Story: Konosuba Succubus Shop

Would anyone be surprised in the least to learn that the succubi knew of a secret way into Dullahan's Castle? The headless General was rather of the one tracked mind, so of course he made it possible for them to get in. Of course he did. If you listened carefully, you could almost hear Kazuma off in the future facepalming on learning that fact.

In any event: The twin sex demons crept into the castle on their tippy-toes, ignored by the monsters still populating the corridors as they went about their business. Which basically entailed sweeping the floor and patrolling the grounds in search of troublemakers and trespassers. Categories into which both succubi technically fell, but monstrous minions don't tend to be all that smart in the first place.

"So, where are they?" Righty whispered.

"Um..." Lefty whispered back, peering into a magical item that tracked the current location of a certain, ahem, enchanted gift. "The main hall!"

"Perfect," Righty whispered. Then she held out her hand, there was a giant 'poof', and she was holding a rather ornate looking treasure chest. "Let's see, according to Dungeon Design Monthly, most dungeon explorers prioritise going up, then left, right and finally down. So let's leave this beauty behind the door at the end of the corridor."

"That's the dining room," Lefty said. "Um... Are you sure they'll see it there?"

"I'll leave it on the table," Righty shrugged. "There's no way they'd miss it, even an idiot would spot it."

<hr>

Just as Kazuma was about to open up the door ahead of them, Aqua suddenly burst in front of him. A weary shadow cast upon his soul, and he felt himself compelled to ask the question he didn't really want an answer to.

"What now?"

"Tsk, tsk, tsk!" Aqua wagged her finger in front of his face. "You're clearly a novice at this, NEET! Haven't you thought that this has been too easy so far?"

"Oh, so you got in my way because you wanted to make it harder for everyone?"

That would explain quite a lot, actually.

"You're just jealous that I noticed the obvious trap," Aqua said. "Observe, mortal! This is what a goddess is capable of!"

The goddess was, apparently, capable of kicking the door with the flat of her foot - and in the process sending it flying off its rusty hinges into the room, where it clattered against the table and flipping rotten food directly into her face, sending her flat on her ass.

Kazuma's face remained stoically neutral, but he did make a sound like a strangled laugh.

"Ew! Ew! Yuck! Gross! It stinks!" Aqua writhed and rolled around on the floor. She sprayed herself in the face with water, and this was when Kazuma leaned down to tweak her ear.

"Oy, oy! Healers shouldn't waste magic," Kazuma told her. "What'll happen later on if I'm sat on by a giant ogre and you don't have the MP to heal me?"

"You'll die?" Aqua suggested, so Kazuma tweaked her ear again.

"Eh? I'm sorry. It sounded like a useless goddess just told me that I'd die."

"Are they normally like this?" Solana asked. Megumin nodded. "Man. They should just fuck already..."

Something about that struck a chord in Megumin. “W-what? That’s preposterous, they’re like, you know, idiot siblings!” That was ridiculous. Kazuma having sex with Aqua? When he could have a much more interesting and cute Cri-

When Megumin didn’t wish Kazuma on any girl!

<hr>

"... Lefty?" Righty grumbled.

"Yes, Righty?"

"They knocked it under the table."

"I noticed."

The twins were silent for a moment as they watched the party walk quickly though the dining room with their fingers on their nostrils, not even trying to search the room for treasure.

"Lefty?"

"Yeah, what now?"

"I think they're idiots."

"... I noticed."

The twins drummed their fingers on the banister in front of them. Obviously, they needed to put it somewhere obvious. Somewhere the party couldn't hope to miss it. Trouble was that also happened to be what they thought 'on top of the table' was! It should've been obvious! How the hell did they miss it? Once they were gone, Lefty slipped down to grab the chest. Time for their second attempt! Out in the middle of the corridor, next to some other treasure chests. There was no way they wouldn't see it there!

