window, looking out over the campus. "It's a precise spell. It doesn't just change behavior; it changes the *concept* of normality. It's a perception filter on a global scale. Or at least, a very large one."

He turned back to me. 

"I cannot investigate this myself. My own mind is compromised. I can deduce the anomaly by observing you, but I cannot 'see' the weirdness. I need a team. Someone who can see the truth and someone who can navigate the magic."

The door to the office slid open. A small boy walked in, carrying a stack of papers. He had a gentle face and a polite demeanor, but as he approached the desk, he paused. He looked at me, then at the Headmaster.

"You called for me, Headmaster?" the boy asked.

"Negi," the Headmaster said. "Meet Asuna. She's the anchor for our little operation."

Negi smiled at me. It was a sweet, innocent smile. Then, without a hint of hesitation, he reached out and gave my hip a firm, suggestive squeeze.

"It's a pleasure to work with you, Asuna-san," he said brightly.

I recoiled, my face flushing a deep crimson. I slapped his hand away with a resounding *crack*.

"Stop it!" I yelled.

Negi blinked, looking genuinely perplexed. 

"Stop what? I was just greeting you. Is there something wrong with my touch?"

I looked at the Headmaster. He just shrugged.

"As I said. Compromised," the Headmaster replied. "Negi is a prodigy, a master of magic in his own right, but he is just as susceptible to the 'norm' as anyone else. He thinks the world is functioning exactly as it should."

"This is a disaster," I groaned, burying my face in my hands. "I'm being paired with a perverted child."

"I'm not a pervert!" Negi protested, sounding offended. "I'm simply being polite! Asuna-san, why are you acting so strangely? It's perfectly normal to be affectionate with a teammate."

"It is not normal!"

"Now, now," the Headmaster interrupted. "Let's focus. Negi, you will lead the investigation. Asuna will be your guide. When she tells you something is 'weird,' you will treat it as an absolute truth, regardless of how 'normal' it feels to you. Do you understand?"

Negi nodded solemnly. "I understand. If Asuna-san says the sky is falling, I will assume the sky is falling."

"Good. Now, a team of two is too small. You'll be too obvious. I want you each to select one classmate to accompany you. Someone who can provide support or a different perspective."

I sighed. I needed someone grounded. Someone who wouldn't add to the chaos. 

"I'll take Chisame," I said. "She's... well, she's focused. If anyone can keep this mission on track, it's her."

Negi tapped his chin, looking thoughtful. "I think I'll ask Nodoka-san. She's very kind, and her presence always calms the atmosphere."

"Fine," I muttered. "Just... Negi, please. No more greeting-squeezes."

Negi looked at me, his eyes wide with confusion. "But... why?"

"Because I'll break your wrist!"

=====

Leaving the school felt like walking through a fever dream. The streets of the city were no better. I saw a businessman in a sharp suit leaning over a woman at a bus stop, his hand disappearing into her skirt while they discussed the morning stock reports. 

I walked as close to the edge of the sidewalk as possible, my eyes fixed on the ground. I felt like a ghost haunting a world of lunatics. Beside me, Negi was humming a little tune, looking around with a serene expression.

"It's a lovely day, isn't it, Asuna-san?" he asked.

"It's a nightmare," I replied.

"You're so gloomy today. Maybe you just need some fresh air."

As we approached the intersection, a sudden, loud thump echoed through the air. I looked up. A girl had just collided with us sending Negi sprawling backward and knocking me sideways.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" she cried.

I looked at her. She was a whirlwind of energy, with wide, sparkling eyes and a smile that could light up a city block. She was carrying a massive, overflowing basket.

"I was just so excited! Look!" she exclaimed, hoisting the basket up.

It was full of watermelons. Not just a few, but dozens of them, piled high in a precarious mountain of green fruit.

"Watermelons!" she cheered, hugging one of the fruits to her chest. "Aren't they just the most wonderful things in the world? The crispness! The sweetness! The sheer, round perfection of them!"

I stared at her. She was vibrating with an intensity that bordered on the manic.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"I'm wonderful!" she beamed. "I'm Mutsumi! Mutsumi Otohime! I was just heading to the market, but I got distracted by a very interesting-looking cloud, and then I tripped over a pebble, and then I saw you two and I thought, 'Oh! New friends!'"

Negi scrambled to his feet, dusting off his clothes. "Hello, Mutsumi-san. I'm Negi."

Mutsumi beamed at him, then suddenly leaned in. She didn't grope him - instead, she reached out and patted his cheek with a hand that was slightly sticky with watermelon juice.

"You're so cute! Like a little doll!"

"Thank you," Negi replied, unfazed.

Mutsumi then looked at me, her eyes narrowing slightly. "You look like you're thinking very hard about something. Are you hungry? I have a spare watermelon!"

"I'm not hungry," I said, glancing around. "We're actually on a mission. We're looking for the source of... some strange occurrences."

Mutsumi's face lit up. "Strange occurrences! I love those! Like the time I tried to bake a cake and accidentally summoned a swarm of bees! Or the time I forgot where I lived for three hours!"

"That's not the kind of strange we mean," I sighed.

"Oh!" Mutsumi paused, her expression turning thoughtful. "Speaking of strange... did you hear about the new manager at the Hinata Inn? I heard he's absolutely marvelous! Everyone's talking about him. They say he's a total magnet for girls!"

I froze. Hinata Inn. The name sounded familiar, but more importantly, the way she said "magnet for girls" triggered a memory of the Headmaster's description of the "norm."

"The Hinata Inn?" I asked, stepping closer. "Where is that?"

"Oh, it's just a little ways from here!" Mutsumi pointed vaguely toward the residential district. "It's a lovely place. Very traditional. Though I hear the baths are especially popular lately. All the girls are flocking there. It's almost like a pilgrimage!"

I looked at Negi. He looked at me.

"A pilgrimage to a bathhouse," Negi mused. "That does sound like a focal point for social behavior."

"It sounds like the epicenter of the perversion," I corrected.

Mutsumi giggled, hugging her watermelon again. "You're so funny, Asuna-san! You talk like a grumpy old lady! You should come visit the Inn. Maybe the manager can help you cheer up! He's very... accommodating."

She gave us a little wave and began to wander off, nearly tripping over her own feet again as she navigated the sidewalk with her mountain of fruit.

"Wait!" I called out. "Who is the manager?"

Mutsumi paused, looking back over her shoulder. "I think his name is Keitaro! Keitaro Urashima! Why? Do you know him?"

"No," I said, my voice grim. "But I think we just found our first lead."

I looked at the horizon, where the sun was beginning to dip, casting long, distorted shadows across the city. The world had gone mad, and for some reason, I was the only one who could see the cracks in the ceiling.

"Come on, Negi," I said, turning toward the residential district. "Let's go find this Keitaro."

"Right behind you, Asuna-san!" Negi chirped. 

As we walked, he reached out and tried to take my hand. I stepped aside, dodging him with a sharp movement.

"Don't even think about it," I snapped.

"I was just being friendly!"

"In this world, 'friendly' is a weapon. Keep your hands to yourself until we find the source of this madness."

Negi sighed, but he followed. I could feel the weight of the mission pressing down on me. I didn't know what we would find at the Hinata Inn, but I knew one thing for certain.

If I had to see one more "normal" greeting today, I was going to burn the whole city down.