Story: SBO Negima

Asuna's last nerve wasn't quite frayed yet, but there was still plenty of straw to dump on the camel's back. Seeing Chisame in this state, writing "secret bike" in big red lipstick on the back of the room - it wasn't normal. In fact it was a clear cut sign that something weird was going on that she didn't know anything about! Asuna seriously doubted it had anything to do with Satsuki’s idea that Chao and Chisame had a secret lesbian relationship. Even ignoring the fact that Chisame had never shown interest in another girl, she was far too obsessed with <i>normality</i> to do something like that.

"Secret bike?" Asuna asked, impatiently tapping her foot. She'd play along a little while longer. Sometimes seeing what lie they came up with was the perfect way to determine the truth.

"That's right!" Chisame yelled, sounding rather desperate. "It's... a birthday gift!"

"A birthday gift?"

"That's right! It's for - For Nodoka's birthday next month!"

"And you decided to write 'secret bike' on the back of this room in lipstick, right where anyone could walk in and see it?"

"Well, yes. Of course I did. That makes perfect sense, what's your problem?"

Ooh, that was a good bluff. Trying to make it seem like Asuna was the one with the problem here. Whatever else she could say, Asuna couldn't belittle Chisame's imagination, intelligence or moxy.

"Can I see this bike?" Asuna calmly asked, though internally she was like a volcano about to explode. "I was thinking of getting one as well, it would be nice to have one that matched my good buddy Nodoka."

From that gulp Asuna could take it as read that there was, in fact, no secret bike. Well. She'd learned from the experience that Chisame was truly desperate to ensure that Asuna didn't learn anything of substance about this big secret 'bi-' whatever.

"Oh, please let me see it," Asuna insisted. "You'd like to see it as well, wouldn't you Satsuki?"

"Hrm? Oh, yes! Well. Bikes aren't really something I'm too interested in, but it would be kind of cute to see you and Nodoka riding matching bikes around campus. Maybe you could even advertise for the cafe!"

"Great thinking!" Asuna continued.

"I- I don't know about that," Chisame gulped yet again.

"Nonsense! Why don't the two of us head off while you get the bike ready -"

"No, no! I'd, uh, rather stay with you!" Chisame interrupted, skipping right on up to Asuna. Which was especially worrying since Chisame didn't skip. She walked while out in public. Like a normal person who didn't want to draw attention to herself. Right now though it almost seemed like, like she was walking different without noticing. Also, every step seemed to almost make her.. Shudder?

"Something wrong?" Asuna asked. "You seem a little bit tender?"

"It's nothing," Chisame said, trying her best to put on a cool face.

"Oh, I know what it is! You've been a bad girl, Chisame, keeping something like this quiet," Satsuki suddenly said.

"Eh?!" Chisame gasped. "Wh-What do you mean?"

"You've been going around riding that bike haven't you? That's not your bike, it's not yours to ride around. Serves you right that it made you saddlesore."

“What?” The glasses wearing girl asked, a confused look appearing on her face before she seemed to grasp for an answer. “Ehh.. I mean, I was just testing it! Had to make sure that everything worked right, yeah, that is it.. Hehehe. Say, why don't we go talk with Chao as well while we're at it?”

While Chisame was talking to Satsuki, Asuna's foot nudged a food box. Huh... Hadn't Satsuki been talking about this? Someone had written messages in the box...? Sort of like Chisame was writing on the back wall, right? Asuna flipped open the box with her foot and looked down at the message -

"No!" Chisame suddenly yelled, pouncing on the box as if it was a live grenade about to kill her family. "Ahahaha! Best if you didn't look, it's pretty obscene what's written in -"

"Secret bimbo?" Asuna said aloud. Chisame turned pale at the sound of those words. "What does that even mean, secret bimbo?"

For a moment, silence. Chisame looked at the two of them with wide, terrified eyes. Huh? What's the big idea?

“S.. Satsuki.. Did you hear what Asuna just said?” Chisame asked after a few moments had passed by. A hint of hope in her eyes.

"Secret bimbo?" Satsuki repeated. "Um... What's a bimbo, exactly?"

"It's one of those ditzy, big chested promiscuous girls that you shouldn't ever try to interact with. They're the Queens of Bad Influence," Asuna warned, giving Chisame the stink eye. Amazingly, she seemed to recoil in horror as Asuna explained it. "Well? What're you so afraid of all of a sudden?"

"You- You didn't change?" Chisame whispered to herself. "Uh... Maybe someone can see us, but didn't hear what you said? In which case, we've got to be careful and I'll try to explain this quickly in case that changes! Earlier today, I was hit by this weird memetic curse that -"

Asuna and Satsuki listened to the explanation very, very carefully. It was perhaps the most singularly ridiculous thing she'd heard in her entire life. She'd have an easier time believing that story about the bike!

Jack Rakan made more sense than that, and he regularly broke physics over his knees.

It was Satsuki who first spoke up. She gave the glasses wearing girl a careful look and then said. “That seems.. a tad unbelievable Chisame. Do you have anything that could proof that you are saying the truth? I don’t want to say you are lying, but it is kind of..”

“Absolutely ridiculous nonsense.” Asuna interrupted. “I mean what, a spell that infects you if you learn of it? One that instantly turned Eva from flat to a boob monster? Who would even invent such a spell? It would break all the rules on magic secrecy and you know the punishment for doing that, right?”

Yes, they all knew what would happen to someone who got found out as using magic. Their little teacher had been very clear with them on this point, hence they'd learned very quickly how to keep their mouths shut on the matter.

"Besides, the idea that both Eva and Chao could be overwhelmed by something like this? Ridiculous. Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me if the whole lot of you had put this all together as some giant prank just to make me look like a total idiot."

With that, Asuna stomped off feeling no more satisfied with that answer than she had felt on entering the room. She was getting to the bottom of this, mark her words!

But... as she left, she didn't quite notice the faint giggling coming from both Chisame and Satsuki. Then again, due to her magical immunity, it was inevitable that she'd fail to realise that she was now merely a carrier of the bimbo plague befalling her friends.

1. Asuna storms off to confront Chao and Nodoka about this stupid prank.
2. Asuna runs into another of her uninfected classmates and tells them about her day.
3. Meanwhile, bimbo Satsuki and Chisame wind up too busy fucking to finish the lipstick message.
4. So when is the Campus police going to check up on these boxes?
5. Something else