<hr>

There was a short list of things that Kazuma wanted to see in this dungeon. Dullahan's porn collection (purely to satisfy his curiosity about what that weirdo was into. Not because he was fresh out of material!) information on the other Generals and, of course, treasure.

Kazuma loved treasure. He loved it in every video game he ever played. There was something so satisfying about seeing the hero cooly walk up to the little box that only came up to his ankles, kicking it open and lifting out whatever was inside. Ah, he could finally replicate that pose himself! Adopting his coolest face and his swaggeriest swagger. Too bad there wouldn't be any cheerful little "dada, dada!" as he held it up above his head, but he could easily imagine it!

He lifted back his foot to kick open a particularly ornate looking chest, and then -

"Wait!" Solana interrupted. "Something is wrong here!"

"Oh, come the fuck on!"

"Aqua, language!" Kazuma yelled without looking. "Do you want Megumin to learn that kind of talk?"

"Eh, but that wasn't me...?" Aqua protested. "Megumin, did you throw your voice?"

"While it is within the great and powerful Megumin's ability to cast her voice, it was not my doing! You foul mouthed healer."

Right. Kazuma ignored the stupidity going on behind him for the time being, as it seemed pretty self contained. Hrm... On second thought, better keep an eye on things in case the two of them somehow made things worse. While he couldn't imagine how they'd do so, those two had the ability to surpass his imagination by leaps and bounds.

"Solana, I understand that a thief like you feels the need to open up the treasure chest, but this seems like something I could -"

"No, no! I mean that this is a trap!"

Oh, but this was a deep and weary sigh. It might not have a bottom or an end. All that he could do was give his new party member a dead eyed stare.

"Look at the floor around the chests," she said. "You can see little build ups of dust around all of the others, but not this one! Also, look at how fancy it looks next to the others. I'd say that this was placed her expressly to trap unwary players! It might even be a fearful... Mimic!"

A Mimic? Kazuma straightened up at that. Yes, now that he looked closer he could see what she meant. There were little clues about that chest which he could now see which made it clear to him that this was placed here, and placed here recently. It was a blatant trap, and he'd almost walked right into it! Oh, what a useful party member she was turning out to be! It brought a tear to his eye!

"Then we should only open up the others," Kazuma said, giving his hair a cool flip. "And ignore the obvious trap."

"Fucking really?!"

"Aqua, you see what you've done? Now Megumin is cursing too!"

<hr>

Righty didn't like the way that Lefty's eye was starting to twitch. It didn't look healthy. Not even a little bit.

"There we go," Lefty said in a slightly mad singsong voice. "I've replaced the treasure in this chest with our special gift. Heeeee! Heeee! Heeeee! No dust tracks. No doors. Just a straight corridor leading to this dead end, and every adventurer knows that dead ends are were the bestest of best treasure chests are kept!"

Righty twirled her foot around without saying a word.

"You think I'm mad, don't you?!" Lefty rounded on her. "You think I've gone off the rails after trying to set this up. Ten. Times. For. Those. Idiots! How fucking difficult is it supposed to be to give an enchanted item to a low level party?!"

"... not difficult?" Right offered.

"Not fucking difficult!" Lefty laughed and twirled around in place. "They've gone almost everywhere else in the castle by now, so this is our last chance. I've even been super careful with the chest and left it <b>exactly</b> as I found it!"

Righty nodded to herself. In all honesty this was starting to get to her as well. If she'd known that such a party of complete and total idiots could exist in this world, she'd have probably suggested they go out and conquer the human race for its own good.

"Kazuma, Kazuma!" could be heard from around the corner. That was the thief.

"Yes, yes. I am Kazuma..." could be heard in immediate response.

"I sense treasure in this direction!"

"Hmph! Why can't the two of you be as useful as her?"

"Come on, Lefty," Righty said, clapping her twin on the shoulder. "Let's get you home and get you nice and laid. You can have your pick tonight."

"You'll let me have that wild berserker fantasy?!" Lefty gasped. Her eye was still twitching.

"Sure," Righty said. "I think you need it a bit more than I do at this point."

<hr>

"Explosion!"

There was a reason Megumin wasn't normally taken into dungeons with them. Namely, that she was useless. Worse than useless. She could bring the entire building down upon you with her one and only spell! The difference was, Megumin had been using this castle as an attack target for... oh, months now. And it was still standing. Which meant it was tough. Really, really tough. The walls seemed to have some kind of endurance spell on them to ensure that the walls wouldn't collapse from an errant explosion, and if there was anything Kazuma could tell you, every explosion Megumin cast was errant.

"Oh wow, that was really cool Megumin!" Solana clapped her hands together. "You wiped out that entire batch of goblins in a single hit!"

"Thanks!" Megumin said from the floor. This was the other problem she presented. Explosion took every last drop of her MP reserves, and she was more interested in spending her EXP on making her Explosion spells better rather than being able to cast them more often. Which made Kazuma truly curious on what she would do when she maxed out her Explosion's capabilities.

"Boy, it sure would be nice if there was some way to speed up her MP regen," Aqua said in a funny voice.

"Kazuma! Don't make fun of Megumin like that!" Aqua scolded. To which Kazuma had no response but to pinch her cheeks for trying to pin the blame on him... even though both of them were wrong, and the voice was actually coming from a hidden succubus.

"Anyway!" Aqua harrumphed when he was done. "It seems like little miss thief was wrong. I don't see any treasure chest in here."

"You're kidding me?! That explosion destroyed it?! AAAAAARGH!"

"There there, Solana," Kazuma said. "We can't be right all the time."

Then, all of a sudden, something totally inexplicable happened. Megumin raised her finger into the air to ask "Could someone please lend assistance to this all powerful master of the mystical explosive arts?" when a shiny piece of metal landed snugly around her finger. The odds of this happening are about as preposterous as, say, the Goddess of a major local religion winding up joining a party of idiots and being arguably the least useful member.

"Kyaaaaa!" Megumin yelled without budging an inch from the floor. She couldn't, you see. "Hot! Hot! Hot!"

"Here you go!" Aqua said, standing over Megumin and spraying her finger with water. "That's right, feel the cool refreshing power of my healing water. Tum de dum, it'll be alright before long."

"Ah... Thank you... I mean - This incarnation of the dark and infernal flame grants you gratitude, healer! For you have dulled the agony of this torturous ring!"

Kazuma and Aqua were now both staring at Megumin with their eyes boggled in disbelief. "Uh... Megumin?" Kazuma attempted to interrupt, but Megumin wasn't done. Chuni gotta chuni.

"Although it was well within my power to expel this malodorous evil with my own power, the fact remains! You used your own precious time and energy to liberate me first! For this, how can I be anything but eternally grateful?"

"M-Megumin? You're standing, even though you've already cast explosion today!"

"Huh?!" Megumin grunted. Then, she looked at her finger and at the ring resting on it. "Oh! I suppose... this must be a mana regeneration ring instead of a torture device! I thought that tingling was from the pain, but now that I really focus on it... Yes, it's regenerating my mana!"

On that day, Kazuma was reminded what dread truly felt like. His heart filled with it, to a degree that it had never been filled before. Megumin could cast Explosions several times a day, now. Without having to even think of spending Skill Points on her MP. All she would have to do was wait a little while until she regenerated enough to cast the spell again.

What had they done? Dear lord, what had they done to the world?! He reflexively spun around and punched the wall next to him to let out a little of his frustration at what he was imagining... and in the process, took a little bit of damage, releasing a touch more lust energy into the women around him.

1. Solana's kleptomania starts causing issues for the party on the way back home.
2. Meanwhile, Darkness is trying to work out how to get back to her party.
3. Megumin begins drawn towards the females of the party thanks to the Sapphic Ring
4. To their horror, Lefty and Righty are given yet another mission involving these morons.
5. Something else